Original subtitles

Hey, you guys are up early. What, did Domino's introduce a new breakfast

No,

we're actually going over to Dominic's school. They got the Olympics the next

two Saturdays. Really? What, does it take two Saturdays for an elementary

Olympics? Yeah, I get to be in the events this year. There's gymnastics,

hurdles. Yeah, and the event I've been training for all year, the bake sale.

Didn't you get sick at that thing last year? Hey, when it comes to competition,

I leave it all on the field.

Yeah, as I remember, the janitor had to cover it up with a bucket of sand.

All right, do we have everything?

I have my running shoes and my water bottle. I have my big jar of change and

loose eating pants.

What do you got there? Something for the bake sale?

Yeah, shortbread cookies with fudge stripes on them. Wow, that sounds

complicated. Would you have a recipe?

No, coupon.

Well, Emily's finally down.

I can't believe how much she's nursing these days. I'm exhausted.

I wish I could just leave my breasts with her so she could take care of

Yeah, I felt the same way when you went to your parents for a week.

Where's Jimmy and Christine?

Oh, you're not going to believe this. Their entire family is out of the house.

Not just one, but two Saturdays in a row.

So what do you say?

You want to have some sex?

Greg, I just gave birth three weeks ago.

Oh.

Next weekend, then?

Hey, I thought that when Emily wakes up, we'd go look at couches.

Well, have a good time.

I need you to help me pick one out. If by help you mean me saying, honey, nice

choice, I love it, can't I just do that when you bring it home?

What are you saying?

Well, I'm just saying, it's not like my opinion really matters.

What?

Well, show me one thing in this living room that wasn't completely your idea.

Well, there's... that... those... shoes.

Uh -huh.

Well, it's not my fault you don't care enough to have an opinion.

Kim, I had opinions, and then you know what happened? I got married.

I remember registering for our wedding gifts. I walked up and down every aisle

at crate and barrel. And everything I suggested, you shot down. Every crate,

every barrel.

And that, Kim, is the day the caring died.

My God, you're right.

It doesn't matter. Yes, it does.

I'm overbearing.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Maybe a little.

I feel terrible. This is our house. It should reflect both our tastes.

I want you to go pick out a couch that you love all by yourself.

You're really not going to come with me? No. I want things to change, starting

now.

I want you to have things that you like. You spend a lot of time on that couch.

Make the decision on your own.

Can I wait till after the game?

Go whenever you like.

Okay,

okay, I'm going.

Okay, buddy, now listen.

You are going to carry on a proud shoes athletic tradition, sir. You remember

the advice I gave you?

Yeah, I already peed.

Yeah, the other thing, you know, pump your arms, keep your knees high. All

right? I outran a lot of guys in high school that way.

Yeah, most of them were overweight cops.

Come on, honey.

Runners ready?

On your marks.

Nikki, tuck your necklace in your shirt.

Get set.

No, tuck it in all the way. The cross is going to hit you in the eye.

Go, Dominic!

Up your arm!

Run, Dominic!

Finish!

He knows it's a race, right?

Nice going, sweetie.

Let's get to a fast.

Hey, don't worry. Hughes men are distance men.

Okay, we may not be quick, but we got great stamina.

Yeah, until they get married, then it's the other way around.

I told you he was a distance fan. Look at that. He's winning.

Actually, those other kids are about to lap him.

Don't worry, Dominic. You men aren't runners. We always did much better at

field events.

Hey, thanks, guys.

Listen, this is a little embarrassing, but I never know whether to tip in these

situations. Well, actually, company policy is that we don't accept

Okay, great.

But not everyone follows company policy.

Oh, okay.

I got you. So, how much is normal here?

Oh, it's entirely up to you, sir. Oh, I know, but what's considered fair?

I can't tell you what to give us.

Okay.

Let's see. Ten.

How's ten sound?

20. 20's okay?

30.

30, team spare.

40. You're very kind.

But again, it's completely unnecessary.

Enjoy the new couch. Okay, thanks. Have a nice day.

Yeah, you know, I work pretty hard, too.

You know, I was the one walking backwards.

Oh, you mean because he was like, yeah, and I was like, oh, yeah.

You got it already?

Yeah. Do you like it?

You know what?

I do.

Really? Yeah, it's a great couch.

Looks terrific.

Best of all, it's got stain master, which is good because in our guest house

lives the master of stain.

Hey, wow.

Look at all those trophies. You must have won every event.

No, I didn't win.

But everybody gets trophies. I'm going to put them up in my room.

Another trophy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he got this one for the 40 -yard leisurely jog.

What's that supposed to mean? Come on, don't you think these things are kind of

stupid? It's like outstanding.

