Original subtitles

Hey, there's my guy all dressed up for his birthday in nursery school without

his mommy.

What are these?

I made them for Sammy's class.

They're chocolate chip cookies, but I made them with bran so they're healthy.

Well, that'll be fun for the teacher.

Why don't you make her day and throw in a bag of prunes and a big pot of chili?

Good morning.

Hey. Good morning. I see you got Logan all ready for nursery school in Ghana.

Yeah, well, Jimmy was supposed to do laundry yesterday. I left him a note,

he said he never saw it. Wait a second. I got that note.

You could see where someone changed the J to a K.

Great. Now we have no clean laundry, Kimmy.

Well, Logan, this is a pretty exciting day for you and Sammy. First day of

nursery school by yourselves.

Pretty soon it'll be elementary, then junior high, and high school.

Then you guys will go off to college.

Probably someplace very, very far away.

And I'll call and ask if you're coming home for Thanksgiving.

And you'll say that you're spending it at your girlfriend's parents' house,

though I raised you for 18 years and she's just some little spank you met two

months ago.

She's going to be fun during menopause.

Hey, where you been?

What are you talking about? I'm right on time. Oh, but you missed the sign -up

sheet for mommies to come in and volunteer.

Like I said, right on time.

Good job cleaning up, kids.

Now, look over there. It's your mommies and your daddies and your step -mommies

and your step -daddies and some life partners.

This was a lot easier when I worked in Minnesota.

Come here, Sammy, you little cutie pie.

You tell your mommy that you did great today.

Did he really?

Yeah, he was wonderful.

We spent a whole day getting to know each other.

You're a terrific little boy, aren't you, Sammy?

And he knows all his letters.

Oh, yeah, his letters, his numbers.

If he could just learn to wipe himself, we could send him off to college.

And thank you very much for the macaroni portrait your mommy made for me, Sammy.

Oh, yeah, he loved arts and crafts.

He used to like watercolors, but right now he's in sort of a noodle period.

Bye -bye, Sammy. Again, you did great today.

You're a terrific little boy.

I like her.

Hello. Hi, Dad.

Hey, what's up, Dominic?

Where's Logan? I brought him a little present to celebrate his first day at

school. He's over with Sammy.

Oh. Did you get me anything?

Um, yeah.

Sure I did, Dominic. Um,

got you these awesome keys.

Check them out, man. They're shiny and they... They got cool shapes, and you

shake them and make really awesome music.

It's better when you just say no.

Hey, I'll bring you something tomorrow night, okay, buddy?

So how was Logan's birthday alone in Earth 3 school?

Oh, um, it was fun, I guess.

What do you mean, you guessed something wrong?

No, it's probably nothing.

What is?

Well, I just... Seemed like the teacher was giving Sam a little more attention

than Logan, but I may be overreacting.

Yeah.

I'm sure you are.

What do you mean you're sure I am? I was there, and I'm not sure.

Well, I know, but, you know, sometimes somebody will say or do something, and

you just, you know, you just totally blow it out of proportion.

Oh, so you married a crazy woman.

Well, if you hate me so much, why don't you just leave? You know where the door

is.

I stand corrected.

I mean, I wish you would have seen it, you know? I mean, the teacher told Kim

that Sam was wonderful and that she loved having him. And you know what she

to Logan?

She said, see you tomorrow, big guy.

Yeah, she called him big guy. Like, she got drunk and made out with him at a

frat party and then couldn't remember his name.

Look, Christine, I'm sure it was just because it was the first day without all

the mommies there.

I doubt she got drunk and made out with him.

Come on, it was probably just pretty chaotic.

You know, whatever the teacher did, it...

Probably wasn't intentional.

Yeah, you're probably right.

You know, I just... I want our kids to get the same attention at school as they

do at home, you know?

I thought about it. I'll take the keys.

Hey, Kim.

How was Sammy's big day at school?

I think it went well.

Well? What does that mean, well?

You mean like good? Does that mean good?

He had a good time.

And the teacher really seemed to like him. She liked him?

