Original subtitles

Hey, did you get the Lake Tahoe brochures?

Yeah, I'm just trying to find a good place to stay.

Wow, this place looks nice.

I could spend a week here.

Greg, that's the Pottery Barn catalog.

Oh, the Pinnacle Room. We got to eat at the Pinnacle Room.

What? Yeah, my uncle said it was the best food, the best service, and the

spectacular views.

When I was a kid, I used to dream that one day I'd be successful enough to eat

there. Wow, I guess that day had come. Yes, it has. I'm taking my hot wife to

the Pinnacle Room.

Wish all those towel -snapping bastards on the football team could see me now.

Now we just have to find a place to stay.

Well, you know what? The Pinnacle Room is in a resort called The Lodge. It's

right on the slopes.

It's all suites. Every room has fireplaces in it. Jimmy and Christine

afford to stay there. Jimmy and Christine can't afford to stay there?

Greg, it's a family vacation.

We're all staying together.

Kim, why do we always have to suffer because Jimmy and Christine don't have

money? We don't suffer. Oh, yeah, right. Like every time I try to buy front row

seats at a concert, we end up having to sit with Jimmy and Christine in the back

row. We went to the Hollywood Bowl to see Lyle Lovett and his large band. Kim,

they were this big.

It's a hotel room. It's not that big of a deal. Well, fine, fine. Let's just

load up the truck like a bunch of Okies and stay in the biggest piece of crap we

can find.

No, here it is. Look, Cuddly Bear Retreat, one star.

You know how bad that is? Cuddling with an actual bear, two stars.

Hey, guys, what's up?

Oh, cool, the vacation stuff got here, huh?

All right, Lake Tahoe.

Drinking, gambling, and skiing.

Remember, we're taking the kids.

Yeah, I know.

Drinking, gambling, skiing.

Okay, we're just trying to find a place to stay. I'm trying to find someplace

not too expensive.

Right, it's our vacation.

We need to go all out.

Really? Yes. Now, I haven't been telling anybody this, but I've been setting

aside a little money each week so we can do our vacation up right this year.

Oh, this is great. I was just saying that I hope we can go somewhere nice.

we should. I mean, we only do this once a year. Let's go a little crazy, you

know?

Well, here's a nice place, actually. It's a little pricey, but I think we can

swing it.

Cuddly Bear Retreat.

Must be really nice. They put a star next to it.

You want to know what's nice about a nine -hour car ride with Jimmy and his

family?

I am no longer afraid of death.

I'm actually looking forward to it.

Greg, stop it.

Look at this place. It's actually really nice.

Yeah, I've got to admit, it looks a lot better than it did in the brochure.

Well, enjoy it now.

Something tells me it won't take long before Jimmy and Christine turn this

into a dump.

Hey, Dominic, grab your ski clothes. They're in that last garbage bag.

Oh, I guess you guys decided not to use the luggage we gave you for Christmas.

No, the luggage was too small, plus the kid needed their snowsuits.

Oh, it's so cute. You've got them snowsuits?

No, these are their snowsuits. Jimmy?

Go have fun in the snow, honey.

They grow up so fast.

Seems like only yesterday he was wearing a tall kitchen size.

I want to go play in the snow.

All right, buddy.

Greg was rushing me in the driveway. I must have grabbed the actual garbage.

Huh. That's what stunk up the car.

I didn't say anything. I thought it was you.

I thought it was me too.

Dean, is this place great or what? I was just helping Kim unpack and I was...

What?

I think the room's bigger.

Jimmy, I...

room is bigger.

Jimmy, how much bigger could it be?

Three of these bigger, Christine.

Three of these.

Are you sure, Jimmy? Because the brochure said that all the rooms were

these by six of these.

It's very funny, Christine, okay? But you know what? Their room is bigger,

Plus, we've got a deck. It's got a jacuzzi.

Greg purposely took the bigger room. I'm sure Greg didn't realize.

Christine, of course he realized.

He's Greg.

Even though we paid the same amount, he thinks he's still entitled to more than

I am.

Let me please. I'm sure he just went into a room and he put his stuff down.

Now, come on. This is our one vacation a year. Are you really going to make a

big deal out of this?

That's fine. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive about it. It's just that

we're at home, I have to go along with whatever he wants because it's his

No, this week was supposed to be different. This week, we were supposed

equals.

Well, I'm sure Greg feels the same way.

No, come on.

Let's unpack this stuff.

And maybe the room will seem bigger once we put everything away.

No, it's from the kitchen.

Kim and Christine must have made this before they took the kids out sledding.

Oh, so it's not really your popcorn. It's more like our popcorn.

I guess.

Can I have some?

Sure.

I got a cup. What's that?

Well, I'm just noticing you got a big bowl of popcorn over there yourself, and

all you gave me was a cup. What's the matter? You couldn't find a thimble?

You can have more. Just finish that, and I'll fill it back up.

