Original subtitles

Hey, kid.

Hi, Dad. Hi.

Great. Okay, I'll see you then.

Hey, Greg, my friends Adam and Abby are coming over for dinner on Saturday

night. Oh, sounds great. What does Adam do? He's a marriage therapist.

Cancel.

Why? What do you have against marriage therapists? They help people. Yeah, the

only people they help are divorce lawyers.

You know 63 % of couples that go to therapy eventually break up? Really?

I don't know. I made it up, but...

I know these therapists end more marriages than they save, and besides, I

want some guy coming over here and judging us. Oh, it'll be fine.

Besides, Jimmy and Christine will be here, too. Oh, Kim, that's even going to

worse. How?

Because he's going to be comparing their marriage to ours.

Oh, you think they have a better marriage than we do? No, but those two

will have a couple glasses of wine and start pawing each other, and Jimmy's

going to think me and you hate each other because we're still dressed during

dessert.

Well, Christine knows Abby, too. What am I supposed to do? Just tell her that

we're having dinner with a mutual friend, but we don't want them around?

You don't have to tell her anything. I'll tell her. If you let me handle this

for once, they might finally get the point, and it won't come up again. No,

no. You'll be rude and hurt their feelings.

But let me just deal with this, and everyone will be happy.

Hi, guys.

Hi. Just the people I wanted to see.

Um, we were curious if you guys had any plans for Saturday night.

Well, that depends.

Does staying home, watching TV, and falling asleep by 10 count as a plan?

Hey, don't forget about the sex.

Jimmy, what you do after I'm asleep is your business.

Anyway, Greg and I were just talking about how last Saturday night you guys

wanted to go to that new Thai restaurant, but we couldn't because Greg

are allergic to peanuts, so we ended up ordering pizza.

Don't worry about it. Pizza was fine.

No, no, no, no. We feel bad.

In fact, we were thinking you guys should go to that new Thai place. You

forget about us.

You know what?

We're kind of over going out as a family ever since we got banned from Outback

Steakhouse.

Hey, if they're going to hang a boomerang on the wall where Logan can

it's only a matter of time before a waiter takes one in his Bloomin' Onion.

Well, then you know what? Leave the kids with us. You guys go by yourself.

Well, why don't we get a dinner and then we can all just go to a different

restaurant?

Oh, yeah, we can.

Prior commitment.

Having a couple of people over for dinner.

Oh, okay. Well, that's cool.

What, some friends of Greg's from work?

No, no. Adam and Abby.

Abby from school?

Yeah.

Oh.

You know, you guys are going to love that new Thai place.

I've been reading all kinds of great reviews.

Yeah, yeah, thanks.

It's really nice of you to watch the kids. Oh, it's our pleasure.

So did you guys get the notice about the tuition hike? Yeah.

I can't believe they have the nerve to raise it 10%. Well, school may be

expensive, but at least it's given our kids a solid foundation.

Solid as a rock, just like our marriage, huh, Kim?

Hey, if it's a crime to be happily married, then lock us up because we are

guilty as charged.

Man, gotta love this new Thai restaurant.

Where else can you get this much chicken for five bucks?

Although I was a little concerned that the word chicken was in quotes.

It stinks, Jimmy.

Hey, give it a chance. A lot of things that don't smell great taste okay.

I'm talking about Kim and Greg.

I hate that they treat us like we're idiots.

I mean, come on, if Kim didn't want us at her dinner, why didn't she just say

instead of trying to trick us into going out tonight?

Hey, let it go, Christine. It's not that big of a deal. Well, why doesn't she

just say what she feels?

I mean, she acts like we're too stupid to know that she doesn't want us over

there. It's insulting.

Well, you know what? That's the price we pay for living in their guest house.

Some people pay their rent with money. We pay with our dignity.

Yeah, well, I don't like it.

You know what?

I could go over there and I should ruin her little dinner party.

Why, Christine? Why do you want to ruin a good evening?

I mean, the kids are in there watching their video.

