Original subtitles

Hey, did you guys clean up your toys in there?

No. Well, go back in there and pick them up. You want your mom to trip on a

Power Ranger again and break her other ankle?

No, we're sorry.

Christine, you broke your ankle trying on slutty shoes at the mall.

Knowing their mom's a clumsy tramp is going to keep their room clean for the

next six to eight weeks.

Hey, did you guys know Walt's house is for sale next door?

Walt's moving?

Because you'd think he would have said something.

Kim, the guy barely spoke to us. He spent most of his time leering at you

the fence while you were gardening.

Yeah. That almost would have been sweet if every time I bent over to pick a

carrot, he didn't yell, Booyah!

I've got to admit, I've always wanted to see the inside of that place.

Well, they're having an open house next door. We should go check it out. Oh, my

God, we should.

I'll go get the kids.

Walt's moving.

I've got to admit, I'm going to miss the weird little guy. Not me.

He used to climb the avocado tree in his backyard and try and watch me shower.

He did?

Oh, that's right, honey.

You weren't the only game in town.

I got to tell you, it looks a lot better than when Greg and I first came over.

There were so many fast food wrappers on the ground, it looks like they were

renting a room to the Hamburglar.

Hi, I'm Donna Trenton, the realtor. Hi, how you doing?

Actually, we live next door.

Is Walt here?

No, he's gone.

Gone as in dead? Because that would explain the smell.

No, he actually moved out three weeks ago and unfortunately he did not take

smell with him.

Wow, this is not a lot of money for a house in this neighborhood.

Are prices going down?

No, that's pretty much just for the land. See, anyone who buys a place like

is pretty much just going to tear it down or wait for a good strong wind and

if it goes down on its own.

This is great.

Living next to this place always brought down our property values. Now they're

going to go way up.

Can we get a flyer?

Please. Can we get a flyer, please?

Don't talk to me like I'm four years old. Then don't act like you're four

old. Not here, Joanna.

Not here.

Can you imagine what it would be like living next to those two, arguing all

time? I know.

It really makes me appreciate how fortunate we were that our parents lived

together in cold silence.

I hear you live next door.

Uh, yeah, we do.

Oh, well, are the schools good in this area?

Um, well, actually... They're terrible.

Yeah, you'd be shocked how stupid our kids are.

Why are you asking about schools? We don't have kids.

Well, we might have kids if you just swallow your pride and take that pill

doctor prescribed.

Not here, Joanna.

Not here.

Good thinking. Chad, well, why leave it to chance, right? I mean, we should make

sure someone moves in here that we like.

That's a great idea. Why don't you guys hang out back and me and Kim will stay

up front. We'll keep our eye out for somebody good.

Okay. And Kim, could you tell Emily to stop eating bugs? She just cost us 15

cents.

Look at this backyard.

I guess Walt didn't exactly have a green thumb.

Yeah, it's ironic because he did have a green thumb.

Really, I think it was, like, infected or something.

Hey, let's check these people out.

Hi. Hey, how you doing?

Hi. So, uh, do you guys like the house?

Oh, it's a good -sized lot.

I think it could make for a decent little pied -à -terre.

She's joking, of course. Her sense of humor is more Benchley than Thurber.

If I wanted to hear people use words I don't understand, I'd watch Frasier.

You too.

Hi, you guys. What did you think of the property?

Oh, we like it. It seems like a very nice, quiet neighborhood.

Plus, it's convenient.

I'd have an easy commute to the music center. Oh, you work at the music

We have tickets to the Philharmonic this weekend.

You'll see me there. I'm first violin.

Really? Around my house, I'm second fiddle. Oh, no!

Don't make dumb jokes. I like them.

We're Greg and Kim. We live next door. Oh.

So if you bought the place, would you build a brand new house?

Oh, definitely.

Yeah, probably four bedrooms, three baths, if we can fit it. Oh, sure you

That's what we have.

Would you like to come check out our floor plan?

Oh, are you kidding? We'd be delighted.

Oh, great. I'm going to go grab my kid.

Hey, and you know another great thing about this neighborhood is the backyards

are so big. We actually had room for a guest house.

Guest house? Now, there's an idea.

Yeah. A bad one.

You two really seem to love living in this area.

Oh, we do.

I don't know if it's the top -ranked school system or the amazingly low crime

rate. Yeah, the only time you'll hear the words hate crime around here is when

people are saying, I hate crime. And we do. We do.

Kim, you're quite a baker.

This is so good, I could serve it at my restaurant.

You own a restaurant?

Yeah, I'm a chef, and, uh... A couple of years ago, I opened up a little place.

Little place.

Number one in the latest Agate Sky.

I'm sure you've heard of Sky.

You own Sky?

We tried to make a reservation there last Saturday night and couldn't get in.

even tried saying we were Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and it still didn't

work.

