Original subtitles

Mechanometry is so confusing.

I mean, if math wasn't hard enough with just numbers, they had to go and add

letters.

I mean, what's next? Animals? Colors?

Here, let me help.

Okay, let's see.

If X plus the cosine of Y equals 100, and X plus Z equals 60, express Y in

of Z.

Bo, what do you think?

I think I'd have just as much chance of solving this problem if I had to divide

by purple.

You don't know how to do it? I don't have a clue.

Wow.

You know, I always dreamed that one day I'd be smarter than you.

And I'm sorry you had to get dumber to make that happen, but I'll take it.

How did this happen? I used to know this stuff.

Yeah, well, maybe in high school, but, you know, ten years of housework and the

fumes, the dirty diapers, you forget things.

It's momnesia.

Momnesia? Where'd you hear that?

You made it up about Mom when we were kids.

I don't remember that. That's because you have momnesia.

Hi, buddy.

I need $30.

What?

You want to join an after -school dance program?

Logan, we just signed you up for drums and you quit after two lessons.

It was too hard to reach the pedal.

Funny. It didn't keep you from trying to drive our car.

You know what, Logan? It's not just drums. I mean, you quit soccer, you quit

gymnastics, you even quit the school play.

Poor kids had to do a production of Snow White and the Six Dwarfs.

Come on, Christine. He's just trying to figure out what he's interested in.

I mean, let's face it. You were in your 30s before he even picked a major.

I'm just saying.

Please.

Fine. But you know what? Even if you don't like it, you have to finish the

session. No quitting this time. You understand?

Yep. All right, you can do it. Thanks. You're welcome.

I think it's great that Logan's interested in dance.

You know, Greg took a lot of dance when he was young. Yeah, and as I recall, he

also took a lot of beatings.

Hey, what's up, guys? Hey, guys. How was work?

It was pretty exciting. Billy had a run -in with the trespasser.

Wow. There was a raccoon in David Spade's trailer.

It's no big deal.

I think I pulled something on my back trying to get the scared little guy out

from underneath the bed.

Oh, the raccoon was scared?

No, David Spade.

Hey, Kim, do me a favor. Stick one of those bony little elbows of yours under

shoulder blade, will you?

That's probably this muscle right here. I don't know what they're called. Not a

lat.

Oh, I remember.

The trapezoid.

Trapezoid? Kim, that's not a muscle. It's a shape.

Dummy.

Great. For trigonometry? Now anatomy and geometry.

I'd forgotten it all.

Gone.

Hey,

where are you going? I felt good.

Great. Now I've got to spend the whole night in my dots and pressing my back

against the stick shift.

I've been there.

What's that?

Oh, I'm letting Logan sign up for an after -school dance program.

The parent has to take him.

Yes, it does.

Good luck with that.

study for this exam. You're working the early six tomorrow. You can do it.

Oh, man.

What happened to the good old days when you only had to go to your kid's school

when they needed a change of underpants?

Hey, is the capital of Montana Bozeman?

Helena.

Crap. Geography's gone, too.

Watch out!

when doing pirouettes. You want to keep your eyes focused on the exit sign in

the back of the room.

Logan! Oh, thank God you made it. And you brought your dad.

Yeah, hi, I'm Jimmy. I'm sorry we're late. I accidentally clipped the

guard out front.

Crazy lady was standing in the middle of the street.

That's okay.

I'm just glad you showed up.

Girls, can we keep our crap by the wall so Miss McKenzie doesn't break her neck?

Thanks for bringing him.

Some dads aren't very supportive of their sons dancing.

Oh, no, hey, I support anything that puts him in a room where he's

by girls 13 to 1. You know what I'm saying?

How you doing?

Good. You wore comfortable shoes.

Perfect. Perfect for what? Girls. Mom.

Please welcome Logan and his dad, Jimmy, the newest members of our show.

Show? What are you talking about, show? What show?

Jazzerella.

Before you and Logan showed up, I was afraid we weren't going to have a king

a prince.

Uh, yeah, listen.

Okay, now slow pirouettes and... Excuse me.

Dance lady. Yeah.

I'm not a dancer.

Oh, relax.

It's just a school show.

Lord knows nobody here is going to Broadway.

Hey! Tushy, in, Sarah, in! Tuck the cheeks or I swear to God I'm going to

them off!

And the important thing is that we have fun.

Logan, why did you want to do this?

I don't know. It sounded like fun, so I signed up.

I swear, you learning how to write your name is the worst thing that ever

happened to us.

Tuck the cheek!

