Original subtitles

Oh, man.

Billy, check this out. Tim Rafferty. You think he'll be at our high school

reunion? Well, since it's a 15 -year reunion and his sentence was 10 to 20,

say it's a coin toss.

I don't even want to go to this thing. I'm going to be bored out of my mind.

come on. You're going to be able to hang out with me and Billy.

Okay, Mom.

I'll see you then.

Hey, Kim, remember Todd Jonas?

God, I hope he's not at the reunion.

Why? Who's Todd Jonas? Oh, God, this guy who had a huge crush on me all through

high school. Oh, he'd write me poetry, hang around my locker, even drive by my

house late at night. He was totally obsessed with me.

It worked out great for me. I once sold him Kim's bath towel for 50 bucks.

Thanks a lot for that.

You wore it around school like a cape.

Well, at least people liked you.

Us picked on all the time in high school.

Oh, too bad, man. High school was the greatest time of my life. Check it out.

Senior year, I was voted coolest guy.

Oh, good for you. I guess that's as good as a college diploma.

Hey, back in high school, this guy was the king.

Started a football team, drove the coolest car, and a party wasn't a party

Jimmy broke into one of his famous air guitar performances.

Yeah, sometimes I'd get so turned on, I'd throw my air paddies on stage.

One, two, three. You got a wife that keeps in love with you.

Yeah, babe. You say you got the poker, but it's you.

Yeah, babe.

And you live your life the best you can.

Yeah, babe.

So your family screws up the plan.

Yeah, babe. Family is family is family. Yeah, babe.

Family is family is family.

I can't wait to introduce you to all my old friends.

Why, so they can give me a how -the -hell -did -a -guy -like -you -get -a

-like -Kim look?

I'd keep that every year at Christmas for my mother.

Stop it. You know, if you tried, you might just have fun. All right.

Come on, let's check in.

Oh, God.

It's Mr.

Shipley. That creep used to hate on me all the time.

He did?

I remember Mr. Shipley as being nice.

He used to offer everyone rides in his wheelchair.

Yeah, well, when he offered me a ride, he'd ask me to turn around and face him.

Mr.

Schiffle, you remember Christine, right?

Christine. Look at you.

All grown up and just as pretty as ever.

Let me put this name tag on you. Oh, no, you don't have to do that. That's okay.

I insist.

Good to be home.

Hey, Mr. Shipley. Billy Colavita. I was in your intro to shop class.

Yes, Billy.

Sorry to remember you. How could I not remember you?

Yeah, sorry again about the whole thing with the bandsaw on your leg.

That's okay.

I'm enjoying the party.

Oh, my God.

Karen Hoffman?

Kim?

Kim what, Keith?

You look great.

No, you look great.

This is my husband, Craig.

Hi.

Really?

Yeah, really. She married me.

I happen to make a lot of money.

Mystery solved. I'll be at the bar.

That was you. You look good.

The dude just called me Drew Hallett. Yeah, he was in our class.

You know, you do kind of look like him. Was Drew a good -looking guy?

Well, it's kind of hard to tell underneath all that acne.

His nickname was Extra Toppings.

Hey, Drew.

You don't want to forget your name tag, do you?

Oh, well... Hey, Drew!

Still owe you 50 bucks from when the Redskins won that Super Bowl.

the Redskins are going to win.

And if I remember correctly, I believe that was 100.

Hey, Jimmy, just for fun, they got everybody voting on superlatives like we

in the yearbook. Oh, really? What do I vote? They just set up some boxes on the

check -in table.

It put me down for most likely to succeed. I think I got a shot since

practically everybody here has already succeeded.

Have you seen Greg?

No. But I saw Tina Lurkins.

Don't congratulate her on being pregnant.

She's not.

Oh, no, there's Todd Jonas. I can't let him see me.

What is the big deal, Kim? Just go over and say hi and get it over with. Are you

kidding? If I knew, he'll never leave me alone.

He was infatuated with me when I wore braces and was flat -chested.

This will kill him.

Hey, Jimmy Hughes.

Hey, what's up, man? Just finished voting for you for coolest guy.

Oh, yeah? Well, thanks, man, but, you know, whatever. I don't really care.

See? That's what makes you so cool. You don't even care.

Whoa, hey, hey, hey.

Next box later.

Jimmy!

