Original subtitles

What's up?

There's something crazy going on with this wall.

Oh, wow.

A pipe must have burst in the wall.

Have you shown this to Greg?

Oh, no way.

Ever since he lost his job, he thinks that every little bad thing that happens

to him is a sign from God that his world is coming to an end.

I'm starting to really worry about him.

Yeah, I don't like that, Greg.

I like goofy Greg.

I love scared by a loud noise Greg. And stung by a bee Greg should have his own

show.

But that Greg, that Greg scares me.

Well, anyway, I can't let him see this. He's got another job interview this

morning, and I need him staying as positive as possible.

This is really cool.

This looks like a big, huge water bubble has just, like, formed in between these

studs. Here, check it out.

Here.

Gosh,

it feels like you could poke your hand right through it.

Oh, Kim, I am so sorry.

It's a lot, Jimmy. I'm soaked.

Yeah, Kim, you got a wet T -shirt there and no bra?

Grow up.

Dominic? Dominic!

What happened to her shirt?

Your Aunt Kim had a leak.

Those things leak?

No.

Jimmy, you want to have a listen? Yeah, yeah, I got it, ma 'am. Maybe you should

go shut out the water to the house, okay?

So those were probably the first set of those you've seen that weren't attached

to your mother, huh?

Yeah.

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah.

He's freaking me out a little.

Stop it!

Okay, I turned the water off. Oh, thanks.

Jimmy, is this something you can fix? No, no, this is way too big of a job for

me. Besides, you know, it's a busted pipe. It's got to be covered by your

insurance. How are you going to keep all this from Greg?

Oh, he never goes in that room.

His weights are in there.

Christine, he hasn't touched those weights since he rolled them in from the

Hey, uh, Greg, you got some...

Shaving cream on your face there, dude. I know, I was halfway through shaving

when the water cut off.

It's another sign, Kim.

No water, thank you, very funny. What, you got Bob Hope writing your material

for you up there?

Well, you're still gonna go to your job interview, right? What's the point?

Every interview I go on, there's some whack punk sitting behind a desk and

giving me the ice grill and kicking me to the curb without even letting me know

what the dealio is.

Sorry, it's just the guy at the car wash, he... Changed all my radio presets

rap music. I don't know how to change them back.

Come on, Greg. You have to go to your interview.

I have a surprise for you. Look what I found. Your lucky tie. My lucky tie.

been looking for this forever.

Where did you find it? Somehow it ended up in my underwear drawer. It's been

hiding under a pile of my bras.

That is a lucky tie.

Greg, you can't give up now. Today could be the day.

Yeah, I guess I'll bounce over to the gas station around the way and see if

they'll let a brother get his shave on.

Holler back.

Sorry about all this. I know it really sucks.

Oh, that's okay. That's why we have insurance.

Actually, the only reason most people have insurance is because it's required

the bank that holds their mortgage.

And here's the thing.

The bank and the insurance companies are all owned by the same guy.

I met him once. He's kind of an ass, but his wife is hot.

So, what made you choose to be an insurance agent?

I used to sell tuna sandwiches in parking lots, but then Jerry Garcia died

had to do something.

I guess your VW bus won't run on love.

Actually, I drive a Lexus.

You'd be surprised what a stoned hippie will pay for a tuna sandwich.

Hey, guys.

Hey. So, uh, they claim they'll start work as soon as tomorrow, but, uh, you

won't have water, so you'll probably want to move out for a few days.

Oh, you can stay with us?

Oh, thanks.

No, Greg is home.

Who's Greg?

My husband. Listen, I don't want him to know you were here. Go out the back door

and sneak around the side of the house so he doesn't see. Did we do something

wrong? I didn't black out for a while, did I?

You don't.

Well, it's weird, but something about that insurance agent reminds me of tuna.

I got the job.

You got the job!

Yes, I did, despite the fact that someone tried to push me in two

piles of dog poo on the way there.

Nice try, funny man.

Hey, it's good for you, buddy.

Congratulations. Not only did I get the job, but I also figured out how to

change my radio stations back to light FM.

You just hold them down till they beep. I'm back in the game, people.

Hello, sir. What may I do for you on this most glorious day? I forgot to take

the digital photos of the water damage in your guest room.

