Original subtitles

Oh, my God, you're still studying? I've never seen you this nervous taking

tests. She was like this sometimes in high school.

But they were the tests where you pee on a stick.

Lucky for us, all through high school, she got straight blues.

Look, it's not just me, all right? Everybody's freaked out. You know, when

were in college, we used to get together in study groups to prepare for a big

test. Although sometimes the groups were a little intimate.

And we did a little more than study.

Hey, remember that time in the library cubicle? Oh, wow.

Something about the chance of getting caught made that the most amazing night

ever.

Kim, that wasn't me.

You know, I don't think it was me either.

Hey, honey, why don't you try to find a study group?

Some kids from class are doing one tonight.

Well, you should go. It would be great.

No, thanks.

I don't fit in with all the 20 -year -olds.

Besides, I'm sure they just think of me as the weird old lady in class.

No, I know what it's like to feel like an outcast.

First, when I did work study cleaning the gym, but I had to wear this mask for

the ammonia, all the jocks called me Phantom of the Mopra.

Oh, my God, you're the Phantom?

I married the Phantom?

I mean, it's not like they call me names or anything, but I still feel out of

place. You know, I'd rather just...

Go to class and keep to myself.

Christine, come on. I really think that you should go to the study group. You

think it would help you with your grades? You know, I mean, getting to

classmates will make you feel more like a real college student. You should be

more social.

Fine, I'll go to the study group.

All right, do me a favor. Just make sure it's not meeting in a library cubicle

like one of Kim's study groups.

No, it's in a house.

Yeah, well, you can get pretty wild in a house, too.

Hey, Greg, remember that time you and me and one of my girlfriends got naked on

the roof during that St. Patrick's Day party?

That wasn't me either.

You had a threesome on a roof?

Nah, I'm just messing with him now.

Oh, that must be it up there on the left.

Oh, my God, it's the Rorty house.

No, no, no, no, no. Keep driving, keep driving, keep driving.

Where? Well, I'm not going in there.

And, Timmy, they're probably not even studying.

I'm sure they're just sitting around in their pajamas, painting each other's

toenails and telling stories about how they lost their virginity.

Maybe I should go in there.

So, Christine, this is what I'm talking about, okay? You came all the way down

here. You're in college now. You've got to get involved.

Fine. I'll go.

Okay. I mean, who do I care what a bunch of sorority girls think about me

anyway? Exactly.

Oh, shoot. Someone's coming out.

ride, mister.

Good luck at the demolition derby.

Hey, how you doing? Hi, I'm Christine.

Right, from our econ class.

Yeah, and the old lady that sits in the back.

Wait, you're not that old. There's a woman in our sociology class, and she's

like 30.

Cheryl, Andy, Jennifer, Beth, and Keith.

Okay, we were just getting ready to go over the chapter on aggregate demand.

All

right.

I think we covered everything.

You had great notes.

I hope coming here helped you. Oh, trust me. It helped already.

Got me out of giving my kids a bath tonight.

Oh, you have babies? I love babies.

Maya, you're welcome to borrow mine anytime you want.

But you gotta take my husband, too.

You know, it must be nice to have a mature man.

It must be.

You know I can find one?

We've cleaned all the sisters' rooms, done the laundry, and washed your car.

Will there be anything else?

Can I have the pledges get anything for you?

Oh, well, I'd love a cup of coffee if it's not too much trouble. Don't be

In fact, it's not trouble enough.

You guys, get her coffee.

In fact, get all of us coffee.

Go on.

You, paint her toenails.

What should I do?

Be her footstool, grunt.

Full -on pampering.

I feel like Liz Taylor in Cleopatra.

Who?

Um, Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.

Julia Roberts in what?

Um, J -Lo in Made in Manhattan.

Oh!

You know what? You should join the sorority. Oh, you should!

We'd love to have you. You'd rock.

Yeah, and? You have babies.

Babies rock.

Oh, well, you know what? I'm honored, but, you know, I don't think my self

-esteem is so low that I could take the humiliation of being someone's

footstool. No offense.

None taken.

I don't think Christine should have to pledge.

Let's just make her an honorary sister.

You can do that?

I'm the chapter president. I can do anything.

Really?

Then can you make her rub my feet and my calves?

