Original subtitles

What's all that?

Sammy has a play date.

With who, the Duke of York?

No, Sammy's friend, Julia.

The tea's for me and her mom, Jessica. It's no big deal.

Did you etch roses into the little butters?

All right, I'm excited.

I met Jessica at Sammy's school the other day. She seems really smart and

And we're the same age. We have a lot in common. I think we could be good

friends.

Oh, good. She came early. Greg, you'll get a chance to meet her. Great.

Hello.

Come on in. Thank you.

Oh, Julia, there's your buddy, Sammy.

And this is my nanny, Sylvia.

Oh, hello.

Oh, I'm so glad we got to do this. I've got a lot of great things planned today.

We're going to have some fun.

Oh, that's really great.

I'll see you at four.

Wait, wait, wait.

You're leaving?

Oh, yeah. I've got a lot of stuff to do.

Sylvia, if you need to reach me, I'll be on my cell.

Have fun.

Pretty butter.

Hey,

so how was your play date?

I got ditched.

What? Jessica left right after you did this morning and stuck me with Sylvia,

her elderly nanny.

That seems awkward.

Tell me about it.

Haven't held a fake smile that long since your cousin Russ was telling us

his newfound relationship with the Lord.

Can't believe it.

Why does she even need a nanny anyway? I'll never understand women like that.

She's got one child and no job.

Well, that's L .A. for you, you know. What happened to raising your own kids?

And what's with all the...

Beach balls at Dodger games.

What? I thought we were doing things we don't like about L .A.

So no more play dates with Julia, huh?

No, she's coming over tomorrow.

The kids got along so great, I couldn't punish Sammy.

I guess I'll be stuck with the nanny again.

You're stuck with her?

Imagine how she feels.

What are you talking about?

Well, think about it. The poor thing gets... Left at a strange house with a

different mom every play date.

I'm sure she was more uncomfortable than you were.

You're right.

Oh, she's probably a really nice lady. It's not her fault Jessica dumped her

here.

Tomorrow I'm going to talk to her.

You spent four hours with her and you never talked to her.

Yeah.

We spoke a little bit.

She asked me if I wanted a piece of hard candy.

I said, yes, thank you.

Then she reached deep into her purse and pulled out something covered in lint.

Ew. What'd you do?

I politely popped it into my mouth.

Took me ten minutes before I realized I was sucking on a button.

Hey,

Christine. Yeah.

What barks, begs, and wags its tail?

I told you, we're only doing that on your birthday.

I got something for Dominic. Remember how we always wanted a dog?

Jimmy, Greg is not going to let us... Have a dog? He's still mad from when you

peed on the lawn.

It's okay.

Because I got him.

A mechno dog.

Check it out, man. It's awesome. You can play with it. You can feed it. You can

teach it new tricks. It's just like a real dog.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, Dominic. I got you something.

Cool. A mechno dog.

Yeah. What should I call it? Well, you can call it anything you want, you know.

I was actually...

hoping that you might want to call it Charlie. You know, I had a dog named

Charlie when I was your age, and he was just the best, so, you know, you could

call him Charlie.

How about Spider -Man?

Uh, yeah, Spider -Man's good.

Uh, or Charlie.

Or both.

Spider -Man Charlie?

Yeah, you're right, that sounds stupid.

Let's call him Charlie.

Kids are having a blast out back.

There you go, Sylvia.

Thought you might like some tea and cookies.

Well, aren't you sweet?

Not like Jessica.

Really?

Jessica's a little difficult, is she?

Oh, I shouldn't say anything.

Please don't tell her. I can't afford to lose this job.

I lost all my money in the crash.

Oh, stock market?

But... Well, don't worry. You can tell me anything. I would never repeat

anything to Jessica.

Well... The other night.

She came home. I had finished the laundry. I had made brownies. Julia was

asleep. But is that good enough for her? No, she still yelled at me. She yelled

at you? And spits.

She spits on you?

Not on purpose. She spits when she talks.

It's funny. Most of what she says goes over my head, but her spit goes right in

my eye.

Have you ever tried to talk to her about the way she treats you? Oh, no, no. I'd

never say anything.

At my age, I'm lucky to have a job.

But you're a person.

You deserve to be treated with respect.

If Jessica wants everything to be perfect, maybe she should do some things

herself, you know?

It wouldn't kill her every once in a while to drop her Prada bag and pick up

child.

I really don't think we should gossip anymore about Jessica.

