Original subtitles

Hey, Sarah, so did Dominic and Logan behave for you tonight? They were great,

yeah. Where are they?

Oh, they're hiding. We're playing hide -and -go -seek. Let me call them. Oh,

know what? Don't.

They'll come out when they get hungry.

Unless they're hiding in the pantry, then they won't come out until they have

go to the bathroom.

Well, at least Dominic will.

All right, Sarah, what do I owe you?

$40 .50.

$40 .50. You sure?

Yeah, it was $7 an hour plus two for the extra kids. That's $9 an hour. And it

worked for four and a half hours. So $36 plus another half of one more hour.

That's $4 .50. So, yeah, $40 .50. That's right.

Yeah. Listen, Sarah, I'm a 34 -year -old college dropout.

When I ask, are you sure, I'm really just hoping you say yes.

And so, listen, since the kids are happy, why don't we ask Sarah to stick

a little bit longer.

We'll go out to the car and finish our date the way we used to.

Come on, Jimmy, you really want to pay nine bucks an hour to go fool around in

the car?

An hour, please. Hey, Sarah, listen, we left something in the car.

We'll be back in about 30, 35 cents.

Oh,

Big Jimmy, how was your flight?

Oh, it was nice.

It's sure good to stretch out, though, I'll tell you that.

Well, those are nice shoes.

Oh, thanks.

I got them at airport security.

They're a hell of a lot better than the ones I left behind.

Dad, we're glad you're here. We just wish Mom could have made it here with

Ah, me too, but there's no way I was going to drag you away from a leisure

village gin tournament.

Wait a minute. When does Mom play gin?

She doesn't play it. She drinks it.

She's got a good chance of winning this year. The reigning champ's waiting for a

new liver.

Well, at least you guys are having fun there.

Yeah, it's all right. What do you mean, all right?

Sounds perfect for you. Everybody's your age. You got no little kids running

around to worry about?

Are you kidding? These people have their grandkids running around at all hours.

I've never seen so many people wearing diapers, changing diapers.

Yeah, I guess that's not what you signed up for.

Well, I don't mind kids. I feel a little left out, that's all.

What? All those people bonding with their grandchildren.

I hardly even know mine.

This one isn't mine, is it?

Well, Dad, you know what? You're here now, and you have a chance to get some

good quality time with your grandkids now.

Hey, you're absolutely right. And I want to take them to someplace special, huh?

Hey, you kids ever see how sausage gets made?

You know what? As a family, we try to avoid attractions where they warn us to

step around the blood.

So what do they like to do? They love rides.

Great. You know, they got a Kmart here. They always had that big squirrel on a

spring out front.

I was thinking more like Six Flags.

Six flags!

All right!

Six flags?

Okay, six flags it is.

What time we leave tomorrow?

Oh, wait, tomorrow's Saturday. I promised to pick up an extra shift at

don't we go Sunday?

No, no, no, Saturday's no problem. That way we can go by ourselves and not have

more time with them alone.

And Christine can have the day off.

Really? Yeah, hey, think about it, Christine.

You know, you can have all day tomorrow to study for school without any

distractions. Oh, you know what? You could study without wearing pants.

Yes, Jimmy, Dominic and Logan are the only reason I put on pants in the

How about Sammy can go too, huh?

Boy, I don't know. Oh, come on.

Well, we'll have to wait and see.

Oh, great.

Come on, kids.

I told your grandmother I'd call her after the contest.

I'll let you talk to her if she's not throwing up.

So, you guys going to let Sammy go to Six Flags? Absolutely not.

Why? What's the problem?

Oh, Jimmy, we're touched by his offer, but the truth is we just don't feel

comfortable leaving Sammy alone with Big Jimmy.

What? Heck, I'm not comfortable being alone with Big Jimmy.

Something's wrong with him. He sneezed earlier, and I swear something got on

So tell him to cover his nose. It came out of his ear.

So he's old. Okay, so what? I mean, you let your parents take care of Sammy and

Emily. Well, that's true. But the last time I checked, my dad doesn't have a

firecracker collection or swallow pocket change for sport.

It was Christmas.

It was one nickel.

And he thought it was chocolate.

So you're defending a man who at best eats candy without taking the foil off.

He tried to peel it off. He got impatient. The man has a sweet tooth.

Jimmy, forget it. We're not leaving our kids with a man who tried to peel a

nickel.

What are you doing?

Cleaning. I'm sorry, what?

I don't know. I was angry. I needed something to do. I'm cleaning.

What do you want?

Well, I was going to try and make you feel better, but judging by how messy

place is, I'm kind of torn.

You know, they have some nerve talking about my dad like that. Tell me about

You know, they are so out of line. And you know what? They're not just judging

your dad in a way.

They're judging you.

These need to be folded.

I just can't believe that Greg and Kim don't trust Jimmy with my dad.

No, Jimmy, but he's their son. They have a right to do what they want.

Of course they do. I just think they're being a little paranoid, that's all.

Well, let's be fair. I mean, there is a difference between paranoia and, you

know, trying to minimize risk.

Okay, but that's why they're wrong. There isn't any risk.

