Original subtitles

Oh, no, Daddy doesn't want to dance right now. I'm just going to sit back

enjoy the ice cream, okay?

You want me to dance?

Okay, you want to do the wiggles? Let's get our arms going. Get your arms

moving. Do the monkey.

Do the monkey.

Sammy,

Sammy, stop it.

Sammy.

All right, that's it, mister. I'm telling.

ice cream again.

And what's the confirmation number? Hey.

Hey, I'm ordering tickets to the big Wiggles concert. You guys want to go?

no, we do not.

Okay, and please don't say anything about it to Logan. As far as he knows,

Wiggles live inside the TV.

We'd like to keep it that way.

Yeah, we're not going to any kids' concerts until I start passing out

in Jägermeister.

Okay, thank you. Bye -bye.

All right, we're all set. The tickets will be at Wilco.

Oh, my God.

What? That scrap paper you gave me with the baby sonogram.

Are you serious? I mean, it was just laying over here with the junk mail. I

can't believe this.

It's my fault. I came home from the doctor and checked the mail and just

it in the pile.

One of its legs is ripped off.

Oh, my God. I used that part to spit out my gum.

How could I let this happen?

I mean, we had Sammy's sonogram framed the day we got it.

Oh, remember, we had that picture turned into a jigsaw puzzle.

You're still finding pieces of your uterus stuck in the couch.

of things when I was pregnant with Sammy. You used to come to all the

appointments with me. And we'd spend hours sitting together talking about

possible names.

And every day we would sing songs to Sammy in the womb.

Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, Frere

Jacques. I wonder if Sammy came out three weeks early.

Fred, we have to start doing... ...stuff for the new baby. We have to make sure

this pregnancy is as important as the last one.

Now, you always hear about second child syndrome, how they never get the same

treatment as the first child.

Hold on, Kim. You were the second child, but Mom and Dad gave you more attention

than they gave me.

What are you talking about?

I got everything secondhand from you.

Secondhand clothes, secondhand furniture, secondhand smoke.

No, but we don't have to be those kind of parents.

I mean, with this new baby, everything should be new.

New clothes, new toys, new furniture.

New furniture? You already bought Sammy the best stuff there is. Yeah, but that

was for Sammy. Yeah, and we'll just sell it. You know, we'll sell it and buy new

stuff. And you know what else, Kim? I don't want to sing Frere Jacques to the

new baby. That's Sammy's song.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Row, row, row your boat gently

down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

Can you believe how much they worry?

I mean, we didn't get anything new from Logan.

That doesn't mean we pay less attention to him.

Where is Logan?

I don't know.

Hey, uh, Dominic, have you seen your brother? Not since you got back from our

walk.

old videos we made.

Oh, you naughty girl.

Hey, why don't you throw in that one where I play the injured football player

and you play the horny female sideline reporter trapped in a sexless marriage,

huh?

Videos of our family.

Kim and Greg got me thinking about that whole second child thing and I've looked

through all our tapes and photos and Logan is barely in anything.

That can't be right.

It is, look.

What?

That's Logan right there.

That's Dominic.

What about there?

Dominic.

And what about there? Isn't that him, hunched up on the bleachers next to

Dominic?

Jimmy, that's my backpack.

Are you sure?

A mother knows her son.

She would certainly know if he was born with no limbs and a handle on his head.

And look at this. This whole side of the album was supposed to be Logan. And

look, it's empty.

Okay, so maybe we don't have a lot of pictures of Logan, but I'm sure we got

something on video. We just didn't go forward enough.

Okay, see?

There you go, right there.

Okay, this is footage of Logan's delivery.

He has to be in that.

Okay, we're almost there.

We finally hit 10 centimeters.

We? We? You say we again?

You can break her water, but you can't break her spirit.

Here it comes.

Here it comes.

Look

at

it this way. If I hadn't passed out then, we'd both be throwing up now.

I can't believe this. I mean, one day Logan's going to look through all this

stuff and wonder why there are no pictures of him.

Unless, of course, the Aborigines are right and being photographed steals your

soul, then he'll be thanking us.

Jimmy! Look, Christine, I feel bad about this, too, so we just start taking more

pictures of him now.

