Original subtitles

That's about does it hey check out

We didn't grind the valves.

He'll never know. It sounds perfect.

Sergeant Vilko, check out.

Coming.

All right, all right. Look alive. I am, I am.

Sign us out, Sergeant Vilko. All right, let's hear it.

Okay, shut her up.

Nice, huh? Let's make it nicer. Grind the valves.

I'm surprised at you, Private Zimmerman. You'll never get your picture in Puppy

of the Mechanics. Look alive. Get on the boy. Hey, hey, hey.

Yes, sir. All right, Rocco, get the men around here. On a double.

Come on, let's go.

Men, this is a gay lyrication.

You all know the all -platoon lucky serial number contest has been going on

some time.

Well, it's over.

The drawing just took place in my room. Corporals Barbella and Henshaw were

witnesses. And you won again.

It's that kind of remark, Private Mullen, that's going to keep you a

Corporal Barbella, will you read the name of the lucky man who won the three

-day pass?

And all expenses paid vacation in Crystal Lake for three days.

Private Vice Class, Dwayne Doberman.

I won, I won, I won.

First time I ever won anything in my life.

Makes you want to cry, doesn't it?

All right, get your fishing gear together.

But Sarge, what about the grease job?

Kodowski. You. Take over Doberman's grease job. Right, Sarge. You're lucky,

Sarge. Wash up and get out of here. Jesus.

Did you get that look on his face? Makes you feel clean inside.

Hey, Sarge, that call was from my wife. Long distance?

From Texas. Oh, she's right here in town. That crazy old gal came all the

here in a folks trailer. Brought the kids along with her. Where is he?

In a trailer camp right outside of town. Hop in. I'll take you over there. But,

Sarge, I've got to finish those there brakes on that Jeep.

Goldman, take over Brian's brake job.

But, Sarge!

You've got a three -day pass, haven't you? Three days and three nights look

alike.

Hiya, Mike.

Where's the rookie? Over here.

He's grown so.

Oh, man, he's sure getting big.

Hiya, Bruiser. He got another tooth.

You what? Gosh, Mike, we didn't expect you until... Oh, I'm sorry.

Honey, here he is, Sergeant Ernest Bilko. Hi, Mrs. O 'Brien. Sergeant

I've heard so much about you from Mike. Daddy says you're the best crapshooter

in the whole United States.

Betty, really, Sergeant Bilko. That's all right.

That's our little Betty. And this is Mike Jr., our military expert.

Hiya, Mike. Well, hiya, Mike.

He says you're on the finest platoon in the Army. That's true.

Do you use the revised method on close order drill?

That's close order drill. What is he talking about?

Don't get him started on the Army. Knows every rule in the book. Say, speaking

of the Army, we'd better get back to the post. Yes. Bye, honey. Bye.

But, Mike, aren't you going to be able to get any time off? Honey, I told you

the phone, all passes are out. I'll get over here as often as I can. Bye, kids.

Oh,

Peg.

I'm sorry. I know this is silly of me, but, oh, Mike, I've missed you so much.

And after driving over 700 miles... Peg, what do you want me to do?

Why don't you tell her? Tell her what?

This sense of humor escapes me, you know what I mean? This idea of a big joke is

a surprise. Why don't you tell her you got a three -day pass stopping the

Three -day pass?

Sure. I didn't tell you. And he's been arranging a vacation up at Crystal Lake.

Mike, are you a big jerk?

He even arranged a whack day. to take care of the kids while you're gone. But,

Ernie, I... But, Ernie, but, Ernie, so I gave away your surprise to what? But

Doberman's Pass.

Doberman's Pass. You've got to go through it to get to Crystal Lake.

Well, I'll let you get it, and I hope you're going to drive it, Captain. Look,

I'll go and pack your stuff and pack it and get it over here, and I'll get the

whack to babysit.

Oh, listen.

You like to go fishing? Yeah.

I think I can get you some fishing equipment, too.

Don't stop.

Just hearing you guys singing and that happy look on Doberman's face.

It's just the pickup I need after what I've been through today.

O 'Brien?

