Original subtitles

Hey, Kevin.

You must be our new members.

Welcome to the West Los Angeles Tribe of Indian Scouts. I'm Carl Blumpkin,

Kevin's father. You can call me Chief Blumpkin.

Well, I'm Jimmy. I'm Dominic's father. I guess you can call me Chief Hughes.

Actually, there's only one chief.

I'm the chief.

See, I have most feathers.

Oh.

Okay, chief.

Where's your fridge?

Run a little fire water for afterwards.

Oh, well, we usually don't have alcohol at the meeting.

What's the matter? Are you afraid you're going to get drunk and sell me your

house for $24, huh?

I'll just keep it in the bag.

Thanks. All right, let's start the meeting. I see everyone put their totems

the pole.

Oh, fathers and sons make their own totem out of a potato chip tin. You can

yours home, decorate it, and bring it back to the next meeting.

Great.

There aren't any chips in there.

This is the

talking stick.

Once we are in the sacred circle, no one except the chief may speak.

unless they're holding the talking stick.

Oh, that's a great idea. Maybe I should make that rule with my wife and then

burn the stick, huh?

Sorry.

All right, let's go around the circle and introduce ourselves to our new

scout.

I'm Great Star, and this is Bright Star.

I'm Talking Rock, and this is Running Rabbit.

Now you can pick your Indian names. It could be an animal or something else you

may find in nature.

Can I be Silver Fox?

Of course you can.

Can I be Red Fox?

That's what you want? You bet, dummy.

Come on, Red Fox, Sanford and Son, you know?

Bum -bum -bana.

Jimmy,

we're taking Logan and Sam out for a while.

Dominic's in his room playing, and if he gets hungry, there's mac and cheese in

the fridge.

Jimmy. What?

We're going out.

Yeah, Dominic's in his room and there's mac and cheese in the fridge. I heard

you. Well, then respond to me.

Sheesh. You know, when we were little, I used to dream of being married to a

rock star.

Now I'd settle for an ape that knows sign language.

Don't look at me.

I used to dream of a husband who'd slay dragons for me.

Greg won't even sneak up on a spider without a yardstick and a half a roll of

toilet paper.

little guy?

That's my nephew. He and my sister are in town from Maryland, so I'm

while she goes on some job interviews.

Oh, what's your name, kiddo? Uh, he don't talk yet.

Nathan?

Look at that. He does talk.

Anyway,

since there aren't any kids in my building for him to play with, I figured

could hang out over here. Oh, well, actually, Christine and I are going to

the kids to Chuck E. Cheese.

Perfect. Be good for the nice ladies.

Whoa, whoa, Billy.

We're not just taking him with us. You've got to come, too.

But you guys love kids.

Well, not all kids.

It kind of depends on where they come from.

For me to care about them, they kind of have to be from my uterus.

All right, fine, I'll go. But if he needs his diaper changed, you guys will

me, right?

I use the potty.

You're just full of surprises, aren't you?

Hey, Jimmy, don't forget you and Dominic have that Indian Scouts meeting at 7.

Indian Scouts, huh?

Oh, yes. I forgot about that meeting.

Oh, I guess I'm going to have to set up the VCR to tape the late game.

Dominic, come in here and bring that potato chip can.

I can't believe you guys are doing Indian Scouts. Yeah, I know. It's kind

nerdy. It's not nerdy. I used to love it when I was a kid.

Are we going to decorate our totem now?

Yeah, we just slapped some stickers on it or something.

You can't just put some stickers on it. It's going to represent you at every

meeting. Yeah, Uncle Greg was an Indian scout when he was little. Really?

Yeah, it was great. What's your Indian name?

Silver Fox.

I'm Red Fox.

Doesn't anybody watch Nick at night?

What do you think we should paint on it?

First, I think we should put Indian symbols for your Indian name along the

here, and then maybe put some arrows around the edges here.

And, hey, we could spell out your tribe's name in symbols, too.

I mean, maybe you and your dad could. Hey, look, sounds like you know what

you're doing. Why don't you help him? Really?

Please.

Well, why not? I bet you I have my Indian Scout stuff in the garage still.

want to see all my feathers?

Yeah, can you take me to the meeting tonight and show them to everyone?

Well, I'd love to, but I don't think your father wants to. No, no, go ahead.

don't mind.

Really? Hey, you know, you like it?

Dominic likes it? I mean, I wouldn't mind staying home and watching some

from Cleveland I got 50 bucks on.

Let's go get your feathers.

Really? Okay. Hey, have you learned to sing the campfire song yet?

No.

Down by the wigwam early in the morning.

Somebody needs to make the fire glow.

Little Scout is working to make the morning fire.

Hack, hack, whack, whack, watch him go.

Click, click, click, click, watch them go.

Oh, hello, Silver Fox.