Oh, so every ten pieces of popcorn, I gotta come begging to you for more.

You are being ridiculous.

Am I?

Am I? You know what, Greg?

Because the way I see it is we both paid the same amount for that popcorn.

And old Papa Bear Greg gets the big bowl.

Don't you?

Just give Jimmy the baby bear size. That's all he deserves, huh?

Guess what, Greg?

I'm a Papa Bear, too.

I am a Papa Bear, too.

Well, I must be Goldilocks because I'm lost and I'm starting to get a little

scared.

I want the big bedroom.

What? You took the big bedroom.

Aren't they the same size? No, no, yours is bigger by three of these, Greg.

Brought my luggage into the first room I saw and started unpacking, okay?

I mean, if this is going to ruin your whole trip, gee, we'll switch.

All right, let's switch.

You're serious. You're going to make me pack up all my stuff again.

That's not so easy for me. My luggage just enclosed with a twisty.

Oh, see, there it is, that attitude, like you're better than me. I am better

than you. I knew it. You did take the big bedroom on purpose. Of course I took

the big bedroom on purpose. I deserve the big bedroom. Why? Why? Please tell

why do you deserve the big bedroom? Because if you weren't here, I'd be

in a better place.

I've worked hard my whole life, Jimmy, at work, at school, and you want to know

why? So one day I would have the best, and I was almost there, and then you

moved in. Oh, wait, so like I'm holding you back?

Well, I'm sorry if your life hasn't turned out to be as grand as you hoped

would be, Your Highness. But guess what? This isn't life. This is vacation.

And I paid just as much as you did.

And you know what?

We're flipping for the big bedroom. I'm not flipping. Oh, we are flipping for

it. No way. Call it in the air. I'm not calling. Call it or you'll lose. I'm not

going to pay.

Tails never fails.

I'll be in my jacuzzi.

Okay,

Greg, two things.

Kim hasn't left yet.

And tell her all I thought was a little side boob.

A coin flip and he gets the bigger room. It's ridiculous.

I mean, if we start rewarding people based on games of chance, the whole

going to be run by bingo ladies and a tic -tac -toe playing chicken.

Greg, let it go.

No, it's all about luck now, Kim. I mean, this is how our life's going to be

from now on. Oh, you know what? You want to have sex tonight? One, two, three,

shoot!

Is that how we decide to have sex, or are you describing how we have sex?

No, that is fine.

Got a little comedy routine you're working on there, do you?

I'm going to work it out here in the small room before you take it across the

hall to the big room.

Wait a second.

That room's bigger than ours? Yes, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Yes,

at least... Ah, you got me. Okay, that's rich. Hey, she'll be here all week,

folks.

Lighten up. Why should I lighten up?

Nothing ever goes my way. Oh, come on. You still get to eat in your fancy

restaurant, huh?

Tomorrow you'll be eating the dinner of your dreams, the pinnacle room.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Still have the restaurant. I'm not even going to think about the rooms anymore.

I mean, if I didn't know about that other room, I would think this room is

fine. It's warm. It's cozy.

Besides, we're in beautiful Lake Tahoe.

right with his pee?

No, I showed him how to do it with a stick.

Cool, I can write with my pee?

What are you guys doing? You're not dressed for dinner.

I'm not going to your fancy restaurant.

Jimmy, come on. I mean, it is a family vacation. No, Christine, look, we can't

afford to eat there. While we're in Tahoe, we're not taking any handouts.

Kim, that settles it. We're moving to Tahoe.

Well, enjoy dinner at your fancy restaurant. Tonight, we will be dining

Hungry Buckaroo, where we will be paying our own way and feasting like kings on

the bottom with cheese fries.

Fine, do whatever you want. You're not going to ruin tonight for me. Come on,

Kim, we're going to be late. Hey, Kim, um, do you want us to take Sammy?

I mean, the place we're going has a bunch of games and stuff.

And this way you guys can have a nice romantic dinner.

Wow, that would be great. Thanks.

Well, you can thank me tomorrow by taking all the kids for a walk.

Not far, just, you know.

Not with an earshot of the jacuzzi.

Come on, Kim. The pinnacle room awaits.

Happy trails, buckaroos.

Hey. Hey. What do you think?

Very nice.

Do you see the view?

I see the view.

I can't believe we're actually here.

Oh, look. Matchbooks.

Love these.

Oh, and pinnacle room mitts. Here.

Put a couple of these in your purse.

Oh, look at this, a Pinnacle Room pen.

Good evening.

Hi, I was just checking to see if you had our reservation.

Oh, there we are, Warner.

Your table is ready, Mr. Warner. However, we do have a fricked dress code

Gentlemen are required to wear a jacket.

I don't have a jacket.

Don't worry. We keep a jacket back here for situations like this. Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much. I should have known to bring a jacket. I mean, every

picture I saw of my...

Uncle Freddy here, he was wearing a jacket.

In fact, I think it was this jacket.

Your table's this way.