Okay? We have our chicken.

This really ticks me off.

I know.

You know what?

You're really sexy when you're angry.

Forget it, Jimmy.

I'm sure you say that now, but you're going to have to fall asleep sometime.

Adam, as a marriage therapist here in Los Angeles, I'm sure you have got all

inside scoop.

Any celebrity couples in trouble?

Well, I won't tell you about any imminent divorces, but I'm happy to

Pitt and Jennifer Aniston doing just great. Wow.

You treat Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston?

No, I read about it in People magazine.

Excuse me.

Sorry to bother you.

Christine, what are you doing here? Hi, Abby. Oh, I just need to grab some soy

sauce for our takeout. Are you and Kim neighbors?

Oh, we live out back.

Yeah, yeah, we share everything.

Except, you know, dinner parties with mutual friends. I don't know.

What happened at the restaurant?

Oh, um, well, the waiter told us he was from Bangkok, and Jimmy went into one of

those laughing jags of his.

The maitre d' suggests we get our food to go.

Well, it seems silly for the two of you to be stuck out there eating takeout

when Kim's making such a nice dinner.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Well, you should join us, shouldn't they, Kim?

Um, yes, of course. We'd love to have you join us. Why, thank you. That is so

sweet of you to offer.

I'll go get Jimmy.

Jimmy! Put your butt in there!

What a great dinner with Jimmy. It's kind of like Tuesdays with Maury, except

you don't learn anything, and at the end, you want the guy to die.

the chicken i'll go with you way to handle things kim i didn't want jimmy

christine here and now they're here you know why because you weren't direct with

them the way i wanted you to be i thought i could be subtle well you were

subtle doesn't work with them they're like locusts we need some sort of spray

some sort of spray so the pan won't stick

honey

Let's just leave, Christine. Greg and Kim don't want us here. Why couldn't you

just let it go like I asked you to? If Kim doesn't want me here, she's going to

have to come out and tell me.

Besides, what's your problem?

We're getting two dinners out of this.

You may know, but Thai food and Mexican, I... I don't know if I should be mixing

food from two different countries.

I mean, please.

I think you skipped through the food court at the mall thing and it's ball

world.

Look, I just didn't want to get into this. I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?

No, no, no. Actually, it's good that you're here. You're a marriage

right?

Uh -huh. Okay, great.

I would like you to explain to my wife that she's crazy.

I am not crazy. He will be the judge of that.

Look, Greg and Kim obviously don't want us to be here, but Christine dragged us

over here just to spite Kim. No, it's not to spite Kim. It's to make her see

what she means for one.

You see, Kim is always doing these passive, aggressive things, thinking

we're so dumb that she can make us do whatever she wants.

Jimmy, on the other hand, thinks we can trade all our dignity for a little bit

of fried rice.

Pork fried rice.

See what I'm talking about?

And that's just the tip of the ice.

What's going on?

Nothing. No, we walk in the room and you stop talking. You're talking about us,

aren't you? How we weren't.

I just...

Got to the end of my sentence and I stopped.

Just like that.

And that. See, I do it all the time.

Do you see this? I told you this was going to happen. They're out here making

look bad.

See this? I told you to just drop it. Now it's turning into a whole big thing

and everybody's getting mad.

Nobody's mad. Just shut up, you idiot.

May I make an observation?

Oh, here we go.

This is where you're going to tell us we have a bad marriage, right?

Oh, I don't think you have a bad marriage.

Oh, so what? You think we have a bad marriage?

No, not at all.

I think this is a bad marriage.

Can you believe Adam actually thinks we should go to couples therapy with Jimmy

and Christine?

I mean, how does a nut job like that stay in business?

I think it's a good idea.

Oh, there's my answer. Other nut jobs.

I don't know, Greg.

And the four of us have been fighting a lot lately.

Now, what if the tension is doing damage to the children?

Maybe Adam is on to something. Yeah, I'll tell you what he's on. He's on the

Internet booking a vacation with my money.