His wife and three kids came all the way from Texas just to be with him, and now

they can't get a pass to see him. No kidding. No way of getting him a pass at

all? You know the rules. One pass to a platoon.

But thank heavens it's gone to a guy who really deserves it. Good old Doberman.

Come on, fellas.

What?

Let's have gaiety. Let's have laughter.

I just want you to help me forget that look on Mrs. O 'Brien's

face and the tears in that blue -eyed, adorable children's eyes when they find

their daddy can't get a pass to see them.

All the way from Texas.

It's a crime.

Men, this is sure going to be a sad post around here with O 'Brien cooped up and

his loved ones on the other side of the barbed wire and he can't be with them.

So near.

Yet so far.

Oh, but Doberman, you'll be out of it, pal. You'll be out there on that crystal

lake pulling on that 10 -foot trout.

Oh, guys got all the luck. Yeah.

Some guys also got no feeling for their fellow soldiers.

Yeah.

First time I ever won anything in my life.

After his wife drives all the way from Texas to see him. Those little kids of

his. Blue eyes.

Tears filled with...

and crying and unhappy about their daddy.

Oh, but let's be happy for Doberman. He's going to be an at -leg fish in the

he deserves to.

What are you going to use for bait?

Worms.

I tell you, boys, I'd be gay, too, if I could just forget the look on O 'Brien's

face. Reminds me of a prison picture I once saw. There was a guy in prison, and

he wanted to get out to see his wife and his kids, and he couldn't, and he

killed himself.

Oh, let's be gay.

Doberman's going to have fun.

Doberman, I worry.

Just take a look.

Here's the pass.

Here are the reservations.

The pitching tackle.

First time I ever won anything in my life.

I have seen heroism.

I have seen bravery on the battlefield.

But this gesture that this man just made, I want to tell you, fellas, it

me proud. The real, the real Doberman, the real.

Makes me proud.

Proud in here, I know.

That this fellow thinks enough of his fellow soldier to make this sacrifice

makes me proud to be in the same... The boots, though. The boots.

Get the boots off.

And do whatever Sergeant Hill says. Peg, it's only a three -day pass. Let's go.

Bye, kids. Have a wonderful time.

Come on. Don't worry about anything.

Sergeant Belko.

Thank you.

Well, I'm sure I did the right thing. Doberman would have never kissed me

goodbye.

Hey, hey, what are you doing? Taking off your shoes like we do for Daddy. No,

no, kids. I got my boys picking me up in a minute in their jeep. Tell us a

bedtime story.

Bedtime story? Yes.

Tell us about what you did on Quadriline Island.

That's one of Daddy's favorites.

You mean when I charged that Japanese pillbox all by myself?

No. Hey, you had the foxholes wired so the men could get the Belmont race

results.

Oh, look, pal.

I did some pretty dangerous things, too.

I know.

Sergeant Bill goes right. Come on. On the double. On the double.

Good night, Daddy. I mean, Sergeant Bill comes off the bed.

Good night.

Oh, those kids.

The guy should be along with the jeep any minute now.

Wow, this is comfortable, isn't it? Yeah.

And she'll fix these trailers up pretty slick.

It's a regular home.

Oh, feels great. Are the kids in bed?

Mm -hmm.

Kids just never can keep their buttons on.

Sure can, little whippersnappers.

They sure are. You sure of them, babe? Mm -hmm.

Say, Ernie.

Yes, dear?

Where are those guys with the jeep? They should have been here 20 minutes ago.

All right, where were you? Honest, Ernie, we looked everywhere.

We asked every whack on the post. No dice. No dice what? Who, what? For

to take our place, you're leaving. Leaving? Sergeant, hit your orders just

through. You're in report to Fort Sill immediately.

You better hurry. They're tying the place upside down. I'm looking for you.

on. Sorry, you'll have to get a replacement.

Oh, and here's the recipe for the baby's formula.

Formula? Hey, wait a minute.

You're not going to let me stuck out here with three kids cut off from the

world, are you? I almost forgot Hench. Give me a walkie -talkie. Here, Sarge,

you're in trouble, just call in. We'll alert Sergeant Grover at Signal Corps to

keep a channel open.

Come in.

Good luck, honey, good luck.

Hey, fellas, stop.