One could certainly argue that.

Exactly.

Is one arguing that?

One is.

Oh, wait, I'm the one, huh?

Are you serious? You're siding with Greg and Kim now, too?

I don't know, Jimmy. I mean, it didn't bug me at first, but the more you guys

argued, the more I realized Big Jimmy isn't exactly the world's most

choice to leave your kids with. Okay, but he's not the least responsible

either. Okay, fine, Jimmy. If my choice of sitters is between your father and a

plastic dryer cleaning bag, then yeah, I'll go with your father.

Christine, you know, you do realize that when I was growing up, he watched me

all the time, and I'm fine.

I survived.

You're the one that told me that you were in the emergency room ten times by

age of eight.

Ambulance drivers used to swing by your house just in case.

Okay, but that wasn't my father's fault. I was the one doing all the stupid

stuff. Yeah, but Jimmy, don't you see? That's what an adult is supposed to do.

Supposed to make sure you weren't doing stupid stuff.

Look, Jimmy, I love your dad. I do, but I just don't feel comfortable leaving

Dominic and Logan alone with him.

I'm sorry.

It wasn't his fault, Christine. It was all me.

How did Tom and Jerry do that?

What, crash through walls?

I don't know. I guess they run really fast.

Parachuting sure looks fun.

Oh, it's something else. I parachuted once when I was your age. I took the bed

sheet off of my parents' bed and I went up to the roof and jumped.

I had the ride of my life.

Really? Oh, yeah.

I'll never forget that rush of adrenaline I had like I was flying.

Didn't last long, though. Two seconds of glory, two months in traction.

It was the stupidest thing I ever did in my whole life.

What's got there, boys?

It's a pretty steep rap.

If you want to work, you better put it at the bottom of a really big hill.

We can't trust my dad.

What'd he do? Get a roll of quarters thinking it was a pack of nickel wafers?

Well, you think about it, you weigh the issues, and you throw in the repressed

memory of carrying your own kneecap into the ER, and here we are.

Well, still, we apologize if we hurt your feelings.

That's no big deal.

So what are we going to tell my dad?

Well, I mean, do you think he'd be able to sit down and have a mature

conversation about it?

Yeah, I guess we could talk about it.

I mean, with your dad.

Oh, God, no.

Well, what are we going to do? We can't just let him take the kid.

Well, I know that. How am I going to tell him that we trust our 15 -year -old

babysitter more than him?

He has a sweet tooth.

Maybe a candy gram?

Hey, you trust Sarah? Why don't you send her with him?

Jimmy, that's a great idea.

Your father doesn't know that Sarah is Dominic's babysitter.

I know, but isn't he going to wonder why she's there?

We'll make up some kind of story.

For Sarah or my dad?

Your dad.

We'll tell him that she's his friend's sister.

Well, my dad knows who his friends are.

Not your dad's friend's sister.

Dominic's friend's sister.

I don't know. I think my dad's going to figure it out. Jimmy, even you can't

figure it out.

All right, now remember, boys.

You help me, I help you.

Okay, so don't forget.

Sarah's your friend.

Not your babysitter. Got it?

Depends. You got the stuff.

Dominic, here's one brand new baseball mitt. Thank you. And for Logan, one

coupon to get out of trouble. No questions asked.

Here you go.

What's this for? You said no questions asked.

Hey, who's ready for some fun, fun, fun?

All right, Dad, you know what? There's been a little change of plans. What's

that? This is Sarah.

Hi, Sarah. And her parents had to work today, so they asked Christine and me to

look after her. We figured she had more fun at the Six Flags than hanging around

here. Is that okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The more, the merrier.

Okay, great. Come on.

Isn't she a little old? Does she need a babysitter?

Uh, Dad, you don't understand.

Sarah's a little different.

She looks normal to me.

But then again, what do I know about women?

One time I took your mother to the fair and put her on the Ferris wheel

screaming and yelling and I realized the second time around it wasn't your

mother.

So what's wrong with this girl?

Uh... You know, uh... Drugs, alcohol.

She runs away a lot and has sex with truckers.

Yeah, one drove her all the way down to Texas and, uh...

forced her to work as a stripper until her father and his ex -cop buddies

her down and brought her back home.

Jeez, that's terrible.

I don't know where I'll look after her.

All right, thanks a lot, Dad. All right.

Thank God you were able to come up with that crazy story off the top of your

head. Oh, don't thank God.

Thank you, young Alyssa Milano and the good people who program the movies at

Cinemax.

All right. If you land on red, pick up a red do to your partner card.

And if you land on green, pick up a green your partner does to you card.

Naughty.

Where do you get a game like this, anyway?

I don't know. It was Billy. He wanted to get rid of it. Apparently, it's not as

much fun when you're playing alone.

All right. Seven.

Pour hot fudge somewhere on partner and remove with tongue.

That was kind of messy.

Yeah, kind of a waste of hot fudge. Yeah.

Pick another one.

Tickle partner with feather.

Where are we going to get a feather? I don't know.

Did it come with one? No, I don't think so.

Yeah, just pick another one.

