Original subtitles

Good job, Emily.

Sammy, you need to eat your vegetables. Your sister's two years old and she's

almost as tall as you.

No.

Come on, you have to eat your spinach if you want to grow up to have big, strong

muscles like your daddy.

Or, you know, Popeye.

Sammy, you know, if you don't eat your vegetables, you're going to grow up to

have arms like SpongeBob SquarePants.

Or, you know, Daddy.

All right, how about this?

How about if you eat three bites of spinach, you can have ice cream?

One bite.

Okay, two bites of spinach, but you have to have a carrot. A big carrot?

You know what? Enough of this. No negotiating.

Sammy, you're going to eat all your vegetables.

Greg, relax. I've almost closed the deal over here.

Okay, two bites of spinach and a medium carrot.

No, no negotiations. There was no negotiations when I was growing up.

You know what? From now on, he's going to do what we say, when we say to do it.

You're right, Greg.

How about we start that tomorrow?

Okay. No!

No, no!

What did I just say? Starting now.

Sammy, if you want to eat dessert, you're going to have to finish all your

vegetables, period.

Dad, do we have to finish our vegetables before we have ice cream?

Kids, if Daddy has to finish his vegetables, you have to finish yours.

Lucky for you, Daddy hates vegetables.

I do so like them, Sam, I am. I do so like green eggs and ham.

No, Sammy's asleep.

No, you can't.

No, he's not.

Get out, get out, get out, get out.

Can I have one more book?

No, sorry, buddy. It's your bedtime.

So why don't you just lay back and close your eyes and before long

you'll be... Ready or not, here I come!

Did anyone come here to hide? No. What are you doing? Why aren't you guys in

bed? We weren't tired.

Daddy said we could play hide and go seek. Oh, really?

Imagine that. You're having trouble falling asleep after your daddy makes

chunky monkey floats out of Mountain Dew.

I see you.

I'm not tired. Can I play?

Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. You can. It's past your bedtime.

Okay?

So you need to just lay back, close your eyes, and very soon you will be off.

To sleep.

Okay.

Wow,

that

took a long time.

Did you just get Sammy to sleep?

Yeah, it took him a little while to settle down.

Monster under his bed?

Idiot in his toy chest.

Jimmy and his kids are running around playing hide -and -go -seek at 9 o

at night. How are we supposed to get our kids to eat their vegetables and go to

bed on time when they see their cousins doing whatever they want to?

Come on, it's not that big of a deal.

Kim, they have no rules. It's like living with Vikings.

Worse, at least after the Vikings raped and pillaged, they moved on.

I hear what you're saying, but, you know, we raise our kids one way, they

their kids another.

Who are we to tell them what to do? Who are we? They're benefactors, the owners

of their rent -free house, the teat at which they suck!

So, what are we supposed to do?

You need to talk to them.

Me? Yeah, she's your sister.

I can't tell them what they can and can't do with their kids. It's all...

I don't care if it is awkward.

We need to say something. We have a responsibility to our children. We're

supposed to be the adults here.

Hey. Hey.

Hey,

guys.

Kim seems to think we need to talk about something.

What's up?

Um... Look, it's kind of getting difficult to enforce the rules with

around here when he sees his cousins running around doing whatever they want

You know, like eating their vegetables or going to bed on time.

Look, guys, in an ideal world, this would never come up.

But since we all live together, it's very unfair to Sammy.

I see what you're saying, Kim, but it's tricky.

We've got two sets of parents here, and they both have their own style.

Yeah, I see what you're saying, but only one has their own house.

So that's the way it's going to be, huh?

Until you move.

Jimmy, you know, he's right. We need to be a little more respectful. Okay, fine,

fine.

Whatever. Thank you.

Thanks, guys. We really appreciate it. Yeah, I just don't understand what the

big deal is.

You know, our kids take vitamins every morning.

You know? Do they have to eat all their vegetables?

No kid likes vegetables.

I remember one time, I didn't want to eat lima beans.

Yeah, so I stuffed them all in my pocket.

Yeah, well, of course you remember that. It was last Friday.

Can I have ice cream?

Not until you finish your vegetables.

That's the rule, Sammy.

Dad, we're ready for ice cream.

Uh, yeah, guys, why don't you finish your vegetables?

Why? Because that's the rule.

You didn't eat them last night.

I know, it's a new rule.

Why?

