Original subtitles

Reflecting revenues from the last two quarters, this shows an average loss of

million per year.

This is outrageous.

Who's responsible for this? Well, sir, you approve all the budgets.

I mean, who put the onion bagel in with the pastry?

I run a multi -million dollar corporation, and I'm stuck eating a

onion muffin.

Uh, Mrs. Epitsky, there's someone in the prison here to see you.

I knew it was just a matter of time.

Warner, you take over the meeting.

Beverly, thread everything in my second drawer.

No, sir. Actually, they have a person here for you.

Oh, is it today?

Yeah, this is Hank. What do you want him? Why don't you just chain him up out

the hallway or something?

What is going on?

A few nights ago I got drunk at a charity event and I told the chief of

the studio would help out with some kind of new work release program.

Work release program?

Yeah, they take convicts who were close to being released and they expose them

to a real office environment so it's easier for them to get a job of their

Or something like that. I was throwing up a urinal when he was telling me about

it.

So he's going to work here at our office?

I know, I know. I've really got to stop drinking at these charity things.

You know, sir, if I may say so, you know, I think it's inspiring that a man

your stature is willing to work one -on -one with a convict.

Very admirable.

You know, thanks.

Now, which one of you is going to do it for me?

All right, I got myself into this mess. I guess I'll get myself out of it.

Okay, everybody puts your name on a slip of paper.

Peterson, give me your hat.

Just give me your hat. We all know you're bald.

I'm bald, too. You don't see me walking around here like Samuel L. Jackson.

All right.

The winner is... Stuart.

All right, let's call it a meeting.

Stuart, good luck with your criminal. I'm sure everything will go fine.

If it doesn't, I can have Natalie Cole sing one song at your funeral.

I won that at a charity event, too.

Hey, Greg, we're going to go get some breakfast at the commissary. You coming?

Well, there's free bagels and cream cheese here.

I know. We're going to go pay for a real breakfast. Okay, Miss Moneybag, you do

that.

Mr. Spitzky, yeah.

How long will I be rehabilitating this gentleman?

A few weeks.

Oh.

But you're sending me to London next week for the foreign distribution

Oh, that's right. Well, I guess I'll have to find someone else.

Huh, everyone's gone.

What am I going to do?

Warner?

Is that you, Warner?

Warner?

What's up?

Listen, I need you to take over the convict for Stewart, okay?

No problem.

Damn bagel should have eaten it dry.

Hey,

how was your day?

Terrible. Savitsky stuck me with something.

convict as part of a work relief program.

What? A prisoner, Kim.

I'm stuck working next to a prisoner all day at work.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to proofread a deal memo when you're

about getting shanked?

Well, what's the guy in jail for?

Well, according to him, and I quote, because that bitch Tony can't keep his

mouth shut.

Well, what's he like? Is he a nice guy?

I don't know. We really don't talk.

Well, didn't you at least talk to him about what it's like to work in an

No, I didn't, Jimmy. He sits there. I work. He gets the message.

By the way, where's Logan's Game Boy? I want to give him something to do

tomorrow.

Geez, why don't you just give him a paddle with a ball and a string?

No way.

He'll tie me up with the string, beat me with the paddle.

God only knows where the ball would wind up.

You know, I wish you'd take this a little more seriously.

Yeah, you have a chance to make a real difference in this guy's life. Well,

that's a sweet thought, but really, I mean, when it comes to helping out some

idiot who's made nothing but bad choices his whole life, I'm sorry, but I gave

it to guest house.

Go ahead and joke, but I can relate to this guy. You know, I can't help but

think, but with a few wrong turns in my life, that criminal could be me.

Yeah, when we were in high school, Jimmy took lots of chances with the cops. You

know, using a fake ID to buy beer. I used to worry about him getting arrested

all the time.

Yeah. If something happened to Jimmy, where would you get your beer?

Look, I'm just saying that you can really help this guy, Greg.

So when he comes in tomorrow, spend some time with him. Show him around the

studio. Answer his questions.

I don't think so.

Okay, fine. Then give him to me.

What's that?

You want to help this guy? I will.

Really? You'd do that? Yeah.

You know what?

Tomorrow, bring him down by the guard shack. Great. He's all yours. I mean,

better that the guy work with you anyway.

Realistically, you know, he's never going to be a big executive at a studio.

