Original subtitles

And now, for the last part, for $64 ,000, quote in its entirety the poem

begins, Much have I traveled in the realms of gold.

Much have I traveled in the realms of gold, and many goodly states and

seen. Round many western islands have I been.

What's the matter with him? He's stuck. He stared at the Pacific, and all of his

men looked at each other with, uh, with, uh... With what?

With a wild surmise, silent upon a pecan dairy. That is correct!

The sailor won $64 ,000!

Come on, come on! The sailor won!

The marine won!

What's wrong with the army? What are we, a bunch of dopes?

You realize if one of you guys was an expert on anything, we could share it?

$64 ,000 would be $5 ,000 apiece!

Hey, I bet if I wrote in an army confession, they'd grab it up.

Remember, if you wish to appear on the $64 ,000 question, Send us a letter and

picture. Do not telephone.

Do not telephone.

Do not telephone.

Yes. Thank you. You'll be hearing from us. Goodbye. Thank you.

What did he say? Just what he said in the program. You've got to write a

with a contestant's picture in it. Yeah, but we knew that. Yeah, but I got him

thinking about an army contestant. The thing is, we get there with a contestant

first.

We've got to find a guy in a post that knows everything about something.

And this post? Why not? That Marine captain knew all about cooking. He

even a mess sergeant.

Hey, we got a mess sergeant.

Oh,

there he is. The Picasso of the pots and pans.

Oh, that is lovely.

Smells like ragu a la dirge.

It does? Yeah. It's chip beef on toast.

He's an expert.

He knows. What do you want, Bilko?

Well, I'll tell you what.

I was thinking of giving my boys a little surprise party and Bastille Day

coming up. I thought something in the French style.

You name it, I'll cook it. Two bucks a head.

All right.

What would you do if we wanted boule bais a la mousselet?

Well, what do I do? Yes.

I do what I always do. Open a can and pour it out.

Never mind. He won't do it. How about spaghetti and meatballs?

Fuck ahead. Forget it. Forget it. He's not good.

What's that?

It's Mr. Colbert. He did a shoemaker. His shop's right next door.

An Italian shoemaker. They always win.

Hey, Tony.

You come for your shoes.

Birka, Birka, when did you leave them? No, we didn't come for the shoes. We

heard you singing outside. Beautiful. You know all about Italian opera, huh? I

know all Italian music.

La donna nobile, la bella via mori. La, la,

la.

That's the Verdi, huh?

I beg your pardon? That was Verdi. Giuseppe Verdi.

Verdi, Verdi. When did you leave them?

Hey, Sach.

When you press by the chaplain, take a piece to the chaplain, eh? Please, I'm

busy, Tony. I... Wait a minute.

Wasn't there a woman on the $64 ,000 question who was an expert on the Bible?

She won a bundle. Yeah, but who? We got the... Here, here, here.

Yeah, I'll be glad to take you by to the chaplain, Tony.

Arrivederci. Ah, grazie, signore.

Come in.

Hi, chaplain. Hello there, Wilco.

Tony wanted me to drop these shoes off. Well, thanks, Ernest.

You know, chaplain...

Last night, a question about the Bible came up in our barracks.

In your barracks?

Oh, yes, sir. Really, there's been a big revival amongst the boys, sir.

Glad to hear it. But you see, Sir Doberman asked a very important question

nobody could answer at the time.

Doberman wanted to know, what was David's father's name?

David's father's name? It was Jesse. Correct!

That's right.

But there was one question that really stumped us. It was in the... first psalm

of David and the third verse that ends with, and whatsoever he doeth shall

prosper. What we wanted to know was, what was the line before that?

His leaf also shall not wither, and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

That's absolutely correct.

You know, chaplain, I have a wonderful idea. Philco. Yes, sir? I'm not going on

that quiz program.

Question, what would a chaplain do in a...

How does he do no everything? Keep that bird quiet out there! Shut up! Sergeant,

will you sign my furlough papers? Furlough papers? No, I'm busy. Will you

me alone with this? But, Sergeant... Will you shut up that robin? That's no

robin, Sergeant. Who cares what it is?

That's a black -throated blue warbler.

Latin name, the Neuricus Rulicens. Breeds in deciduous and mixed woodlands

northern Minnesota through the Plains states.

This is it!

Yeah. See this bird? Look at that bird. Oh, identify the bird. That book!

That is a decider. Bring it back here. What are you doing, sir? Take your hands

off that scientist. We were playing sheep, run, sheep.

That book, that book, get it out of here. Forget it. The book's on the

Forget it.