Well, I know who I'm putting down for coolest guy. Me too.

Gotta be Drew Hallett.

Excuse me, uh, did you guys just say you were voting for Drew Hallett for

coolest? Yeah.

Dude, he lives in L .A. and he's got this great job at a movie studio.

You should go talk to him.

He's right over there.

Honestly,

Elizabeth, I just had a growth spurt in college.

You can feel him if you want.

Hi, Kim.

is weird being back here, isn't it? Oh, I know.

Last time I was in this gym was our senior prom.

I was slow dancing right over there with my date.

You were in the corner carving my name into your forearm with a paper clip.

Yeah, I did a lot of stupid things back then.

Well, you were really in love with me.

Oh, I wouldn't call it love.

I was just in love with the idea of being in love. You happened to be the

I projected that onto.

Oh. In fact, it wasn't until I met my wife that I understood what real love

Can you just... Hey, Diane, I want you to meet someone.

Kim, this is Diane, the light of my life.

Hi, nice to meet you. Hi.

Congratulations.

Thanks. It's our first.

Yeah.

Well, you certainly have come a long way from the guy who wrote that song about

me. Song? What song?

You used to stand outside my house and sing it every night.

If it was raining, my mom would bring you out hot chocolate and a poncho.

Um, I don't remember any song.

Anyway, good seeing you, Kim.

Have a nice night.

Come on.

Kim.

I love your perfect porcelain skin.

So I get the buzz on which studios have the best movies in development, and I

buy their stock. It's paid off big time.

Uh, Drew, can I have a minute? Sure.

I'll catch up with you guys later.

Remind me to tell you about the time I was negotiating a deal with Robert De

Niro, and I told him, no more De Niro. Oh, my God!

Look,

uh, I don't know what you're doing, but you're gonna have to stop pretending to

be Drew Halifax. Why? I'm having fun. Well, because you're starting to get

for coolest guy at the reunion.

Really?

Wow, these people love me.

The only thing I ever got voted in high school was most likely to bleed to

death.

And we had a hemophiliac at our high school.

Here's the thing. They don't love you. They love Gru.

No, they love me. The only thing I've lied about tonight is my name. These

people think whatever I do is the coolest thing they've ever seen.

Oh, really? Well, I'm guessing you didn't tell them that your skin is so

sensitive you shave with a ladybick.

Actually, yes, I did. You see that guy with the rash on his face? He's going to

try it.

Look, man, I don't mean to be ruining your good time, but if you don't tell

who you are, I'm going to have to tell him myself.

You're scared I'm going to win coolest guy, aren't you?

No. No, I'm not. Because there's no way people think you are cooler than me.

Are you sure? Because what used to be cool back in high school isn't what

think is cool anymore. There's a new cool in town, buddy, and his name is

The Hallet.

These are my people, okay? And they will always think that I am the coolest.

Oh, Jimmy, if you really feel that way, you shouldn't have to tell them who I

really am.

You should let the people decide.

Great, man.

I got no problem with that.

You have the cutest mole on your shin.

Oh, that's a new flapper. Hey,

guys, figure it out.

I'm voting on superlatives like they did in high school.

Oh, yeah. Didn't you win coolest guy our senior year?

I was too busy driving around in my Trans Am and winning the state

football game after having sex with my hot girlfriend at halftime.

You know, cool stuff like that.

You had sex with your girlfriend during the game?

I always thought that was an urban legend.

No, not an urban legend.

A living legend.

You know that ambulance that they park next to the locker room? Let's just say

that that night... The stretcher did not go to waste.

Oh, hey. Here comes my little paramedic now.

I thought we were going to dance.

Yeah, no, I'm just kind of working the room here.

Oh, they're gone. All right.

Hopefully they went to go vote.

Jimmy, this is getting annoying, all right? I came here to have fun with you,

but you're only worried about winning some stupid competition with Greg.

I mean...

Come on, you can't actually be worried about this.

Well, I don't know, ma 'am. People really seem to like them.

I'd just like to know for sure.

All right, well, why don't you go sneak a look at the votes?

Then we can start having fun.

Good idea.

Hey, you see Mrs. McAdoo, the foxy English teacher?

That is one older lady that I'd like to get with.

Sorry, I mean with whom I'd like to get.