But going from convicted felon to security guard, that's practically a

move.

Hey, Hank.

About us not working together, I hope I'm not on your, you know, hit list.

Yeah, well, you are.

But you're so far down there, I don't think I'm ever going to get to you.

Well, again, sorry.

It's really okay.

You know, it's worked out for me. Jimmy's been great. I mean, he spent the

morning showing me around.

Yeah, I have.

So as you can see, Hank, being a studio security guard basically boils down to

three responsibilities, okay? Making rounds, manning the guard gate.

Occasionally, you've got to do some paperwork.

You know, it's a lot like the guards where I'm from, except after the

occasionally they have to spray a naked fella down with a high -pressure hose.

Yeah, I guess it means something totally different when one of your guards says,

Something's missing, and you need to check your trunk.

I want to thank you for all the help you've given me. I mean, I really

lot from watching you do your job. Oh, no, Hank, you don't have to thank me. I

didn't teach you anything. You just sat in the guard shack with me and Billy.

Poor guy, and he thought he avoided the gas chamber.

Hey, college boy, these guys are out there working every bit as hard as you

You might want to watch what you say.

Oh, I was just kidding. I mean, we kid around all the time, don't we, Jimmy?

a lot.

Kid, kid, kid. Jimmy, tell them.

It's okay, Hank. Don't worry about it.

Hey, Warner.

Guys. Hey, Mr. Fitz.

Hey, I remember you. You're the prisoner.

Listen, there's something I always wanted to know.

Could a white guy ever join a Latino gang?

I don't know. They might let you join. But if they riot, they're picking the

gringo as the human shield.

That's what I thought.

Well, I hope Warner's been treating you all right.

Actually, I'm working with Jimmy now. Yep.

Oh, I see.

So I passed him off on you and you just turned around like a little weasel and

passed him off on someone else?

Good job, Warner.

You're an executive to the bone.

So, Jimmy, how'd it go today with Hank?

Oh, great.

I had him spend the whole day with me from our morning meeting to help me

the sound stages at night.

I bet the sound of all those big doors slamming shut made him a little

huh?

You know what? I am so happy I agreed to do this. I really think that I can help

this guy.

Well, to me, doing a great thing. It's really nice to see. Thank you. Yeah, you

should be really proud of yourself.

Don't worry. Just let this guy follow him around.

Well, it's more than you were willing to do. That's because I don't have any

time. My job's way too demanding.

You spend an entire week at your job, and the loudest demand you'll ever hear

the gurgle of your own stomach.

Oh, please, Greg, you know what? Even if you had agreed to let him follow you

around, you wouldn't have done anything to help him. What are you talking about?

The reason you didn't want to do this program is because you didn't want to

spend time with somebody who was in jail.

You didn't even know Hank, and you were already judging him. He's a criminal,

Jimmy. I didn't judge him. A judge judged him.

You know, Craig, the problem with you is that you've never spent time with

anybody who didn't grow up with money, so you have no idea what people like

have been through. You're a snob. I am not a snob.

I'm friendly with a lot of people that don't have money. Oh, yeah, really? Name

one. I don't know. The cleaning staff at the studio.

Yeah, name one of them. I can name two. The guy with the stubby arm and the

woman with the thing on her face.

See? See what I'm talking about, Craig? Those people, they have names.

Oh, really, Jimmy? What are their names?

I don't know. We call them Lefty and Gorbachev.

But the point is, we took the time to give them nicknames.

It's so unfair.

I'm such a down -to -earth person. I'm not a snob. What are you getting so fed

about? I mean, we all thought being a snob was kind of what you were going

They have a point, Craig. I mean, what about our gardener here at the house?

To be honest, I don't think I've ever seen you say two words to him. Who?

Manuel.

Aha, you didn't even think I knew his name. His name is Manuel.

That's pronounced Manuel.

Tomato, tomato.

And his name is Miguel.

Hey, everybody. This is Curtis. That's right, Jimmy. I have my own criminal.

He's peppered with bullet wounds, and he's mine, all mine.

Curtis, I'd like you to meet Jimmy, and this is Tank. Thank you.

Yeah, I know this guy.

Hey, man, I haven't seen you since you got transferred down to cell block nine.

How is it down there? It's great. The warden just got us a solar flex machine,

you know. Of course, I got to pay the skinheads 20 bucks a month to use it,

I figure, hey, it's like going in a gym.