You know, was Dominic really outstanding?

Except for the fact that he was outstanding by the track when the fast

by.

Are you upset that he didn't win? Yeah, Jimmy, that's terrible. You know some

kids just aren't athletic.

You know, lean kids, kids who bruise easily, kids who get hit first and dodge

ball because everyone's gunning for them.

Even their own team.

Even when they're out.

Even on the bus ride home.

Guys, I don't care that Dominic lost.

I just don't think he should be rewarded for it. How will he ever get better?

I think it's great that they all get trophies. I wish they would have done

when we were kids.

Every time we went to tenant camp and you'd come home with all those trophies,

just wanted to break their little heads off.

But I bet the next year you tried harder.

No, she broke their little heads off.

You know what? I think I'm going to complain to the school.

No, Jimmy, you're not.

I am glad that he got all those trophies. Christine, it teaches the

message, okay? Life doesn't work this way. There's winners and losers.

You know, you don't get equal rewards for unequal accomplishments.

Oh, yeah? Then explain why we live in the same house.

That's stupid.

I mean, what are trophies anyway? They're just like letterman jackets, so

can walk around feeling superior.

Okay, yeah, well, what are grades for it? Smart kids can feel superior.

Smart kids are superior. We learn more. We get ahead. We have better lives.

Oh, really? Then explain to me why we live in the same house.

What are you saying to me? You want Dominic to feel bad about himself?

Well, without the pain of losing, how will he ever know the joy of winning?

That's motivation to improve, to run faster.

Oh, but think about when you were a kid.

Now, what if you were bad at sports and always came home with nothing?

Well, how would you feel if every kid you beat at tennis camp got a trophy

like you?

That's fine, as long as mine was bigger.

Which they were until somebody lopped their little heads off.

Look, Jimmy, this is how they do things nowadays, and I'm sorry you don't like

it, but I do.

I mean, I'd rather have my kid in there feeling great about himself than feel

like a loser because he didn't win some stupid race.

Look, I don't want him to feel like a loser either, but, you know, do we

want him to feel like a winner?

No, shouldn't we save that for when he actually wins at something?

Which may never happen.

He's never going to run any faster because he's perfectly content to sit in

there and stare at a bunch of trophies he doesn't even deserve. Let's face it.

Those trophies are garbage.

Way to motivate him. He hasn't run that fast all day.

Jimmy, you have to go talk to him. Oh, my God. How much did he hear?

I hope he doesn't think I was trying to insult him. I was just talking about

trophies in general.

Jimmy, he's seven. He doesn't understand the subtle difference between insulting

him for getting trophies versus your disdain for the practice of giving out

trophies with no regard to merit.

I can't even understand that.

Hey, buddy.

Look, I don't... know how much you heard out there, but I was just trying to

make a point to your mother.

I'm really proud of you for getting out there and trying today.

I really didn't mean it when I was saying your trophies are garbage, you

In fact, hey, look. Hey, you left one of them in the car. I'll just put them up

here with your other trophy.

That was an accident, okay? That was an unfortunate accident.

Can I go play?

Uh, yeah, sure. You can go play. I just, uh...

I just want to make sure you're okay.

I'm okay.

Dominic, where are you going?

Outside.

What happened?

He said he was fine, but he barely even looked at me.

Well, give him some time. He'll come around.

I'll keep an eye on him. You were right. You were so right, okay?

Everybody should get trophies. Kids shouldn't feel bad about themselves.

In fact, they should only give trophies to the kids who lose. The winners don't

need a prize.

They're already going to get to date the girls who develop early.

Well, then, you know, next week when he gets another armful of trophies, I'm

sure you'll make him feel proud.

How's it feel?

How do you think it feels? I heard my kid's feelings. He thinks I'm

in him. It feels terrible.

No, I meant the couch.

I mean, isn't it comfy? What?

The new couch. I picked it out.

I mean, Kim didn't even go with me. She didn't even tell me what to look for.

I was going to go with corduroy, but... You know what? Just sit back and enjoy

it.

I can't believe what I did.

It's like my son got a trophy, and I said it was garbage.

It's like something my father would have said coming out of my mouth.

Well, sometimes we imitate the things our parents did. No, no, no, no. I hate

the way my dad pushed me. I make it a point not to be that kind of father.

Maybe it's a pattern in your subconscious.

Sometimes in childhood, we're exposed to behavior that, you know, is imprinted

on our psyche.

Subconsciously, it becomes cyclical.

Look, Greg, we all know you went to college.

No, I just mean you're not the first person to have these problems. I mean, a

lot of people in these situations go to therapy.