I'm tucking.

Hi, honey.

Everything go okay with Logan?

You know, Christine, I don't usually use the word awry, but today, things

definitely went awry.

What happened?

I wasn't just dropping Logan off.

I had to dance.

Yeah, me, Logan, and our tucked -in tushies were practicing for Jazzarella.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know.

Yeah, well, luckily for me, Logan hated it, too, so we quit. What?

No, no, no, no, no. You can't quit.

When I agreed to let Logan join dance, I made a new rule. No quitting.

What? Yes, and you have to set an example, even though I'm sure you think

dancing is for sissy boys.

Christine, that has nothing to do with it, okay? I wish I could dance good

enough to be a sissy, but I think.

Okay, trust me, I put the tard in leotard.

I don't want to make a fool out of myself.

Well, you can't quit, right? I mean, what kind of lesson is that for Logan?

What are you going to teach him next, how to smoke?

Yeah, I would, but I'm afraid you wouldn't let him quit.

have to suck this up and do it for your son. Christine, you don't understand. I

have to be in a show in front of people.

They know parents should have to endure that kind of pain for their child.

Jimmy, the kid was born with the same size head he has now.

Don't tell me about pain.

Commercial for my doll, a Prozac.

Frustrated. I think I've forgotten how to play the piano, too, just like math

and anatomy.

I practiced keyboard my entire third grade and into the summer. I missed the

whole bicentennial for this song.

Hey, hey, take it easy on the keyboard. You break that and my Christmas caroling

group is going to have to sing a cappella.

Hey, I heard you were going to be in Logan's dance show.

Oh, then I take it you read my suicide note.

Come on, it can't be that bad. What kind of dance are you going to do?

I don't know. What kind of humiliating?

With the hands like this?

Or with the hands like this?

Like the second one. Were you doing a lot of shoulder rolls with a bola hat?

Yeah, how'd you know? My parents sent me to camp every summer to get some fresh

air. Of course, we were so...

Far out in the woods, and the pollen count was so high, I had to spend a

month inside wearing a mask.

So you learned how to dance?

I learned every indoor activity.

Dance, cooking, sewing, origami.

Wow, at 12 years old, you would have made one hell of a geisha.

Well, you go ahead and laugh, but at the end of the month, we did a production

of M. Butterfly, and the camp newsletter called me riveting.

Come on, I'll coach you. Coach me? Come on.

Kim, can you put a medium bossa nova beat under that?

Starting to come back.

Hi.

Hey, here, grab the table.

All right, now it sounds like what you're going to be doing is a jazz

So I'm going to start you off with a real basic jazz walk.

Look, I don't want to do this. I'm going to look stupid.

Oh, yeah? Do you think Mikhail Baryshnikov looks stupid?

Well, yeah, kind of, with that giant splotchy birthmark on his head.

Okay, history another day. Today, we dance.

All right, here we go.

Come on, we're just walking.

Okay?

Now we're going to bend at the knees and we're going to take it down.

Take it down.

How are you feeling?

I don't know. I guess it's all right.

All right.

Now the hands.

The hands.

Now let the hips do their thing.

All right.

All right. Looking good. Here we go. Head back and sell it.

Sell it. Sell it for all you are.

Jimmy, where are you going? Yeah, I... I'm not going to do that.

Jimmy, we can't do jazz if you're afraid to look sexy.

Yeah, Greg, that's how it looked. It looked too sexy.

I did it. I played the whole song. Oh, thank God I haven't forgotten

I still have my Mozart.

Well, that song is by Beethoven.

All right.

Cashew, that's mine.

Brazil nut, that's yours.

Pecan.

Hey, you know what? Let's put the pecans over here, see if we have enough for a

pie.

Jimmy, I'm going to the library. I'll be back later this afternoon.

Oh, and don't forget, you and Logan have dance class at three.

What, three?

We just opened a jar of nuts.

Oh, man, I can't believe I got to take Logan to a dance class on a Saturday.

There's got to be some way to get out of this.

Stupid dancing.

Like, why can't we live in that religious town from Footloose?

You know, you could always hurt yourself on purpose so you wouldn't have to do

it. You know, like when Van Gogh cut off his ear so he wouldn't have to paint

anymore.

Billy, I think that was Picasso.

Hey, you know something, Christine, she couldn't make me dance if I was injured.

But that flower pot could break a toe.

I don't know, man. I don't know if I could hurt myself on purpose.

You think you could? Of course!

You're my best friend, buddy. I'd sleep with your wife if you wanted me to.

