Original subtitles

Warner, great idea to move our DVD packaging unit to Brazil.

It's saving us two million a year. Plus, it's a far better place for me to

inspect factories than Thailand.

Those women in Rio are beautiful.

But aren't the women in Thailand beautiful?

Yeah, well, unfortunately, so are the men.

Fool me once.

Well, anyway, I can help.

You know, you've had a lot of great ideas around here, Warner.

You're a good man.

You remind me of myself at your age.

Maybe it's time I start grooming you for the future.

Me? Oh, my God.

This is so sudden. I wasn't prepared.

Slow down, Warner. It's not like I found a lump in the shower this morning.

I mean the distant future.

For now, I just want to get you out from behind your desk and out to meet

people. Here.

Four tickets to the Laker game at the Staples Center on Sunday.

I'll meet you there. Oh, my God. The owner's suite. That's the best place to

meet all the major players in town.

That or the AA meetings at the Four Seasons on Sunday.

But I want to keep your respect, and I think I'll lose it if you see me weeping

in the arms of Nick Nolte.

Hey. Hey, how was your day?

Excellent. Savitsky said he wants to begin grooming me.

Oh, well, that seems about right. I mean, the way he rides you all day, it

only fair that he'd give you a little hosing and a brush down.

What do you mean he wants to groom you? You know, for bigger and better things.

I'm going to become his protege. He wants me to start rubbing elbows with

of the major players here in town. What, like George Clooney?

I'd like to rub elbows with him.

Or, you know...

Touch his butt.

Savitsky wants me to meet some people Sunday, so he gave me tickets to the

owner's suite at the Lakers game.

Oh, man, the owner's suite at the Lakers game. I have always dreamed of going to

the owner's suite at the Lakers game.

That is when I'm not dreaming about Jennifer Lopez.

That's right, I see your Clooney and I raise you one J, Lo.

Congratulations, sweetie. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. The best part is I'm

flying my parents in for the game.

Oh, an unexpected visit from your mother. We all win.

Yeah, I haven't told them yet. I can't wait to see their faces.

Man, I hope someday I can surprise my parents with something like that. You

know, something that says that I've arrived.

Yeah, well, Jimmy, before you arrive, you kind of have to leave.

You really think it's worth flying your parents all the way across the country

for a basketball game? I mean, last -minute plane tickets cost a fortune.

We've got the money. We can afford it.

Oh, this we can afford, but you dumped down my throat for buying new oven

Yeah, it's because you buy new oven mitts every couple of months. They get

spots on them. Well, so does my grandmother, but we don't throw her

Besides, Kim, it's more than a basketball game. It's an experience, an

experience my parents wouldn't have unless it were for me. That and washing

mattress pad every morning until you were nine.

I had a very loud fish tank in my room.

Christine, okay, must you see every opportunity there is to take shots at

Okay, let the man enjoy his success.

His tremendous talent is being rewarded with four amazing tickets, one of which

he's using, two of which he's giving to his parents, and I think we should all

respect what he's... Kim's getting a fourth ticket.

Kim, huh?

Kim has been running around blowing your hard -earned money on oven mitts?

Well, we got all the luggage squared away.

Oh, how was your flight?

Not great.

I don't know why Greg had to book us on a 6 a .m. flight.

I don't like driving to the airport in the dark.

Makes you feel like you're doing something sneaky.

Well, at least you got to sleep on the plane. No, no, no sleeping. Tom was

snoring. It was so loud, every time he stopped, people thought we'd lost an

engine.

So, Greg, what is this big surprise? Why'd you have to drag us out here in

a hurry? All right, Mom, Dad, sit down. I want to tell you about a really big

treat I got for you. Oh, great, because I am starving. I slept through the whole

meal.

Well, it's not about food, Dad. It's about my boss, Mr.

Savitsky. He's grooming me for the future, and he wants me to meet some of

.A.'s main movers and shakers. So he's given me four of the most prestigious

tickets in the city. So guess where we're going to be going tomorrow night?

Benihana.