Can you imagine the four of us going to therapy?

This could be our chance to finally get them to stop treating us like second

-class citizens.

What are you talking about?

Look, we're always the mooches.

Okay, sure, they let us live in their house for free, but then they hold it

our heads. And every time we get into an argument with them, we've got to back

down because we live in their house.

That's true. Okay, but with this Adam guy, we finally have the opinion of a

trained professional who will be able to tell them that they're wrong.

Okay, I see what you're saying, but we've got to make sure that this guy

on our side.

So we've got to use those words that therapists like, like alienated and

traumatized. Yeah, yeah.

And disaffected.

Disaffected works really well.

Do you even know what that means?

No, but I saw some guy use it the other day on Oprah.

She hugged him so hard he turned the color purple.

Greg, for the sake of the kid.

But it's ridiculous.

Couples therapy almost never works.

Usually splits people up forever.

I'll see if he can take us tomorrow.

Could you stop that? It's annoying.

Hey, you're not the boss here.

This isn't your house. No, if it was my house, you'd be on the couch with your

socks off playing with a whole different set of marbles.

Hello. Oh, hey, Adam. Good to see you all. I'm glad you all came down.

I know this is a little unconventional, but I've always thought that if people

really communicate, they can work out a lot of their problems.

Well, I think that's great, because believe me, we're feeling pretty

And disaffected.

Christine, why don't you begin?

The other night, you expressed some of your feelings to me. Why don't you, in a

non -confrontational way, share your feelings with Kim?

Okay. Well,

it's just that sometimes Kim can be a sneaky, passive -aggressive little

weasel.

Okay, now, can you say that in a way that's non -confrontational?

Okay.

Kim can be a sneaky, passive -aggressive little weasel.

How am I passive -aggressive?

Kim, you tried to trick us into leaving the house so you could have a dinner

party that we weren't included in.

I felt very betrayed and traumatized.

Hey, leave some words for me.

You see, I was just being polite and trying not to hurt your feelings.

Well, you did, Kim, and you do it all the time. I mean, you patronize us by

saying what it is you truly feel.

Is it true, Kim?

Do you do that?

I don't really think... I don't know if it's fair to...

It's him.

I was just protecting them from him. For four years now, I've been caught in the

middle. I'm traumatized.

Hey, we already used that one.

It wasn't me who didn't want you at the dinner party. I wanted you there. It was

Greg. Why didn't you want Jimmy and Christine at your dinner? You've seen

eat.

It's beyond table manners. I've lived with them for four years. I see this all

the time.

It's all take, take, take and no give.

Hey, what are you talking about? We give all the time. Yeah, you give us your

grief. You give us your dirty laundry. Last year they gave us head lice.

You see, Greg never misses a chance to make us feel like bums. Sure, you let us

live in your house, but then you're always holding over our heads.

So there's never been a situation where Greg's been gracious with his

generosity?

One time, I couldn't believe it.

We all went out to this fancy restaurant to celebrate our anniversaries

together.

Great meal, huh?

Oh, fantastic.

Hey, listen, before the girl gets back from the ladies' room, let me pay for

dinner tonight.

Don't worry about it. I got it. No, no, no, no. Seriously, I've been saving up

for this. It's kind of embarrassing how I never pay.

Waiters, they look at me kind of funny. I feel like I'm your kid or something.

Here's what you do. When you see the bill coming, get up and use the

That way I can pay and, you know, won't have any awkward moments for you.

Really? It's a big night for you. You deserve it. You know what?

You should order yourself another dessert.

Excuse me, waiter.

I'd like another one of these, please. This thing is awesome.

Jimmy, you said you didn't like creme brulee. Hey, that's before I knew it was

pudding with a blowtorch.

So, it sounds like Greg was very sensitive in that moment.

Wait a minute.

That's not the whole story.

Jimmy, you didn't see what happened when the check actually came.

Well, if all excuse me, I need to use the restroom.

Can you believe this guy? He's got the world's most convenient bladder.

