Original subtitles

["Vacation" by The Go-Go's playing]

♪ Vacation, all I ever wanted

♪ Vacation, had to get away...

Whoa. Check this out.

Eh?

"Inspired by the European reception halls

of the 19th century..." I see it.

"The king first commissioned this royal hall

[yawns]at the turn of the 20th century."

You want to check out the night markets?

No, this is great. [chuckles] Yeah.

Picture?

Okay. With the cool sword.Okay. Yeah.

Smile.

Mac.

Why does she look familiar?

Karenni activist Pinapa Chaiveera.

She's been on the news lately for protesting

deplorable conditions on the Burmese border in refugee camps.

It looks like she's being arrested.

I've seen Brokedown Palace.

Once she's in prison, she is not getting out.

We're supposed to be on vacation.

[alarm sounding, men shouting]

On the bright side, we freed her.

Quick. In here. Quick.

[men shouting]

[whispers]: Okay, we need a way out.

Um... All right.

I think I got an idea.

Gotta get over here.

I need your bra.

Oh, baby, I think I need it more than you.

[chuckles] Underwires are made of malleable nickel titanium.

By winding it through the fuse box, electrifying the wrench,

I should be able to kill power to the whole place,

giving us a chance to run away.

How did you do that so fast?

Every woman on the planet can.Right.

Sorry. Thank you.Mm-hmm.

DESI: Would these help?

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

You ready?

God, I missed blowing things up.

Happy anniversary, babe.

♪

MAN [American accent]: So...

You both work at a think tank, huh?

Yes. I-I'm an engineer. She's a language specialist.

Did you meet at work?

No, we were both volunteering at the animal shelter

and we liked the same puppy.

What was the name of the puppy?

Gizmo.

And the breed?

Oh, come on. Nobody's gonna ask us that.

[regular accent]: I'm being thorough.

All right.

You got to work on your accent.

You sound like a constipated cowboy.

You have two hours to get your story straight.

That man will question you and dig into your past

like a famished jackal.

It's just Riley's boyfriend. It's not like we're infiltrating

the Kremlin. We're going on a double date.

MacGYVER: Yeah, he's an accountant. What's he gonna do?

Our taxes?[laughs]

You must maintain your covers.

Not just for Riley, but for the survival

of our organization.

At least the whole dating part of your cover is real.

TAYLOR: Yeah, hang on. W-What was that?

Those little microexpressions. You two aredating?

Yes, of course we are.

It's just that...

It's just that we haven't really been on a "date" date

since before we broke up.

BOZER: Seriously?

Mac...Uh, well, it's a little hard

with all the chaos

and saving the world stuff we do around here.

Well, tonight you can enjoy a well-deserved night off. Hmm?

Where are you going tonight?

Aubrey got us a reservation at a pop-up restaurant called...

uh, something French.

Uh, Fork. Spoon.

La Belle... Cuillère?

Yeah. You're joking.

Chef Salvatore is a world-renowned culinary artist.

I've called in every favor and I'm still

on the damned wait list. Right.

We are finished here.

Just remember your covers.

And act like a couple.

Hmm?We are a couple.

Yeah.A normal couple.

Well, you look nice.

So do you.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

[mumbling]♪ I don't want a place to stay

[singing along]: ♪ Get your booty on the floor tonight ♪

♪ Make my day

♪ Make my day...

Okay, you're nervous.

That's your mission pump-up music.

Yes, okay. I'm nervous.

Russ actually kind of got into my head back there.

We're a normal couple, Mac. We can handle a date.

What if the only thing that works for us is the adrenaline?

No.

We don't need to be on a mission to enjoy each other's company.

Just, no work.

A nice dinner with friends.

And to prove it,

we will leave our phones in the car.

Yeah. Mm?

We can do this. Oh, you know what?

I see your phone and I raise you my Swiss Army knife.

How about that?Oh. Yeah?

You sure about that?Oh, yeah.

Okay.

You know what we're gonna do tonight?

Kick this date's ass.

[chuckles]: Yeah, we are.

[laughs]

♪

Names, please.

Uh, Desiree Nguyen and Angus MacGyver.

Real names, please.

Those are our real names.

Welcome to La Belle Cuillère.

