Original subtitles

Hi.

Hi.

Well, I'm Nicole.

Hi, Christine.

And who's this little cutie?

Oh, well, that's Dominic.

Hi, Dominic.

Don't mind him. He's just a little addicted.

My Jessica's in with Dr. Nagel.

I hope it doesn't take too long. I'm supposed to meet my husband at his

restaurant for lunch.

Oh, I'll get you a card.

Oh, come by sometime. That card will get you free calzone.

Oh, thanks.

Brad's Italian cuisine. We're always mobbed, but not like that.

You know, he'd been talking about opening his own restaurant for like ten

but he wasn't really doing anything about it. And I am not the kind of

who's just going to let someone sit there. Oh, clearly.

Well, so I called the bank and had them send over information on business loans.

Six weeks later, he opened his restaurant.

Men, huh?

It's a good thing they have us to nudge them along.

Well, my husband and I try not to tell each other what to do.

Dominic, Dr.

Nagel is ready for you now.

Come on, Dominic.

Dominic!

Where am I?

I assumed you'd be dressed by noon.

I would have, but it's laundry day.

You did the laundry?

Well, no, but I wanted to make sure everything was in the basket for you.

Greg, you remember Bernice from down the street? Hi.

Hello. I was just taking my walk and I saw Kim had her hands full with Sammy

the groceries. Thank you so much for your help, Bernice.

Greg, would you play with Sammy out in the back while I unload the groceries?

Kim, I was going to watch the game.

I could do it.

I could play with him out back if you want.

Oh, that is so nice, but I couldn't ask you to do that. We didn't ask him. She

offered. Oh.

Please, I would love it.

Besides, Greg, you should enjoy your Saturday.

I know you must work hard all week. Yes, I do.

I do.

I work hard all week.

Let's go, Sammy.

Oh, how nice.

Thanks, Bernice.

Oh. Did you hear when she said I worked hard all week?

Yes, I heard her.

Do you think I work hard all week?

Yes, Greg.

I think you work hard.

I think about it all the time.

When I'm doing the laundry, when I'm cleaning the house, when I'm taking

to the doctor, when I'm grocery shopping.

It's all I think about.

as long as you think about it.

Jimmy, I need to ask you something.

Shoot. Are you happy?

I'm happy.

Oh, I got it. I can be happier.

All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Take it easy, Turbo. I'm not talking about that.

Oh, sorry.

Jimmy.

Is there something that you've always wanted to do?

Make up your mind, Christine. Pants on, pants off.

Look, I met this annoying woman in the doctor's office today who thinks it's a

wife's job to push her husband toward a dream.

That's crazy. I don't want some naggy wife. You know, we're not that kind of a

couple. Well, yeah, I know. That's what I thought. But, I mean, then I was

thinking about how you pushed me into finally going back to school and what a

good thing that is.

Yeah, you know, now might be a good time to thank me. Will you stop it?

Look, you pushed me. Maybe I need to start pushing you back. I mean, is there

anything that you've always wanted to do that you're not doing?

With your pants on.

Nope, can't think of anything.

Oh, come on, Jimmy. There must be something.

Well, I mean, there was that one dream I always talked about back in high

school. Oh, good. What is it?

You know, being an umpire. I always dreamed about being a baseball umpire.

how come you never went for it?

Because you told me it was stupid.

I did not.

Yes, you did. You told me it was the dumbest idea you ever heard.

So what, you just gave up on it because I said it was stupid?

Well, yeah. I mean, you're always the smarter one. I figured you were just

about my future.

Oh, so I guess if I told you to jump off a bridge, you would have done it.

Remember junior prom?

Jump, Jimmy, jump. I bet the water's deep enough.

Okay, so I was wrong about the umpire thing, Jimmy, but if you still want to

it, I think you should go for it.

What? I think you should be an umpire.

Okay.

Hello,

Dodger Stadium? It's Jimmy.

I'd like to umpire tomorrow's game.

Okay, see you at seven.

Thanks. I don't know why I didn't make that call before.

Come on, Jimmy. I mean, you could do this if you just tried. I mean, maybe

could start with some high school games or something. Christine, I have a job. I

have two kids.

Maybe when I was 18, but it's too late now. No, no, no, no. It's not too late.

It's not too late. Do it.

Why is this so important to you?