Water damage? Sounds exciting. Well, don't let me delay your voyage. Get in

there and snippety -snap you some pictures.

Seems like a nice fella.

Yeah, well, I was waiting for the right time to tell you, but we've got some

pretty severe water damage in the guest room. Also, we're going to have to stay

with Jim and Christine while they do the fixing.

Ooh, sounds like an adventure. I'll get my sleeping bag.

Okay, I think happy Greg scares me more than sad Greg.

Hey, Kim, time to sleep.

Oh, okay.

That sofa bed isn't warm.

Comfortable one I've ever slept on.

You can stay in my room.

I'm fine on the couch, thanks.

I got my lucky tie on for my first day of work. Good for you.

Hey, Greg, I made you a cup of coffee for your drive.

Not every day you get to be a guest in my house, and I get to repay you for

everything you've done for me.

Well, that's a sweet thought, Jimmy, but you've lived in my house for four

years, and I fed your entire family every single night.

I've loaned you money, gotten you a job, basically done everything short of

breathing air into your lungs.

So you think this cup of coffee is going to be payback for all that?

I could pour you a bowl of cereal if you've got time.

Yeah, I could pop you a tart.

Okay,

well, I'm going to go take a shower.

We have mold?

Toxic mold.

When we opened up the walls, it was all, like, green and fuzzy. It was pretty

cool.

Julio almost puked.

So what am I supposed to do?

You'll have to hire a company to rip it out.

With the amount of mold you have, it could take up to a year. Up to a year?

That's a long time to sleep on a couch.

Dominic! I'm just saying.

This must be Greg Warner.

Adam Berkowitz.

Nice to meet you, sir. I'm looking forward to working for you. I'm sorry I

couldn't be at your interview, but I had to... You look familiar to me.

Yeah, I was about to say the same thing.

Huh. I wonder what it is.

Stop it!

You know what? I don't think we know each other.

No? No, I probably look familiar because I was on America's Funniest Home Videos

once. I got kicked in the crotch.

I lost to Cat in Dress.

Well, I guess that's it. Well, all right, I'll let you get settled in.

aboard, Greg. Thank you, sir.

The waiting room at Dr. Bernstein's office.

What's that?

You son of a bitch!

What in hell is going on? Your house has toxic mold.

Of course it does.

Toxic mole, really.

Plus, you get me fired. O .J.'s out there putting for par, and you're coming

after me.

Um, sir?

You don't want to stay in here too long. If you breathe enough of this stuff in,

it can get you really, really sick.

Can it kill me?

I don't know. It might if you breathe enough of it in.

No, no, no.

Oh, let go of me, space man! I want it to be over!

A year.

Up to a year.

And not covered.

No. Mold isn't covered.

Apparently that's where they get you.

Our insurance agent referred to it as the brown acid of insurance claim.

Well, this is perfect.

This is just perfect. You know why? Because now I have nothing.

Absolutely nothing. I have no house, no job, absolutely nothing. Wait a minute,

that's not exactly true. I have my lucky tie.

Yes, indeed, I have my lucky tie. And good thing, because it's turned out to

so damn lucky!

Hey. Hey, how was work?

Oh, uh, we didn't go to work. Denny's gives 10 % off for the boys in blue.

How's Greg doing today?

I don't know. He left really early this morning, determined to find a job.

I kept telling him that you offered to let us stay here as long as we want, but

he refused to even talk about it.

He's still acting really strange.

Well, being out of work is hard, you know. Sometimes it just takes the right

thing to motivate you to get you up off the couch.

For me, it was the guys coming to repossess the couch.

Oh, hello.

A man gave me a dollar to give this to you. Oh, well, thank you.

What is it?

Oh, that was the note attached.

Dear family, friends, and Jimmy.

From Greg.

Although I may have lost my home and my job, I still have my pride, and because

of that, I refuse to live under Jimmy's roof.

Give me that.

However, as I walk the earth, struggling to eventually return to my former

glory...

I will continue to do my best to provide for my wife and children. Along with

this note, I have sent $27 and three pieces of pizza, one for each member of

family.

Sorry, I didn't know this was for starving children.

He's lost his mind.

We've got to talk to him. Well, how? He could be anywhere.

We don't even know where to start looking.