[indistinct chatter]

Riles.

Oh. Hey. Oh...

RILEY: Hey, guys.

Glad you could make it.DESI: Hi.

You got your covers straight, right?Do not worry.

We are so good.We're a normal couple.

Stop saying that.Right, sorry.

You must be Mac. Yeah, sorry. I am...

I'm a, I'm a hugger. Yeah.[chuckles]

[speaking Portuguese]

[speaks Korean]

[speaks Vietnamese]

DESI: Ah...

I am a language specialist. That last one was Vietnamese.

You never told us he spoke so many languages.Yeah.

Oh. Oh, I grew up all over the world.

Yeah. Army brat turned accountant.Mm-hmm.

Nothing as exciting as you guys, though,

working for a global think tank?

Eh...Riley said you guys

just got back from, uh, where was it? Uh, Moldova?

Yeah. Renovating a factory.

Oh. Oh, I thought you-you said you were consulting

at a health clinic.

That, too.Little bit of both. It was a busy trip.

Sounds action-packed.

You could say that.[laughter]

You want to go get a drink?Mm-hmm.

RILEY: See you guys.

Okay.

It's great. Yes.Oh, great.

One shot of whiskey straight up,

and one bubblegum cosmotini spritzer for the lady.

[soft music playing]

Thank you.

[MacGyver sighs]

I remember having to lie to Bozer about that stuff

all the time.

It's so hard. I don't know how Riley's doing it.

DESI: She likes him.

She just wants a life outside the Phoenix.[scoffs]

Good luck with that.

It'll get easier,

I promise.

Let's just have fun and relax. Yeah? Okay.

Okay.[gong sounds]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you

your provider this evening of gastronomic excellence,

Chef Salvatore.[applause]

For our first course: yartsa gunbu mushrooms sprouted

from the petrified bodies of ghost moth caterpillars.

Bon appétit.[applause]

MacGYVER: It's so tiny.

RILEY: We have this thing

where we make a fancy dinner at home

and then we match the movie to the meal.

It's my favorite night of the week.

Mine, too.Mm-hmm.

Every week?

Yeah.

You do it every week?

We have a thing, too. Don't we?

MacGYVER [quietly]: Do you see those guys over there?

They've got comms and guns.

It's probably security. It's a rough neighborhood.

Turn off your work brain. We're on a date, remember?

Yes. Okay.

[gong sounds]

SALVATORE: Our next course

features the exquisitely rare fifth talon

of the Pashtun quail.[crowd oohing]

Enjoy.

[applause]

If I add water, will it get bigger?

[grunts]

[sucking]

CHAD: Hey. Brought you a bottle, compliments

of Chef Salvatore.

[laughs]: Hey.Hey. Aw.

Uh, this is my good friend Chad from New York, and the owner

of La Belle Cuillère.

Oh, no. That's all this guy.

Hey, perk of being an owner is you get to have a table

every night if you want it.If I did that, I'd, uh, I'd never see

a return on my investment, now, would I?[chuckles]

Wha... You're an owner?

Just a co-owner.

You didn't tell me you were co-owner of a restaurant.

AUBREY: It's just a side hustle.

You know, no big deal.CHAD: Uh, sorry,

I didn't mean to, uh, spill the beans.

But it was nice to meet everyone.

Please, enjoy the wine.

Thank you. Nice to meet you.You, too.

RILEY: It's a cool place.

♪

Leave it.

Please, just turn off your Mackey-sense.

What? I need to go to the bathroom.

Huh?I can't do that?

Not if you're following those guys.

What guys?

Scout's honor.

[toilet flushing]

[Chad shouts][muffled chatter]

CHAD: Don't threaten me in my own restaurant.

MAN: It's crazy.[loud crashing]

Sorry, Dez.

CHAD: Take it easy, take it easy.

MAN: You're gonna get me my money,

and I'm not gonna ask twice.

You understand?Yes!

You dragged me all the way over here

to look at a velocipede?

Oh, my God, I hate being a millennial.

That's a penny-farthing. And no, I dragged you over here

because I overheard Aubrey's partner Chad in the kitchen.

He was being threatened by that guy with the, uh,

the hand tattoo.

How'd you see all that from the bathroom?

I feel like you're grabbing onto the wrong details here.