Because, Jimmy, I mean, one of these days you're going to wake up and you're

going to resent me for this, okay? And I don't want that.

I also don't want to live with this guilt either.

Well, look, I'm sorry that you feel guilty about it, but I'm not going to go

around. Making a fool out of myself just to make you feel better.

Jimmy, I just think that if you call... Christine, Christine, okay? What's done

is done.

And the truth is, I have another dream now.

To take a nap and have a dream.

And now you're standing in the way of that one, too.

Oh, my God, that is so amazing. Oh, my God.

That is the best sandwich I've ever tasted.

What's going on?

Bernice dropped by and just made me the best sandwich. Oh, but I brought stuff

home for lunch. I was going to make sloppy joes.

But Bernice made turkey sandwiches.

Fresh roasted turkey.

With a little cranberry and homemade basil mayonnaise.

I thought you didn't like mayonnaise.

I like basil mayonnaise.

But at least I brought you the cheese doodles that you like.

Oh, my potato chips are done.

She makes her own potato chips.

Yeah, I got that.

Oh, Greg, I thought I told you to run the dishwasher when it was full.

It's not full. You can still get some stuff in there. I cannot. It's

full. Oh, of course you can. You just need to organize it a little better.

See?

See?

And speaking of making room.

Who's ready for peach cup?

I am, I am.

Take it easy, Bernice. Thanks for the great sweater.

She's nice.

Yeah, really.

What is that, Angora? Stop touching me. Sorry.

Stop it.

Sorry, man. It's just, it's like so soft.

Jimmy, I forgot to tell you, Christine called about an hour ago to remind you

pick up the dry cleaning. Okay, thanks.

So are you going to go pick up the dry cleaning?

Nope.

Won't Christine be mad?

Listen, Christine's been driving herself crazy because years ago she convinced

me not to pursue my dream of being a baseball umpire. And now she's sick with

guilt.

So I can do whatever I want, man.

I got a free pass.

Nice. Yeah, man. I hit the jackpot.

It's like she destroyed my dream and nothing competes with that. It's like

dishes in the sink.

Destroy my dream.

Forget to hang up my clothes.

Destroy my dream.

Forget to replace the toilet paper.

You know what? Why don't you use the cardboard roll, baby? And if it hurts a

little, why don't you think about how much it hurt when you destroyed my

It's too bad, though.

What? You probably could have made a good umpire.

Yeah, right.

No, really. I mean, every time we watch the game, you're always pointing things

out to me that I would never have seen myself.

And that's when you're drunk and full of chips.

Well, you know, I always loved playing baseball.

I just thought being an umpire would be a good way to stay close to the game,

you know? Well, that doesn't sound stupid to me.

So you really think I'd be a good umpire? Yeah, why not?

Hey, you know what?

Maybe I will try it. I'll call some local high schools and see if they'll

me a shot.

Yeah, we'll just be on the weekends.

You won't be around on the weekend?

Whoo, baby, follow that dream.

Blammo!

Hey, Jimmy, look at you, all ready for your first day of umping. Yeah.

Whoa! Hold on, Kim.

I'm so proud of him.

Well, you could both be proud.

Sometimes a man needs a little push.

Lord knows I pushed Greg.

What are you talking about?

Well, when you weren't sure about having kids, I took you down to the park to

watch fathers play with their children. Next thing you know, you were ready to

start a family. I remember when Jimmy was ready to start a family.

It was right after the dick turned pink.

Well, all I know is that today I'm going after my dream, and it is all because

of my wife. She supported me all the way.

Isn't that sweet?

I've supported them both for a year now. I get nothing.

All right, listen, I've got to go to the game. I'll see you guys at the field.

And, Greg, you've got something on your sweater. What?

A whole lot of love. Don't tell me you get nothing, buddy.

What, do you have hot wings for breakfast?

We should probably get going, too.

Yeah, where's Bernice?

She's not coming today. We're taking Sammy with us.

Why? She's been here practically every single day this week, hanging out with

you. I'm sick of kissing you and tasting some other woman's butt cake.

You're jealous.

What? You're jealous of a 70 -year -old woman. I can't believe you.

Well, you're dating a 70 -year -old woman.

I am not. That is crazy.

Is it? She cooks for you. She cleans for you. You smile every time I say her

name. I do not.

Say it.

Go on. Say her name.

Bernice.

I'm hoping, Kim. It's just one of those words like cheese, cheese.