Well, let me ask you something.

What's the youngest age that you still have memories from?

Christine, you know how much partying I used to do.

I'm lucky if I remember my way home from work.

Okay, well, I don't remember anything before I was four.

Logan's three, so...

I figure, you know, he'd tell it a year before he remembers anything.

Oh, I see what you're getting at.

We tell him we adopted him when he was three.

And his real parents were horrible people who never took his picture.

No.

Actually, I was thinking that we could make it look like we've been taking

pictures of him his whole life.

Ah, yeah.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Yeah, all we need is a camera, film, and it'd go back in time.

Tell you what, I'll get the camera and film. You call Mr.

Peabody and tell him to fire up the Wayback Machine.

What the hell is

this?

Hey, that's my blazer.

Wow. That was quite a spill you took there, Tank.

Think you're going to be okay?

I don't know.

I wish there was something to take my mind off the pain.

See, it's all part of one set.

And we like to sell everything together.

Oh, look at that crib. It's beautiful.

Yeah, and comfortable.

It's like your baby will be sleeping on a cloud. A cloud with a roomy linen

drawer and the highest safety ratings from Consumer Reports.

So why are you selling it?

Because we're having another baby.

Oh, that makes sense.

No, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't.

See, we got all this furniture for our first child, and we want the new baby to

feel like his stuff is new and special for him, not his older brother's hand

-downs. Oh.

Honey, maybe we should think about this.

What? What? What's to think about? I mean, look, I'll knock off 20 bucks and

throw in a stuffed monkey.

Well, what you said makes sense.

I don't want my child to start his life with hand -me -down stuff either. Whoa,

wait. It's not really hand -me -down in your case. I mean, your child doesn't

even know our child.

It'd be more like hand -me -across.

Well, now that you mention it, it would be kind of nice for him to have all new

stuff. I mean, someday he might want to pass it down to his own kids.

You can tell him his mommy and daddy bought it just for him.

Well, you can tell your kid whatever you want. It's not like he's going to ask

for a receipt.

Thanks, anyway. We can show ourselves out. Come on, honey.

Nice work, Kim.

Next time, why don't you just tell him we're selling the crib because Sammy

getting his head stuck between the bars.

I'm sorry. I was just being honest.

You know what?

Maybe we shouldn't sell it.

Maybe Sammy will have kids one day and we can give it all to them.

Well, these pieces have history now.

Sammy learned how to stand up on this rail.

Yeah.

I'll never forget the expression on his face when he found out he could stand up

like a big bully. He was so surprised.

Kind of like I was the time I walked in and I saw him peeing from there all the

way to his Blue's Clues thinking chair.

Uh, you're right, Kim.

This stuff does have history.

And we should keep it.

Yeah, you know, we'll just get one of those storage spaces.

Yeah, it's just too bad we can't store this furniture in a building that we

already paid for.

Say, like, the guest house.

That's a great idea, Greg. Let's just kick Jimmy and Christine out, and we're

getting a storage space.

All right, if you think they'll be comfortable there.

Yeah, let's get the next one.

see just one month ago.

Okay, we're clear.

All right.

Here you go. Thanks.

All right, here's 20 bucks.

And there's another 20 bucks where that came from if you bring him back dressed

up like a pumpkin.

What are you doing with Sammy?

I was just trying to make him look like Logan when he was a baby.

That's never going to work. He's still too big.

No, no, no, no. It's going to be fine. Look, I'm going to shoot him from all

way over here. He'll look smaller.

Spin him around a little.

Oh, Jimmy.

Just spin him around.

I think we're going to have to take that one from the top.

Be careful with the dresser.

Why don't you put it over there next to the rocker?

I can't believe how hot this building is. I mean, what are the other tenants

storing in here? Fire?

Smells, too.

Yeah, you know, you'd think they'd tidy it up a little before renting it out

again. Well, no.

Look at this. Ripped up paper, watermelon rind.

Someone even left a coonskin cap in here.

Chug -a -chug a big red car.

We'll travel near and we'll travel far.

Chug -a -chug a big red car.

the wiggle tapes, they're riveted.

It's like it takes their simple little minds and wraps them up in a tramp.

