Original subtitles

Hey. Hey.

How does Sammy like the dry cleaners? Well, remember when you came home and

me the guy from the dry cleaner smells bad?

Yeah. Well, now that Sammy knows how to repeat things, I think it's best to

pretend everybody smells good.

Wait a second. This isn't ours.

Are you sure?

Unless your name is Javier and you work for Jiffy Lube.

No, my name is Greg and I work for you.

A lot of this stuff isn't ours. This isn't ours.

This isn't ours.

Oh, this is kind of cute.

Come on, put it back. I'll take it back tomorrow.

Hold on a second. This is really nice.

It looks like it would fit me.

You know who else it probably fits?

The woman who bought it.

I'm just looking.

You ready to go? Yeah, on my way.

Thanks for watching the kids again. No problem, Greg, and I don't mind.

Well, I guess your kid's father's working the late shift tonight since I

see his butt hanging out of my fridge.

Actually, he's out back playing poker.

What?

Poker? Who's he playing with?

Some of the guards from work.

Oh, kind of a last -minute thing?

No, he told me about it a couple days ago.

Oh, really?

Oh, good for him.

Poker with the guys.

Greg, why don't you go out there and ask if you can play?

Kim, you don't ask people to play poker. People ask you to play poker. If they

don't ask you, you don't play. It's no big deal.

I've got a bunch of stuff to do tonight anyway.

I'm sure if he knew you wanted to play I'm a little busy here, Kim.

are you an idiot?

Yeah, an idiot with four nines.

That's a six.

Why did you invite Greg to play poker with you?

Because I didn't think he'd feel comfortable.

Why wouldn't he feel comfortable? This is his house. Those are his cards.

Is that his hat?

Might be. It was in his car when I borrowed it.

Jimmy, go ask Greg to play. Yeah, but he doesn't know anybody.

He knows you. He knows Billy.

Well, yeah, but ever since Jimmy hooked me up with this guard job, I feel kind

of funny around Greg. I mean, if you think about it, he's kind of our boss.

Yeah, what if we say something and he takes it the wrong way?

Huh? We can get fired.

Roy,

you speak Spanish, right?

Oh, yeah.

He just said he'd feel a little uncomfortable around Greg, too.

Well, that's great. Unless one of them has a guest house we can move into, I

suggest you get your ass inside and invite Greg to play poker.

All right, you're right. I'll ask him after this hand. Thank you.

Could you turn up the

heat? Oscar's a bit chilly.

What do you think?

Are you crazy? That's not yours. Kim, what if something happens to it? I just

don't think... Look at the back.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I know. I had to try it on just once.

I'll go take it off.

Hey, after Sammy goes to bed, would you put it back on?

I don't know.

Will you put on the Jiffy Lube outfit?

Will you call me Javier?

Will you give me a 16 -point inspection?

Yep, and I guarantee to finish in 30 minutes or less.

Probably closer to less.

I'm sure I'll be a satisfied customer.

Yeah, and if you are, I hope you come back every 3 ,000 miles because...

I don't know. Are we done with this?

Yeah, I'll see you in a little bit.

Hey, Greg.

I got a little poker game going up back. You want to play?

Jimmy, what a sweet afterthought.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't invite you.

It's a bunch of guards from work. I didn't think you'd be comfortable.

Why? Because you're management.

Well, that's ridiculous.

I'm just one of the guys that put my pants on one leg at a time.

Yeah, but your pants don't have a flashlight holster.

I just didn't think you'd be interested.

You know, I mean, we're not playing very high stakes. It's just dime quarter.

That's fine. It's not about the money. It's about having fun with the guys.

You know, you're right, right? I should have asked you from the beginning. What

do you say? Come outside, play a little poker.

Is that my lucky hat?

Not so far.

Hey, guys.

You all know my brother -in -law, Greg?

Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey, how you doing?

Hola.

So, Billy, how do you like working on the lot?

Well, you know, when I first moved out here to be an actor, I stood in front of

that studio, pointed and said, God, please, let me work there one day.

Here I am, a security guard.

Turns out you gotta be a little more specific with God.

Well, he's a busy man.

Oh, that's a good one, Mr. Warner.

Oh, come on, please, call me Greg.

So what are we playing?

Uh, seven -card stud?

But we can play whatever you want. No, seven -card studs, fine.

So, you guys are all guards, huh?

Surprised I haven't run into you on the lot.

Well, you've probably seen Jack. He works the front gate.

Yeah, usually I give you one of these.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the salute. I didn't even recognize you until you gave me the

thing.

How you doing?

Good, thanks.

And you probably know...

Oscar, over here, he's from the Batgate. Sí, hombre.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thumbs up.

Muy bueno.

And I let you into your office at one time? Oh, sure, sure. The guy with the

keys. You have a beautiful office.

It's on the third floor, right?

I hear they're really nice.

Yeah, if you're ever in the building, stop by.

Yeah, well, they don't really encourage us to...

Stop by the executive building once we got a reason. Well, now you got a

You're my friends. You're coming by to say hi.

Thanks, man. That's pretty cool. That's nice.

And wait till you see his office.

He's got TV, private bathroom, big couches. You could have sex in there.

You ever have sex in there?

Well, I... Oh, he did.

He did. Oh, you're a freak.

You are freaky -peaky.

That's me.

Regular old freak.

Hey, if you're ever walking around the lot, stop by the guard gate. Yeah, you

should come by Tuesday. That's when we get all the leftovers from the executive

breakfast meeting.