I feel like you said

you wouldn't follow those guys, but you lied,

and now your little Boy Scout pants are on fire.

Chad is in trouble, I'm telling you.

[people oohing]

[gong sounds]

[applause]

Introducing your main course

for this evening:

a 2001 vintage agneau rôti...

Ah, yeah-- he looks

pretty messed up.

[indistinct chatter]

I swear he had a knife to his throat three minutes ago.

Are you really this bored, Mac?

No. I-I just don't want anyone to get hurt.

It happened, Dez. I'll prove it.

I take it you've never worked in a restaurant before.

Knife to the throat is nothing.

A sous-chef tried to stuff me in a pizza oven once.

Look, if you're in trouble, we can help you.I appreciate your concern,

but I'm fine.

I know you're friends of Aubrey's, so I'll let it slide this time, but...

please, stay out of my kitchen.

What? I'm not being paranoid. Am I?

RILEY: Paranoid about what?

Where'd you come from? Nothing.

You sure?

Everything is cool?We're great.

Everything's great.Okay.

Hey, thanks for keeping up your covers back there.

I know it's a lot to ask.

We got your back, Riles. Okay? And as far

as Aubrey's concerned, we're just a normal,

boring-ass couple on a boring-ass date.

You guys are gonna screw this up for me, aren't you?

[scoffs softly] Never.

It's fine.

I'll meet you guys at the table. If you'll excuse me.

All right.

Normal, huh?

[clears throat loudly]

Chad would like to invite you all

to an exclusive sampling of delicacies

in the tasting room.

Sounds amazing.You two go ahead. I'll wait for Desi.

Okay. All right.Right this way.

[chair legs scrape floor]

Psst. Psst. Bro-ski.

[clicks tongue]

Got some contraband for you.

These fancy places, they never feed you right.

Tell me about it. Bless you, sir.

Bad date, right?

I'm stuck with a dud on my hands, too.

Uh, no. Actually, my girlfriend's amazing.

[toilet flushes]

[sighs]: Sorry, Mac.

MacGYVER: I'm out of practice

with the whole dating thing.

I-I just feel like I can't relax and I'm blowing it.

I hear you, dude. Listen, I blew it permanently.

I'm divorced. Now I'm dating, too.

Speed dating, Internet, slow dating.

Anything, anything to...

not be alone on a Friday night.

You know?

[sighs]

[snickers]

[two silenced gunshots][grunting]

Where's Aubrey and Riley?In the tasting room.

We're supposed to be meeting them.

You want some of this?I heard

silenced gunshots through the vent in the bathroom.

You're hilarious.No, you were right, something's up.

I get it, Dez. You're messing with me.

Look at me.

This is my serious face.

It's your everything face.

Sorry. I know what I heard, okay?

We need to check it out.Okay, fine. Now who's being paranoid?

We need to create a distraction to clear the kitchen.

Let me borrow your cell phone.I told you

I didn't bring it.

Looks like somebody snuck their cell phone out of the glove box.

Looks like somebody who just accused

another person of sneaking their phone out of a glove box

also snuck-- you know what, forget it, I'm too hungry.

Okay, we have about two minutes before the chocolate melts...

and the lithium in the battery

mixes with the oxygen in the air,

causing it to catch fire.

Try not to burn down the whole place.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

There you go.

Excuse me, sir, that woman's purse appears

to be smoking.We got a 10-70 in the dining room.

MAN [over radio]: Copy that. On my way.

Ma'am, get up, get up now. Come on, get up.

[panicked screaming]

MAN: Watch out!

WOMAN: It's burning!

Come on!

[excited chatter]

[fire alarm beeping]

Hey.

Look. Huh?

That's pretty good.Mmm...

[both chuckle]

This place is amazing.

I just don't get why you didn't tell me you were a co-owner.

[sighs]: Ah.

To be honest, I was afraid.

Why?[chuckles]

I... I just wanted to make sure it succeeded

before I told you.

I didn't want you to ever associate me with failure.

Ever since I've met you, I...

Oh, my God, I can't explain it--

I...

[sighs]

...I want adventure,

I want to do something big.

So I decided to... take a crazy risk

and... invest in a restaurant.[sighs]

I'm attracted to you...

not your success.