You know what I mean, Jimmy?

Jimmy?

You know what? These pictures turned out really great.

And now we have almost as many of Logan as we do of Dominic.

You know, I think this experience has taught us an important lesson about

parenting. You know, it all happens so...

Quickly, you really have to capture these precious moments as they pass by.

Otherwise, it's going to cost you a whole weekend later.

Oh, my God, Greg, what happened?

I was attacked by a storage raccoon.

What was a raccoon doing in a storage unit? I don't know, probably storing

raccoon baby furniture for his crazy wife.

me. You were the one who wanted to buy new furniture. Well, you were the one

wanted to save all the old stuff. You wanted to save it, too.

Yeah, after you sucked me in with all that passing down family history crap.

Yes, Greg, it was all part of my evil twisted plan.

I knew when I suggested keeping furniture that there was a good chance

attacked by a raccoon.

Look, I'm just saying that we are driving ourselves crazy here, and over

Furniture.

Furniture's not going to make our child feel special.

It's the time and the attention that we'll give him. No, I know. We just need

give our second child the same love and do the same special things that we've

always done with Sammy.

You're right.

That's what matters.

So I guess we should just go down to the storage unit and move all of Sammy's

baby furniture back.

Okay, but first I want to put some Neosporin on my scratches and change my

pants.

Quick, change your pants.

I peed a little.

Can you believe them? They get so wound up over nothing.

Jimmy, it's not nothing.

I mean, we did practically the same thing. I mean, they bought furniture, we

faked videos.

It's like Greg said, you know, you gotta do the same special things with both

your children.

Yep.

I guess we should call the church and cancel that baptism shoot.

You can't take the easy way out, Jimmy.

So what are we gonna do?

All right, everybody.

All right, everyone. Here's three of our favorite animals.

Honey, here we go. Get yourself a bottle of Jagermeister and some earplugs.

We're going to see the Wiggles.

We're going to see the

Wiggles.

Yeah, that's all right.

Here comes an elephant, everybody.

Let's do the elephant.

I just ran into Greg and Kim. They can't believe how great our seats are.

Look at this place. It's like a mosh pit for three -year -olds.

Yeah, that's all right.

Get ready to jump, everyone. Here we go.

I'll say this. We're not having any more kids.

Yeah, I know. This is insane.

No, I mean, we physically can't have any more kids. I must have taken at least a

dozen shots of my wiggle.

At least the kids are having a blast.

The tiger, tiger.

Ah, great animal dancing. Give yourselves a big clap, everyone. Well

You know what? For this next song, we're going to need some volunteers to help

us out with some dancing.

Yeah.

We should get Logan up on stage. He'd love that. Oh, yeah, and I can get it on

video, too. Hey, buddy, want to get up on stage?

Yeah. Okay, so let's see who's going to be our first volunteer.

Over here, over here. Hey, hey, Wiggle. He's somewhere, mate.

Wiggle, yo, Wiggle.

Hey, hey, Red Wiggle, over here.

Hey.

I can't even get him to look at me.

Quick, lift up your shirt. Jimmy.

What? I got us backstage at the Van Halen concert.

I know.

You know what? I'll, uh... I'll make it worth the pirates' while.

How about you?

How about 20 bucks to get my kid here up on stage?

I'd not take your money, sir. That wouldn't be fair.

Fair? You're a pirate.

Fair.

All right, let's bring hot potato together, everybody.

Hot potato, hot potato.

Hot potato, hot potato.

Hot potato, hot potato.

No luck.

I think the pirate would have gone for it, but the dinosaur was giving me the

stink eye.

Where's Dominic?

I don't believe

this. I know. It's another video. Logan's not going to be here.

I'm not going to let this happen. Come on, Logan.

Get me one of those.

That's banana, that's banana.

That's banana, that's banana.

That's banana, that's banana.

Banana.

Yeah, you know, we had our differences, but we worked them out.

Plus, you know, I don't know what it is, but ever since I've been around and

worked with these guys, I've never been happier.

Jimmy's in the front seat of the big red car.

Chug -a -chug, chug -a -chug, big red car.

We'll travel near and travel far.

Chug -a -chug, chug -a -chug, big red car.