What's with the book? What's the matter with it? Did you read this book?

Read it, sir. I spent 18 months doing nothing but reading it.

Really? Well, there must be 64 ,000 birds in that book. 8 ,622.

Isn't that wonderful? Wonderful.

How did this all come about?

That's a terrible story. You see, before I came here, I spent 23 months on the U

.S. Army Arctic Expedition.

Oh, you were in Operation Deep Freeze.

I was advanced to an advanced weather hut way up near the pole, and I got

in all by myself.

That's rough.

Well, it wouldn't have been too bad, except there was nothing to read.

There was only one book in the hut, left there by the expedition's

ornithologist. All right, this is the book here. Hang on, hang on, hang on,

on. Take it easy.

For 18 months under the snow, just...

Just me and that book.

I read every page, every word, over and over and over.

Eighteen months.

I know every picture, every thumbprint, every grease spot.

Sarge, I never want to see it again.

Well, you don't have to read the book. All the birds are in your head.

In my head?

That's the trouble.

Everybody thinks I'm dumb.

I'm not dumb. I've got a brain.

It's just that it's full of birds.

Birds, birds, birds.

I've got to forget about it.

Forget about it. Boy, that's why I gotta get away on my furlough. Hold the

phone. Get away on what furlough? Just like that, get away on a furlough?

You're a soldier, pal. You just can't leave what you want. You're not a

commuter. But, Sarge, it's my turn to go on furlough. Oh, trying to pull

something on the old Sarge. You know this is Fender's turn to go on a

But Corporal Fender passed up his furlough just like he always does. Oh,

Let's all take advantage of Corporal Fender. Doesn't matter to you that he's

a wife and six children and his wife's mother all in that one room apartment

waiting for Daddy to come on his furlough. But, Sarge, my family is just

as big as Fender's. All right. I'll try to talk to Fender. I'll see what I can

do. You stand by and I'll let you know. You don't go too far so I can get in

touch with you. Oh, thanks.

Fender! Hey,

Fender!

Come to time when every soldier has to do something beyond the call of duty.

What is it? Sam, I'm going to give it to you straight.

You've got to go home on furlough.

You're kidding.

I'm not kidding, Sam. Oh, no.

Ask me anything else.

My right arm tights it. You don't know what it's like.

A wife. A mother -in -law.

Sick space kid, that's all in one room.

Sarge, you've got to help me. No, Sarge. Calm down.

Is the wife going home on furlough for $5 ,000? How many days? Three days?

No. Come here.

This is important.

Honiger is a cinch to win the $64 ,000 question. Now, if he goes home on

furlough... There goes our $64 ,000.

Please. Did I ever see you? Listen to me.

How do you look alive?

What did he say, sir? I'm sorry. I tried to talk him out of it.

Go home,

happy warrior, to the bosom of your family. Go home, father, son -in -law,

dad.

He's a lucky guy going home to see his folks.

I want to talk to you a minute. Listen, those birds in your head, there must be

some way of getting rid of them.

Why didn't I think of it? The $64 ,000 question.

What an idea!

Quiz program?

Yes, those quiz pros in the very tents, they shoot questions on you. First thing

you know, the birds will fly out of your head, out of your mouth, and into the

air. Right out through my mouth?

Into the living room.

Go with him and have your picture taken. Put a pipe in his mouth, make him look

intelligent. Right,

son.

Here's a $64 ,000 question.

For 18 months under the midnight sun, I, Corporal Ed Honiger, was stuck.

$64. Identify the bird on the United States emblem.

That's such a bald eagle.

That's correct.

Polyitis leucocifalus. Wings spread six to seven and a half feet. White head,

white tail. That's all we need. Near oceans, rivers, and lakes. Gulf of

North as far as ice -free water permits. Thank you. That was on page 722. Thank

you.

Can you hear me in there, Ed?

Yeah.

May I have the question, please?

Thank you.

I will read the question once, and you will have 30 seconds to think it over.

For $32 ,000, the question is in three parts.

One, identify this bill.

Two, the Connecticut warbler and the Kentucky warbler are identical in every

except for one detail. What is that detail?

Three. This is the tail feather of a bird just flown in from Siberia.

Identify it and give its call.

You have 30 seconds to think it over.

This is a seed -cracking bill of a Patagonian wood finch. That is correct.

And now, part two.

The Kentucky warbler and the Connecticut warbler are identical in every way

except for one detail. What is that detail? During the mating season, the

Kentucky warbler stands on one leg.

That is correct.

And now, part three.

