Original subtitles

Greg, hurry, a baby story's coming on.

Man, I wish someone would have asked us to be in a documentary when we were

pregnant with one of our kids.

Well, just keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure they'll make a documentary

about you at some point.

Kim and Greg Warner are overjoyed about the upcoming arrival

of their family's newest member.

An interesting living situation with relatives.

And two very excited sets of grandparents should make this pregnancy

this Los Angeles family won't soon forget.

We had our first baby three years ago.

I guess we kind of forgot how much stuff there is to do.

We're nesting all over again.

The store where we bought the crib said they could have a guy set it up for $50.

But there's a certain satisfaction you get as a dad putting together your

child's crib yourself.

Greg and I met in college.

We both went to the University of Virginia in Charlottesville.

He was a senior, I was a junior.

We were so crazy back then.

I think that we met at the health clinic on campus.

Man, I used to spend a lot of time at that health clinic.

Not for venereal disease.

I mean, I know that's why most college kids go to the health clinic, but I was

just really allergic to pollen and the university was surrounded by woods.

I think Kim was there for gonorrhea.

I'm joking.

Just joking.

Things are already a little crowded at the Warner house as it is.

Kim's sister and brother -in -law, Christine and Jimmy, live in the

guest house.

We've been living back here for about two and a half years now, us and the

Dominic is six, Logan's three.

I swear I can't believe how fast the kids grow up.

Every couple of months, Logan seems like a different kid.

Okay, you can start it now.

I'm so excited about the new baby.

for bringing a new life into the world.

Yeah, it's all such a special, special time.

You know, together in our lives.

Me and you and all our love.

Sweet love.

I think we're done here.

We were a little nervous about Sam adjusting to the new baby, so our

pediatrician suggested we get him this doll, you know, to help him adjust.

He loves it. He spends hours in the backyard with it.

Living in Los Angeles has been pretty exciting for us. I work at a movie

Christine's back in college.

And since we have two children, you never know which one of your kids is

to be discovered as the next big child actor.

They all lived in Los Angeles, you know.

Jerry Mathers, Gary Coleman, Adam Rich. Don't you think he looks like Adam Rich?

You know, from 80s and up.

Oh, he's good, too. Watch this.

Sad, Dominic. Too sad.

Happy.

Thinking.

He's a natural.

This one's going to be a stuntman.

Because Kim's baby is breached, the doctors have scheduled a C -section.

Knowing when the baby is coming has allowed Kim and Greg to plan when the

grandparents are going to visit.

Both of our parents live on the East Coast, which is hard because... You're

hurting my leg.

What? You're hurting my leg. Just move over a little. Ow, ow, ow, that's worse.

What, have you got your keys in your pocket or something? Get off me. Get off

me. With the last pregnancy, both of our parents came out at the same time, and

there were a few problems.

Yeah, her parents tend to take over a little.

I don't think it's fair to say my parents took over.

They were just very excited about having a new grandchild, and they may have

gone a little overboard.

Anyway, this time we have it all worked out.

My parents are going to be here for the birth of the baby and stay for a whole

week so they can have plenty of time with the new baby before Kim's parents

the week after.

Mom, Dad!

Hey, how are you?

Nice to see you. How are you?

Hi.

What is this?

What's all this?

Mom, this is the television show I told you about.

Now? They're doing this now?

Hi. I'm Grandpa.

Grandpa Tom.

Great. We just got off of an airplane for five hours. They haven't even put

makeup on. It's fine, Mom. Just pretend they're not there.

How can we pretend they're not there? They are there.

Look at the way your father is dressed. Huh?

Don't tuck your shirt in.

Oh, no. Forget it. Forget it. This is not going on television. No, we're going

to do this again. Stop the camera.

Well, with all four grandparents here, it got kind of crowded and, well, made

difficult to get close to the baby.

Don and Jenny are big people.

Not so much physically, you know, but loud and enthusiastic.

Don's a bully.

We love him to death.

But this will be nice for the baby to have some alone time with us before, you

know, the circus comes to town.

Oh, plus the fact it's nice to know when the baby's coming. I know when Natalie

was pregnant with Greg, well, she was in our kitchen when her water broke, and

started screaming like crazy, you know. So when I came in, I don't know whether

it was the water or the fact that she'd just waxed the floor, but did you ever

see a dog trying to run on ice, you know?

Well, that's funny.

What's not funny is a 30 -year -old man flop around and wound you.

With a scheduled C -section only two days away, Kim and Greg are about to get

some exciting news.

Your baby is no longer breech. Oh, that's great.

Does that mean I don't have to have a C -section?

Mrs. Warner, you're going to have this baby naturally.