I thought you were talking to Todd Jonas earlier. How'd it go?

Terrible.

Seeing me again didn't fade them at all.

I guess I had hoped you would still be carrying a torch for me after all these

years. Oh, you lost your stalker.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, nobody ever stalked me in high school.

Of course, that might be because I never said no.

Greg, there you are.

The name is Drew, baby. This one's had a little bit too much to drink.

Mr. Shipley's got in the boxes.

Only there was some way to distract him.

You forgot?

Thanks a lot.

Mr. Shipley might not be able to feel anything below his waist, but he's got

problem feeling below mine.

I'm losing.

I'm losing to Greg.

I can't believe my high school friends think Greg is cooler than me.

Who cares, Tim? What difference does it make what these people think?

You have a great life. You have a great family.

You're the happiest guy I know.

I'm happy because I was voted coolest guy in...

thinking about that, and that makes me smile. I know that's kind of pathetic,

but you know, it's all I got.

When I get depressed because I'm thinking about my crappy job as a

guard, I think about being the coolest guy.

When Greg makes fun of me for living in his guest house, I think about being the

coolest guy.

It's the only thing that makes me happy.

What about me and the kids?

Oh, that too.

You and the kids are really getting on my nerves. I think about being the

coolest guy.

So if you lose this, you're going to be miserable to be around.

If I get this taken away from me, I think I'm really going to have to open

eyes and take a look at my life.

I don't think that's going to be good for anybody.

Look, Jimmy, if this is really that important to you, then you can't give

All right? You've got to get back in there, and you've got to win.

Forget it. It's too late. There's no way I'm going to win.

That's exactly what you said 15 years ago at the halftime of the championship

game.

Am I going to have to boost your confidence again with a little pep talk?

I'm starting to feel a slow rise in my confidence level.

Think there's an ambulance around here?

I doubt it.

But I bet there's still that nice little spot behind the vending machine.

Part of the photo may have gone up, but lucky for you, I'm as cheap as ever.

All right, let's hurry up. I'm fully confident.

Hi,

Todd.

Hello.

You know, I meant to tell you earlier, you look really hot tonight.

Oh, thanks.

I'll tell my wife. She picked out this suit.

Double -breasted.

Do you like everything double -breasted?

Kim, are you flirting with me?

Maybe.

Does it, um, stir up any old feelings?

Make you want to go stand in the corner and whip out the old paper clip?

I don't believe it.

It worked! It really worked!

to make you jealous, and it worked.

Diane isn't my wife. She's my cousin.

Yo, Diane!

It worked!

That's your cousin? But when I walked by earlier, you two were making out.

That's called dedication.

Oh, my God.

That's not your baby, is it? No, it's a pillow.

That was Diane's idea. We got it at Target on the way over here.

So... You want to go hang out in the football field? I laid out a blanket.

I can't believe you did all this just to make me jealous.

It's been 15 years. Haven't you moved on since high school?

You're pathetic.

Pathetic.

No, wait, wait, Kim.

I miss you like a phantom limb.

Kim.

Hey, how's it going?

You have a candy wrapper stuck in your hair.

I'm sure that's not the only place.

Where's Jimmy? Greg's getting a lot of boats and the thing's almost over.

Not over until it's over.

You know, there's a lot of action on our lot. Last week, Sean Connery almost got

run over by a forklift. He was shaken, not stirred.

Oh, my.

Hey, guys, you got to see this.

Really, unless you can top this, I'd say the competition is over.

Damn it, I do have it, Kyle, and I just don't know how to make it cool.

out the boat.

I said, is there any reason to count the votes? No!

Good. Because the coolest guy from Yorktown's class of 88 is still Jimmy

Oh, yeah!

Ah,

whatever. I don't really care.

Congratulations. I guess you're the coolest guy here.

Oh, thanks, buddy. But you know what? You're the second coolest.

Stop moping around. Get out there and enjoy it while you can, you know? You

get to be Drew Hallett for another hour or so.

You know what? You're right.

I haven't even told them my story about standing in line next to John Stamos at

CompUSA.

They will eat that up.

Can I have your attention, please?

Valerie Windsor has just arrived, and she says she has some news for us.

I'm sorry to tell you all this, but last month we lost one of our classmates in

a car accident.

Let's have a moment of silence for our good friend, Drew Hallett.