Well... More like doted on him. Oh, my God, she doted. That's big. That's big.

What were her exact words?

I don't remember exactly.

She said it was wonderful, and she really enjoyed having him there.

That's great. Is that more than she said to the other parents?

I guess a little.

Oh, I knew it. He's advanced.

I bet you he's GT.

You know I was GT.

That means gifted and talented.

Also stands for Gregory Thomas.

Coincidence? Maybe.

It also stands for gigantic tool.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

You know, I was even GT in elementary school, but they didn't call it that

then. They called it the dolphin group. But only 10 % of the kids were in the

dolphin group. The other 90 % were in the tortoise group.

You don't have to be a dolphin to figure that one out.

You know the worst thing about living with a dolphin?

His blowhole.

Sammy's taking after his father.

Hey, look, can I pick him up from school tomorrow?

Oh, yeah. As soon as the kid starts doing well, that's when the daddy steps

I have always taken a strong interest in Sammy's education.

You will draw me a map so I know where the school is, right?

Yes. Just don't make a big deal about Sammy being the teacher's pet. I don't

think Logan got as much attention as Sam.

Ooh, tortoise group. That's got to hurt.

Hey, Greg, hey.

Jimmy, hey, what are you doing here?

Christine wanted me to come down and get Logan. She thinks the teacher was

paying him less attention than Sammy. Get out of here.

Hey, there's my big guy.

What are you doing? Hi, you must be Miss Brooke. I'm Greg Warner. I'm Sam's

father. Oh, nice to meet you.

Sammy is such a special little boy. He did great again today. We really love

him. Yeah, well, we really love you.

In fact, you remind me of a teacher I once had in GT English.

I was gifted and talented.

Sam sure is a terrific little guy.

In fact, today, Sammy, you're the winner of our superstar award because you

really shine.

There you go.

Come here, my little superstar.

We'll take you to the house. Hey, Miss Brooke. Hi, I'm Jimmy Hughes. I'm

father. Oh, hello. Nice to meet you. Hey, how you doing? So how's Logan

Logan's been doing great. He's very, very special. A joy to teach.

Oh, that's great. I'm so glad to hear it.

Logan, your daddy's here.

Hi. That's not Logan.

Oh my goodness, I'm sorry.

You know, it's just been a few days and we're all still getting to know each

other.

So which one is he?

He's in the red shirt.

Oh, yes.

Logan, he's wonderful.

Yeah, yeah, just give me my kid.

You were right, okay?

You were right.

Miss Brooke was all... over, Tammy. She couldn't care less about Logan.

Oh, Jimmy.

Oh, uh, not, not you, Miss Brooke. Another Miss Brooke. Miss Brooke

And not you, Logan. Uh, Logan's... Run. Run, Logan, run. Run outside of your

bed. There you go. Go, go.

Run. Yes.

Hey, Dominic, why don't you, why don't you go keep an eye on your brother,

Did you get me a present like you promised?

Yeah.

Yeah, yes, I did. But this present is hidden out in the yard. You've got to go

find it.

I couldn't

believe it.

Why would the teacher just ignore Logan like that?

Maybe there's something about the Hughes family that just makes teachers not

like us.

Like a scent we give off or something.

You know how animals get those...

You know, Freeman Holmes, the Farron Holmes, the Furman, the... Maybe it's

because we're stupid.

Look, Jimmy, this has nothing to do with us or Logan.

It's Kim.

Think about it. The cookies for the class, dressing Sammy in those cutesy

clothes, making a teacher's portrait out of macaroni.

Kim's brown -nosing this book to get Sam more attention than the other kids.

Oh, please, Christine, I don't think Kim would purposefully go out of her way

and... Jimmy, Jimmy.

She's not doing that stuff because it's fun, okay? Kim has always been like

this. She's such a butt kisser that, well, if Miss Brooks stopped short,

whole head would disappear.

Oh. Oh, Logan. Uh, no, sweetie, not your Aunt Kim. No, no, no.

Another Kim.

Uh, who lives in the forest.