I'm just putting it out there.

All right.

Let's just get this over with. Just give it to me, man.

I'm deciding which pot I think this azalea is going to bloom.

Pick the other one, okay? I want to get this over with.

All right.

One, two, three.

Well, great. We just killed a baby hibiscus for nothing.

I'm sorry. You shouldn't count, okay? I don't want to know what's coming.

For a guy who can't dance, you're moving like Sammy Davis Jr.

I'm sorry. I just had to peek.

Right. Now I got to go to Home Depot and get another pot. Give me some money.

All right. How much do you think it's going to be?

Go to Home Depot. You think I got all day for this crap?

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Hey, how was dance class?

Today we had our fitting for tights. What do you think?

He's having a little trouble getting the hang of it. You know the better you get

at it, the more fun you're going to have. Now wait for me in there. We're

to practice.

Hey, thanks for filling in for me at dance class today. Yeah, no problem.

I think the dance teacher was actually happy to see somebody with some chops

there.

Hey, Logan, let's practice our kicks.

All right, I'm going to pretend that slipped off your foot by accident.

Hey. Hey.

What happened to you?

A potted plant fell on my toe.

Shattered it.

Really?

So I guess you can't dance.

No, no.

But luckily for me, Greg filled in, which is probably better for everybody.

Hips on a swivel! Hips on a swivel!

Um, you're not faking this, right?

No, I'm not faking it.

So this will hurt?

If you don't believe me, ask Billy. He's the one who stopped on it for me.

You did this on purpose?

Yeah, so I wouldn't have to dance.

Don't do that again.

I cannot believe you did this on purpose.

Why? What's the big deal? Okay, Logan doesn't know that I quit, and that was

big issue, right?

Yeah, but you... Okay, so what difference does it make if I'm in the

Okay, Greg's teaching him now, and he'll probably have some fun.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. You're a half a count behind him. Let's try it again.

Okay,

mister, we are dancing barefoot.

I feel stupid.

You look fine. Come on, let's stretch.

Why? The last thing you want to do is pull a hammy.

What's pulling?

When you tear a muscle in your leg and you can't dance.

I think I pulled a hammy.

No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I'm not going on stage.

Logan, you're just being nervous, okay?

Now it's time to be a man, so wrap this bow around your neck and get out there.

No!

Hey, guys.

Nice bow, Charo.

He won't go on.

He's refusing to go on to do our number. I don't know what to do. The

choreography doesn't make any sense if I have to go on alone.

Logan, honey, why don't you want to go on stage?

I'm going to look stupid. I want to quit.

Not my rule.

You remember the promise you made about finishing what you started?

Yes. Well, that means going out there and doing the show.

the worst one.

Sweetie, it's not about who's the best. It's about trying your best.

Yeah, I wasn't perfect the first time I went on stage.

My first dance class, the teacher called my mom because she thought I was having

a seizure.

About the same thing the first time he tried to unhook my bra.

Well, the bra I was practicing on had a hook and not a button.

What Uncle Greg is saying is that you have to stick with things if you want to

get good at them.

I mean, look at me. Going back to school wasn't easy, but I stuck with it. And

now I'm smarter than your Aunt Kim.

Don't push it, Christine.

Until recently, you thought Thomas Jefferson was George and Weezy's son.

But I don't want to learn how to dance.

Sweetie, we're not just talking about dancing, okay? We're talking about how

learn and sticking with things, especially when they're hard.

Yeah, it's helped me with everything I've accomplished in life.

Graduating college, getting a good -paying job, providing a nice house for

family. It's the difference between successful people and losers.

Wait a minute.

I'm a loser.

What? I'm a loser. That's why I've never accomplished anything in my life. Every

time something got difficult, I quit.

Boy Scouts.

Guitar lessons?

College?

Hell, I don't even know what's in the middle of a jawbreaker.

Well, if it helps you sleep at night, it's sugar.

I'm a quitter.

And now I'm passing it down to my kid, and it has to stop. You know what,

I started this spring dance production of Jazzarella, and for once in my life,

am going to finish what I started. Are you with me?

Hey, hey, hey, you can't just show up and be in the show.

Greg. I'm sorry, Kim, but some of us have worked very hard on our routines

besides shelling out 60 bucks for a brand new pair of Copethios.

What do you say, Logan? Are you with me?

Let's do it.

Oh, this is great.

This is just great. Now I have to explain to everybody from work why they

all the way down here for nothing.

I may have forgotten everything else, but I've still got my Fosse.

It's not Fosse. That's Jerome Robin.