Dad, you don't need tickets to go to Benihana.

Oh, well, we can just go down there then.

Well, not tomorrow, but sometime.

Tonight? I'm up for it. Let's go.

All right.

Mom, Dad, this is the deal.

Tomorrow night we're going to see the Los Angeles Lakers play. And not only

we going to the game, but we're going to see it from the owner's suite. And it's

going to be full of some of the most influential people in Southern

What do you think?

Who are they playing?

The Timberwolves. Where are they from?

Minnesota, but that is not the point. The point is this is a once -in -a

-lifetime experience.

Okay.

All right, well, listen, I'm a little bit tired, so I think I'm going to go

down. Oh, me too?

No, Tom, if you start to snore, I won't be able to sleep.

I thought when you said lie down, you meant something else.

I'll just go play with the kids.

Isn't it a little weird to you?

Say, what's him wear?

Greg's dad just tried to drag Natalie upstairs for a nooner.

That's sad.

I just told my mom and dad about this big spectacular event I wanted to bring

them to, and they hardly seem excited at all. Well, they're not the most

outwardly emotional people to begin with, and now they're totally jet

And did you expect them to jump up and down and give you a big bear hug?

I don't know, something.

Well, maybe they don't like basketball.

I mean, we're going to watch the game from the owner's suite. There's going to

be some very big people there. Well, maybe they don't like important people.

It's not about that, Christine. It's about me and them seeing all that I've

achieved. Oh.

Maybe they don't like you.

Hey, you guys are going to have a blast at this basketball game.

You know, are the Lakers the team that have that giant China man?

No, that's Yao Ming. He's on the Rockets. But the Lakers have their own

Shaquille O 'Neal. O 'Neal?

Irish.

You don't know who Shaq is? He's maybe the greatest center to ever play the

game, and you guys are going to be watching a game from some of the best

in the house. You're going to have the time of your life.

You know what? You sound like quite the basketball fan.

Why don't you take my ticket? Mom, hey, hey.

You know, Natalie, that's a very generous offer, but I can't accept it.

offer? It's a basketball game. I'd rather spend time with my grandkids.

Well, what about spending some time with your son?

Greg, I love you, but after 35 years, I kind of get the picture.

Seriously, Natalie, thank you, but I really got to say no. I mean, this was a

big deal for Greg, and I know if I was in his shoes, I'd kill to be able to

share a game like this with my parents.

Or at least my dad. He'd flip over something like this. Well, then you

take your dad.

What? We'll give him Kim's ticket.

Kim, you don't care about a basketball game, now do you?

No. Not really. Okay, see, there. Everybody's happy.

Everybody? Everybody's happy?

Greg, you know what? If Jimmy had four tickets to a Lakers game, I am sure that

he would give two of them to you and your father. I would. I definitely

You know what? Fine.

Oh, this is unbelievable.

All my life, my dad's been wanting to take me to an NBA game, and we never got

there. Never found the time? No, we literally, we never got there. There was

strip club and a dog track between our house and the arena.

Wait a minute, Jimmy. The game is tomorrow night. It's going to cost your

thousands for the plane ticket. He can't afford that.

You're right. My dad could never get the cash together that quick.

Like he always says, insurance fraud is good money, but not quick money.

He can use our frequent flyer mile.

Mom, you said we could use those miles to come visit you this spring.

Oh, Greg, you've got money. Please, every time we come here, you've got

new oven mitts.

What's going on over there, Dad? Ha ha, this crossword puzzle.

Need a seven -letter word for animal affection.

Will you give up on that already?

You've been stuck on it for two days now and you're making me crazy.

Just go back to the word jumble. You're out of your league on the crossword.

Pin pick.

Man, I can't wait to pick.

gets here with my dad, he's going to freak when he finds out about this. Ah,

Tom, you looking forward to it?

Eh, handbag doesn't work.

I'm going to try cowlick, but that would make one down.

Funny man, Cobb Newhart.

Bob, have a brother.

Hi, everybody, we're here.

Hey, Dad, what's up?