Hello. How? I'm Little Bear, Dominic's uncle.

Oh. Okay. Oh, nice to have you join us.

Look, it's not a big deal, but you can't just wear the feathers. You have to

earn them.

Oh, really?

You mean like when I learned semaphore to get my signaling feather or when I

painted a mural on a wall to get my creativity feather? I could go on, but I

don't want to brag because you might take away my modesty feather.

I got the green feather for having a sense of humor.

He was an Indian scout when he was little.

It's an honor to have you join our tribe, Little Bear.

I'm Talking Rock, and this is Great Star.

Hi, how are ya? Hi, how are ya?

You know, Dollar Thumb, you can teach us a bunch of really cool games to play.

Cool! Hey, since Little Bear has the most feathers, does that make him the

chief?

Yes, yes, I suppose it does.

Well, I don't want to... No, no, that's the rules. You're the new chief.

Well, as new chief, my first action will be to call Domino's and show you guys

how to use every part of a buffalo wing.

Is this on?

I swear, it's just like riding a bike.

Hey, how was Chuck E. Cheese?

This place is a nightmare.

400 screaming kids and 200 screaming mothers.

to make a million dollars, they'll tie your own tube kits in that parking lot.

Jimmy, have you been to Chuck E. Cheese?

It's amazing.

They got video games, they got pizza, they got this cute little mouse that

out and does a little dance.

That's how I always pictured heaven.

Except the pizza would be free and the mouse would be Rebecca Romaine Stamos.

Oh, you liked it, Billy, huh? Oh, I loved it.

Hey, you guys want to take the kids here again tomorrow?

Sure. How about you meet us on the corner at Kiss My Ass Avenue in no

way?

Come on, it won't be that bad. I mean, you can walk around the mall while I

watch the kids.

I want to make sure I understand what you're saying.

You're willing to take all three children to Chuck E. Cheese while

I walk around the mall by ourselves?

I just think it'd be more fun for Nathan if you...

Quick, Kim, grab his ass. Maybe you'll take him to Disneyland.

All right, well, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Come on, Nathan, let's go home, have dinner.

We'll have some more pizza. It's just like Chuck E. Cheese, except in my

the mice don't dance.

Not unless you flick matches at them. Good night.

Is that right?

That's perfect. I told you it wasn't that hard. You guys working on some

Scout stuff?

No, just some homework he had. Why don't you try to finish the rest by yourself?

Okay. Buddies for life, Chief.

Buddies for life, Silver Fox.

What's that mean, buddies for life?

Oh, it's the Indian Scout slogan.

Oh.

Look, you don't need to help him with his homework. I can do that. I don't

Besides, it's math.

It's first grade math, Greg.

I can do first grade math.

It's not fractions, right?

Look, Jimmy, it's no big deal. His teacher said he was falling behind in

subtraction. I just taught him a few tricks.

Wait a minute. When did you talk to his teacher? This morning. He asked me to

drive him to school. You drove him to school? Yeah. He wanted to talk about

we were bringing to the big camp out this weekend.

Well, I'm glad. But listen, I can drive him to school, okay? So if he asks you

again, just tell me.

I'll take him.

I really don't mind. But I do, okay? Because I'm his father.

And if he's having trouble at school, Mrs. Glenn should have called me.

His teacher's name is Phipps.

Okay, whatever.

All right, Mrs. Phipps. Miss.

Miss Phipps.

Miss Tyra. Okay, look, just don't drive him to school anymore, okay?

Fine. Look, I don't know why you're getting mad at me. I would have never

him to school in the first place if you were the one taking him to Indian

Scouts. Oh, so what?

That makes me a bad father?

Okay. He said he wanted you to go, so I said you could go. He only wanted me to

go because he knew you didn't want to.

Look, just because I don't want to go to the stupid Indian Scouts thing didn't

mean I want you doing everything else with Dominic. Well, that's why we do

everything else, Jimmy.

Indian Scouts give us something in common.

That's the purpose. What do you think, we just like dressing up as Indians?

Yeah.

Well, it is fun, but that's not the purpose.

Okay, fine.

You know what? I'll just... I'll take him from now on, okay?

Fine. I think you should.

Uncle Greg, can you show me how to work a compass so I can get my first feather?

I can't right now. I'm kind of busy. Sorry, buddy.

Okay, we'll do it later.

Uh, look, Dominic, Uncle Greg's not going to go to the camp out with you

weekend. I am.

Why?

Because I'm your father, okay? And Indian Scouts is something that, you

fathers and sons are supposed to do together. And, look, I'm sorry that I

haven't been going with you, but I really want to. So, what do you say?

for life?

No, thanks.

I want Uncle Greg to go.

What? Uncle Greg knows all the cool stuff.

He's going to help me get my first feather this weekend.