And... Ugh, grow it. Think what you want.

Check it out. Look who got the Superstar Award today.

Wow. Good for you, Sammy.

Look at the sticker, Kim. It's not just a regular sticker. It's a hologram.

They're expensive.

Miss Brooke's not going to be just giving these away willy -nilly, not on a

teacher's salary.

I'm telling you, Kim, we got a great kid here.

Hey,

you.

We need to talk.

What, is something wrong? Well, it has come to our attention that there's a

situation that needs to be taken care of, and we're just hoping that we can

really... Stop talking up to Miss Brooke.

Okay, we'll do it your way.

talking about?

Miss Brooke pays all kinds of attention to Sam and barely notices the other kids

and it's all happening because of all the extra brown nosy stuff you do.

I'm not brown nosing. Really?

What about these sandwiches, huh? Who are these for?

Those are for our dinner.

Little cream cheese and jelly sandwiches in the shapes of smiley faces.

Greg loves them.

Really?

Is that the lactose -free cream cheese?

Right. Because you know how my stomach... Greg.

Look, Kim, this is just like in high school, okay? You were such a suck -up

everything was handed to you on a silver platter, and because of that, no one

ever paid any attention to me. Hey, I got attention because I worked hard.

You never lifted a finger in school, except when you lifted two.

apologize for any of this. Those sandwiches are for the kids.

Great, great.

Admit it after I went ahead and ate one.

Oh, man, I got trouble brewing already. Stupid lactose.

This isn't butt kissing, Christine.

This is being a passionate, involved, enthusiastic mother.

Instead of me doing less, maybe you should do more. How can I do what you

Kim? I mean, you have a special gift for sucking up.

You're like the ass whisperer.

Look.

I'm sorry if Logan isn't getting enough attention.

But this isn't my problem. This is between you and the teacher. Yeah, well,

believe me, I got a few words for her, too.

Look, guys, I'm sorry I went down this way.

She's very upset.

No, but come on. We're all family.

You know, we should be able to talk this thing out. You know, we're in this

together.

You know what one of us has? We should all have.

Share and share alike.

You know, ours is yours, and what's yours is ours. Oh, for God's sake, just

a sandwich. Thank you.

Okay,

Sammy, you be a good boy. Have fun at school.

There goes Sammy, searching for something challenging to do.

While all these other little kids mindlessly play with their toys.

Their poor parents.

Maybe they just need some guidance, you know?

Hey, little guy.

How are you?

Look, you see this? If you change these two blocks, switch them up like that, it

spells the word nectar.

Yeah, that's another word for juice.

Poor little fella doesn't even know what I'm talking about.

Nothing.

Looks like some sort of arts and crafts project.

It's a macaroni portrait of Miss Brooke, okay? Are you happy? We're sucking up.

Yeah, scoot your little noses over. We're coming in.

What you got there?

Oh, it's just a little ham for the kids.

You brought a bunch of nursery school kids a honey -glazed ham.

Unless they've seen the movie Babe, then it's going to be a big pink turkey.

I'm not really proud of you, Christine.

The old Christine would have come down here full of fire and brimstone just

looking for a fight.

But you came down here to do what's best for Logan's future.

Yeah, well, you catch more flies with honey, right?

Or honey -glazed ham.

Oh, hello, everybody. Hi.

Here, this portrait's for you.

Yeah, we also brought a ham for the kids for snack time.

Oh, my goodness, that's a whole ham.

Thank you so much.

And if you ever need any extra help with the kids, please, just...

Let me know.

Perfect.

All right, Logan, go ahead and play.

Hey there, Sam.

How you doing, handsome?

Hey, we're going to start in a minute. Maybe you can be the class leader and

help round up all the kids. In fact, I'm going to make you my special helper all

day. How does that sound, Sammy?

You'll be Miss Brooks' special little boy. Okay, Miss Brooks, that's enough.

What? This.

All of this. It's enough already. We need to talk in your office.

Oh, well.

Okay. Uh, Eleanor, I'll be right back.

And Sammy, while I'm gone, will you be Eleanor's special little... Norman,

you give it a rest?