Identify the feather.

Let's see. What page was that on?

Oh, yeah.

the one with the mustard smear.

This is the tail feather of a rufous -crested latwing, Vanellus europa. Its

song, a hollow three -syllable uluwu, usually appeared three times, ending on

high woo.

That is correct!

You and your buddies have won $32 ,000.

Now, during the next week, we want you to decide whether you will go for $64

,000. You are allowed an expert in the booth with you. And, oh, by the way,

along with the books we gave you last week, we forgot to include this one.

Werblin's complete study of birds.

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

It's murder. That phone hasn't stopped ringing since you left.

Telegrams, they never stop, son. It's just the beginning, boys. They've been

all afternoon making deals. The minute he answers that $64 ,000 question, this

goes on the market.

Honegan's do -it -yourself bird cage.

Honegan's bird bed.

Run against bird seed.

They've even been doing a special newspaper with a picture on it from the

of bird cages.

All the way.

Hey, communications.

Are you in touch with our golden goose? Yeah. They're filling him with kandoski.

Got him outside seeing in the jeep. Get him in here right away.

Headquarters. Keep in touch with him. You know what happened when he ran out

the studio? We chased him all through Times Square.

Hey, this came from a sponsor site. This came from... What is it?

Werblin's a complete study of fright.

Get this out of here. He sees this, we're through. Get out of the way. Hide

Hey, Dodgers. That was good, wasn't it? It sure is.

If you're really going to... to go for the $64 ,000? He's really going to go.

Did Rockefeller stop at his first oil well?

There he is. All right, go, fellas. You all have a chance for his life story.

We'll give you a... There he is. Hiya, baby. How's it feel to be famous?

What's the difference? The birds are still in here.

Sorry, I don't want to go home.

Go home?

Come here a minute.

You want to go home? Desert these thousands of letters that have been

from your buddies, guys who believe in you, guys who have joined bird -watching

clubs, bird -call clubs.

They're even peeking in nests all over the country.

These are your buddies. You going to let them down?

No. Go on in and get a little rest. Be in time for this question of night.

Okay. Keep an eye on him, Kodowski.

Say, anybody seen a box of cookies my mother brought me?

Yeah, they're in the bottom drawer of the dresser in there.

Get a nice tap so you'll be full. Hey, you're starting with the little boogily

-boogily. How come you know where the cookies are?

Because I hid the book under them. All right.

He'll go looking for the cookies. He'll find the books.

Are you all right? I'm okay. I'm okay. You all right? Yeah, I'm okay. He's

Yeah, I never felt better in my life. You never felt better in your life?

Sarge. What?

The birds are gone.

The birds are gone?

What? Just like you said.

All the birds are gone out of my head. I don't remember a thing about birds.

Sarge, you don't know about birds.

Sarge, relax.

Things are done here. Give me that case right away.

What is this?

I don't know. Come on. It's a bird. What kind of a bird?

Is there the chicken?

The chicken!

Sarge, what are we going to do? What are we going to do? Face it.

The birds flew out of his head and back to Capistrano.

Don't remember anything. Now go on in and lie down. Stop packing and we'll go

home.

Pack? But Sarge, what about the contest?

What about it? We make it simple and we stop at the $32 ,000.

Well, that's $2 ,500 a piece. It doesn't just need that.

What? What? What?

Well, Sergeant, it's not the 2 ,500.

Well, what is it? Well, a Marine went for the 64 ,000 and a sailor went for

64 ,000. How's it going to look if the Army quits at 32?

It's like we surrendered.

At least we can give it the all -Army try.

All -Army try? What are we, West Pointers?

There's money in it. All the servicemen.

Oh, go, go. We're all rooting for you.

Make me proud to be in the same Army with you.

We're rooting for you, buddy.

What? What? He hasn't got a chance.

You ever thought you could take a nickel? What expert? Who knows as much

it as he does? This man is a blank.

Yeah, but we could try something you could figure out. Forget it. It's all

I don't know what happened. He went in there for some cookies and a book fell

him. It's such confusion here. He came out with a swelling and nobody really

knows... What's up, Sarge? Quiet. The wheels are beginning to turn.

Suppose I went in the booth with him.

Yeah? You can all give me the answers right through this, right? What?

How would we know? Of course you'd know. You'd have all the information right

here. Where's the genius? Palmer. Yeah.

Can you hook up a walkie -talkie? Can you reach me through that booth through

this? Yeah, you can have a small battery pack in your pocket.

Simple. Thomas, I'm a double. Yes, sir. Get over to the National Museum.

