Original subtitles

All right, Sammy, I want you to go to bed tonight when Uncle Jimmy and Aunt

Christine tell you to.

Mommy and Daddy are going to be out late tonight.

We're going to my boss's birthday party.

Not a lot of people from work got invited.

After all of his hard work, your daddy's finally made it into Mr.

Savitsky's inner sanctum. That makes sense. You've had your nose up his

for years.

So you're going to Malibu for a big party, huh? Yeah.

Mr. Savitsky's wife is throwing him a huge birthday party.

I feel a little guilty.

Greg's birthday is in less than a week, and I don't even know what I'm getting

him yet.

Why don't you give him what I gave Jimmy last year, the Time Live series of

books on the Civil War?

I'm surprised Jimmy would like that.

He didn't. That's why you can give him to Greg.

You ready?

Yep. I wonder if Jimmy will ever get invited to the Boston's birthday party.

Well, if he wants to, he better start kissing a little sanctum instead of

sitting on his sanctum. Oh,

you guys weren't there. Earlier, Jimmy used the word sanctum. You know what?

Jimmy will think this is funny. Jimmy!

What's up, motherfucker?

Something really funny just happened in here.

Christine, say that thing you said about the party.

What?

That thing you said about Jimmy getting to go to the party. I wasn't invited to

the party. I know you weren't.

Just say that thing that you said, and then I'll say the funny thing about the

sanctum. I don't remember what I said. You said, I'm hoping Jimmy will want...

No, that wasn't it.

I'm on the... All right, never mind.

Wow, can you believe this house? It's incredible.

I know. Can you imagine living right on the beach, waking up every morning to

the sounds of the ocean winds blowing through the trees instead of the sound

Jimmy blowing his nose in the shower?

Oh, look, hey, there's your boss. Let's go wish him a happy birthday.

Wait, not now.

He's talking to Sandy Grushow.

That's the chairman of Fox Television. I don't want to get involved in that

conversation. I'd be in way over my head.

How many olives do you think I can fit in my mouth?

20, 63.

Nine.

Come on, let's go over there. Wait, wait, wait. Wait till they're done,

Craig, if you don't start acting like you deserve to be here, then you don't

deserve to be here.

Well, I guess you're right.

Wait a second.

My breath stinks.

Really?

No, it doesn't.

Yes, it does.

Oh, Greg, that's your hand.

What the hell is that?

I don't know, but keep it in your pocket.

Hello, Mr.

Stavitsky. Warner, have you met Sandy Grushow?

Sandy, this is my vice president of business affairs, Greg Warner, and his

Kim. Hello.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

I hear good things.

You ever get tired of working for this cheap old coot? Give me a call.

I'll do that.

I'd never do that.

Have you guys tried the crab cake?

Oh, thank you very much. And you know, I'll have another drink. This time,

martini, clean glass.

Warner, this is my wife, Judy, and that's her crab cake.

Oh, I am so sorry. I am so sorry. Don't worry. I didn't touch it with my stinky

hand.

These breakfasts are my favorite. She had them flown in all the way from

Maryland. Wow. Did my wife throw me a great birthday party or what, huh? It's

lovely party. Thank you.

Now I'm going to get you that dirty martini. All right, remember to shake

meant the martini. She knew that.

Mr. Savitsky, you have a spectacular home.

Well, it's just a weekend place, but the truth is, between work and traveling,

we don't get much chance to use it.

Mostly we just loan it out to friends.

Well, it sure is beautiful, sir. Well, thanks. This is why you work hard,

Warner. So one day I can afford a place like this? No, you and everyone at the

studio work hard so I can afford a place like this.

Anytime. And happy birthday, sir.

Birthdays, huh?

Makes you look around and see what you've done.

You know what? You have a lot to be proud of.

You'd think, wouldn't you?

A couple of nice homes, a beautiful wife, tremendous wealth.

But underneath it all, I'm just a middle -aged man who stays up every night till

three in the morning, crank -calling old girlfriends and crying myself to sleep.

Excuse me, I've had too much to drink.

And so, even allowing for market variation, I feel confident that we'll

to finish the fourth quarter strong.

Warner, you're the financial whiz. What's your opinion?

Well, I agree with Eleanor, but no matter how strong we finish, it won't be

nearly as strong as those martinis your lovely wife served at your party.

Mr. Savitsky had a birthday party this weekend. Only a few of us were invited.

Now Mike's going to bring us up to date on foreign residuals.

Greg Warner?

Yes. I'm from Valley Limousine. I'm here to pick you up, sir.

There must be some mistake.

I was told to come get you, sir.

Well, I didn't call for a limo. I'm at work. We're right in the middle of a

meeting here.

Warner, go with him.

What's that? Go with him and do exactly what he says.

Well, okay, but where am I going? I can't say. It's a secret.

I need to blindfold you.

Do it.

Okay.

Uh, Warner, when you pushed your chair back, you hit Mike in the crotch.