Did you hear that, Greg?

Hold on a second.

When will she have the baby? Could be a couple of days, could be a week.

It can't be a week. Don and Jenny are going to be here in a week and it won't

a special for the baby.

With the baby no longer breech, things

take an unexpected turn.

Another set of grandparents are arriving in a week and the clock is ticking.

I still can't believe this. I've been watching a baby story for years. I never

thought I'd be on it. Christine used to say the same thing about that show,

Cops.

It's back on.

With a C -section no longer necessary, Kim breathes a sigh of relief, although

the news has caused some stress for other members of the family.

What a relief.

I know it's no big deal, but I don't even like the sound of it.

Breach. I was supposed to be holding my brand new grandchild in my arms today.

But instead, we went to the farmer's market.

We had fruit smoothies.

I was so looking forward to bonding with the new baby.

Showing my grandchild how much his grandmother loved him. That smoothie was

delicious. Mango banana.

Baby doesn't come tomorrow. I may go back there.

Why haven't I heard about smoothies until recently? You know, I mean,

have been around for a hundred years. And fruit?

Probably even longer.

But I didn't hear about smoothies until 93.

No, 94.

No, it was late 93.

When did the Orioles move to Camden Yards?

I can't believe my little sister's about to have her second baby.

Well, then again, I can't believe Jimmy and I have kids of our own.

It seems like just yesterday that we were going to the prom.

Back then, though, I knew that Jimmy was the one for me.

Everybody else just saw a goofy jock, but I knew that there was a good man

underneath that rough exterior.

You see, have you seen the gold bond powder that rashes back?

As the days go by and Kim waits to have her baby naturally, one set of

grandparents are getting anxious.

No baby yet.

Hawaiian sunrise.

I thought she'd had it by now.

Well, we still have three days before Don and Ginny get here. Guess we're just

going to have to keep our fingers crossed.

No, baby.

Now, this one tastes like pina coladas.

Yep. Although it's got a little echinacea in it.

Well, this is beginning to be ridiculous. I mean, her parents are

here in two days. When is she going to have this baby? You know, they say that

sex can help speed things along.

Greg, have you tried to get things moving?

Mom, please, I love her, not a plunger. Well, I am just saying, I was a week

past my due date with Greg, and I made Tom, well, you know.

I got him out of there.

You can never really plan anything.

We thought the baby would be a week old by now, and instead here we are,

waiting.

My parents will be here later today.

Well, the circus is coming to town today.

Hello!

Where's my pregnant little daughter?

Honey, we're here!

Thanks for waiting for us!

Very nice day in Baltimore.

I think Tom and Natalie might be a little unhappy with us.

I made a little joke.

We were talking about how ironic it is that the baby waited for us.

And I said, the baby must have heard that only Tom and Natalie were going to

there, and boom, it flipped its ass right back into position.

It was a very uncomfortable moment.

I didn't think it was funny.

Tom and Natalie are just a little different, that's all.

They're weird.

They're not weird, Don.

That was a funny joke.

It's not funny.

What do you know about funny, suddenly? What do you know about being sensitive

to other people's feelings?

Please, do not start that crap now.

We're divorced.

Like it's not stressful enough to be nine months pregnant.

In the interest of keeping the peace, I told my parents they had to stick to the

original plan and stay out of the way until after the baby was born.

We were a little hurt that we agreed to it. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't

have brought up the names.

So if it's a boy, we're going with Charlie, and Lucy if it's a girl.

Lucy.

What, Dad?

Nothing, nothing.

Charlie and Lucy are good names. Yeah, for penis characters.

For all I care, they can call it Snoopy if it's a boy, okay? Or Pigpen.

Man, that Pigpen cracks me up.

I thought Don had a good idea when he suggested Rachel for a girl's name.

Rachel was my mother's name.

Kim's grandmother.

So I just wanted them to think about it, that's all.

As long as we were opening the floor, I felt that I would be remiss if I didn't

mention my great -grandmother, Margaret.

Margaret is a very versatile name. If she becomes a Supreme Court justice, you

call her Margaret.

If she's a waitress at a truck stop, you call her Peggy.

They're all crazy.

That's why I kind of kept out of it. I always keep out of it. Don shouldn't

said that Margaret was an old lady name.

But Natalie didn't have to remind us that we weren't even supposed to be

yet. You guys are making this very difficult.

Are you happy now?

I just think Rachel is a nice name.

Hey, everybody, Kim's water broke.

Oh, my God. Don, get the keys to the car. We'll take her to the hospital.

This is it.

Go help Greg with Kim.

No, I'll get the bathroom.

Oh.

Well, happened again.