You'd think he'd try to pick up the check once.

It's like he's my kid.

You deliberately set me up to make me look cheap?

I can't believe this. I wanted to pay. What kind of sick person does that? You

disgust me.

Clearly, what we've discovered here are some deep and complex issues.

These problems have festered for so long, they're a permanent part of your

Well, Doc, you can't fix everybody. I guess some people aren't meant to live

together. Hey, do you guys validate?

Now, hold on.

I didn't say it couldn't be fixed.

In fact, I think we've discovered who's at the center of the problem.

So should I see the secretary about the validation?

Greg, what we need to work on is you.

Me?

You seem to have control issues.

But if we all work together, we can find out what's behind it and solve your

situation at home.

Often with control issues, we find patterns of behavior that started early

life. So now I'm going to have to spend a fortune so you can dredge up pain from

my childhood. It may sound silly, but if you're willing to open up, maybe we can

uncover some events that will explain your behavior today.

Craig, we've all got shovels, but only you can tell us what to dig.

There's really nothing.

Maybe something you kept buried? Oh, stop it. Something painful? I'm telling

you, there's nothing. Greg, come on.

Let it out.

It can only be good for you.

All right, all right.

All started when I was 11 years old.

And I was at sleepaway camp for the summer.

Camp Wrigley.

My parents used to send me for fresh air and exercise.

Hi, Greg.

Better than fresh air and exercise with Georgia.

When I was with her, I felt like I was on top of the world.

And every day at camp, I'd try to find a way to spend time alone with her.

Hey, Georgia.

Do you like cupcakes?

Yeah, I think they do.

One for me, and a hostess for the mostest.

Hey, look!

The fruitcake shares cupcakes!

Mary and William.

They were like Bonnie and Clyde. They'd been thrown out of five fresh air camps

that summer. Mine was their last stop before juvenile hall.

Hit him over. Bite munch.

Yeah.

Gonna need this back.

And that's how it was the whole summer.

They took my magazine. They stole my radio. They ripped up my mail. I mean,

those two made every day at that summer camp.

A living, breathing hell.

And I guess I just never got over it.

Greg, I'm so sorry.

Wow.

That took tremendous courage.

What a breakthrough, huh?

Yeah, Doctor, I don't mean to bring the party down here, but, um, not exactly a

scientific breakthrough to reveal, but Greg here is a wuss.

But this explains everything, Christine.

Subconsciously, Greg sees you and Jimmy as the modern -day embodiment of Mary

and William, always taking from him. And he's afraid if he doesn't control the

situation, he'll look bad in front of Kim, who's the present -day Georgia.

Oh, so you're saying all our problems can be traced back to that summer?

Pretty much.

Hey,

can you tell me why I'm afraid of penguins?

Ever been taught by none?

Yeah.

Whoa, this guy is good.

Anyhow, now that we've gotten to the bottom of Greg's problems, I think it's

going to have a profound impact on your relationships at home.

So we don't need to come back?

I don't think so.

Wow, that's great. Thanks, Adam.

Hey, Greg did all the hard work here today. I didn't do that much at all.

Of course, that doesn't make it any cheaper.

Thank you very much. Come on, sweetie, let's go home. Sounds like I can move

yet. Still too upset?

No, my foot's asleep.

Thanks, Adam. Yeah.

Hello. Hey, honey.

Yeah, they just left.

It was a great session.

Come on, you know I can't give you any details.

Okay, I'll tell you.

It all started when Greg was 11 years old.

He was away at a camp called Camp Wrigley.

And I was at sleepaway camp for the summer. Camp Wrigley.

Better than fresh air and exercise was Georgia.

When I was with her, I felt like I was on top of the world.

Mary and William.

They were like Bonnie and Clyde.

Mary and William.

William and Mary.

Do you like cupcakes?

Do you like cupcakes?

He made it up.

He made it all up.

Very brave of you to bury your soul like that.

Thank you.

I think I'm going to take a little walk and try to get myself together.