Original subtitles

Hey, little man.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Rory called in sick today.

Oh, you have to cover for him?

No, he's just usually the one who wakes me up when it's time to go home.

Um, no, Jimmy, please tell me the dry cleaning is in your car.

The dry cleaning is in my car?

Oh, good.

Because if it wasn't, I wouldn't have anything to wear tomorrow.

Yeah, you may still have that problem.

You didn't pick it up? Never dropped it off.

Thanks a lot, Jimmy.

Well, Christine, come on. We go through this all the time. I have trouble

remembering things.

It's not my fault. I have a very bad memory.

Jimmy, who won Super Bowl IX?

Oh, Pittsburgh Steel was 16 -6.

The Steel curtain picked off Tarkin in three times.

Okay, you're a witness.

Okay, so I have a very selective memory.

Yeah, well, I wish once it would select something important to me.

Oh, hey, Christine, hold on. You've got a hair on your shirt.

Ew.

You have a clump of hair on your shirt.

That's weird.

Christine.

What? It's been happening a lot lately.

Really? Your hair's falling out?

A little. A little?

Christine, between our sourdrain, your hairbrush, and our pillowcases, you're

losing two good -sized ferrets per week.

Maybe you should go to the doctor and get that checked out. That's what I've

been saying.

It's just a little hair.

It's nothing serious.

Well, it could be. It could be something as small as an allergy or a vitamin

deficiency, but you can't rule out a fungal or bacterial infection.

Or it could just be the early onset of menopause.

Thank you, Greg.

Never thought I'd be rooting for a fungal infection.

Christine, you've got to get this checked out, okay?

Because, you know, as much as I fantasize about doing it with that bald

from the Star Trek movie, I don't want you risking your health to make it come

true.

Come on.

Probably nothing. Is a doctor really necessary?

Go to the doctor. Go to the doctor.

Great. Christine's test all turned out normal.

The doctor said it's nothing serious.

Oh, thank God. I was starting to worry that there was something really wrong.

Oh, Greg.

What's this wait?

You were worried about me? Well, of course. I mean, if it was serious and

got really sick and died, I'd be stuck with Jimmy forever.

So, did the doctor have any idea of why your hair is falling out?

I said it might be stress.

He told me to exercise.

Well, Greg and I go down to the studio, Jim. You should come with us.

I don't know.

I'm going down to the gym, running around.

Maybe I'll just go bald and be done with it.

Come on, it's great.

Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to check it out.

They even have free daycare, so you two can work out together.

Hey, it's like a carried away.

Okay, I'm not the one who's stressed here.

Jimmy, Christine needs to do this.

Besides, once she sees you working out, she's not going to be able to keep her

hands off of you.

Really? Oh, yeah.

Greg's never hotter to me than when he's working out.

That's true.

Something about a man working out that just drives women crazy. Check out these

chisel dips.

Give me some of that.

I want to get my sneakers.

Isn't it great?

You know, a lot of famous movie stars work out here. Yeah, yesterday I used

bench press right after Lucy Liu.

Wow.

Must have been embarrassing when you had to decrease the weight.

I usually like to start my workouts with a couple sets of lunges.

It's so hot.

You should try it, Jimmy.

Yeah, I might not get the same reaction since Sunday. These, I'm only wearing a

jockstrap.

Hey, what's up, dudes? Hey, you all here to get your sweat on?

I didn't know you guys worked out here. Every day.

Stairmaster for the lungs, free weights for the arms, and pelvic thrusts for the

ladies.

Nah, who am I kidding? It's all for the ladies.

Wow, Billy.

Working out at the gym. I'm impressed.

Oh, don't be. So far, all I've done is walk around checking out the girls.

But you're all out of breath.

That's a big place.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pretend to walk into the wrong locker

room.

Keep lunging there, honey.

Looking good.

Keep lunging while I show Christine where the daycare center is.

Um, no offense, but he looks a little goofy.

Does that really turn you on? No.

But he sits at a desk drinking coffee all day long. If I don't find some way

trick him into exercising, he'll drop dead before he's 40.

I don't know, Kim. It seems a little weird to lie to him.

Alright, I'll stop.

But if you die, the gravy train's over and you're out on your ass.

Looking good, sexy.

You know, if you weren't my brother -in -law...

Hey,

check it out.

Beth.

Oh, great.

Well, I mean, we should go over and say hi. She's our boss.

A hot, sweaty sports bra wearing boss.

I don't want to say hi to her. For some reason, she hates me.

Hey, Roy.

Hughes.

What machine are you working out on today? The soda machine or the candy

machine?

Nice to see you, Beth.

I didn't know you were into boxing.

I'd ask you to go a few rounds, but I've seen you get winded punching a time

clock.

Okay, it's good talking to you.