No, no, no, he's not. I'm going to help you get your first feather this weekend.

But he don't know how to do anything.

I want Uncle Greg to go. He's the chief.

Yeah, but I'm your father, okay? And like I just said, Indian Scouts is

something that fathers and sons are supposed to do together.

You don't even know any of the songs.

Of course I do. I know that song that you guys were singing the other day.

Out in the wigwams early in the morning.

Scooping up the field mice, bopping them on the head.

We're never going to get a feather.

We're going to get a feather.

Uncle Greg can't put up a teepee. Yeah, well, he might be able to put it up, but

he couldn't sleep in it without his lumbar pillow and humidifier.

Uncle Greg is a teepee feather.

So will we. Okay, now don't worry. We're going to get a feather.

Do some members of our tribe need some help from their Indian brothers?

Uh, no.

We can set it up ourselves. Thank you.

Are you sure?

We're sure. We can do it on our own. Thanks.

That's too bad.

If you'd accepted our help, you would have earned your humble feather.

Good luck, though.

What is this, a game show?

Hey, who is ready to go to Chuck E. Cheese?

Who's ready to see a movie and get a manicure while Billy watches the kids?

Coming.

Hey. Hey.

Um, where's Nathan?

Oh, he's gone.

What do you mean he's gone? Oh, he's gone. My sister went back to Maryland.

left yesterday morning.

Is Jimmy here or don't we watch again?

Uh, no, he took Dominic on a camp out.

Okay. Take it easy.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

What about Chuck E. Cheese?

You were going to take the kid.

Well, yeah, when Nathan was gone, I mean, he has family.

Uncle, Uncle Billy.

What? Oh.

I think he called you Uncle Billy. He did.

I mean, the kids love you, and, you know, they think of you as family.

So, what do you say, Uncle Billy?

Oh, you two kids.

That's how cute you are.

Call me when you're old enough to go to Hooters.

All right, everyone.

I've hidden the ceremonial beads.

Fill your wampum pouches with as many beads as you can find.

The one who finds the most beads will earn their explorer feather.

All right, go! All right, come on, Dominic. We've got to win this.

Unless there's a hot dog eating feather, this is probably our best shot.

Something's in the bush.

Okay, scouts, get with your father.

Look, it's about to rain. Remember what we read about mountain lions. Make

yourself tall.

Buddy, watch this.

Don't worry, I'll just scare it away.

Relax, it's just a rabbit.

Cool, a bunny rabbit.

Can we see it?

Actually, you might not want to...

I was just trying to scare it.

You said it was a mountain lion.

Hey, hey guys, listen to this.

It says here that the bunny's spirit will be lifted to a better place.

He killed the bunny.

You said it was a mountain lion.

Just some other campers. I'm sure it will stop soon.

Well, we can only hope that the Great Spirit welcomes the rabbit spirit.

We're hoping.

I have

a whole forest out here. I don't see why

they have to camp right next to us.

Keep your voice down, chief. Let's not make them angry.

I already saw a dead bunny. He could see his father get bastard.

I'll go over and talk to them. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Our tribe is a reasonable one.

There's no reason we can't learn to coexist.

And tell us what you've done this week. What?

Tell us what you've done this week.

You start, Bright Star.

This

is

ridiculous. I'm going to go talk to them. I'll be right back. Hey, hey,

are you going?

I'm not fighting. I just had a crown put in. I'm not even supposed to eat a nap.

Come on, kids, grab some stuff in case we have to run.

They're going

to move to another place.

What did you say to them? I asked them if they could move to another place.

were nice. Here, they gave us some beers.

They also offered us to hit off their peace pipe, if you're into that kind of

thing.

I can't believe you just went over there.

Weren't you scared?

Scared? That pickup truck, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Leonard Skinner?

That's my truck.

Thank you, Red Fox.

You saved our camp out.

Really, it's not that big of a deal. Somebody had to go over.

No. Somebody didn't have to go over there.

But they did.

And because of that, Red Fox, we owe you a feather.

Is that the... Yes, it is.

Red Fox, I present you with the most coveted feather we have.

No one in this tribe has ever earned it.

It is awarded to those who have shown bravery and strength to protect the

It is with great honor that I present you with the warrior feather.

I'm honored.

But if it's all right, I'd like to give this to my son.

Silver Fox.

Thanks, Dad.

That's beautiful.

Can somebody get Red Fox his sharing feather, please?

It's not that big a deal. I don't deserve a sharing feather.

Get him a modesty feather while you're at it.

And we'd all like to thank Red Fox for his gift of these lovely bunnies that,

a tribe, we will take care of together and earn our nurturing feathers.

I think the music is scaring the bunnies.

I'll tell them to turn it down.

You know, you already earned your warrior feathers.

This one's mine.