Original subtitles

Okay. No, no, I understand. We'll think of something.

Okay, bye.

What's up?

Karen can't babysit today.

She's canceling? Doesn't she know the doctor put you on bed rest for a week?

She said she has a conflict.

A conflict?

She's a teenage girl. What does she got to do? Go out and buy more low -cut

jeans and thongs?

I don't know, Greg.

I didn't notice.

Does she wear low -cut jeans and thongs?

Oh, so now I'm in trouble for noticing.

What am I, made of stone?

Apparently, when she's around, you are.

Hey, what's going on?

Greg's in love with a babysitter.

Yeah, who isn't?

Karen canceled.

Kim's going to be on the couch all day.

She was going to keep an eye on Sammy for me. She was going to do laundry.

Well, I've got classes all day, but Jimmy's got the day off. Yeah, I'll

Sammy for you.

You don't mind?

Of course not. Man, you guys do so much for us, I'd be happy to. You know what?

I'll even do your laundry for you, too. Where is it, upstairs?

Yeah, it's up in the big pile on the bed.

Wow, that's nice.

Yeah, but I feel bad that Jimmy has to do all this work because the babysitter

canceled. Ah, trust me, it would have been more work for him if she were here.

Sucking in his gut for six hours would have killed him.

Mom, I still can't find my skateboard.

Oh, you know what, Dominic? I think I saw it somewhere upstairs.

Whoa!

Actually, I think I am.

Dominic, look, we were lucky this time. But listen to me, you can't leave your

toys just laying around.

Okay, I'll pick up your prescription and some magazines for you to read.

Stop scratching your leg.

I can't. It itches like crazy.

Well, just ignore it. It'll go away.

Pretend it's my emotional need.

Hey, I'm heading to the store to pick up a couple of things for Kim. You guys

need anything?

Oh, actually, Christine was just going to go to the store to get some stuff for

me. Why don't you guys go together?

Oh, yeah, sure.

That's a good idea.

Great.

I'll get my keys.

Now I have to go to the store with Greg.

What's wrong with that?

He's crazy.

I mean, he'll spend 20 minutes plucking grapes and dropping them into a bag one

by one because only suckers pay for the stems.

I'm sorry.

I just thought it made sense. I mean, it's not like I'm looking forward to

hanging out with Kim.

What's wrong with Kim? Well, nothing, but can you think of two people who have

less in common?

It's like the last time we agreed about anything was the time Greg grew that

stupid mustache.

Oh, my God. Remember that?

It's like the village people replaced the construction worker with an

accountant.

This is great. I don't want to have to go to the store with Christine.

How do you think I feel being left here alone with Jimmy?

And what are we going to talk about?

Last time we agreed on anything was when you grew that stupid mustache.

It wasn't my fault. The woman at Supercut said it went great with my

Frank, you ready to go? Yeah, yeah, looking forward to it. I mean, we barely

ever get to spend time together, just you and me.

Yeah, yeah, I was just talking to Jimmy about that.

Oh, how you doing?

Good, how you doing?

Good.

Hey, remember when Greg grew that stupid mustache?

Excuse me.

Ma 'am.

Christine, you can't just push people out of the way like that.

I've seen her before, right? She's the slowest person alive.

Last week, she broke a bottle of molasses. Couldn't outrun the spill.

Oh, Wonder Bread. I love Wonder Bread.

I'll get some.

Kim will let me buy it.

What, so she makes you eat that disgusting dry crap with all those gross

in it? It's not that bad.

If you want Wonder Bread, just buy it.

If you're worried about Kim, well, hide it in the guest house. She'll never

know. You don't mind lying to Kim?

All right, come on. I've been lying to Kim my whole life.

She still thinks her first boyfriend was in my bedroom fixing my stereo.

All right, I'll get some.

Oh, I haven't held this forever.

It's so light and squeezy.

You gonna eat it or you gonna take it to Santa Barbara for the weekend?

Hey, Greg, don't you have Nutri -Mix granola bars on your list?

Yeah, why?

I think that woman's taking the last box.

Excuse me, ma 'am, would you mind taking a different kind of granola bars?

Yeah, actually I would.

I wouldn't ask, it's just I have a three -year -old son who's allergic to

peanuts and that's the only kind he can eat. Sorry, those are my favorite.

Well, you're in luck. I hear Satan stocks those in hell.

Did you hear that? She wouldn't even give them to me.

What?

You mean these?

Would you get those?

Keep walking. Hey, those are mine.

Okay, run.

Thanks for coming to get coffee with me.

Jimmy, I'd like to come into this place and pretend you can't get coffee the way

you like it. How did you like it?