You know, I'd say something back to her if I wasn't afraid I'd get fired.

I don't know what I did to get on her bad side. I wish I was on her bad side.

Why? Because then I'd flip her over and get on her good side.

All right.

Good, Beth. See you tomorrow.

Thanks. All right.

Hey, can anybody use these?

Sure, come on in. Give it a shot.

Hey.

That was good.

Okay, first thing you need is a picture of perfect boxing stance, okay?

Now move your legs.

Step, step, one, two.

Step, step, one, two.

All right, keep doing it until you get the hang of it.

That's good.

Step, one, two.

Step,

step, one, two.

Hey, look at you.

That's kind of cool, huh?

It's kind of like the electric slide, only with punching.

Kind of like your cousin Bobby's wedding.

Oh, hey.

Oh, you want a piece of this? Yeah, I do. Come on.

Hey,

punch it now.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Hey.

I think I've had enough.

Hey! Hey!

Here.

Maybe some aspirin will take the edge off.

Something wrong, Gus?

What was that? They look like they just saw a ghost.

Yeah, the ghost of Rocky Marciano.

You can't really blame them. They just saw their mother beat the heck out of

their father.

Yeah, you're whacking him like a piñata.

One more hit and I bet all that candy he's been eating the past couple weeks

going to come flying out.

I'm so sorry.

Don't be. You're not the one who forced me to put on the gloves to get in the

ring. You look like a real boxer. in there.

You've come a long way from the days when you grabbed me by the wrist and

me punch myself until I cried.

Tell you what, that doctor was right. Exercise is the answer.

I feel great. It's so cool.

How do you do that?

Oh, here. It's easy.

Punch.

Punch.

I still got it.

I just hope it helps you. I think it already has, you know. There's such an

endorphin rush, you know.

I feel like a new woman.

Can I have the old one back? This one scares the hell out of me.

That doesn't work out. You must be beat.

You kidding?

I feel like running around the block.

Did you hear that? Feels like a new woman?

Endorphin rush? You, my friend, are in for the night of your life.

Greg, I can't even think about sex until I figure out where my left testicle

went.

Yeah, I'm super loved.

Can't chew, huh? What happened?

Christine's hammer fifth knock you off solid food for a while?

I happen to like soup, okay?

And I can chew just fine, you idiot.

Why are you looking at me? Roy said it.

Because I can't move my neck.

Look at all this food. What are you guys doing? This isn't lunchtime.

No, it's our morning snack.

Snack? What is this, preschool?

Maybe I should meet you here every morning and give you each a graham

Okay.

Hey, Hughes.

Everybody down at the gym is talking about how you got your butt kicked by a

girl. She happens to throw one heck of a punch. You wouldn't have lasted any

longer in there than I did. Oh, please. He put you down in ten seconds. I could

have lasted longer than that if he was hitting me with a folding chip.

Then let's do it.

You want me to fight your wife?

No, I want her to hit you in the head with a folding chair.

All right. You want me to go a few rounds with her? Set it up.

Any time, any place.

I know a place with this pit that they fill up with jello.

Keep it up, and you and me are going a few rounds.

Promises, promises.

Oh, man, this is great.

I can finally shut her up for good.

You guys saw Christine.

She hits like a Mack truck. It's gonna kill her.

Are you sure Christine's going to fight a woman for you?

Yeah. I don't know. I'll just tell her I found her a sparring partner.

I don't know, Jimmy. Can you live with yourself as a man, having your wife

handle your dirty work?

What do you expect me to do, fight a girl?

You got a point.

We've seen you fight a girl.

Yeah, so did you get to the gym today?

Yeah, jumped some rope, hit the heavy bag for a while.

Yeah, so how do you feel, champ?

I don't know.

I mean, yesterday after you and I were in the ring, I felt full of energy, like

I didn't have a care in the world. But today's workout just didn't do it for

Oh, well, maybe you're not getting enough exercise. I mean, you know, you

felt great after you were actually, you know, fighting somebody.

Yeah, maybe you should get a sparring partner.

I don't know, maybe.

Or I could just try running tomorrow.

Running? No, no, no.

Boxing.

Boxing. Yeah.

I mean, we are talking about your health here, Christine. I don't think we

should take any chances.

I don't know, Jimmy. I mean, who am I supposed to spar with? It's guys down

there.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Hey.

Wait a second.

I think one of the female guards down at work, I think she boxes.

Yeah. Really?

Yeah, her name's Beth.

No, Beth. Beth.

Her name's Beth.

I don't know, Jimmy. I mean, you really think I'm ready to spar with someone?

Christine, you hit me so hard in the stomach I could taste beets.

And I haven't eaten beets since Thanksgiving.

Well, the trainer did say I was kind of natural. Yeah, that's right. And the

best way to improve is to get in there and mix it up with somebody else.