That

ease,

that ease.

Changing? You must have seen your mother do it.

Sorry, I just threw K .P. in this outfit. Good night.

Changing? Here's a clean diaper.

You know how to change a diaper?

I'll see if I can locate him.

Cap Baxter calling Cap on the hill, Oklahoma.

Sergeant King?

No, he was there towards the Fort Grigolo, New Jersey.

What? The soldier's here in trouble.

Hang on.

What? Sergeant King?

No, he was just here away from shipment overseas.

He's with 21st Regiment, Berlin, Germany.

What? Oh!

Trenton. GWX. Overseas line.

Communication center. Berlin, Germany.

Emergency!

Communication center. Berlin.

Come in, Trenton.

Who?

Sergeant King.

No, he's home.

He lives on Königsstraße near... What?

Oh, right away.

Sergeant King.

What?

Kid in Kansas.

Chained a diaper.

They're waking up his wife. Help is on the way.

Baby in Kansas needs a diaper change. I never heard of such a... Just tell him

how to change it so the whole army can get some sleep.

Hello?

Well, he'll need a diaper, pins, and talcum powder.

A fresh diaper, some pins, and some talcum powder.

Diaper, pins, talcum powder.

Diaper, pins, and talcum powder. Velko, you need a fresh diaper, pins, and

talcum powder.

Take eight packs of triangles.

Have all flanks meet. Go ahead. Got it.

flanks together.

What? Pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.

Got the pin. Oh, connect triangle. All right, wait a minute.

All right, triangle completed.

Okay, go on. What?

What?

That's all?

The baby is diapered?

Thank you, Grover.

The baby's diapered.

Baby's diapered. All right, Mrs. King, you can go back to bed now.

Good night.

I didn't know Bilko was married.

Will you come back to bed?

Bilko. Oh, not again.

What? Wake up Rocco and Henshaw and send them over there in a jeep?

Bilko, are you out of your...

you up at 2 o 'clock in the morning now?

What is this, a fire drill? Hey, what's going on here?

What's a kid doing in the barracks?

You never saw a small draftee before? Take it easy.

Hello.

Where is she?

Thanks, Doc. What's going on?

Small whack.

kids in there.

Now, here's the layout.

You've got to keep them hidden until I can find somebody to watch over them.

here's what I'll do.

If you long call... All present

on the counter for us, sir. That'll be all.

What was that?

Corporal Barbella homesick. Oh, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that.

Lieutenant... This thing at the motor pool. There's two trucks. I told the

to get rid of the small one. Get rid of the small one. I told them to get rid of

the small one. Well, that's something you'll have to decide for yourself, Joe.

Hey, where is she? Where is she? Where is she?

Dialect. He never could get rid of it.

Where is she, Larry? Here she is. Oh, here she is, Lieutenant.

Here she is.

Well, thank you.

Corporal, I know just how you feel. I get homesick myself.

talking about? Never mind.

Where is she? Where is she? Watch that. Even a lieutenant could get wise to you.

Well, where is she?

Where's Betty? Betty?

Now, look, honey. Now, listen. You've got to stay as quiet as a mouse. But,

Sergeant Bilko, I want someone to play with.

Freeze. Freeze.

Drive a Doberman from the center here.

Play with her.

But, Sergeant.

That's Sonata.

Now, look, men, here's what we got to do. You listen to me, we'll get out of

this all right.

Here's what we do.

We can arrange this thing if we all cooperate.

Now, at the motor pool, who takes charge of the small parts?

Okay, you're taking care of the baby.

Here's the formula.

Get down to mess, sergeant, so we can have him make up this formula.

Now, listen to you guys.

This will all work out if you listen to me.

What's the matter with you, kid? You're crazy. Don't flash a gun around. You'll

have them surrendering to each other.

All right, you commandos. Backer line. Out of the double.

Sergeant, who are these men?

You don't know?

This is your daddy's platoon.

Company B, third platoon, motor pool detail.

My daddy's platoon?

Yes, sir.

These... What's the matter, son?

I don't understand. These are not parade soldiers.

This is a motor pool detail.

Gee, you can't... Can I dismiss him for breakfast?