Cream, sugar, three lottery tickets, two hot dogs, and five bucks worth of

unleaded.

Like what you see?

What?

That girl. You were totally checking her out.

No, I wasn't.

Greg, I don't care.

You know, I was staring, too. I mean, look at that rack.

Well, maybe I was staring a little. It's not my fault. Look at those things.

They were staring at me first.

You want to see him?

What? Her boobs. You want to see them?

What are you talking about?

I'll get her to flash you. You're crazy.

Fifty bucks.

Fifty bucks if I can get her to flash you.

Don't be ridiculous.

My God, I can't believe she... I can't believe... What did you say?

Well, Greg, you're a handsome man, you know. I just told her woman to woman

you were available and found her attractive. And if she was interested,

know, she should just make her move.

Really? Yeah, Greg, that's what I told her.

Good luck with that kidney transplant.

Hey, Kim, can I see that?

Oh.

Yeah, sure.

Started as a sweater for Sammy, but now I think I'm going to make it bigger and

give it to Greg.

you i could get it all in one trip and give me back my 50 all right here you go

why did she have your 50 bucks uh it was just this thing at the coffee shop and

yeah you had to be there i ordered us up a couple of double

decafs what's that mean double decafs

you had to be there

Sounds like going out with Christine wasn't as bad as you thought it would

Yeah, actually, we had fun. She's a wild one, your sister.

This woman took Sammy's granolas and we started running.

Crazy.

Well, glad you had fun.

Yeah, fun. We had fun.

How was it being stuck here with Jimmy?

Not bad, actually. It was fun.

We had fun, too.

Really? Yeah, yeah. In fact, there was this one thing.

Jimmy wanted to see my sweater.

He started scratching with my needle.

He had to be there.

So you guys really hit it off, huh?

Yeah, you know, Greg's actually kind of fun once you get him alone.

In fact, tomorrow night we're going to go to the movies.

What? Yeah, well, we figured since you guys are laid up anyway, after we put

kids to bed, we'd catch a late show.

Oh.

Late show. Great.

Hi, honey. Hey, Mom, can I have a juice?

Yeah, that's great. Right here.

Oh, um, Jimmy.

Um, you want to go out back and hide the Wonder Bread?

Sure, I'd, uh... I'd love to hide the Wonder Bread.

Might be, uh, kind of tough on my cast, but I think I can manage it.

Great. Here.

I'll go get the rest of the groceries.

I have no idea what's going on.

Hey.

Hey. Listen, I was just downstairs. I was about to watch a movie, and then I

realized, you know, Christine and Greg are out having a good time. Why

you and I hang out?

Yeah.

Yeah, we can have fun, too.

Yeah.

Just that we're stuck in the house doesn't mean we can't have a good time

together. Yeah.

What movie do you have?

It's, uh, Cannonball Run.

Burt Reynolds, Farrah Fawcett, Mel Tillis, Jimmy the Greek, and Terry

How this didn't sweep the Oscars, I will never know.

How's your leg feel?

Actually, it's feeling pretty good.

How's your, uh, your, uh, baby holder doing?

Jimmy, the problem isn't really my baby holder. It's my, um, how do I put this

so you'll understand?

Hoo -hoo shoot.

So what'd you think?

Pretty good movie, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

You forget how good -looking Burt Reynolds was.

Yeah, well, you always had a thing for a guy with a mustache.

Oh, yeah, because Greg had the... And the whole thing.

Sure.

Oh! What's the matter?

Oh, my neck is a little stiff from lying in bed for two days.

Oh, here, let me help.

Oh, Jimmy, you don't have to... Oh, Jimmy.

God, that feels great.

Yeah, I used to work in a pizza place.

Hey, if you want, I'll do your feet.

That's just like pinching a calzone.

Just keep doing what you're doing. It feels great. Oh, God.

Oh. Mmm.

Hello. Hi.

Hey, guys.

What are you doing?

Kim's neck hurts while I was rubbing it.

You're in my bed.

Why are you in my bed?

We wanted to watch a movie together and I'm on bed rest. What, does Jimmy need

to stay downstairs and I need to stay upstairs?

Hold on, is something wrong here? Why would anything be wrong?

It's like you guys can go out and pal around and we can pal around here. Yeah,

we're pals too.

Wait a second.

Are you guys jealous?

What? You are.

You're jealous that Christine and I are spending time together.

Why would we be jealous?

What is this, high school?

Yeah, if anything, you guys are jealous of us.

Why would we be jealous of you? I don't know. We're not the ones who came in

here and got all freaked out.

I'm not freaked out. I just said that it seems a little weird, that's all. I'm

sorry I brought it up.

I'm going downstairs.

Me too. It's weird up here.