You understand? Tell him the Army has requisitioned every stuff right now.

day. Yeah. Tell him. Go to the public library. Anything you can find.

week to decide.

Will you take the $32 ,000 you've won, or do you want to go for $64 ,000?

I can't let my buddies down. I'll go for $64 ,000.

Now, remember, you're allowed an expert in the booth with you. Do you have an

expert? Yes, sir. My Sergeant Ernest Bilko.

Welcome, Sergeant Bilko. Yes, sir. Oh, I'm sorry. You seem to have been hurt or

wounded. What happened?

I'd rather not talk about it.

Well, we understand.

May I have the booth, please?

Booth?

Hello. Hello.

Hello. He is great, Ernie.

Look at him. Quiet. He's heading for the booth. All right, you guys. On your

toes. The minute you hear him question, dig out those answers. Twice.

Check the birds. Check.

Palmer, we got enough power to carry him in the booth? Yeah, but run for it.

That ladder will overload.

Right. Hedge. Ready. Look. He's in the booth.

Here we go.

Headquarters to Bilko.

Headquarters to Bilko. You look great, Ernie.

Can you hear me?

I will read the question once, and you will have 30 seconds to think it over.

And now, for $64 ,000, may I have the question and the sealed package, please?

This bird is a rare visitor from the north.

We want you to tell us, one, its name.

Two, its breeding grounds.

Three, its closest similar species.

Four, its average weight. And five, two great ornithologists have described the

voice. Give these descriptions and the names of the men.

You have 30 seconds to think it over.

Be free to consult with each other.

Let's go. It looks like an owl.

It looks like an owl. Hold it up a little higher. I can't see it.

Hold it up a little higher.

I got something like this stuff. I got to see the tail.

I need to find it around.

I think I got it. What?

I think I got it.

I think I got it.

Yellow?

Me? You.

Sounds like, sounds like you.

Blue, an owl with blue ears.

I know, blue ears. I think I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

I got it. I got it. I got it. I got

it.

Richardson's owl.

That is correct.

Now, part two, it's breeding ground.

North Canada, south of Manitoba, Nova Scotia.

North Canada, south of Manitoba, Nova Scotia. That is correct.

Now, part three, it's closest similar species.

Right here, a common soil -wet owl, which is a much smaller boy.

The common saw -wet owl, which is a much smaller bird.

A common saw -wet owl, which is a much smaller bird.

That is correct.

And now part four.

Its average weight.

Three pounds, six ounces.

Three pounds, six ounces.

That is correct.

And now, for the last part of the question.

If you answer this, you win $64 ,000. The question is in two parts.

Two great ornithologists have described the voice. Give these descriptions and

the names of the men.

Breakhole, breakhole, I got one.

Song like a soft, high -pitched bell. Sir Abner Bent.

Sir who?

Sir Abner Bent.

Song like a soft, high -pitched bell. Sir Abner Bent. That is correct.

And now, now.

Who is the other one? I need more light.

Terrible. Can we come back next week?

Oh, I feel miserable.

All the birds are back.

Yeah? We'll go right on with the questions, please. We're all right.

Well, I don't know what to do. We've never had a situation like this. Right

with the questions, please. Yes, you've answered all the questions so far. What

questions? Yes, you did all about this bird.

You mean this Richardson's owl? Correct.

Breeding grounds, North Canada, South of Manitoba, Nova Scotia. Its closest

similar species is the common saw -wet owl, which is a much smaller bird.

Average weight, three pounds, six ounces. Correct.

Its call is like a saw, tight fishbelts are out in the vent. Correct. Ping,

ping, ping, Sir William Seaton.

Would you mind telling us what you're going to do with the $64 ,000?

Well, we sort of figured on dividing it among all of us in the platoon.

He's all hot, this boy, all hot.

No, Sarge, it's you who have the heart.

Thinking of all those guys who wrote in all those letters who started their own

bird watches clubs, bird study groups, and building houses for their feathered

friends. Now, isn't that wonderful? Yeah, that's the way I am. What are you

going to do? Yes, Sergeant. To make you happy, I'm going to turn this $64 ,000

over to a special fund to buy binoculars, bird books, and anything

needed for our armed forces all over the world for the advancement of this

wonderful science.

Don't say anything. Now, how about that, folks?

No. Sergeant Bilko. No.

Don't say anything. Sergeant Bilko, that's probably the finest thing we've

seen. What have you to say?

It's for the bird.

As Private Honiger, Jean Peterson was the master of ceremonies, and Lynn

played herself.