I can't believe she's still ignoring Logan.

Kim, maybe we should just give it a little more time.

Yeah, it's only our first day of kissing up. You guys have been smooching away a

whole week.

This is ridiculous.

So, what did you need to talk about?

Miss Brooke, Greg and I are glad that you love Sam, but you're forgetting the

rest of the class.

What does a kid like Logan have to do to get a little attention around here?

Yeah, his poor father brought you half a pig for crying out loud.

I'm afraid I don't understand.

Look, you're a young teacher. You're bound to make mistakes.

But you can't focus on only one child just because he's gifted.

Yeah, it's like you're doting on the star and ignoring all the regular

Regular children?

What does that spoke to me?

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a bad thing. It's just that every class is

have children with a basic range of abilities. Some lower, some higher, some

higher than that. And we understand that teaching Sam might be a little more

rewarding. But, sweetheart, you've got to get under those tall trees and shine

some light on the shrubs.

Are you calling my kid a shrub?

Jimmy, that's a metaphor.

Sorry, he didn't go to college, so metaphors are like...

Can I say something here?

Sure. I give Sam more attention because he doesn't have any friends.

Ouch.

Excuse me? Sam is still adjusting to being without his mother, and he's had

trouble socially.

Logan, on the other hand, is flourishing. He's one of the most

class. He doesn't need any extra attention.

Yeah, well, we've always made a point of not giving him any extra attention at

home.

We haven't taken his picture in ten months.

Miss Brooke, why didn't you call us? We would have come down here immediately.

Actually, that's why I didn't call. We wanted Sammy to get through this without

you and become more independent.

Well, I'm sure if I just spent a couple of hours with him, I could teach him to

be more independent.

Mrs. Warner, it's really not that big of a deal. Sammy just needs to learn to

interact a little bit more.

Yeah, it just, you know, sounds like the tall tree just needs to...

Bend down and introduce himself to a couple of shrubs.

Metaphorically speaking.

Hey, anybody else want a ham sandwich? The kids hardly put a dent in this

Unless somebody did put a crayon in it.

I wonder why Sammy's having so much trouble adjusting socially.

Well, maybe I've been too involved with him.

And now he's gotten so attached to me that he hasn't learned how to make

friends.

Yeah, I wonder if you really screwed him up.

I mean, we... Of course, I'm at work most of the time.

But that's not your fault.

We're in this together.

Hey, hey, you guys, come on. You can't sit around moping and blaming each other

and wondering whether or not you screwed up.

Of course you screwed up.

But we all do. That's just what parenting is.

Yeah, you know, it's like driving with the blindfold on. You know, you veer off

course, you hit some gravel, you make an adjustment.

You veer off course again, you make another adjustment.

Again, this is just metaphorically speaking.

Actually, that's not a metaphor. That's a simile.

Yeah, well, my kid's got friends.

Look, you guys, the teacher said it herself. It's not a big deal.

I mean, everything's going to be fine. You guys are great parents.

Thanks.

Don't worry about Sammy. I mean, he'll be up to speed with Logan in no time.

Up to speed with Logan?

Logan thinks the goat says moo.

Maybe Sammy's having trouble with his social skills because I spent too much

time with him.

Yeah, but that was quality time.

I taught Sammy a lot.

No, he's very smart because of you. And when it comes to this whole friend

thing, who's to say he's not just being selective?

I'm sure he'll be very popular in no time.

Up to speed with Logan. Can you believe that?

I know.

Sometimes Logan walks into a corner and just stands there until I turn him

around.

Yeah, the kid thinks that the number that comes after three is purple.

Up to speed with Logan.

Oh, not you, Logan. A different Logan.

You see my teeth?

I think Dominic's playing with them out in the backyard.

Rolling down.

Pearl Highway.

The big nest right out of my side.

Standing in the wind blowing hot from the north. We were born to ride.

I love L .A.

I need my keys buddy.

Oh, here.

Hey, you want your daddy to bring you something home tonight?

How about a redhead?

What?