It's Ben, how are you doing? Good to see you, man. Good to see you. Sorry, we're

late. We were stuck in traffic for an hour.

Oh. That's all right. I'll give you a chance to tell Christine hunting

Every single one of them.

She seemed interested. By the end, she was talking about getting her own gun to

shoot.

Myself. To shoot myself.

Ooh. Ooh.

What's your name?

I'm Natalie.

Natalie, that's where you are.

Call me Big Jimmy.

Just for the record, I was Big Jimmy way before Little Jimmy was born.

Big Jimmy, that's my mom.

Get out of here!

You're much too young and pretty to be his mama.

Doesn't seem right.

I'm Tom, Greg's dad.

That seems right.

All right, so, Dad, you ready to hear about your surprise?

Yeah, I'm beginning to realize it ain't her.

All right, listen to this. Tonight, we're going to be going to the Lakers

where we are sitting in the owner's suite.

Oh, shut up. Are you kidding?

No, no, I'm serious. Your owner's suite? Yes. The Lakers game? Yes.

Oh, my God, you know that. I don't know what to say. I mean, it's something you

know that I've... Come here. Give me...

That's it. Bear hug.

Wow.

Look at this. This is unbelievable, Jimmy.

And look at this place.

Leather chairs, great view, free food.

Hey, Jimmy, get a picture of me with a shrimp.

That's funny. Very funny.

I'm just fun with you, Tom. Hey, you can't be that much of a shrimp to get a

little hellcat like Natalie.

Hellcat?

Do I have to talk to this guy? No, you don't. Dad, go find us a seat.

Look, Savitsky's going to be introducing me to a lot of important people

tonight. Let's make sure your dad doesn't embarrass him. Oh, look, lay off

dad, okay? He's going to fit in just fine.

Hey, Jimmy, look at the size of this strip. Looks like the foot on a small

albino boy.

So, huh? What do you think?

About what?

About the place. You having fun?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

You know, there's some gourmet food up there. You want to go check it out? Uh,

no. I had a PB &J at the house.

PB &J?

Why'd you eat that?

Oh, in case you haven't heard, Greg.

They're yummy.

Gentlemen, this is Jeannie Buss, vice president of business operations for the

Lakers. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. I know you from some place. Well,

father, Dr. Jerry Buss, owns the team, so maybe you've seen our picture

somewhere.

No. Dad, well, she goes out with Philip Jackson, the coach of the Lakers. You've

probably seen him on TV.

No. Well, a couple years ago, I posed in Playboy.

No, I don't read those kind of magazines.

You ever work as a dairy queen in Lynchburg, Virginia?

You know me from Playboy, don't you?

Exito.

Dad, what are you doing?

Oh, my wallet was kind of jabbing me, so I thought I'd take this time to clean

it out a little bit, throw away some of the stuff I don't need.

Oh, my God. Wait till your mother hears about this. She'll never believe this. I

know. Can you believe it's Greg Davis?

Greg Davis?

No, no, I found a condom in here your mother gave me in 1968.

You know your mother never wanted children, right?

Ray, I'd like you to meet Jimmy and his dad, Big Jimmy. Nice to see you, Jimmy.

I've never shaken hands with a governor.

Well, actually, I'm not the governor anymore.

That's what I said, I've never shaken hands with a governor.

Hey, Ray, I want you to know that I voted for the recall.

Well, that means...

You voted against me.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. If you voted for the recall, that means that you

voted for... Hold on.

I'm sorry. You didn't lose by one, did you?

No, it was more than one.

Well, the ballot was confusing. There were so many names on it. I ended up

voting for Webster or somebody.

Right. You didn't lose by two, did you?

No, it was more than two.

More than two.

Look, Dad, Big Jimmy's up there talking to Gray Davis. That man was the center

of one of the biggest political stories of the last decade, and you're in the

same room with him. What do you say? You want to go meet him?

Nah.

You know what I like about you, Gray?

You got class.