What are you doing? I am not a snob. I can help out a criminal just as good as

you can. Oh, yeah, right.

Hey, Hank, why don't you tell Curtis and Greg all the fun stuff we've been

doing? Oh, man, you're going to love this program.

It's fabulous.

Jimmy's been doing so much with me.

He took me around. He introduced me to all the bigwigs. He showed me all around

the lot.

We even went to the set of Judge and Amy. Big deal. We're going to do all

and a lot more. Really?

Can I see the set of Judge and Amy? Are you kidding? I'll get Judge Amy to hear

your appeal.

You know, this is so great.

I mean, being out in the real world has made me realize my freedom is just too

precious to waste on some stupid crime.

Man, if only the judge who sentenced you had heard you say those words.

Yeah, that would have done me more good than, hey, Judge, could you make up your

mind already? I'm losing my buzz.

Oh, man, this chicken is disgusting. I think I just ate a piece of beef.

You know, first thing I'm going to do when I get out, have myself a decent

Yeah, I guess it's probably tough going three years having to eat whatever the

boss man chose to put on your plate, huh? No, really, Jimmy? You've been

it in my house before.

You know what I can't wait to have?

I want a shrimp cocktail with those big shrimp like my buddy Charlie got at his

last meal.

Well, you know, when you guys get out of prison, I'm going to take you down to

the Hollywood Bar and Grill. They have delicious shrimp cocktail and chili.

Why wait until they get out?

I'll take you there right now.

Oh, I don't know, Jimmy. I don't think we're supposed to leave the lot.

Well, it's only five minutes from here. Can we go, too?

Of course we can.

This is going to be great.

Thanks, Jimmy. No problem. All right, I'll drive.

Shotgun!

God,

it is so good to get away from prison food.

Can we have some more bread and water here, please?

Hey, guys, can I start you off with something from the bar? Some wine or

Oh, man.

A beer?

God, it's been so long.

Well, go ahead, Hank. It's okay with me if you want one.

Jimmy, you are the greatest.

Can I have one, too?

Of course you can.

Bring these gentlemen two of your finest bottles of beer.

You know what? The last time I had a bottle of beer in my hand, I smashed it

over some guy's head.

You know what? Bring his in a paper cup.

I can't tell you how many nights I've lied in my bunk and dreamed about a

just like this.

This and taking a crap in a room with a door.

Hey, Hank, when we get back to the studio, I'm going to show you the new

software we got on our computer.

Oh, so they finally came out with Donkey Kong 8 .0, huh?

When we get back to my office, I'm going to put you on my computer and show you

a program you can use, Microsoft Excel.

Oh, I know Excel.

You do?

Yeah, I've always liked computers.

You know, I learned a lot of different programs when I was in college.

I didn't know you went to college. I went about a year and a half, and then I

ran out of money.

Then I went and asked my mom for some more. Next thing I know, I was in jail.

Well, why? There's nothing wrong with asking your mom for money. There is if

your mom's a bank teller and you're holding a gun on her.

And I guess that was the end of whatever future I might have had. Well, don't

say that. I mean, in a few weeks, your future starts again. You know, have you

thought about what you're going to do when you get out?

I'm going to take a bath with a couple of hookers.

How about you, Hank? I just want to take a shower where I can actually face the

shower. No, no, I'm talking about what you're going to do for work. What kind

job do you want? Oh, I don't know.

I got a cousin in the mulch business.

Well, maybe you could do something with computers.

You already know Excel.

I could teach you Word, PowerPoint, PeopleSoft. Learn those and you can get

job anywhere.

You really think I could?

Absolutely. I really appreciate that, Greg.

I might give it a try.

Hey, just for the record, you know what a couple of hookers go for these days?

You know what? I'll ask around.

Hey, thanks for stopping. I just wanted to get some gum. I don't want to have

beer on my breath when the guard comes to pick me up. No problem. Understood.

We're just going to be a minute.

You guys need anything?

You know what? You can give me a pack of turkey jerky while you're in there.

I got jerky made out of turkey now.

You boys have been away a long time.

Hey, can I get some bite -sized Kit Kats? Bite -sized Kit Kats?

Man, what planet is this?

This is starting to freak me out a little now.

It feels good. What?