Look at this, Kim. Look at this view.

I see it. I see it.

What are you doing?

This is your table, sir. I'm sorry. We specifically asked for a table by the

window. Oh.

Oh, I see. Well, those seats are reserved for guests of the lodge. Are

staying at the lodge?

Yes.

Which cabin?

Six.

Sir, the cabins are named after animals.

Puma.

This is not a carnival game, sir. This table will be fine.

Madame. Thank you.

Angel, did you hear that? If we'd have stayed here at the lodge like I wanted

to, we'd be right up... What stinks?

I think it's you.

Oh, this jacket reeks.

It's all moldy or something.

I can't eat like this. Here, give me one of those mints.

Good evening.

Good evening.

My name is Troy, and I'd like to tell you about tonight's specials. No need. I

think we know what we want to order.

We looked at the menu on your website. Oh, okay. So what can I get you?

I think we're going to start out with a little caviar, and my wife is going to

have the salmon, and I'm going to have the filet mignon.

Okay, and how would you like that cooked, sir? Medium well.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

The chef doesn't like to cook meat that long. He feels it robs it of its flavor.

I'm not asking him to eat it. I just want him to cook it.

Medium well, please.

I'm sorry, sir.

I trust medium will be okay.

Yeah, I suppose medium will be great.

What's that all about? A $46 piece of meat and I can't have it cooked the way

want? Shouldn't we be able to get what we want? I don't know. I wanted halibut.

You ordered me salmon.

Oh, look, the cheese cart. Over here, please.

Uncle Freddy used to always talk about this, the famous Pinnacle Room cheese

cart. Can I help you, sir?

Yes. We would like some cheese.

Very well, sir.

What would you care to sample tonight?

Uh, what's this?

That's English Tilton.

It's a form of blue cheese.

Oh, sounds good. We like some of that. And what's this?

Oh, that's Randall Shaw.

Oh, that sounds like one of those stinky ones. Is it one of those stinky ones?

It's mildly stinky, sir.

Well, we'll have some of that, too.

And how about this?

May I suggest something a little less bold, sir?

What do you mean? I like the way it looks.

With all due respect, sir, you're not ready for that cheese.

Just give me the cheese.

Very well, sir.

That'll be all.

Very good, sir.

You've been waiting for 25 years to eat in this restaurant. So far, you've spit

out everything you've put in your mouth.

Caviar for the lady in general. Thank you very much.

Oh, Greg, are you sure you like caviar? You've never even had it before.

Kim, we're here at the Pinnacle Room, okay? There's great views. There's

in front of us. I mean, what could be better than this?

Mm.

Mm.

Mm -mm.

Mm, delicious.

Good. Kim, it's beyond delicious.

Try it. No, no, no, no, no. If you like it, you should finish it.

What's the matter?

There's a little tickle in my throat.

Take my throat down and be fine. It's delicious.

Oh, my God, Greg, your fingers are swelling up. You must be allergic to

Don't be ridiculous. It's delicious.

So are strawberries, peanuts, and shellfish, but you're allergic to them.

leave me alone.

Oh, I'm fine.

Bring the pen. Meet me in the bathroom.

I can't make it. Here, give me the shot now.

Hey,

that was dinner.

That was probably the first time they ever had to use the cheese cart as a

gurney.

Where's Christine and the boys?

Ah, they're in the game room.

I'll go check on Sammy.

So how was your fancy restaurant?

It was horrible, okay? You happy?

Maybe. How bad was it? It was bad.

Really bad.

I didn't wear the right clothes.

Took a bite of disgusting cheese, which apparently I'm not ready for.

You must be starving. Here, have a cheese fry. No cheese fry. Well, just

and I'll leave you alone. They're good. Fine.

What kind of cheese is that, cheddar?

Whiz.

You know what I think, Greg?

I think that's the cheese you're ready for.

What? Well, you know, you may think I'm holding you back, but I think I'm

keeping you right where you belong.

I don't think so. Greg, look, you're not a fancy guy. You may like to think you

are, but you're not.

I mean, you like to eat cheese fries.

You like to watch Burt Reynolds movies. You like to...

Have a beer and watch the game.

You're a regular guy. If you weren't, I wouldn't want to hang around with you.

Here's the check.

Is there going to be anything else?

Actually, can I get a burger?

Sure. Can I get it well done?

I would. With the quality of meat we serve here, that's the safe play.

So you don't mind hanging out, do you?

I'm on vacation. Where am I going?

Hello. What?

That's the same view that they had at the Pinnacle Room.

This goes to show you, not everything's about money.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

What happened to the bottomless cheese fries?

That's tomorrow night.

Tomorrow, $185.

Oh, man, they didn't put enough whiz on these fries.

Excuse me.

What kind of whiz would you like, sir?

What's that in the back over there?

That's jalapeno whiz, sir.

Give us some of that.

With all due respect, sir, I don't think you're ready for that whiz.

Just give us the cheese.

Very well, sir.