Of course, you were blindfolded. You had no way of knowing.

So, um, can you tell me where we're going?

I can't say.

You can't say because you're not allowed to, or you can't say because you don't

know? I can't say.

Well, I'm sure it's nothing bad. Mr.

Savitsky's in on it.

You know, I was invited to his birthday party the other night. Not a lot of

people get invited to those.

It was a hoot.

Me, Sandy Bruchow, a lot of elisters.

You know, I've been working for a company about five years now, and I had

idea the rise to the top would be so quick.

You put the partition up, didn't you?

You put the...

Yes, sir.

Is there steps? Tell me if there's steps. There aren't any steps, sir.

here.

So what are we going to do now?

Sir?

Hello, sir? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, fella!

Surprise!

What?

This is Mr.

Savitsky's beach house.

Yeah.

Is he here?

Nope. He said we could use it for your birthday. We've got it for the whole

weekend. Wow.

He did all this for me? He set it up for my birthday? This is great.

He didn't set it up. I set it up.

What? I told him it was your birthday and asked if we could use the beach

for the weekend.

Are you kidding?

No. You heard what he said. He lends it out all the time.

I thought, what would be nicer than for all of us to spend the weekend in a

beach house? All of us?

Surprise!

Is this going to be great or what?

Yeah, wow, this is quite a surprise.

Oh, Emily's up. Listen, I'm going to go get her. You get changed. We'll all go

down to the beach. Okay, sounds great. Hurry up. I can't wait. She's lost her

freaking mind.

She thought I would enjoy this.

She thought I would enjoy being pulled out of a meeting early? She thought I'd

enjoy her calling my boss that she hardly knows to ask could we use his

Greg, she wanted you to have the perfect birthday.

Well, she invited you!

Actually, no, we tricked her into that. Yeah, we told her we'd take care of the

kids all weekend, when in reality, we plan on getting so drunk that you end up

taking care of our children.

And eventually, taking care of us.

She thought I would like this? Does she even know me? I can't do this. I'm going

to tell her I need to go back to work, and I think it's better if we all just

home. Greg, you can't do that. I mean, she worked all week on this. I mean, you

can't tell her she ruined your birthday.

Well, I guess you're right. I mean, this is her gift.

As much as I hate it, I guess I'm just going to have to close my eyes, grit my

teeth, and pretend like I'm enjoying myself until it's over.

Hey, it's not like she hasn't done that for you.

Christine, what are you doing?

Spraying sunblock on the kids.

Well, spray closer.

The particles are dispersing. So what?

So what?

God only knows what Savitsky thinks of me already. I at least want to leave the

house exactly the way we found it. You're getting everything greasy.

Frank, you're being ridiculous, all right? It dissolves before it hits the

ground. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Hey, what am I supposed to do with these towels after I use them?

You use these towels.

You used Mr.

Savitsky's monogram towels.

Relax, okay? I used them to dry off after I took a shower. It's not like I

them to wipe myself.

Yeah, we know this isn't a hotel.

Just relax.

How? How am I supposed to relax?

It's taken me years to build this relationship with my boss. Now we're

in his bed, using his towels, sitting on the chair, eating a jelly sandwich. Get

off the chair. Get off the chair. Get off the chair.

And go for a swim, sporto.

Okay, boys, why don't we go out on the deck and feed the seagulls? It's really

cool. They're amazing scavengers. They snatch the food right out of your hand.

I'm sure they admire your work, too.

You having fun?

Yep, you bet.

Oh, Sammy, let Daddy help you with that, okay? You gotta push the button really

hard for the water to come out.

See?

Is it good?

Kim, Kim, it's stuck.

What? The water, I need a cup.

What?

The water, I need a cup.

Oh, God.

There's water all over the floor.

So what?

So it's everywhere.

Oh, man, water got up under the refrigerator.

Hand me that long spoon.

Frank, it's water. It'll evaporate. Or leave a water mark or cause mildew. I

know this sounds crazy, but I'm going to feel a lot better knowing that it's all

cleaned up.

Oh, God. Crap, I lost my rag.

See? You should have let it dry on its own.

Well, I guess it's all water under the fridge now.

Oh, come on. Give me a little thumping, a little chuckle. Stop it. Now I'm going

to have to move the refrigerator.

You know, this looks just like when you were dancing with your fat cousin at our

wedding.

Was that my back?

I think it was the fridge.

What?

Oh, he snapped the power cord.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What's going on?

I just broke Mr.

Savitsky's refrigerator.

He ripped the power cord off.

Well, that's no big deal. I'll just go to the hardware store and get a new one.

You sure you know how to fix it?

Yeah, I mean, fixing power cords is easy. You know, do it wrong once, you'll

learn.

I hope he hurries, because if it sits here long enough, it's going to start to

stink. Kind of like your cousin Nancy.

She had a thyroid condition.

Greg, come on outside.