Because it's your Uncle Greg's house and he wants you to finish all your

vegetables.

But we want ice cream. I'm sorry, no one can have ice cream until they finish

all their vegetables.

Thanks. Thanks a lot, Jimmy. Now I got Uday and Kuse mad at me.

Hey, it's your rule. Yeah, but you can make it seem like it's coming from you,

their father.

Oh, come on. They're not going to believe it's coming from him. They know

too well.

It would be like when they made Axl Rose do all those anti -drug commercials.

Well, fine. I'll be the bad guy if that's what you want.

I'll discipline your kids for you. It'll probably be the best thing that ever

happened to them. What is that supposed to mean? Hey, Emily, come on, Sammy.

Let's go finish your vegetables in the living room.

I thought you guys made a rule that there's no eating in the living room.

Uh, yeah, that rule wasn't for the kids. That was for you.

Face it, Jimmy, your kids could use some discipline.

They'll probably be better off with someone a little more strict in charge.

Greg, you know what? Just because we don't fight our kids over every little

thing doesn't mean that we're bad parents. We're just smart enough to know

to pick our battles.

Please, I've never seen you battle your kids over anything that didn't pop out

of a toaster.

Dude, you know what? Okay, you think you're so smart. Okay, why don't you go

ahead and try to discipline our kids? I'd like to see you try. Fine.

Greg, you don't know what you're getting yourself into. I mean, come on, you

really think that you can do a better job disciplining our children than we

I think a monkey and a blow -up doll could do a better job.

I think she knows everything.

Who are Uday and Kuse?

You don't know who Uday and Kuse are?

No, never understood pig Latin.

Okay, everybody in the van if we're going to catch the 2 o 'clock movie.

Let's go, Logan, Dominic. Come on, let's go.

It's my turn.

Let go.

Come on, you guys. We don't want to miss the movie. It's my turn.

Let go.

Get comfortable, Greg.

I've seen these things go on for hours.

We usually get to the movies pretty late.

By the time we got to Finding Nemo, they'd already found him.

Jimmy, it only goes on for hours because you let it.

Not on my watch. Okay, you guys. If you can't share it, no one's going to get

it. All right? Now go on. Get in the car.

Dad. I told you, Dominic, we're trying something new. Uncle Greg's in charge

now.

You see that, Jimmy? You just got to lay down the law. Be firm, but fair.

Sometimes the children need to be reminded who's in charge, you know, who

grown -ups are. Hey, my kids know who the grown -ups are.

Shotgun. No fair. I cloned super shotgun yesterday. That left my whole wing.

No, no, they spilt it.

They'll clean it up.

I'm not cleaning them up. You spilled them.

No, you spilled them. You both spilled them. Now you both need to clean them

Greg, the movie starts in five minutes. Maybe they can clean them up later.

Kim, you don't negotiate with terrorists.

Now go ahead.

Are you sure?

Absolutely. This is exactly the kind of discipline these two kids need.

Don't worry, we'll be in as soon as they clean up their mess.

Didn't have lunch.

This is ridiculous.

Okay, Tim can't save his seats forever. I'm going to go get the kids. They're

going to miss the whole movie. Oh, so they miss the movie. I mean, do you know

how many videos they've watched in their lives?

And last week I asked Logan to tell me the truth. He said, you can't handle the

truth.

Maybe we should give Greg a chance.

Oh, Christine, come on. You know our kids. Do you really think what Greg's

is going to work? Well, I don't know, but, I mean, it couldn't hurt, right? I

mean, they certainly don't take our threats seriously anymore.

And, you know, I don't like to admit this to me, but there are moments in the

day where that little one scares the hell out of me.

Tell me about it. I took a bite out of his pudding pop the other day. He

me right in the cherries.

It's not worth getting punched in the cherry.

We're not leaving.

I can't believe you're still here. You missed the whole movie.

Yeah, this is going to take a little bit longer than I thought. But I'm fine. I

have a book on tape. It's a self -help book.

It's all about keeping your inner calm in the face of a crisis.

Does it work? I don't know. I'm too pissed off to focus on anything he's

Can you just forget about this? Jimmy and Christine are waiting for us in the

arcade. You hear that, guys? Everyone's going to the arcade.

And you could, too, if you just clean up the back seat.

Yeah, I think we're still going to be here for a little while.

Okay. See you inside.

All right. Well, don't worry about me. It shouldn't be that long.