Hold on a second.

We might not know where he is, but we know where he's been.

Jimmy, you were born with a gift, right? A gift that, well, until this very

moment was completely useless.

But right now, we need you.

And we need that gift.

Jimmy, where is this pizza from?

All right, I can tell by the crust it's not from Pizza Hut.

Wrong color sauce for Papa John's.

Can you really... Let him work.

Not Domino's.

It's not Mario's.

It's not Pizza Man.

Definitely not Charlie's.

Damn it, you know, I've had this pizza before, but I just can't place it.

What? This pizza's from Chuck E. Cheese.

Yes, it is, son.

It is.

I'll go get the kids and we'll go find him.

Jimmy, honey, get a hold of yourself. We'll find Greg. Everything's going to

fine. No.

It's not that. It's just that...

Today we found out that Dominic is obsessed with breath.

Now we find out that Logan has got the gift.

It's a good day to be a dad.

Yeah, I met the one in Burbank, so you check the one in Culver City, okay?

you.

Hi, um, I was wondering if you could help me. My brother -in -law may have

in here today. Have you seen this guy?

That's Greg.

Yeah. Yeah, it is Greg. What?

How do you know his name? Was he in here today?

He works here.

What?

Greg?

I don't know, officer. My brother -in -law said he was heading north on

Sycamore. He was on a skateboard in a Chuck E. Cheese suit.

Yes, if you have a glue trap that size, you're more than welcome to use it.

Thank you.

Well, I learned two things this afternoon.

Mice are fast, and homeless guys, they don't like picking up their cans a

time.

Timmy, you're tracking mud all over the carpet.

Oh, my God, I am sorry.

Oh, you know what? We have a carpet cleaner in the shed if you want to use

before that dried. I'll go grab it. My feet must have got all muddy when I cut

through that construction site to get away from downtown Dan the Can Man.

Why can't you just leave me alone?

Greg, what are you doing? I'm watching Blind Date and enjoying my high -protein

meal in a can.

I mean, what are you doing?

Why are you out here in the shed? Why are you having kids deliver pizza to our

doorstep? I mean, why are you working as a giant mouse?

I was driving around trying to clear my head.

And I got a flat tire because somebody put a nail in the road.

I stop at Chuck E. Cheese to use the phone. I hear the manager freaking out

Chuck E. is late. There was no one to fill in. Oh, so you became Chuck E.

Well, at that point, I'd rather be anybody than Greg Warner.

And the longer I had on the costume, the better I felt. I mean, I might be

useless to my own family, but to every other family, I was a hero today.

Oh, so, ironically, you were a man because you were a mouse.

We thought we heard your voice. What are you doing?

Greg is living in the shed.

What? Until I get back on my feet. I want to live on my own property, okay?

Fine. Then I'll stay out here with you.

If you're too proud to live in Jimmy and Christine's house, then so am I.

You'd really do that for me? Of course, I'm your wife.

You are the best.

This is going to be great, although I'm going to have to drag some more mulch in

here so we can sleep. I'm not living in a shed, you idiot! What the hell is

wrong with you? Get your crazy ass in the house!

No, I don't want their help, all right?

I've gotten to where I am in life without being indebted to anyone.

I want to keep it that way.

That's kind of selfish.

Selfish? Instead of taking space in your house, I'm sleeping on bags of cow

crap? Damp cow crap.

Yeah, well, we feel guilty about it, okay? We finally got a chance to pay you

back after all you've done for us for years and years, and now you won't let

Yeah, so that indebted feeling you don't want, we're stuck with it forever?

Yeah.

That's the crap we sleep on.

So what you're saying is, in order for you guys to feel better, I need to

your help.

Yes, Greg.

That's what we're saying.

Then I'll do it. All right. Thank you.

I mean, once again, I'll put your needs ahead of mine. You know, go ahead. Feed

our kids. Give us the space to live.

Whatever makes you happy. It looks like I'm going to have to take care of you

guys forever.

You're welcome.

Well, I just got off the phone with the contractor.

He says we might have to tear down the whole house.

Get this.

We have termites.

Termite.

Bravo!

Tear it down.

I love that house.

Yeah.

We had a lot of great times in that house.

We sure did.

We sure did.

forever another illusion i chose to create you

don't know