Sister Christine's had a very long day.

I know. Can you believe it?

I married the Phantom.

Oh, hey, watch it. I still have to sleep with the guy.

Okay, it's good catching up with you too, Bunny.

Hey, it's getting late. I wonder why Christine hasn't called yet.

Hey,

who drove you home?

One of my pledges.

Your what?

Will that be all, Sister Christine?

Yes, stupid clumsy girl.

Hey, hey, hey!

What the hell is going on?

I joined a sorority. You?

Did the Hell's Angels open a chapter up on campus?

What are you talking about? You guys are the ones who told me to be more social.

Christina, I just never thought you would join any group after what happened

with the Girl Scout.

Oh, sure. You know, they all had a big problem with me smoking.

But you know what? When it came time to light that campfire, everybody was all,

oh, where's Christine? Where's Christine?

Seems a little weird, that's all.

Look, it's not a big deal.

Jimmy, stop looking at me like I'm crazy.

I'm not. I'm looking at you like you're hot.

I'm going to bed with a sorority girl tonight.

So you really like hanging out with these girls?

I didn't expect to, but they're like the little sisters I never had.

Hey. Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that. It's just, you know, they look up to

me. I looked up to you.

Yeah, I guess you got a point.

Plus, there's lots of perks.

Like tonight, one pledge did my toenails while the other one did my hair.

Hey, whoa, whoa, Christine.

Sip the dirty talk for later.

Here you go.

This is the same thing you gave us last night.

What is this?

I like to call it Hot Dog -O -Ritos -A -Roni.

Guess who cooked dinner tonight?

Raccoons?

I thought Christine was doing dinner.

She called. She says she's going down to the sorority house tonight.

That's four nights in a row.

Yeah, well, exams are coming up. I guess she's got to be studying pretty hard.

Wow, hanging out with those girls has really turned her into a bookworm.

Usually this time she'd be parked in front of the TV watching Anna Nicole.

Gotta love Anna Nicole.

Yeah, but...

I don't get how she could have married a guy that old.

What's the big deal? I mean, when I'm 100, he'll only be like, 172.

Sugar Pie.

Sugar Pie, stop helping my teddy bear.

Oh, my God. That is perfect. You sound just like her. Too bad that guy Tony

Moore over at the SAE house isn't here. He looks just like Bobby Trendy. The

Pledges could go kidnap him.

Pledges?

I need my Bobby Trendy.

Go to the SEA house and bring him back here.

And someone get me a pickle.

Hey, hey, guys, please, okay? I don't want to get any more wet. Thank you.

No!

What's wrong?

Mommy covers his eyes with a washcloth.

No!

I'm not at the right one.

Well, which one, then?

Mommy knows.

Well, Mommy's not here, so this one, this one's going to have to do, okay?

All right, now listen. Just sit still, okay?

All right, you guys are getting me all wet.

And I don't know how your mother manages to stay dry doing this. Now, Dominic,

will you hand me the cup, please?

Just leave that one over there. Oh, all right. Listen, yeah, yeah, you're sorry.

I bet you are. Guys, sit still, okay? I want to get this done. I'm going to fill

this up myself.

All right, to heck with it. That's it, boys. Move over. I'm coming in.

Hey, have you seen the TV remote?

See? This is why I never come back here.

Have you met my husband?

actually cremate him. He's just so old. One day he'll turn to dust.

Wow, he really does look like Bobby Trendy.

Wait, say luxurious.

I'm not going to say luxurious.

That couch looks horrible.

I hate going to bed hungry again, but I just couldn't eat any more of that

meatloaf Jimmy made. Oh, no.

I'd rather take a few bites out of meatloaf to sing her.

I can't believe how hard it's been this week without Christine.

Now, she may be useless, but Jimmy is actively harmful.

Hey, guys, sorry to interrupt. You weren't doing anything, were you?

No, you weren't doing anything. I don't hear the Lionel Richie.

Well, can Logan sleep with you? Christine's not back yet, and I got

cover the night shift, and I can't leave him back there all alone.

Well, why don't you tell Christine to come home?

Because I'm the one who talked her into this. I'm trying to be more supportive.

Please?

Fine. Okay, thanks a lot, you guys. I appreciate it.

Listen, he's going through his afraid of the dark phase, okay?