Okay?

Okay.

No more secrets, I promise.

There's... there's something I should tell you, too.

I... I...

DONOVAN: If I have to hear

another speech about your relationship,

I'm shooting everybody in this room...

including myself.Uh, if it's money you want...

...we don't have it.

DONOVAN: What I want

is a cigarette.

What I need is for you to shut up.

[gun cocks]

I'm Donovan, by the way.

I'm Chad's other business partner.

More of a, uh...

a silent partner, really--

till Chad stole $2 million of my money.

I-I don't know anything about that.

[hissing inhale]

You see, Chad says he has the money

in a restaurant account, and that you control access.

Either you return my money...

...or I'm gonna kill the love of your life.

Look, I'll get you the money.

But-but I just need

my Forta-Key to access

the account, and it's, uh, it's at home.

Why didn't you just call it

a "security device," huh?

Lead the way. Come on.

[grunts]

Watch your fingers.

[trunk slams]

Well, looks like the trail ends here.

BOTH: I told you.

♪

I swear I didn't know anything about this.

Yeah. I believe you.

[phone chiming, vibrating]

What is that?

I boosted the big guy's phone.

The scary guy with the gun?

You stole his phone?Yes.

Where did you learn to pickpocket a phone?

High school. Oh.

Ran with the wrong crowd.

What-what are you doing?

I'm using the edge

of the scissor jack to cut the ropes.

Also high school.

I can't find Aubrey and Riley.

And the guy with the hand tattoo's gone.Well, that can't be

a coincidence. We need to call the cops.Yeah.

MAN: Hey! You can't be in here!

MAN 2: Get out of the way!

Show me your hands!

LAPD, off duty.

FINN: At least we were.Put your hands up

and step away from the body.

This is not what it looks like.

It looks like you're about to be under arrest for murder.

[sighs]

[gasps]

[laughs softly]Yeah.

I'm in.

Let me guess.

Juvey.

[scoffs]I'm kidding.

Are you texting the police?

No, I'm texting Mac.

Mac?

He's an engineer-- what's he gonna do?

Build something that's gonna get us out of trouble?

You'd be surprised.

Look, we'll give you our boss's number.

You can call him.

He'll explain everything.Great, we can

do that down at the station while you're sitting

in the cell next to a guy with no pants on.

Look, if you think that scares me, you're absolutely right.

FINN: I looked everywhere.

There's no sign of their friends.

We told you they're in trouble.

Homicide's ten minutes out.

Good.

[quietly]: Come here.

Once those detectives get here,

they're gonna keep us in interrogation for hours.

Yeah, and whoever took Aubrey and Riley will be long gone.

Hey, lovebirds, you might want to shut it

till you get a lawyer.Aw.

He thinks we're lovebirds, that's so cute.

We are definitely not lovebirds.

She'd much rather spend the evening

cage-fighting with her MMA girlfriends

than hang out with me.

You're picking a fight right now?

I most certainly am, Desiree.

Maybe it's because I don't want to sit

on the couch all day watching Rick and Morty!

Do not speak ill of him. Who?

Rick Sanchez from Earth dimension C-137.

No one should know that much about a cartoon!

It's called adult animation!

[both grunting]

So sorry about this.

Whew.

Damn it, it's happening again.

Are you as turned on as I am?

Yeah.

[phone chimes, vibrates]

It's Riley.

S-O-S, we need to go find help now.

Come on. Perfect timing.

Yes, just perfect.

My mother and I both had our obsessions.

Mine was money, hers was Margaret Thatcher paraphernalia.

I think they were a desperate attempt

to fill the hole that my father left.

My dear papa...

Hey, Taylor, I've got Mac on the phone

for you. Ooh.

Should I come back?Oh, no.

It's all right.

Angus, tell me everything.

Start with the first course.

Okay, so Riley and Aubrey were kidnapped

by a guy named Donovan.

In his 40s, Caucasian.

He has a snake tattoo on his right hand.

He's taking them to their apartment-- I need you

to find out anything and everything that you can

about this guy.Wait, seriously?

Yes!

On it.

["Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Starship playing]

♪ Let 'em say we're crazy

♪ I don't care about that

♪ Put your hand in my hand

♪ Baby, don't ever look back

♪ Let the world around us...

