Original subtitles

Hey.

Hey, hon, how was your day?

Great if you love feeling humiliated and belittled as a man.

Greg, I'm begging you, next time let someone else change the water cooler

Mr. Savitsky hired some woman right out of business school, and she's starting

at the same level that it's taken me six years to get to. Oh, man, is that that

woman I saw with you and Savitsky? Oh, you guys should see how hot this chick

is. When she drove up, the guard gate went up by itself.

I'm sorry. I spent far too much time in a small shack full of desperate men.

Greg, maybe she's really smart or really talented.

No, it's not about that. It's what level you're at. You know, I paid my dues.

Why is she getting all the rewards?

Greg, you're a big executive working alongside a sweet piece of tail. I think

that is your reward.

Oh, no, it just ticks me off. I've spent six years working my way up from the

basement, and she starts off right at the penthouse. I mean, where does she go

from the penthouse?

I'm hoping Playboy.

Man, they're going to love that one in the shack.

Warner! I just wanted to make sure you and Kirsten got off on the right foot.

Well, what other foot is there, sir?

The left.

The left. Ha, that's a good one.

Did you hear that, Warner?

She's sharp. Of course she is, sir.

Oh, man, I think I left all the soap opera deal memos in my office. Kirsten,

could you go grab those so you can bring Greg up to speed?

No problem.

Nice girl.

Yeah, uh, Mr.

Savitsky, I, uh, it's kind of uncomfortable for me to ask, but which

is really in charge here, sir?

What are you talking about, Warner? I'm in charge.

Oh, I know, but when you're gone, who's in charge then?

Gone? Have you heard something?

Dear God, this business makes me sick. It's nothing but a festering snake pit

full of backstabbing bastards and hangers -on.

Welcome aboard, honey.

So, I guess we should get started. Oh, really? Huh.

Well, I've been here at this studio for six years, and I think I have a pretty

good idea of when it's time to get banged apart.

Okay, so... When do we start?

Let's start right now.

Okay, you're in charge.

That's right, I am, and... You think I'm in charge?

Of course.

Look, I know I'm the new one around here, and regardless of title, I

myself lucky just to have this job.

And to be learning from you. I mean...

You have quite a reputation around the studio.

But you probably know that already.

Well, I have heard a few things.

Yeah. Mr. Stavitsky says we've got some soap opera stars whose contracts we're

not going to pick up.

Yep, like Sam's through the hourglass, so are the days of their employment.

I never did like soaps. All those blonde, hunky guys.

What a turn off.

I've always leaned more towards the brainy, funny type. Oh, you mean exactly

like me, huh? Well, I wouldn't say that. No, I'm just kidding.

I might be thinking it.

Okay.

Yeah, to me, the biggest sex organ is the brain.

How about you wear a really big hat?

Well, I usually buy the one -size -fits -all, but I have been known to let the

Velcro out.

Hey, Billy, what do you got there?

Massage chair.

I'm learning to be a masseur. Wait a second, what?

Yeah, yeah, when I hurt my back, I paid a guy 75 bucks to massage me. I thought,

good money, set your own hours, work indoors.

He's got a great job.

Yeah, except for the part about rubbing your giant naked body.

Yeah,

laugh all you want, but I'll tell you what, I'm going to make a fortune.

You know, in order to pass a class, I have to get in a certain number of

practice hours each week.

On human subjects.

Come on, Roy.

You look a little tense.

Yeah.

Because you just kind of asked if you could rub me.

Come on, man. I thought we were friends. I'd support your dreams.

That's easy. We don't have any dreams.

Come on, Roy. Really. What do I got to do to get you in that chair?

Catch me.

How was your day?

Great.

You're in a good mood.

What happened with the new woman at work?

You know what? She's okay. She really is.

She's competent and seems to be very respectful of my authority.

See? I told you. Furthermore, she seems to have developed a little crush on one

of her co -workers.

Oh. Who?

Who do you think?

Um... Mike Penny? No.

Get the gin.

Okay.

Are you sure it's not Mike Penny? Me, Kim. She has a crush on me.

Oh, honey, it's so cute that you think that.

It's true.

Oh, come on.

Like, them hot girl in her 20s is gonna have a crush on you. Oh, why is that so

absurd? You had a crush on me. Yeah, but when I had a crush on you, you were 10

years younger, you weren't married with kids, and you got out in the sun once in

a while.

Yeah, read a magazine. Pale is the new tan.

Come on, Greg. You're a great guy.

You're just not a crush at first sight kind of guy. Yeah, well, I beg to

Yeah, I beg you to look at Mike Penny. He's a crush at first sight kind of guy.

Well, if you love Mike Penny so much, why don't you marry the jerk?

Oh, because Mike Penny isn't the kind of guy you marry.