Sammy and I are making a sandcastle. Where the hell is Jimmy?

You must have run into some traffic.

Well, I hope it gets back soon. All the food is going to spoil.

Honey, it's been a half an hour. I'm sure the refrigerator will stay cold

enough.

At least it will if you'd stop doing that.

I just don't want the food to go bad, okay?

Greg, it's food. Relax. If it goes bad, we'll buy more.

Oh, that's a good idea. Why don't I walk down to the corner store and buy some

milk, and you can strap some rockets onto your ass, fly to Maryland, and get

some crab cakes.

Jim, it's getting too warm. I'm going to the bathtub.

I'm gonna save this food.

Well, the bathtub was a bad idea.

Where's Jimmy and Christine's cooler? I've got to at least save these crab

cakes. I think it's on the deck.

I got the cord.

Where's Greg?

I don't know.

He's running around here trying to keep the crab cakes cold.

Why didn't you just leave them in the freezer? I was only gone a half an hour.

know. That's what I told him.

You know, Kim, this is a really nice thing you did for Greg's birthday.

Oh, thanks.

It just doesn't really seem like he's enjoying himself very much.

Are you kidding me? He's having a great time.

He gets so wound up about things. I just wanted to get him out here for the

weekend so he could relax.

This place is so beautiful. How could you do anything but relax?

You know, I knew this would be a good idea because Greg loves the beach.

We used to drive down to Ocean City together. Greg couldn't get there fast

enough. The sooner I get this straight, the sooner Greg can relax.

Those birds really got you good.

There's a clump of your hair missing back here.

Well, you should see them. I tore a lot of their feathers off.

It's okay, Greg. We all know you can beat up a bird.

All right, well, I unclogged the toilet and got all the spaghetti out of the

tub.

Reminds me of the night we got food poisoning at that Italian restaurant.

All right, well, the fridge is fixed.

Well, great. Come on, let's get out of here.

What? No, honey, Mr. Smith said we could stay for the whole weekend. Yeah, but

honey, he didn't know we were going to break his fridge, flood the bathroom,

destroy his crab cake.

Well, but everything's fine now.

No, everything's not fine. I don't want to be here. This was a bad idea.

What?

Oh, God. This is going to get ugly.

What do you mean it's a bad idea?

This whole birthday thing, it's a bad idea. I'm not comfortable in my boss's

house. I'm not comfortable leaving work early. You should know that. Do you even

know who you're married to?

I know who I'm married to. Someone who's so scared of his own shadow, he can't

have a good time.

This is not about having a good time, Kim. This is about my job.

I have carefully built this relationship with my boss, and I can't risk it by

having you calling him up, asking for these favors. What if Mr. Savitsky hates

me for this?

Greg, all of this just happens in your own head.

Like at his party, when I had to practically drag you over to talk to

turned out great.

You know, you wouldn't even have that job if I hadn't convinced you you

it and should apply for it.

Get mad at me all you want, Greg, but you'd be nowhere without me.

You're just a crazy little puppet, and you're lucky that I'm pulling the

That's somebody with a pizza. This is the greatest day of my life.

Hello. Mr.

Savitsky. I hope we're not disturbing you.

Hey, Jimmy.

Hey, Mr. Savitsky. Your family's here, too, huh?

Well, I didn't know my wife was going to invite them, but then again, I didn't

know my wife was going to call you. The more, the merrier.

We just stopped by because we left something we needed for tonight.

Oh, my God.

It's the crab cakes, isn't it? I am so sorry, Mr. Savitsky. No, no. We just

our concert tickets in the bedroom.

The wife and I are going to see Cher at the Staples Center tonight.

Ah, as much plastic surgery as she had, her face was more like the Staples

Center.

My wife? No, no, Cher.

Oh. Now, what's... us about the crab cakes?

I am so sorry, Mr.

Savitsky, but we ate them.

Well, good. I'm glad you liked them.

So you're not mad that we ate them? Of course not. That's what they're there

for. I mean, what else are you going to do with them? Feed them to the seagulls?

All right.

All set.

Great. See you later. Bye -bye.

Okay, well, have a great time at the concert. I hope she's wearing one of

sexy thong things.

My wife? No, sure, sure.

Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

All right, well, happy birthday, Warner, and I hope you have a great time the

rest of the weekend. Okay, thank you very much. Have a good time tonight.

Thanks again.

Well, he wasn't mad at all about the crab cakes, and he didn't seem bothered

that we're here.

See, I told you you had nothing to worry about.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I am crazy.

I need to have more self -confidence. I mean, the guy likes me. Why can't I

accept that? The guy really, really likes me.

Can you believe that putt?

First his pushy little wife asks to borrow our house, then he invites his

family over and they eat our crab cakes.

Who the hell does he think he is?

Oh, lunch is ready.

And I found a box of crab cakes in the back of the freezer that they didn't

Oh, thanks, honey.

You know, it's such a nice day, I think I'm going to eat these out on the deck.