Wow, you can butter me up

all you want, I still want

my $2 million.

It was for her.

Eva,

standard lights, music off.[music stops]

Man, everything about this place

bothers me.

Where's your security thing?

It's in my laptop case.

Here.

You got five minutes.

You try anything, she dies.

Just like your boy Chad.

Let's go, come on.

RILEY: Aubrey?

Is something wrong?

The money's gone.

I-I swear it was in there yesterday.

Chad must have emptied the account.

Then you're of no use to me.

Eva,

search the Web for the best place

to dispose of bodies in Los Angeles.

Oh, God, no!

No, no... DONOVAN: What do you guys think?

Oh, God, no!Huh, Lu?

Bathtub?

Give me ten minutes and I'll have your $2 million.

I don't know.

Lu, what do you think?

I'm a hacker.

I go by Artemis37.

I've broken into the NSA.

China.

Ever heard of a nasty little bug called Cannibal?

That was me.

So wherever Chad hid the money,

I guarantee I can find it.

DONOVAN: Hmm.

You got ten minutes.

AUBREY: Riley...

♪

Hey, guys, what's taking so long?

TAYLOR: Well, it's just me and Bozer here.

Matty isn't even picking up.

And even though it is a Friday evening,

I find that a bit peculiar, don't you think?

DESI: Taylor, focus!

Okay, CCTV from the restaurant

shows Riley and Aubrey being forced into the trunk

of a 1967 Chevrolet Chevelle,

registered to one Donovan James O'Malley,

a notorious enforcer for the Triads.

Yeah, that's the guy who threatened Chad.

What? That's the whitest guy I've ever seen.TAYLOR: Hang on.

I thought you said I was the whitest guy you'd ever seen.What I mean is,

why is this guy working for the Chinese Mafia?

TAYLOR: Ah, well, the pursuit

of love does make people a little bit insane.

Donovan married his high school sweetheart, Jennifer Kwok.

Daughter of Hong Kong's brutal Triad leader.

Looks like Donovan rose

through the ranks after that, carrying out hits.

If Aubrey is in trouble with the Triads,

we are going to need all the help that we can get.

TAYLOR: No argument there.

Apparently Donovan likes fingers.

As in, collecting them as trophies.

You know, my wife used to have that same nail polish.

What is that, Metallic Maven?

Titanium Temptress?

Metallic Maven.

Huh. RILEY: Looks like Chad

opened an offshore account in the Caymans.[phone vibrates]

These are some of the most secure banks in the world.

It's gonna take a minute.

[computer chimes]

DESI: That's their place.

I'll do some recon.No need.

Riley just did it for us.

She hacked their smart TV.

I knew those things were watching us.

It's the Illuminati.

I told you. What?

No. Looks like if we go through that window,

they won't see us.

Yeah, but since they're armed,

we shouldn't go in empty-handed.

This might get gross.

If I had a dime for every

date night that ended with that warning.

MacGYVER: The key elements to any great distraction

are sound and light-- Ping-Pong balls are shaped

by soaking sheets of celluloid in a hot alcohol solution,

which makes the material extremely flammable.

By creating a fuse out of butane and a coffee filter,

you have a recipe for the perfect distraction.

Ticktock, ticktock.

RILEY: Yeah, I'm working on it.

Look... I'm in.

I just need the account numbers

for the transfer.

DONOVAN: Okay.

[grunting]

What took you so long?

Desi and I got arrested.

It was a whole thing.

Who are you guys?

I'm an engineer.Language specialist.

Come on. MacGYVER: Riley,

you want to take this?

Yeah.

Aubrey, the thing is, we're actually...

[gun cocks]

Donovan,

you are one knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing,

sorry excuse for a human man.

I'm here for my $2 million.

RILEY: Wait, I-I was stealing

her money?

Hello, Jennifer.

You going door-to-door for the Antichrist again?

J-Jennifer Kwok?

Unfortunately, the kraken in the high heels is my wife.

Soon-to-be ex-wife.

And heiress to the entire Triad organization.

That's right.

And I want... my... money.

JENNIFER: Heard you were laundering millions

through the restaurant so I wouldn't get it

in the divorce settlement.