You're the kind of guy you marry.

Mike Penny's the kind of guy you go off to San Diego with on a whim.

Stay in some motel on Coronado Island, run around the beach naked after a few

too many strawberry margaritas while he plays the guitar.

Not that I've ever given that any thought.

Oh, come on. Like you think about me every time.

Hey, Greg.

Any more hot young girls following you today?

Yeah, go ahead. Laugh it up. Laugh all you want, but I've got proof.

Of what?

Well, obviously no one believes that she was flirting with me all week, so I set

up a little camera in my office.

You secretly taped her?

Yep, and I gotta warn you, it's pretty explicit.

I like to call it Vice President of Business Affairs and Financial Resources

Gone Wild.

It was really nice of you to bring donuts.

My pleasure.

Greg, you're delusional. Yeah, keep watching.

Is that your blue Audi outside?

Why, yes. Yes, it is.

I love that car.

It's so sexy.

Oh, really?

Big deal. She likes your car.

Yeah, if that's flirting, there's a guy at Pep Boys who wants to have my baby.

Keep watching.

Oh, Greg, this is nothing.

Keep watching.

This is ridiculous.

You keep watching. It's all in your imagination.

Okay,

that was something.

Yes, it certainly was.

Oh, my God. What is she doing now?

Wiping donut crumbs off my buttocks.

The way she's rubbing is like she's trying to start an ass fire.

You have anything to say for yourself, Kim?

You still want to laugh at me? Still think it's crazy that she could be

attracted to me?

No.

I think it's crazy this is what's going on at work.

I think it's crazy you haven't told her to stop.

I think it's crazy my husband brings home a tape of a beautiful young woman

rubbing his ass and is standing there waiting for an apology from me.

But you don't think it's crazy that she's attracted to me?

You need to tell her to stop.

So you admit that she's attracted to me?

Just tell her to stop touching you.

Why? Why would she be touching me?

Because she's obviously some opportunistic, manipulative, power

tramp. Who is?

Attracted to you. You happy? She's attracted to you. Thank you.

Can I have some chips?

You won't support me in my dreams? Get your own chips.

Last night I had to practice deep tissue massage on a ham.

I must say, though, this meat is damn tender.

Hey, Christine. Hey, Roy. Hey, Billy. Here, honey.

Oh, thank you, honey.

Hey,

Christine. Yeah? Can I give you a massage?

Wow, Billy, you're getting kind of bold. You usually wait until after you're

drunk and Jimmy's passed out before you ask me that.

No, no.

This is legit. I'm taking a massage class. I need to practice.

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Well, you don't have to do this, Christine. What? It's a free massage.

Okay. Just relax.

I've seen a few movies started out like this.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, that's the spot.

Oh, oh.

Ooh, look at her face.

Did she ever make that face with you, Jimmy?

Or has she been saving it for Billy? Okay, all right, all right.

Get your big, meaty hands off my wife.

I only did one shoulder. You want her walking around with unbalanced chakras?

I'm sorry, Christine.

Hey, that's all right.

Well, you owe me a massage.

So on payday, you can send me to a spa.

Yes, where I believe you'll be massaged by a woman.

You can believe whatever you want.

I hope you're happy.

Just took away my only chance to practice.

Guess it was stupid to have a dream in the first place.

You know, I was going to use some of the money I made massaging people to send

some Easter gifts to our boys overseas.

Because I'm proud to be an American.

Well, at least I know how to breathe.

And a pride line.

You can practice on me. All right, thanks.

Just make it fast. If anybody else comes in here, you've got to immediately stop

touching me. Okay. I've seen a couple episodes of ours that started out like

this.

You've got to put your head in the hole. I'm not putting my head in the hole.

What are you doing back there?

Probing for tension zones.

No probing. Just get it over with, okay?

Oh, found a zone.

Oh, my God.

Is it bad?

Is it bad or is it good?

It sounds good.

Let me have some of that.

Dude's got his head in the hole and everything.

Hi. I brought you a cup of coffee. Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

Mmm. You smell good. What is that?

Secrets. Wild cherry. I had a pickle.

No.

Cologne or something.

Yeah. Mmm. All right.

Mmm. All right. All right. Stop. Stop smelling me.

What?

I know this sounds crazy, but I think we need to talk about the amount of

touching and flirting that's going on.

Really?

Should there be more?

No, no, no less. None, really. I mean, there should be none.

None? That's a little boring. I know, but this is an office, and we should

probably focus on the job.

Okay. Well, then, I probably shouldn't do this.

Oh, I love that. I know, but I don't.

Well, then you'll probably hate this.

Beyonce, stop it. I have a wife.

And I have a fiance.

That's what makes this so fun.

Are

you

sure you were clear when you asked her to stop?