Oh, my God.

They are so jealous of us.

It's a little embarrassing.

Kim, any time.

It's just a game of Scrabble.

I lay down the towels in my bathroom faster.

Don't rush me.

When are Greg and Christine getting back?

I don't know. They had a lot of errands. It could be a while.

All right, here we go.

X -ray.

X -ray?

Yeah, the word.

It's two words. X and ray.

It's one word. You want to look it up?

I think I'm going to have to use this blank tile as an F, which makes X

raise, which lands on a double word score, which gives me 34.

Wait a second. That's the third blank you've used.

This is an A.

Not on the blank side, it's not.

Who's your turn?

D -H -E -A -T. Cheat.

You want to challenge that one?

No.

Is gloons your word?

No. Gloons is not a word.

Can I add to cheat?

Yes. God forbid you come up with your own word.

Make cheats. Cheater. Cheating.

Or I can use this O and make Cheeto.

The snack?

Yeah. You spell it C -H -E -E -T -O.

You know what I mean. Close enough.

Now, no close enough. It's either a word or it's not a word.

Christine and I play close enough and sound alike.

Well, Christine isn't here, and you can't use it anyway. It's a brand name

snack food.

You used a brand name for a snack food. Where?

Right there.

Ritzy.

Ritzy is a word.

Yeah, but it's a word about a cracker.

Like, uh, hey, I thought this would taste like a Triscuit, but instead, it's

little more ritzy.

I quit.

What? You don't take this seriously. When I play with Greg, we have a real

Yeah, well, when I play with Christine, it's not about winning. It's about

having fun, something you wouldn't know anything about.

It has to just be about fun. You don't know any words.

Why don't you pick up a book sometime instead of rotting your brain with

movies like Cannonball Run?

What is wrong with us?

Greg and Christine are like best friends.

Take back what you said about Cannonball Run.

I'm sorry, Jimmy.

It just isn't working out. I miss Greg.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I miss Christine, too.

Maybe we should just come clean with them and tell them that we are jealous

how well they get along.

And what, beg them to spend more time with us because we can't live without

them? No way.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm not going to go begging them.

My own wife to spend time with me.

That's degrading.

Guess we're stuck with each other.

Great.

Well, I might as well make the most of it.

You, uh... You want me to rub your back again?

No, Jimmy, I don't.

To be honest...

Your fingernails are dirty and they need to be clipped.

Yeah, that's why I got fired from the pizza place.

Turn it off. No.

Look, can you at least turn the sound off? This is my house. No.

What's going on?

Jimmy would turn off the stupid car race.

You're supposed to be on bed rest. Why don't you go upstairs and give your

a rest?

Why don't you go out back and gloon yourself?

I knew it. It is a word.

Hey, you guys, take it easy.

Look, you aren't here all day. I can see why you're spending so much time with

Greg. What are you talking about?

It's just your husband is incredibly annoying.

I can understand why you prefer to spend time with mine.

Hey, your husband would rather spend time with my wife than with you.

That's not true.

Yeah, and I don't prefer to spend time with Greg.

Yeah, the only reason she's spending time with Greg is because I can't leave

house. No, it's because Greg doesn't do anything annoying like you.

I wouldn't be calling my husband annoying if I were you because your

isn't exactly perfect.

Well, what is that supposed to mean?

It doesn't mean anything, Greg. Just forget about it. No, no, no. I'd like to

hear. Yeah, I'd like to hear it, too.

I'm just not used to someone who cries at movies like that. It's a little

distracting, that's all.

It's not nearly as distracting as being ten minutes late for a movie because

somebody can't make the life -changing decision between goobers and Raisin

Well, you could have gone into the movie without me.

Well, I didn't know it was going to be such a brain teaser.

Good thing they didn't have snow caps. We'd have had Paul Kachin.

Whatever.

Don't you dare whatever me. Whatever. Oh, don't. That's real mature. Real

mature. Whatever. Infinity.

Jimmy, you want to go watch a movie or something?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Pop in cannonball rub.

I'll be right there.

Kim, would you like to play a game of Scrabble? Sure. Great. I'd love to.

It worked.

Yeah, we got them good, didn't we? Hey, nice touch bringing back gloom.

Yeah, you're really good at making fun of me.

You've given me a lot to work with.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, you know.

Kind of juvenile.

Well, you're you.

Kind of a tight ass.

Maybe you should leave before something bad happens.

Yeah.

Hey.

At least we'll always have Greg's mustache.

I guess we will.

I guess we will.

I don't know. Are you sure it looks good?

Oh, yeah. You look just like Tom Selleck.

Magnum's coming home, sweetheart.

Magnum's coming home.