Breakfast? You mean before you inspect their barracks? Why don't you read comic

books like the other day?

I'm sorry.

You know, the kid may be right.

Some... Thunder.

Just noticing you.

Is that a camouflage outfit you've got on?

Baseball hat, Hawaiian shirts, old deep pants, tennis shoes?

How long you been wearing that? 11 years.

11 years.

Well, it's lucky I caught it in time.

Get on the ball, Fender. Hey, listen, Henshaw. Yo, check on that formula,

I'll go and find a whack to babysit. Right, Sarge.

Kid's right.

We're a bunch of slugs.

Come on, mops and payers. Let's get this deep end, please.

Come on.

You gotta be able to find one whack to help us. Oh, excuse me.

How do you like that?

Eight years on his post, I walk into the warm barracks. Excuse me, fellas.

Hey, Ernie.

This is our barracks. Who are you talking to? It can't be our barracks. It

smells so nice. Look at those clean bunks. These must be OCS...

Kandowski?

Kandowski! Dig this one. Who's the... Gander.

Gander!

This is... Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Marlon, right?

This is great.

This one I never saw before in my life.

Unfender, Sarge.

Unfender.

Isn't this tremendous? A real grabber, isn't it?

Oh, guys, you couldn't have made me more proud. This is wonderful.

Get that kid, and I'll really show him. Look, fellas, like we didn't glom in

three cadence, remember?

We drove the air corps crazy, remember?

Archer back.

Son, I want you to meet the members of your father's platoon.

Gosh, Sergeant Bilko, Daddy didn't lie.

It is the best platoon in the Army. Yes, sirree. Can I go out and watch him

arch? No, no, no. You've got to stay hidden. Don't you see? Your daddy, if

see you, they'll know your daddy's got Doberman's Pass.

You mean my father is A -W -O -L?

Absolute without official leave?

Just technically.

Where are you? Where are you?

Oh, listen. Where's our playmate? Where's Doberman?

Come here.

Here he is. Okay.

Now you're it, Doberman. But start my feet.

Go after her. On a double. Here, baby. Up, up. Here you go. Go, go. Here you

I'm really proud of you. Come on. Remember the drill in Cadence? Remember

drove him crazy in Guarf? The echo was in me.

You don't remember, huh?

Here at the post? Send him in.

Colonel Hall?

Yes? I wish to report a deserter. A deserter? My own father.

Oh, I don't understand.

You see, Sergeant Bilko... Bilko.

Now I understand.

Let's go.

Price command.

Step. Place. Where is he? Where is he?

Listen, can you find the kid who looks about like a... Sergeant

Bilko? Hello, Hall.

This is heartwarming.

The whole platoon in Class A uniforms, when they should be in fatigues.

I just dropped by to check.

Bed's made, barracks clean.

Everything's ship -shaped.

Sir, I'd like to explain about... I know.

Small...

still homesick.

Doberman!

Bilko, in 24 hours you've broken almost every rule in the army regulations.

So what difference does it make if I break one more?

I'm permitting a woman to enter the barracks. A woman? Nell!

Jack, where are they? Where are the children?

Here's one.

whole story.

Anderson. Yes, sir. Give Private Doberman his three -day pass.

Thank you, sir.

Good fishing, Doberman.

Jack, they are adorable.

Bill Goe, when O 'Brien gets back, he can pick up his family in my quarters.

That's if he can get them back from my wife. Your wife's a... Bill Goe!

Don't!

Don't ever let this happen again.

I can't take much more of this. Look at me, fellas. I'm all shut.

Two days, two nights without sleep.

Sarge, you've got to get away for a couple of days. I need a rest. I need a

rest. Oh, there's no more passes.

No more passes. Dopamine has got one.

Dopamine has got a pass. No, that's his pass. I couldn't. Oh, I don't care what

happens to me. A sergeant has got to give his life for his men. My heart.

I don't think I can stand my heart.

If I don't get a rest, it's in here. In here. Oh, I can't. I can't. No, no,

Doberman. You've gone out there on Crystal Lake. No, Doberman. I couldn't.

couldn't.

And CPO Sharky, a Navy drill instructor who is a hell of a lot like Don Ricker.

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