Okay, now for this pleasure fest, you will need a pillow, a...

beach ball, and a kitchen utensil.

You know what? This is ridiculous. You want to just go out back and do it?

Hey, we're back.

Oh, damn.

I just remembered where we had a feather.

How was it? Ah, terrific.

It was great.

Wow, check it out. Did you guys win that?

Yeah. On the game where you throw darts at balloons.

Wow, you guys must have popped a lot.

Actually, we were having a little trouble getting the darts to go all the

the balloons, so I stepped in front of Logan and...

Took the dark where the sun don't shine.

I threatened a lawsuit, and bingo, we got a bear.

Oh, my gosh. Are you all right? Oh, yeah.

Sarah got some ice.

You know, for a girl turning tricks, she sure is a little shy about putting ice

down a man's pants.

Joe, how were the rides? Pretty scary?

They were awesome.

Yeah, we went on the Viper, the Colossus, the Mindroom.

That's not a ride.

It is when you mix chili dogs and roller coasters.

Okay, what do you guys say to Grandpa?

Thank you.

That's all right, kid. That's all right. Hey, what do you say let's do something

tomorrow, huh?

Yeah.

Wow. Tomorrow, another day with Grandpa.

That, yes, sounds perfect. Hey, how about the zoo?

The zoo it is.

Come on, kids, let's call the zoo and see what animals are in heat.

I hope it's the giraffes. It's a lot easier to see the privates from my

Wow, can you believe it? Yeah, this whole thing's working.

All right, Sarah, I think I figured it out this time, okay?

$7 an hour, plus another two for the extra kid, and another two for my dad.

So at four hours, that is $44.

Yeah, why does this make it even 50? I had to pull a dart out of an old man's

butt.

Hey, how was the tractor pull?

It wasn't a tractor pull. It was monster trucks.

It was sad.

Why? Because most of the cars they were crushing were nicer than mine.

Are Big Jimmy and the boys back in Mizzou yet? We haven't seen them, but we

got back.

What? They said they'd be home like an hour ago.

Hey, Christine, don't worry about it.

They're probably just having a great time at the zoo and they don't want to

home. That or Big Jimmy saw their orangutans and thought he was home.

You know what? Maybe I'll just call Sarah and check in.

Oh, wait. We have a couple messages.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Hughes. It's Sarah.

I know this is short notice, but my grandmother got sick and I had to go to

hospital. I feel really bad that Dominic and Logan can't go to the zoo, but

maybe we could do it another time. Bye.

Jimmy Christie, it's me. I just called to check in.

I'm at the zoo with boys.

By the way, that girl didn't show up. I really feel bad. She's probably back on

sauce.

Maybe I'll swing by a couple of strip clubs on the way home and look for her.

Hey, boys, you know where the strip clubs are around here?

Boys, you good? Boys?

Oh, come on, guys. Where are you?

doing where are the boys what do you mean what do i mean where are my kids

this is why you weren't supposed to leave without sarah she's supposed to be

watching you they're over there oh

what the hell's going on here look the truth is i was nervous about leaving the

boys alone with you so we hired sarah to come along and watch over them you

don't trust me

You'll trust me less than some teenage, alcoholic, ex -stripper, truck stop

whore? Is that it?

This was your idea, too?

Look, Dad.

Okay, you were never a very responsible father to begin with, and there's no

reason to think you'd be any different as a grandfather.

People change, Jimmy. I'm different than I was 25 years ago. I mean, I pay my

bills. I file my taxes. Hell, last election, I even voted.

Twice.

You think I'm going to do all that and not protect my own grandchildren?

Then you're crazy.

Dad, I just didn't know if you were up to... Up to what? Taking my

to the zoo?

You don't think I'm capable of being alone with my own grandchildren?

Well, let me tell you something, Jimmy. We did it. We went to the zoo, and

everything turned out just fine.

I put them in the car, and we drove here without a glitch.

Not brain surgery.

We had a blast walking around and looking at all the animals.

And believe it or not, nobody got hurt.

Hey, I think that zebra's giving birth.

And when they said they were hungry, I was actually smart enough to buy them

lunch. And that's something. And guess what?

Nobody died.

Well, you can really pack it in, huh?

Hey, I bet you can't jam all those fries in your mouth all at one time.

You're going to get more soda.

That's not enough to prove I can be alone with my grandkids and do what you

want. They're your kids. No, no.

Sounds like a good day.

It was a great day.

Hey, Timmy, we're sorry.

No, that's all right. Listen, Dad, you can do whatever you want with them

whenever you want, okay? All right, that's great.

Hey, how about tomorrow I take them fishing at the pier? Yeah, I think

love that.

Come on, Christine, let's get something to eat. You ought to see how many French

fries this kid can grab in his mouth.

What did Grandpa say we're doing tomorrow?

He is going to take you to the pier and you're going to go fishing.

We need to talk.

Jimmy, will you give me a hand? The kids won't get out of the car. I'll have to

drag them kicking and screaming out of Kmart.

Dad, Dominic and Logan are in the kitchen drawing.

You went to Kmart alone.

Oh, jeez.

I guess that's why they were speaking Spanish.