Kim, just because me and Bernice have a very special friendship doesn't make it

unnatural and weird.

Well, in any case, maybe you two should spend some time away from each other.

You can't keep us apart.

Well,

I never realized how heavy all this flippin' is, huh?

How you doing today?

Fine. Good.

Do you think they're going to start the game?

Probably right after you say play ball.

Right.

Have a good game, Danny.

Go get him, Jimmy. You can do it, baby.

Which one's your son?

Oh. He's not my son, he's my husband.

Strike ball!

Good call!

Yeah, good call, baby.

Strike two!

Strike!

Strike!

What the hell are you doing? Those weren't strikes.

Yes, they were. The ball was right over the plate. After he caught the ball and

moved it into the strike zone.

What? As he catches the ball, he moves it.

Are you doing that?

Well, cut it out.

Okay, problem solved.

Hey!

Oh,

you suck! What are you, blind?

You know what? For your information, he really is blind.

Yeah. How do you feel now, huh?

How do you feel now?

What's he pointing at me for?

Well, he couldn't see the play. It was the screen.

He wants you to make the call.

watching the play, weren't you? Of course I was.

Say!

Out! I said let out!

Let out!

I thought there were only two options.

Well, he's getting better. At least this inning didn't have four outs.

Man, it's hot out here.

You got any more of that Gatorade?

Drank it all.

My back is killing me. Your back? You've been leaning on me for the last three

innings.

Bad for Jimmy.

I know. Could you believe it? It's the first umpire in the history of baseball

to call a do -over.

Hello. Hey, Bernice. Kim, look, Bernice is here.

How did you get in here?

I used the key under the mat. Greg showed me where it was.

Yeah, you know, just in case of an emergency, you know. I was planning on

my chocolate chip muffins. Sounds like an emergency to me.

Peter McDaniel, I'm sorry to bother you, but is my mother... Ma, what are you

doing here?

I'm really sorry. My mother does these sort of things when she gets mad at me.

Go home, Peter. Go home to your big house in Santa Clarita.

Ma, I used to live in the neighborhood, but the commute was killing me. So I

moved closer to work, and now I don't see my mother as often as I used to.

Is that my sweater?

Maybe you should give him his sweater back.

No, Kim, I love this sweater. It's like wearing a big warm hug.

Mom, you can't just start mothering other people because I'm not around.

Well, then maybe you shouldn't have moved away.

Excuse me?

Greg, this isn't our business.

Well, Kim, obviously this guy cares more about a short commute than he does his

own mother.

You deserve better than that.

You deserve better than him, Bernice.

You don't need this sad excuse for a son.

What did you just say?

What's that?

Don't you ever talk about my baby like that. Who the hell do you think you are?

Let's go, Peter.

Bernice, I'm sorry. Please don't go away. Come back.

Sweater.

If he ever mistreats you, Bernice.

I hated it.

It's too much pressure.

It's like no matter what call you make, somebody's going to be mad at you.

I don't like that.

I like to be liked.

So you're saying that you would have hated this no matter when you tried it?

Yeah. Guess actually you did me a favor back then, huh?

Well, then, you're welcome.

All right, this is great. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. You

know what? We should celebrate.

Pants off.

Didn't you hear me?

We feel better.

Well, I'm glad you feel better, but I lost my what if.

Your what?

My what if.

You know, whenever I was, like, bored at work or stuck in traffic, I'd like to

kind of sit and think about what my life would have been like if I'd have been

an umpire.

And now I know I never could have done it.

Well, come on, then.

There's got to be something else you can dream about while you're stuck in

traffic. I don't know.

How about being the president?

Huh? Yeah. You could dream about being the president.

I could never be the president.

I get confused when they talk about politics on Benson.

It's got to be something I could actually do.

You know, I mean, the good thing about being an umpire is I thought I could

actually have done it if you hadn't told me not to.

Well, um, you play golf, right?

You could dream about being a pro golfer.

Yeah, I bet if you practiced every single day until you were 50, you could

the senior tour. Okay, Christine, you're never going to let me play golf every

day. No, of course I'm not.

Sophie, the only reason you're not going to achieve your dream is because of me.

Huh? How about that?

You got your what if back.

Hey, wow.

I could be a professional golfer if my horrible wife wasn't stomping on my

dreams.

Thanks honey. Sure baby.

you don't know