I mean, you took a difficult situation, and you handled it with dignity and

grace. I mean, a lot of people would have snapped, but... You stayed above it

all. Thanks, Big Jimmy. That really means a lot to me. You going to eat them

shrimp tails?

Be my guest.

Check it out, Jimmy.

I'm about to eat the meat out of the shrimp tails of the former governor.

This is the best day of my whole life.

Hey, look at this. On an old fortune.

You will experience a rare and exciting opportunity.

Daddy's things never come true.

That's the end of the first half.

Timberwolves 54, your Los Angeles Lakers. Dad, you're watching TV in a

suite. You can do this at home.

Not really. Your mother doesn't let me watch cops.

Hey, check this. This guy has a meth lab in his doghouse. Dad, stop watching TV.

Come on.

Greg, Greg, check out the Jumbotron.

Oh, my God. And relax. He's not embarrassing anybody.

Genie busted he could go down there and shoot some hoops. How cool is that?

If he made ten in a row, I'd let him coach the team in the second half.

You better look out. He just made three.

I'm not worried. If he gets to seven, I'm going to send the Laker girls to

under the basket and do jumping jacks.

Jumping jacks. Did you hear that, Dad?

Going to do dad?

Dad.

You know what? Enough.

You see that idiot on the court down there? If you'd have just bothered to

mingle just a little bit, that idiot could be you.

I'm fine.

Well, I don't want you to be fine. I want you to be excited.

I want you to realize this is a once -in -a -lifetime opportunity that you're

getting to experience because of me. I would love for you to be a little bit

proud of me. What? I want you to be proud of me. I want to share my success

my parents, and then Mom goes and gives her tickets away, and you're sitting

here like you're bored out of your mind. I am proud of you. I talk about you to

my friends all the time.

It's just that...

I'm not comfortable here. I don't belong in a place like this. Yes, you do.

You belong in a place like this because I belong in a place like this.

You're my father.

You know something, Greg?

You're right.

Tell you what.

Watch this.

Excuse me. Mr. Davis?

Yes. Are you? I'm doing fine. Tom Warner.

Yes.

My son is Greg Warner.

Big Hollywood mucky -muck there.

Wanted me to kind of mingle with the celebrities, so I thought I'd come over

say hi.

Well, it's nice to meet you. Thank you. Do you live here in Los Angeles?

No, no, Arlington, Virginia.

You know what they say about Virginia? No.

Virginia is for lovers.

Really? Yeah, well, if that were true, I wouldn't be standing here with a 36

-year -old condom in my wallet.

Yeah.

Now, which one of these is yours?

Oh, uh...

Well, I don't know. Why don't you take this one? It's got more in it.

Well, I think I'll just get a fresh one.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Well, at worst, what I'd do is use a straw.

There you go.

I think that's okay.

No.

Something the matter?

Nothing's the matter. I'm just going to get a fresh one. You know they're free.

Really? Uh -huh. Well, it's that kind of wasteful attitude that got California

in the hole in the first place.

Excuse me, dear.

So, Warner, is your father having fun?

Oh, tons of it. He's actually over there hanging out with Craig Davis.

And if you knew anything about the Pete Wilson administration and the

deregulation of utilities in the state, you'd know that most of these problems

were just dumped in my lap. Well, I bet Arnold would drink my soda.

All right, that's enough.

Oh, yeah? Glad to meet you, Greg. It was really nice to meet you.

We hope you can join us again here in the suite.

Oh, it's my pleasure. And I hope the next time my dad's in town that he'll be

able to come with me also.

Certainly. We'd love to have him.

Natalie, is that Tom running around crazy on the court?

Mm -hmm.

You didn't even look.

I don't have to.

Wait a second.

That's Gray Davis running around on the court.

Well, I guess we all knew he was going to snap sometime.

So how do you think he did?

Oh, the audience really loved him. Yeah, they did.

Yeah. You know something? For an amateur, he was really very, very good.

Amateur. He's been in front of the camera for a long time. He is very

comfortable. Well, you really can't say what he does is acting, you know.

No, he does not. Yeah.

Here he comes.

Bye, guys.