I'll just say she has fake boobs and that'll be it.

Uh -oh, I think she's back.

That's funny.

I didn't hear her broom or the screeching of her flying monkeys.

Hello. Hi, Kim.

I hope the kids had a nice time together again. Yeah, they got along great.

Good.

Sylvia, why aren't you ready to go? I told you that I would be back at three.

I'm sorry, I'm just getting Julia's toys together.

Sylvia, that's not Julia's.

Are you sure?

Julia's a teddy bear.

Every child has a teddy bear.

Look, just go get Julia, okay? And I'll take care of this.

I

didn't know she

had to be ready to go at three.

Yeah, well, that's my mistake. I should have told you instead of her.

Everything I say goes in one ear and out the other.

Huh.

Maybe if you said it a little nicer.

Excuse me?

It's not really any of my business, but it just seems like Sylvia tries very

hard and you don't really appreciate that.

Look, you don't know what you're talking about.

Really?

Because I think I do.

I know that if Sylvia were my nanny, I would treat her with respect so she

wasn't constantly worried she was going to get yelled at.

Oh, she told you I yell at her, huh?

Wow, you guys really bonded.

Let's just say I speak her language.

It's a magic language filled with words like please and thank you.

Okay.

Sylvia, please stop talking about me behind my back.

Unless you have another job lined up that I don't know about.

Thank you.

Sylvia, put Julia down.

What? Here.

You deserve to be treated better.

You mean you're actually going to hire her? I'm going to ask her, one person to

another. Sylvia, would you like to work for me? Yes, please.

Fine. I hope you two will be very happy together.

Oh, we will. Because I'll treat her a lot nicer than you did. You can lead a

disrespectful, self -important snob.

Bye -bye, sweetie pie. We'll see you in school.

You hired a nanny? Yeah, I wasn't really planning on it. It sort of happened.

Well, since when do we need a nanny?

We don't really need one. Then what are you doing? Don't we have enough people

that we don't need hanging around this house?

I felt bad for her. She was miserable.

And don't worry, I'll find plenty of stuff for her to do.

Trust me, it'll make all our lives easier.

Don't touch the phone. I'll get it. It's my job now.

Hello?

You have a friend in Brazil?

No. Oh.

What a curious mystery.

Yes, we'll accept the charges.

I'll get that.

Larry? Sammy.

Sammy? Hang up with Brazil.

Hang up with Brazil.

Hey.

Hey, Dominic. Hey, there's my Charlie.

Hey, how you guys getting along?

Great. He even knows my voice.

Don't you, boys?

You got yourself your own little lassie there. What else does he do?

He can fetch. Watch this.

Charlie, fetch.

I wouldn't fall down any wells if

I were you.

Hi, Kim.

Hi, Sylvia.

Where's Sammy?

Oh, he's been sleeping like an angel ever since you left.

You let him nap for six hours?

Yeah. Oh, he woke up a couple of times, but I rubbed his back and he went to

sleep again.

Sylvia, he'll be up all night now.

I'm sorry.

He just looks so cute sleeping.

Don't worry about it. I need to start dinner.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You relax.

I'll make dinner.

Oh. Okay, great.

I should wake Sammy anyway. There's some leftover chicken you can heat up.

Uh -oh.

What? Oh, I ate it for lunch.

The rest of it I accidentally dropped into a bucket of floor cleaner.

It might still be good. It smells like lemon.

I could try some, and if it doesn't kill me, then you can eat it.

No, no, no, no, it's okay. I'm pregnant. My doctor told me I should stay away

from caffeine and household poisons.

Hi, Christine.

Hey, Sylvia.

Um, you know, I just noticed that Kim left this dirty laundry out in the guest

house.

So, um, I guess she wants you to wash, dry, and fold it, and then, you know,

it back in the guest house.

Okay, I better do it right away, or Kim will yell at me again.

Kim yells at you?

Look, I shouldn't gossip about Kim.

I'll just mention I suspect she had Botox and leave it at that.

Well, what is she mad about?

Who knows?

I put Sammy down for his nap.

I cleaned the floor.

I even made brownies. But is that good enough for her? No.

You made brownies?

Yeah.

They're fresh in the oven. Oh, wow. Thank you.

cat's getting it on?

With what, a deli slicer?

Oh, no.

I forgot about the dog.

He was barking, so I put him out last night.

I don't know if they got him doused by the sprinklers.

Hey, there's Charlie.

What's wrong with him?