Helping Curtis. It feels good.

Well, I got to hand it to you, Greg. I didn't think you could do this.

And when I called you a snob, I was wrong. No, Jimmy, you were right.

I mean, I started doing this to prove that I wasn't such a judgmental person,

but I was.

And getting to know Curtis, he's all right. I mean, he's basically a good guy

who made some bad choices.

Exactly. It's funny. The whole thing was supposed to be about Curtis learning

something. It turns out I learned something. Yeah.

It's kind of like when I helped Dominic with his history test, you know?

Did you know there was a president named Grover?

I'm really glad I did this, and I want you to know I wouldn't have done it if

you hadn't talked me into it, so thanks.

No, you're welcome. You know, see, this is how you deal with people. You know,

you've got to give them room to grow.

It's just space to be human beings, you know?

We should feel really good. I mean, we pretty much single -handedly got those

two guys ready to rejoin society.

Drive, drive, drive.

What?

Just floor it, man. We don't have a lot of time here. What's going on? What's in

those bags?

Wallets, cash, couple of watches. We'll divide it up later. Let's just get out

of here. You robbed the place. What in the world are you thinking? I don't

Maybe it was that beer, man. I've never been able to handle this stuff.

Alcohol was a big part of the reason I got sent away in the first place.

Me, I just love robbing people.

Why didn't you tell me you couldn't drink?

It's been three years. I wasn't sure if it was still a problem.

I guess it is.

You're this close to being rehabilitated and now you're going to throw it all

away? Yeah, what about everything we talked about? Getting a new job, having

fresh start. How about a future? You guys could get five more years for this.

Oh, God.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You know what? Maybe this is our fault. Maybe we gave you too much freedom too

fast. Now, you guys are going to have to correct this while it's still time. You

need to march back in that store and return all the wallets and the cash.

I can't.

If I go back in there, they're going to think I'm there to kill them.

Why would they think that?

Because he told them if he saw any of their faces again, he'd kill them.

I guess then I'll have to go.

Hey, thanks, Greg. You're the best. I'll go, too.

Hey, Greg.

I forgot your turkey jerky, but you can't miss it. I knocked the whole

over to get their attention.

166.

167.

Excuse me.

People? Oh, my God, there's a second wave. They're not done with us. No, it's

okay. We've had a bit of a misunderstanding.

We can have everyone's attention.

Don't look at them. It's a trick. Don't kill me. I've got kids at home.

No one's going to get hurt, okay? This has just been one big mistake. Now, we

would like to return all of your wallets and purses. Okay, so what we're going

to do, we're just going to read your names off your driver's licenses, and

you can come up and you can collect them. Okay, first up, we have a Mr.

Mike Lemke.

Mike Lemke.

And you have a nice day.

Okay, next we have Pam Yesner.

Come on down!

Okay, next, Mr.

George... Oh, God.

Warner!

Mr. Stavitsky, I am so sorry.

What the hell's going on?

Well, it was Hank and Curtis that robbed the place.

The convicts? What were those two doing off the lot? I thought it'd be nice to

take them out to lunch. You what?

Wasn't such a good idea as it turned out.

Look, Mr. Savitsky, we messed up, but Curtis and Hank, they didn't mean to do

this. They just had one little lapse in judgment.

Lapse in judgment. They told me if I made a noise, they'd kill me.

I came in here to get a lottery ticket, and I ended up nearly pooping myself.

Look, we've spent a lot of time with these two guys, and they're not bad

mean, they can be rehabilitated, and if you'll just walk with me out to the car,

I'm sure they can explain everything.

Ladies and gentlemen, Travis Tritt and Trace Atkins.

Everybody in the wholesale block was dancing to the jailhouse rock.

Spider Murphy played a tenor saxophone.

Little Joe was blowing on a slide trombone.

Drummer boy from Illinois went crash boom bang.

The whole rhythm section was a purple gang. Everybody left a rock.

Everybody in the wholesale block was dancing to the jailhouse rock.

Fat sack sippin' on a block of stone Way over in the corner weepin' all alone

Warden said, buddy, don't you be no square If you can't find a party, use a

wooden chair Let's rock Everybody, let's rock

Everybody in the whole cell rock Oh, dance it to the jailhouse

rock Dance it to the jailhouse rock Dance it to the jailhouse rock

Everybody on.