Good night.

Which part of Afraid of the Dark didn't you understand?

oh that is too

by a bunch of sorority girls.

They were crafty.

I think one of them was ROTC.

Hey, where's Christine?

At the sorority house. They're having a party because they all passed their

exams. Are there going to be invitations to this party or are all the guests

going to be randomly abducted?

You know, this is getting crazy.

Okay, it's one thing when she has to go down there to study.

Or even to go to those sorority meetings. Go to a party on a random

night? Just get ridiculous.

Where are you going? I'm going down there to get Christine, okay?

Because this is supposed to be a partnership. To raise a family, you need

people.

Apparently those two people are me and you, Pam.

Thank you, ma 'am. May I have another?

Thank you, ma 'am. May I have another?

What do you want, dude? But my arms get a little tired.

You know I have to keep saying that for my fraternity initiation, right?

I don't really want more.

Oh, my God. I thought you just had mommy issues. I'm sorry.

All right, Christine. Enough fun. I'm taking you home. Oh, we're really sorry,

officer. We'll turn the music down.

Oh, no, no, no. You guys don't have to lower the music.

He's just trying to get me to go home with him.

Christine?

We don't expect you to go home with a campus security guard just to keep our

party going.

Clutch!

No, no, no. Guys, see, Jimmy's my husband. Yes, and I'm mad, too.

Okay? You've been down here all week while I'm stuck at home by myself taking

care of the kids.

Oh, you were with the babies? Why didn't you bring the babies? I would love to

see the babies.

Jimmy, you're the one who said I should get more involved in school.

Yes, but...

Now you're too involved, okay? Christine, you are a wife and a mother.

be out every night raising hell, you know?

God.

Hey, is that a party ball?

I didn't know they made those anymore.

Jimmy, look, you know, we're celebrating the end of exams, you know? I deserve a

night to party. Well, I understand that, Christine, but you have

responsibilities elsewhere.

Are they putting jello on that slip and slide over there?

Look, the girl said that it wouldn't be a party without me. Yeah, well, you know

what? You ever think I might want to go out and party with you two?

You know, maybe get a sitter one night?

Have some drinks?

Do a little dancing?

Well, who's watching the kids now?

Kim. So we've got a sitter, and we've got drinks.

So let's do a little dancing.

What time will you be home?

10 .30. Jimmy, it's 11 o 'clock now.

Jimmy?

Hello?

He hung up on me.

What's he doing down there? I don't know. It was hard to hear.

Said something about a wet t -shirt contest.

Saw him in the tub the other night. I'd say he's got a good chance at winning.

We have to go down there to that sorority house and get them. Fine, I'll

them. And while I'm down there, I'll give those girls a piece of my mind and

hopefully see if one of them found my slipper.

Sorry.

How the hell does he do that?

Ready? Ready. He's ready to go. Move out of the way.

You came with the kids?

Yes, but you guys need to come home. We're not raising your family for you.

Ugh, come on, Greg.

We'll leave when the party's over, okay? Oh, yeah? Well, the party's over right

now, okay? I'll call the police right now and have this party shut down.

Uh, we're allowed to have parties?

Yeah? Well, what about kidnapping, huh? Are you allowed to do that?

Huh? Let's see what the police think about that. Okay.

Come on, Jimmy. We really shouldn't. It's getting light out.

Actually, Christine, that's an umbrella.

Thank you.

Wow, what a night, huh? Yeah, we still got it.

Honey, thanks for encouraging me to make friends at school.

I mean, I know I got carried away, but it's just with the kids and school.

It's been so long since I've had fun like this, you know?

Don't worry. I know I've been irresponsible this week, and I know I

stop. Hey, take it easy, okay? There's no reason we can't get crazy every once

in a while.

Yeah, why not?

Keep us feeling young.

Mm -hmm.

Oh.

Oh.

Ah.

Good morning, officer.

Morning. Everyone okay in there?

Yeah, we had a bit of a wild night, so we thought the responsible thing would

to sleep in the car.

Yeah, that's great, but it probably would have been a bit more responsible

you would have slept in your own car.

Hey,

aren't you Dominic's mom?

Hi.

See you at PTA.

You know what?

Maybe we can't do this anymore.

No, we're too old for this.