Therapy? That is ridiculous.

Therapy is for weak -minded people who like to blame other people for their

problems. Big deal.

I just had a dad that was always disappointed in me.

And how did that make you feel?

Like crap.

Go on.

I can only remember him saying I love you to me one time.

And he was making fun of the way I said it to him.

Don't look in here.

What?

Don't look, I have a surprise.

Yeah, well, I have Sammy with me, so if this is anything like your Valentine's

Day surprise, you may want to throw a towel over your cool whip bikini.

Okay, now you can look.

What do you think?

What did you do?

Well, I figured since you wanted the decor to reflect my taste, that I'd

put the living room the way I wanted it.

Here, sit down.

Try it out.

Well?

I don't know.

You don't know? It's great. I don't know why we ever had it the old way.

I mean, everyone has the couch facing that way.

I just wanted to try something different.

Something's not right.

What?

What's not right?

I don't know.

What's not to know? It's great.

Hey, guys.

Hey, where's Dominic? He's out back playing.

I think he might still be a little bit upset with me.

What's going on with the furniture?

I changed it. Doesn't it look a lot better like this?

I don't know.

I mean, what's the no? Come here, sit down.

You gotta look at it. I mean, you can see the fireplace. We can see out the

window. I mean, what's there to see over here?

Yeah, let's see what you found.

This should be better, but something's not right.

What's not right?

What's to know? I mean, it's great. We're going to keep it like this.

No, we're not.

Yes, we are.

Greg, nobody likes it this way.

Yeah, but you don't know why.

Greg, we're moving it back.

No, you said you wanted it to reflect my taste.

Yeah, well, your taste sucks.

remember why i never let you make decisions they're all bad you said you

couch i just said it to be nice look at it it's boring you know what i'm putting

the old couch back and i'm moving the rest of the furniture back the way it

well fine fine from now on we'll do everything the way you want it if you

me i'll be out on the sun porch

we

have a sun porch

Have fun out there.

That's all that matters.

Man, he won't even look at me.

Maybe he's just focusing on the race.

Oh, yeah, you're right. Hey, maybe he is. Hey, hey, good job, Dominic. Don't

me distract you, okay?

Just focus, Dave, focus.

Not that focusing matters.

It's all about your effort.

We're having fun.

Daddy loves you.

Come on, Jimmy, let's not go overboard, all right? You made a mistake. You don't

have to make up for it all in the first week.

Christine, I'm just showing my son that his father loves him.

You can't spoil somebody with too much love.

What's in the bag?

PlayStation 2.

Take your mark.

Get set.

Ronald, give me your cum.

You're not losing! You're not losing!

Go! Beat him! Beat him! Beat him!

If you want to!

Hey, how'd it go?

I got third in the hurdle.

Wow, that's terrific.

What, only three kids in the race?

No, there were lots of kids in the race.

Yeah, but Dominic here just tore up the track.

Wow, you're turning me into quite a little athlete.

Yeah, I practiced every day at recess so I'd get better.

What? I've been practicing.

After school, too.

You were right, Dad. Those trophies were garbage. I wanted a real one.

Really?

Really?

You wanted a real one?

Isn't that interesting?

Don't you think that's kind of interesting, Christine?

Just so you know, Dominic, we would have been proud of you no matter what

happened. Yeah, I know, but I'll keep working hard. Maybe next time I'll win.

Yeah, maybe you will.

Maybe you will.

Wow, that's kind of crazy, huh?

Well, he was motivated to work harder, he tried harder, he did his best, and

now he feels great about himself.

Wow, isn't that interesting?

All right, Jimmy, maybe they shouldn't give trophies to everybody.

You're damn right they shouldn't. You should earn them.

I can't believe you guys have me doubting myself and you with your

cyclical expialidocious.

Hey, this doesn't prove anything. You're still trying to motivate your son by

pointing out his failures.

I mean, what makes you so sure you're different than your father? You know

the difference is? Okay, my son finished third today, and I showed him how much

I love him and how proud I was of him.

Okay, now, if I had finished third...

My dad would tell me, oh, hey, third place. Hey, you know what that makes

Second fastest loser.

Yeah, third place is for losers. Next time, get out there and win.

Uh, Jimmy?

No, Dominic!

Dominic, that wasn't me. That was my dad.

We gotta hang a bell on that kid.

What do you got there?

Well, I can't have the couch that I wanted, and I can't have the furniture

way that I wanted, so I wanted at least one thing in this living room that I

picked out.

What do you think?

It's all right.

I like it.

Where do you put it?

I don't know.

How about right here?

I don't know.

What's not to know? Bernie Schwartz.