That's because they were already there.

Well, you won't have to worry about getting a table if we move in next door.

fact, after we fix up that backyard, I think we'll be entertaining all the

Hey, Greg, come on over.

I'm cooking an extra steak.

Hey, neighbor. Hey, neighbor. How about an imported beer and a... frosty mug

while you're waiting on your filet mignon.

Yeah, that'd be great.

Margaret!

Wow, that was quick.

Thank you. I used to work in a bar.

Margaret, since that beer is from Vienna, how about a little Mozart?

Wow.

Did you hear that, Frank?

I'm thinking about making an offer. You're kidding. That's great.

Well, we should get going.

Take care. Thank you so much for everything.

There you are.

We were wondering where you guys ran off to.

We've been talking to our new friends, Joel and Margaret.

Oh, yeah. We met next door. Hey, great news. They're thinking about buying

They'd be our new neighbors. You're kidding.

What house do you live in?

Actually, we live in their guest house.

Oh, bad idea. I get it now.

You guys are going to love Joel and Margaret. We've been getting to know

other, and we are all just so compatible.

That's true.

We're like a fine white port and pan -seared foie gras.

For what?

Allow me to translate.

We're like cheese and whiz. You'll learn how to communicate, little.

Well, take care.

It was a pleasure having made your acquaintance.

I met you.

Met you.

Yeah, we'll see you later.

You've got to be kidding. We can't find better neighbors than them.

What are you talking about? Joel and Margaret are perfect.

We didn't really seem to hit it off with them. Besides, we met this other couple

that's great, okay?

He's an adult film producer, and I don't know what she does, but I swear I've

seen her somewhere before.

I'm sorry, we've decided on Joel and Margaret. We like them. We have to live

next door to them, too. Don't we get a say? No.

Kim, will you tell him he's not being fair?

Well, I would, but I kind of agree with him. What?

I'm sorry you guys didn't hit it off with Joel and Margaret, but this is our

house, and it's really our decision.

I can't believe our opinion doesn't even matter.

Your opinion matters.

Just not to us.

Hey, what are you doing?

Trying to figure out how long it'll be before we have enough money to move out

of here.

Well, I hope that mortgage calculator has an infinity key.

I'm just so sick of Greg and Kim getting to make all the decisions.

You know, I guess I was just hoping it was both of us working and interest

being so low that it wouldn't be long before we... Oh, my God.

Jimmy, according to this...

We could get a loan and afford to buy a house right now.

Afford a house? Where? On Mediterranean or Baltic Avenue?

Seriously, you know what? I could win second prize in a beauty contest. We

put up a Little Red Hotel.

Jimmy, I'm serious.

We can afford to buy a walled house.

We can live in this neighborhood.

Next door.

And keep our kids in the same school district?

Yeah, I mean, we'd have to live in a walled house as is instead of building a

new one, but... Yeah, we can afford it.

I can't believe this. We're gonna be homeowners.

And we don't have to live in a house as is.

Okay? We can fix it up as a family.

Hey, you can do some painting.

I can refinish the floors.

You know what? And the kids, they can use their money they got from killing

roaches to buy traps for the mice.

Hey guys, turn off the TV. We've got some great news.

What?

Well, I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but, um, we're moving out.

Moving out?

This is usually the point where my alarm clock goes off and I curse yet another

dawn.

No, we're serious. We can afford to buy the house next door.

You're kidding!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. How in the world are you guys going to afford to build a

new house next door?

I don't know. We can't. We'll just have to live in Walt's house the way it is.

This is perfect.

It's the best of both worlds. You'll have your own place, and we'll be able

see you every day.

Yeah.

Hey, Greg, you're kind of quiet.

Aren't you thrilled? We're finally going to move out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. It's just great.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey, while you're waiting on your wiener, how about a beer?

Christine!

Here. It's kind of warm. I had two friends over last night. Somebody left

out. And you might want to check the bottom for cigarette butts.

Hold this a second.

I didn't know you guys had a dog.

Actually, we've got a bit of a rat problem, but we figured out if you keep

fed back here, they stay out of the house.

running. He's only playing with you.

If you pick him up and you rub his belly, he'll fall asleep in your arms.

Hey, great news.

They accepted our offer. We got the house. Way to combine, Kelly. Isn't that

great? Hey, congratulations, neighbors.

Yeah, congratulations.

Yeah, well, uh...

They should go now, but we'll be back on Saturday going over some blueprints.

We'd love you to come by.

We'll be there.

I'll bring the coffee and the donuts.

Oh, that is a crushing blow.

Now, hold on. They haven't bought the house yet, okay? Maybe they'll decide

to take it for some reason. Well, that's not going to happen. Greg and I did too

good a job of charming them.

I even gave them some of my sun tea with mint and mango.

There's no coming back from that.

I can't believe it. We were so close.