I mean, I'm on top of this.

I mean, come on, it's Jimmy's kids. How much listening to someone read could

they possibly take?

Just

so

you know, you can't leave your radio on without the engine running. It'll drain

your battery.

Thank you. Thank you for pointing that out.

Well, anyway, the drive home should charge your battery back up. Well, we're

going anywhere, but I'll keep it running.

You know, I think there's something leaking out the front of your car. No,

Yeah, yeah, there's some puddle or something up there by the front tire.

you know, the little one had to, you know, go tinkle.

No, I didn't. You did.

Well, I couldn't leave the car. I'm trying to teach the kids a lesson here.

We are not leaving!

Hey, Jimmy.

Huh?

Aren't we bad parents?

What are you talking about?

Well, Greg's been out there for like three hours. We're still at it. I mean,

would have given up after ten minutes.

I mean, we are late.

Well, so what are you saying? We should be more like Greg?

Well, I don't know, but think about it, Jimmy. I mean, Sam and Emily are like

these perfect little children that do whatever you tell them. And with our

everything's always a battle.

And half the time, we lose.

Oh, I just always thought that was kind of the way our kids worked.

Well, maybe that's just an excuse.

Maybe we've been fooling ourselves all along. What if we've been doing this

whole thing wrong all along?

Hey, match for a game!

Do you

guys like this song?

How about this? Do you like opera music?

No. Good.

Bet you're not exposed to opera music in the guest house.

It's refined.

It's Italian.

You know what he's saying right here?

Pick up the cheetos, pick the cheetos up.

Aren't you worried the battery's going to die again?

No, I am not, Dominic, because I have the engine motor.

And as long as I have the engine running, we can listen to opera until

come home.

Or, of course, until we run out of gas.

Just so you know, you can't leave a car running all day without eventually

running out of gas.

Do you really think you need to tell me that?

You wouldn't think so.

It's all part of the process. I'm just going to wait them out. You know,

everybody's got their breaking point.

You son of a bitch!

I've told you three times that I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving, I'm not

leaving, I'm not leaving, I'm not leaving.

Just a matter of time.

But we want to go home.

Kim, I'm not moving this car until they pick up the Cheetos. You guys can call a

cab. Fine.

All right, good luck. Thank you.

You hear that, guys?

You could be going home, too, if you'd just pick up those Cheetos.

Fine, but if we went home, you could have dinner.

I mean, we've been out here for four hours. I know you guys must be hungry.

I'm not hungry. Are you hungry?

Oh, no, me?

No, I'm not hungry. I'm in it for the long haul, boys.

I know you're trying to teach the boys a lesson, but it's past midnight.

Jimmy, I'm not backing down. I'm committed to this.

And I appreciate it, but it's late.

You've got to bring the boys home.

Fine, we'll come home.

But first thing in the morning, we're coming right back here to this very same

parking space where we will not move until you guys clean up your mess.

Just great.

You have got to be kidding me!

You two think this is funny, huh?

Oh, yeah?

Yeah? Well, I found my way out, so ha, ha, ha!

Who's laughing now?

So, did you not see the sign, or you just didn't believe it?

Boys are really testing you, huh? What time are you going back tomorrow?

We're not going back. I'm done. They're all yours.

But you're kidding. You're giving up after one day?

But you were going to fix them.

You can't fix them. They're broken.

No one can fix those little monsters.

No one. You guys are right. You have to pick your battles with those two. I

mean, if you're going to fight over every little spilled Cheeto, you will

your mind.

You will lose your mind.

You hear that, Christine?

He couldn't do it either.

We're not bad parents. We just got tough kids.

Yeah. You know, it's so amazing how four kids growing up in the same house would

be so different.

Yeah, I know. You tell Sam or Emily to do something once or twice, they do it.

Well, yeah, but if you really think about it, look where Sam and Emily came

from. I mean, Kim and Greg...

We're always goody -goodies growing up. I mean, gotta be genetic.

Ah, so that explains Dominic and Logan.

My demon seed, your deviled eggs.

It's nothing but a recipe for hell, monkeys. Yeah, yeah.

I cleaned out the minivan, so we're okay now, right?

I mean, no harm done. I mean, the backseat's clean enough to eat off of.

You're just not going to let this go, are you?

I just... I just wanted one bite. I mean, how was I supposed to know it was

Logan's last put in pie?