You know, it's like when I was 15 when I realized about sex.

You can only get so good on your own.

All right.

Let's set it up. Call your friends.

My pleasure.

Mommy, Sonic pushed me. No, he didn't.

Whitney took my Game Boy.

I'm sorry.

What's the matter, boy?

Nothing. We're working out.

Remember, keep your feet moving and have a good workout. All right.

That's right. Now listen.

Bess is in really good shape. Okay, so feel free to just hit her hard.

Okay? Also, this is not a sanctioned boxing match, so if you want to, you can

ahead.

Headbutter a couple times.

What? Just have fun.

Wow, look at her move. She's like a gazelle. Yeah, a fine gazelle.

With nice big hemi -hein quarters.

Hey, Bess. This is Christine.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, you too.

Keep it up.

It's so hot.

What an amazing body.

I bet you're going to be thinking about this tonight.

I sure will.

Come on.

Touch gloves. Go back to your corners.

On my call.

Time.

All right, looking good, looking good. Electric slide.

Oh, my.

You're good at this.

Christine, what are you doing? Don't talk to her. Hit her.

Okay.

Ow!

She hit me in the boob.

Can you do that? Of course you can.

Well, so far, I get my ass kicked.

Great, great.

Christine, you're not trying, okay? You can hit harder than that. I know you

can. My left testicle's been missing for two days.

Now go get her! Okay.

Then why are you still down?

Because if I stay down, she can't hit me anymore.

Hey there, buddy.

Hi. Nice try.

Thanks. Ain't no hard feelings, huh? No.

Hey, Hughes.

Maybe next time you should get in the ring instead of letting your wife fight

your battles for you.

Um, what was all that about?

Nothing.

Nothing?

Jimmy, why exactly did you set all this up?

Because I wanted you to get some exercise.

Liar. Okay, okay.

Bess drives me crazy all the time at work, and I can't say anything or do

anything about it because she's my supervisor, so I wanted you to beat her

for me.

It was a stupid idea. I'm sorry.

Ow, that hurt.

Good. Because now you know how I felt in there.

You weren't worried about me or my health.

This was all about you. Just like everything always about you.

Here I was thinking that you were firing Katie Care of me for a change and all

you were doing was trying to get me to beat up some girl for you.

I could have been killed and then you... Ow, ow, ow. Okay, okay.

See, there's that fire. Why don't you bring that into the ring with Bess?

Because I'm not angry at Bess. I'm angry at you.

Ow.

God, that felt good.

Not to me it doesn't. Yeah, well, too bad because that's the best that felt in

the last... I might beat you up.

Jimmy, did you hear what I just said?

Some of it. My ears are still pinging from the last couple of jabs.

My hair is falling out because of stress.

But that stress is because of you.

Me? Jimmy, I love you, okay?

I mean, you're the greatest guy I'll ever know, but at least once a day you

something that makes me want to kill you.

Why did you ever say anything about it? I don't know.

I don't want to be a nag, I guess.

Well, Christine, you can't keep it inside. Not if it's going to make you

You know, if I do something that bugs you, you've got to get on my case about

it. I know, but that's what my mother did to my father, and it drove him

That's what Kim does to Greg, and... Well, we'll just have to see what the

future holds for them.

Christine, okay, we are not them.

Okay, and you can trust me to listen. I love you.

All right, so... From now on, I'll just point out... When you leave the toilet

seat up?

No. Or when you tear the corners out of my magazine and start picking your teeth

with them?

See, I didn't even know I did that.

Chew with your mouth open?

Stab me in the night with your toenails?

Push off of me after sex like I'm a diving board? Okay, you know... You

think you may have something about this whole nagging thing, so, um... Here's

another idea. Why don't, uh... Why don't you keep everything bottled up inside

and then, uh...

Once a month, we come down here, you beat the hell out of me.

Deal.

Come on.

Maybe on the way home we can stop somewhere?

You know, park?

There's a game on.

Plus, you smell a little funky.

Jimmy! Hey, save it for my whooping.

I'm going to teach you a trick to get some speed in those legs, see?

In the old days, chicken chasing was how we trained.

See, now, if you can catch this chicken, you can catch grease lightning, see?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, whoa.

I'm not Rocky, all right?

I'm not Sylvester Stallone. I'm his brother Frank.

I don't want to do this.

Come on, man. I do a really good Burgess Meredith. Just play along.

Give it a chance.

You're going to eat lightning and crap thunder, see?

Come on, this is so stupid.

After 30 years in the business, I can't believe I still gotta listen to this

stuff. Now, Bill Murray's brother does this show sometimes.

Do you make him do lines from Ghostbusters?

No.

No!

Forget it, man. He's not gonna do it.

be no rematch ain't gonna be no rematch