How'd you find out?

You sold me out?

This is all just a next-level alimony battle.

That one's a hacker.

She can get you the money.

The $2 million

in my account now or I start shooting,

starting with your knees.

DONOVAN: Kneecaps?

Well, that's original.JENNIFER: Are you serious?

Kneecaps? What, you prefer I do what I did

to those guys in Jamaica?Oh, the guys in Jamaica.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.The ones you were meeting down there.

When's backup arriving?

Russ said he's working on it.

Oh, Russ. Let me guess, he's a language specialist, too.

We can try to stall, but I can only say "two more minutes" so many times.

[overlapping arguing]

A hotel room?!Yes, they do! In Jamaica!

Wait for my signal.

What signal? What?

MacGYVER: Hey, guys, I think it's in everybody's best interest

that we remain calm.

[scoffs] I am calm.

It's better for my aim. Pick one,

left or right.

Mac, what are you doing?

I get it.

I do.

Relationships are... hard.

Sometimes, we-we lie to ourselves,

say that everything's okay.

Sometimes the trust that we once had

is gone forever.

And sometimes,

no matter how much you think you want to be with someone,

you can't seem to make it work.

JENNIFER: Hey, Dr. Phil.

Sit down or I'll blow off both kneecaps.

How long?

RILEY: Hmm? Uh, oh, uh...

uh...[keys clacking]

Two minutes.

Final warning.

Sit. Right.

One last piece of advice:

in any relationship,

in the immortal words of my favorite pump-up jam,

you have to...

get your booty on the floor.

Tonight. Eva, lights out!

♪ Get your booty on the floor

♪ Tonight, make my day [gunfire]

♪ I don't want a place to stay

♪ Get your booty on the floor tonight ♪

♪ Make my day, make my day [grunting]

♪ Make my, make my, make, make my day. ♪

[grunting]

[grunting]

[shouts, grunts]

RILEY: Eva,

lights on.

[electronic chime]

Okay,

who the hell are you people?

[door slams open]

LAPD! Put your hands up!

Hands where we can see 'em! Hands!

MacGYVER: Listen,

if you can call my boss, he'll explain everything.

TAYLOR: Don't worry!

They already have.

I made quite a convincing case for your innocence.

Despite you not inviting me to dinner.

So,

how was date night?

AUBREY: So, you're like, uh...

Simon Pegg

in Mission: Impossible.

Right?

I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.

All those work trips, you were taking down guys like Donovan?

Or worse.

So that's why you come home all kind of, um...

broken.

You really like this life?

You know what?

I love it.

And the secrets and the lies?

A necessary evil.

That part, I hate.

Me, too.

♪

[engine turns off]

♪ Warm days

♪ But the light is gone...

I was thinking about what you said.

No matter how much you want to be with someone,

you just can't seem to make it work.

We've had a lot of chances, haven't we?

Yeah.

Just kind of seems like we're only really good

when things are really bad.

What does that mean?

[sighs] I don't know.

Maybe...

we're just not normal.

♪ Hold on

Good night, Mac.

But maybe...

that's our thing.

I mean, who wants to be a normal, boring,

static couple anyways?

Especially when we can just be us.

[chuckles softly]

For what it's worth,

there's no one else I'd rather go on a terrible date with.

Me neither.

♪ And I miss the thoughts of you ♪

♪ Our nights

♪ All our dark skies

♪ Will you hold on?

♪ We'll make up

♪ Hold on

♪ If you don't

♪ Hold on. [engine starts]

Why...

[knocking]

[knocking continues]

Riles.

Hey.

[sighs]

Aubrey ended it.

Couldn't stay at his place, and I didn't know where else to go.

So...

I'm so sorry.

Well, you're more than welcome to stay here as long

as you want.

[chuckles softly]

[sniffles] Hungry?

You have no idea.

[both chuckle]

MATTY: I know that it's impossible, but...

this whole thing has me spinning.

I mean, the state of the world today.

The DXS of it all. And...

[quietly]: I can't explain it, but I just...

I feel like she's out there,

like it's her,

somehow.

And then there's this.

They call themselves Codex.

Matty, uh, I want you to look into something called...

File 47.

File 47?

What is that?

It's the end of the world.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org