Dad.

Disgusting. It's 9 p .m.

Kim's contractions are becoming more frequent as the big moment approaches.

Kim, are you sure you don't want the wheelchair?

No, no, I don't need it. I'm more comfortable standing.

I don't know why she wouldn't take the wheelchair.

They're going to charge Greg for it whether she uses it or not.

I don't like to see people being cheated.

Well, it's almost happening. Pretty soon little Charlie will be here.

Or Lucy.

Or Margaret.

Rachel. Our vote is for Rachel. No, your vote is for Rachel. Please, do we have

to do this now?

Greg missed Sammy's birth.

He had a flat tire.

I feel kind of responsible for that.

I'm not the kind of father that uses a lot of tools around the house.

I got small hands.

It's almost like a woman.

But anyway, Greg is kind of excited about being in the room for the birth.

This is kind of cool, huh?

To wear all this stuff like a real doctor.

A lot of people have always told me I look like Noah Wiley.

You know, Sammy, this is where you were born, too.

And now you're going to be a big brother.

Yep. Here we are at the hospital.

Hey, Dominic, maybe while we're here...

We'll have them take out your tonsils.

Huh?

Comedy.

Hey, uh, Dominic, why don't you like the hospital?

I need good people.

Drama.

I can hardly wait to see what the baby looks like. Both our girls were so

beautiful growing up.

Kim was our little princess, always dressing up, playing with dolls.

Christine was more of a tomboy, always dressing down.

Playing with boys.

Yeah, in high school.

I caught her a couple of times playing with boys on the couch.

Don.

I saw what I saw.

I'm just noticing that a lot of the grandparents are talking about how, you

know, cute their kids were when they were babies.

My parents aren't here to brag about me, but I was pretty damn cute myself. You

know, I used to say things like, Biscotti, and I want waffles for

Breath kiss.

Yeah, yeah. I was something.

Kim is now at 8 centimeters and all is well.

However, the Warners are about to encounter a complication they did not

Oh, my God. My hands are killing me.

Oh, my God. They're all red and itchy. What's wrong with my hands? It might be

the glove.

Maybe you're allergic to latex. Kim! Little busy here, Greg.

Oh, my God. I got it in my eye. I got it in my eye. I got it in my eye. I got it

in my eye.

When Greg was just a baby, we found out that he was allergic to a number of

things.

Strawberries, peanuts, pollen.

Shellfish, dander.

And the older he got, the worse it got.

We found out he was allergic to dryer sheets and down pillows.

Scented candles, well -based colognes.

They say that it might be because I didn't breastfeed him as a child, but,

know, back then people didn't breastfeed that much.

And besides, I have inverted nipples.

With Kim beginning to push, Greg runs the risk of missing his child's birth.

Any allergic reaction can be a very serious thing. I mean, he could be short

breath for a while.

I know he'd rather be with his wife, but it's really important that we keep an

eye on him in here for the next couple of hours.

We don't know where the hell Greg is.

Christine went to the bathroom, so we sent Jimmy in to help Kim out.

Jimmy is cool under pressure.

You're doing great.

Let's take a second and push again.

Hey, Kim.

You gonna finish this?

Cigarettes. You?

Gloves.

you, honey.

Who the hell are you?

I'm here, Kim. I'm here.

When Greg came through that door, I had so many emotions going through me all at

once. Where have you been, you idiot? You're running around like a little girl

while I'm trying to push a head out of my... I guess the word is joy.

Here it is.

It's a girl. You brought yourselves up.

We got ourselves a girl. I was there. I cut the cord.

They're cleaning up in there now.

It's kind of a mess.

I mean, I never really expected to be so wet.

Son of a bitch.

Here she is.

She's pushing her over here.

What'd they name her?

Doesn't say anything.

I guess they didn't name her yet.

You're killing it. I'm glad they haven't named the baby yet. They should take

their time with something like that.

And they shouldn't listen to other people either. I wanted to name my

Emily after my Aunt Emily, and everybody had an opinion, and the next thing you

know, she's named Michelle.

Aunt Emily practically raised me.

Never got a chance to really honor her properly.

Everyone say hello to baby Emily.

Emily?

Where did you get Emily from?

It just came to us.

All right.

So, surrounded by helping hands and happy voices, baby Emily is welcomed

the world.

Kim, come look at this. The show's done with all this extra footage that they

didn't use. Oh, great.

Someday Emily can watch absolutely everything that happened the week she

born.

I wanted to name my daughter Emily after my Aunt Emily, and everybody had an

opinion, and the next thing you know, she's named Michelle.

Aunt Emily practically raised me.

Never got a chance to really honor her properly.