Kim, of course I was clear. I said all the right things, but apparently my sex

appeal is stronger than words.

Plus, the bitch is crazy.

Greg, this is serious. You're a victim of sexual harassment.

My God, it's like being a nurse's aide all over again.

Greg, you have to complain to Mr.

Savitsky. Savitsky, Kim, are you crazy?

No, he can't do that.

No way.

Why can't he complain?

I don't know. It's just weird. I mean, what guy has ever complained about

harassment?

I mean, if a girl that hot were groping me, even I wouldn't complain.

Just when I thought I couldn't love you anymore.

Greg, you have to say something to Savitsky. This problem isn't going to go

on its own.

Yes, you're right.

I'd better take care of this before casual Friday.

If he sees me in my aqua short -sleeve eyes, people are going to say I was

asking for it.

Excuse me, Mr. Savitsky.

Oh, what is it, Warner? I need to speak with you about Kirsten.

She's been, well, flirting with me, and she's kind of crossed the line.

Are you saying she touched you inappropriately?

More than once.

Whoa, this is serious.

Let me close the door.

Okay, now give me all the juicy details.

What?

Where did she touch you? What was she wearing? Paint a picture, Warner, for

God's sakes. My wife sleeps in a separate bedroom.

No, this isn't something that I enjoy, sir. It's unprofessional, and I need her

to stop.

Oh, well, just talk to her.

If I get involved, it's going to be a whole big mess.

I did talk to her. And she didn't stop?

No, if anything, it made her more aggressive.

Wow.

Hi, Kirsten, could you come down to my office for a minute?

Thanks.

Is she doing this to everybody?

As far as I know, it's just me.

I don't get it.

Hadn't you seen my penny?

Mr. Politsky.

Hey, Greg. You wanted to see me?

Yes. Come on in. Close the door.

Uh, Warner says that you've been flirting and touching him

You actually complained about this?

No means no.

We were just goofing around. It was no big deal. No big deal? You're all over

ass. You don't even have an ass.

How'd you figure that out, grabby?

Look, is it a crime to try and make a nerdy guy feel good about himself?

I mean, I know how the business world works. You have to play up to people's

egos.

Besides, let's be serious. If I really wanted to get into a sexual relationship

at work, don't you think I'd be down the hall hitting on Mike Penny?

Look, the only thing that matters is this kind of sexual behavior is

forbidden in the workplace.

So what happens now?

You're on suspension pending a hearing by human resources.

What they decide is out of my hands.

This head of human resources, is it a man or a woman?

A woman.

Well, nice knowing you.

Well, Mr. Savitsky, I want to thank you for taking care of that for me. No

problem. Can I at least take you out for lunch?

Sorry, Warner, I'm having lunch with someone.

Who?

My penny.

Of course you are.

Well, if you find yourself naked on a beach in Coronado with a belly full of

margaritas, say hello to my wife.

Morning. Here's a flyer.

Ready for my massage.

But respect the border of the waistband. That's my no -fly zone.

Dude, it's over. There's no more massages. Management sent down this new

conduct to cut down on sexual harassment.

No touching, fondling, or massaging. Now, how did this happen?

His brother -in -law.

Greg got caught playing a little grab ass.

Yeah, yeah. He does look like a pervert.

Good morning.

Yeah, yeah, look at those beady little eyes.

Greg didn't grab anyone. That girl Kirsten grabbed him.

Somebody gonna open up the gate?

Hey, way to go, Greg. Thanks to you, we're now stuck with this stupid code of

conduct. Yeah, thanks to you, tonight, I'll be thinking of you while I'm

my ham.

I don't know what you just said, but I'm pretty sure it violates Section 4.

I'm sorry. I didn't know it was going to turn into all this. You don't have to

be sorry.

We're here to thank you. What?

A lot of us have been treated the way you were, but we're just secretaries. We

were afraid to say anything.

Your courage has made this a safer place for all of us. Well, thank you. You

know, a lot of people don't appreciate the strength and courage that it took

me to do what I did.

And because of those people, I might need some of you to walk me to my car

afternoon.

I'd like to give you a hug.

But I'm not sure it would be appropriate.

It would be, as long as you ask first.

May I give you a hug?

Yes, you may.

May I give you a hug?

Yes, you may.

May I? Look, let's just save a little time here, ladies, okay? Shall we? You

all give me a hug.

I didn't see Greg's car. Did he leave for work already?

Oh, yeah. He can't wait to get to the office on casual Friday.

I'm too sexy for my shirt. Too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it hurts.

And I am too sexy for Milan.

Too sexy for Milan, New York, and Japan.

Hey, great shirt.

Oh, thanks.

I just saw Mike Penny. He's wearing one just like it.

are you doing didn't you get the memo put a shirt on for crying out loud and

out in the sun once in a while