I was almost the first Hughes to buy a house without wheels.

Hi.

Just a little something to welcome you to the neighborhood.

Oh, thank you, Kim. We've just been talking about what fun it's going to be

living next to you and Greg.

Ooh, these brownies look delicious.

Thanks. They're my special recipe.

The ones on the left are daytime brownies. The ones on the right are

brownies.

You didn't add any marijuana to the nighttime brownies, did you? No, no, no,

no. The weed is in the daytime brownies.

I don't know what Greg put in the nighttime brownies, but let's just say

been talking to a plant since midnight.

Oh, um, okay.

Good, thank you.

Hey, guys, sorry to bother you.

But the kid's pet got loose. You didn't happen to see a snake in here, have you?

Well, there's one draped around you.

Oh, no, this little fella? No, no, we're looking for his mama.

Oh, dear God.

All right, well, listen, just keep an eye out. And if you run into her, just

down and be still, okay? She won't eat anything she thinks is already dead.

Have you ever noticed how sparkly your eyes are?

They are gorgeous.

Thank you.

So, Margaret, I guess if you work with the Philharmonic, you work a lot of

nights, right?

Yeah.

Greg works nights, too.

I'm always looking for someone to have a little wine with.

You know, just hang.

Oh. Hey, sorry to bother you. Uh, Kim, bad news. One of those gang members

into your car again.

Mayor, what do you think they're going to get? They already stole the radio

week.

You have gangs in this neighborhood?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, and by the way, don't go out of the house wearing blue.

I made that mistake last week.

Broke my leg.

The realtor didn't say anything about gangs.

Hey, how'd you get in here?

I crawled in through the back there. I didn't want others to see me.

Look, Greg, if you're having a bad trip from your brownies, maybe you should go

back to your house and talk to your plant.

No, there's nothing wrong with the brownies. They're making everything up.

It's a scam.

They're trying to scare you out of buying the house because Jimmy and

decided they want it.

So Kim doesn't really like my eyes and want to hang?

Look, just promise me you're not going to back out of the deal.

Okay? If Jimmy and Christine move in here, I'll never get rid of them. Well,

thought we had bad relatives. At least ours don't glom on to every part of our

life. Yeah, thank you. Finally, someone who understands.

Must be miserable having to deal with them all the time.

I can't believe the guy has his whole family living in your guest house.

Doesn't he have any self -respect?

Well, you know, being a security guard, he doesn't make that much money, and

she's been going back to school.

He's a security guard. Perfect.

I'd have marked either for that or a street sweeper. Well, actually, he...

still in college.

Dumb and poor.

That's a lethal combination.

Well, she's not dumb. Really? She married a security guard.

You know who they remind me of? Tell me.

Remember the documentary we saw about carnival folk? Oh, God, yes, yes. You

a beard on their youngest and they're dead ringers.

All right, you know, that's enough.

Excuse me?

You can't talk about Jimmy and Christine like that. You hardly even know them.

You're kidding, right?

You're defending them now?

You've been acting like you hate them.

Well, I'm allowed to hate them. They're my family.

And maybe they're not as smart as you guys, and maybe they don't have as much

money as you, but at least they're not snobs.

Hey.

I don't think I like you coming into our house and calling us snubs. Well, I

don't think you have to worry about that anymore because I don't want you as

neighbors. Oh, that's adorable, Greg.

But unless somebody pronounced you king of the neighborhood, I don't think

that's your decision.

We're going to buy the house.

And you, my friend, have just blown any chance you ever had of being invited

over for a little of my famous filet mignon.

Au revoir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You burned me to speak French. I get it.

Do you believe that? I mean, to think we actually liked them.

Yeah.

Well, I'd be willing to give her a second chance.

I forgot my sunglasses.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm a nudist. Did I forget to mention that?

Do you think we're stupid?

You're just doing the same thing they did to try and make us leave.

For God's sake, put some clothes on.

I can't. I'm a nudist.

No, you're not. You have tan lines.

What, do you wear socks to the beach?

You're not a nudist. You're crazy.

Well, maybe I am, but would it make you feel uncomfortable living next to a

crazy person?

Make that a crazy naked person.

Joe, make him put on some clothes. I'm not touching him. Well, this is going to

be your life, folks.

So I hope you get used to waking up every morning and peeking over your

see me doing a little yoga.

Yeah,

yeah, maybe you'll get used to it. But what about your friends from the

Philharmonic when they come over to visit? Because this is going to be their

view for a very, very, very long time.

Kim, tell Jimmy and Christine they can have the house. Joel and Margaret backed

out. It's Greg.

Joel and Margaret backed out.

We can buy the house.

God, I can't believe it. This is so great.

Greg, where are you?

It's a long story.

I'm going to need you to bring me $1 ,000 and a pair of shorts.

You ready?

and my pride