Well, uh, sweetie, he got a little wet. I think he might be broken.

Oh.

Look, it's okay. We'll just get a new one. I don't want another one. I want

real Charles.

You know what? We'll leave him out here in the sun, and maybe he'll be fine.

How did he get outside in the first place?

I think the more important question is, who wants a big, giant lollipop?

Hi, Sylvia. Sorry I'm late.

the old fruits and vegetables in the garbage disposal?

The garbage disposal is on this side of the sink.

Oh.

Well, this is really going to stink in a couple of days.

Where's Sammy? It's past his bedtime.

I already did that.

Really? Don't worry. He's out like a light.

Yeah, he probably wants another Coke.

You gave him a Coke?

He didn't like the Mountain Dew.

Sylvia, you can't give him stuff with caffeine in it. God, he'll be up all...

Did

you have a little trouble vacuuming today?

I was trying to get a spider off the grapes.

Why don't you just use a tissue to kill it?

I didn't want to leave a smudge.

Look, just take Sammy upstairs and put him in his bed. I'll be up in a second.

Hey, Sylvia, how's it going?

I can't talk now, Mr. Warner.

Busy, busy.

Well, I guess it must be nice having a second set of hands around, huh?

What the hell is she trying to do?

Kill a spider.

Did she get it?

She is the worst, Greg.

I can't trust her to do anything.

I'm never leaving Sammy alone with her again.

Oh, come on. Look, Kim, if she's that bad, then fire her. We never needed a

nanny in the first place.

I can't fire her.

Why not?

I just can't.

She needs the money and she needs the activity. This is all...

Kim, this isn't personal. This is business. She is an employee. If she's

working out, then let her go.

Well, if you think it's so easy to go in there and fire her, then why don't you

do it? I will.

I'm a businessman. I do this sort of thing every day.

People don't mind being fired as long as they're treated with honesty and

respect. You just have to never look them in the eye because then you remind

that they're actually a person.

Sylvia, can I get a word with you?

Yes.

You see, me and Kim never had a nanny before, and...

Up until the other day, we never really thought we needed one, but you were

here, and we were in a situation where... What are you

doing? You spilled on yourself.

Did I?

Oh, you're just like my son.

All grown up, and you still need a bib.

You remind me of him, you know? Right.

Smart, handsome.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry. You were in the middle of something?

No, it was just... I was just... I was just... Don't work so hard.

I looked in her eyes. Damn it! I looked in her eyes!

Come on, Charlie, you can do it. Fetch!

Hey, Dominic.

How's Charlie?

Doesn't look so good.

I know, but I'm hoping them get better.

Dominic, honey, I don't think you should be playing with a toy that's electronic

that's not working right.

You know, I mean, you could get shocked.

Yeah, remember when I used a fork to pop the toaster up?

And for three seconds, I literally was unable to Lego my Echo.

Dominic, honey, I think it's time to take his batteries out.

No, you can't. That'll kill him.

Oh, but isn't that better than making him suffer?

You know, don't you think it's best that we give Charlie a place where he can go

and be happy and peaceful?

Part of growing up means that you've got to be brave enough to let something go.

Goodbye, boy.

Come on.

Charlie? Oh, Charlie.

You in there, buddy?

You in there?

You still got some

fun in you, don't you, buddy?

Hey, Kim.

Having a rough day?

God, I have this nanny who is driving me crazy. She can't cook, she can't clean.

I can't even trust her alone with my son.

Not Sylvia.

Yes, Sylvia. You know her?

Oh, you poor thing.

I had Sylvia three months ago. She was awful.

But I felt so bad for the poor old woman, I couldn't bring myself to fire

Oh, my God, me too. How did you get rid of her? Please, I'll pay you. Tell me

how you got rid of her.

I passed her off on Ellie, and then Ellie tricked Anne -Marie into taking

And somehow, Anne -Marie passed her off on Rosemary, who I think dumped her on

Tina.

Last I heard, she was with Jessica.

You.

I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

I had to do something, though.

I mean, she was awful.

You ponder off on me? You were the only mother in class who hadn't had her yet.

That is just sick.

How could you just pass this woman off onto an innocent, unsuspecting person?

It's cowardly and wrong.

What's the matter with you people? You should be ashamed of yourself.

And these are some of the other moms.

I'm sure they can probably tell you more about the school than I can.

Ladies, this is Yvonne and her son Jacob.

They just moved here.

You're new. in town.

We should set up a play date.