I thought they took those leftovers to the homeless.

If we don't catch that van, they do.

Hey, Mr. Bluffy with a pair of tunes.

Hey, Jack. Nice to see you. How you doing, buddy? Pretty good. Trying to

off my feet.

Playing his warts.

Well, okay.

Good luck with that.

Hey, Roy, get out of here. Mr. Bluffy with a pair of twos is here. Oh, hey,

Greg. You coming to work? Or are you just bluffing?

Well, I better let you guys get back to work.

Ooh, sweet ride.

What did this set you back?

Um, I don't know.

Hey, settle down. We got an executive over here.

Seriously, what did the car cost you?

I'm, uh, I'm leasing it.

Really? How much you make?

Look, uh, I'm holding up the line here. Maybe you should just raise the gate.

They can wait.

Teach you some patience.

Look, the five of us are taking my jet ski up to Castaic Lake this weekend. You

in? Definitely.

Maybe definitely. I'll have to check with Dwight.

Oh, yeah.

I bet you got a hot wife, don't you?

Yeah. Yeah.

She's hot.

Look, I got a meeting.

Oh, meeting? Why didn't you say so? Come on, Roy. Open the gate. The man's got a

meeting. Oh, yeah.

I know what kind of meeting you got, you freak.

I'm sorry I'm late. I got tied up at the guard gate.

Do you have that deal Momo finished? I have a meeting across the lot in 15

minutes. Yeah, I finished it last night. It'll take us five minutes to go

through it.

What are you guys doing?

We're betting on soccer.

Football. Whatever.

No, what are you doing in my office?

You said it stopped by sometime.

Yeah, I said sometime, not anytime.

Jimmy, I have a meeting.

Oh, oh, no problem. Hey, guys, let's go.

Stuart, I'm really sorry about this. It's all right. I just really need to

now. Well, it's right here.

And it gets a little tricky right here, so we need to double -check the numbers

in the right column and see if they make sense.

I'll give it a minute before you go in there.

Don't change it.

Sorry,

sorry, wrong tape. Hold on a second.

I can't believe Billy used my bathroom in my office.

Well, that killed it for me.

I'm sorry. I just had a horrible day at work.

What happened?

I'm having a lot of trouble with the guards. They're hanging out in my

Uninvited? Yeah.

I mean, I kind of told them to stop by sometime, but the very first day, I

have the guards hanging out in my office every day.

So why don't you tell them? I can't tell them. Why not?

Because they won't like me.

So you want them to like you, but never come near you or talk to you?

In a perfect world.

So have Jimmy tell them. I can't have Jimmy tell them. He's part of the

He's one of them.

Greg, there's a chance this could be just a one -time thing, but if it

to be a problem, you're going to have to be honest with them.

You're right.

I mean, maybe it was just the first day.

I'll wait and see what happens.

But no sense agonizing over it when I could spend time with my beautiful wife.

Look at you.

Come here, sexy.

Oh, please, that ship sailed five minutes ago.

Hey, look, you're here again.

And there's more of you.

Have a seat, we're watching Ricky Lake.

She's got fat babies.

Shouldn't somebody be guarding something?

Greg, you can't hear the fat babies.

Okay, guys, look, and this is not going to be very easy to say because we've all

become pretty good friends over the past couple of days, but I can't have you

hanging out in my office anymore.

Why? What's up?

Well, to be honest, it's just, I mean, look, this is a place of business, and

it's not that I don't like you.

It's not. It's just... It's just... Hey, Greg. There's birthday cake in the

kitchen. Okay, thanks.

It's him.

Who? Stuart.

I don't know what it is, but he hates you guys. Ever since you started coming

by, he's done nothing but complain.

About what?

About what? About everything.

About the noise. About the constant flushing of the toilet sound. About the

feet.

We can be quiet. Yeah, and Oscar can put his shoes on. And we don't have to

flush every time.

He wants you out.

What a jerk.

I know. He only stuck his head in so he could see what's going on to get me in

trouble. Okay, guys, let's get out of here.

Sorry we got you in trouble.

Hey, it's not your fault.

And it's not mine. I mean, nope, it's not mine. It's just this guy's not happy

unless he's making me miserable.

Well, hey, cake's going fast. I want to make sure you got it, Pete. Got you the

corner like you like. Thanks, Stowers.

Nice to see you, fellas.

Can you believe that guy?

Two -faced bastard.

Hello. Hey, how was work? Good.

Talked to the guards. All my problems are solved.

Good for you.

Yeah. Where's Sammy?

Oh, Christine and I made a deal.

She took all the kids to the park so I could have a break, and when she gets

back, I'm going to make them all dinner.

Really?

So you still got that red dress?

Yeah.

You want to go put it on so we can get it on?

Okay, that's not exactly a sonnet, but let's go.

See you in a couple hours.

Christine, hold on.

Look, I know I said I'd make the kids dinner, but Greg kind of came home in a

great mood, and I thought we'd, you know...

So, basically, I chased all the

kids around a hot park for two hours while you took a nap, and now you want

to make them dinner while you have sex?

Would you mind?

I don't know.

Will you, uh, take him to Chuck E. Cheese by yourself next weekend?

Sorry, Greg, it's not like you're going anywhere.

Guys,

what are you doing here?

Have a lunch. It's cheesesteak Wednesday.

Don't you remember what I told you about Stuart?

What?

I don't think Stuart will be giving us any more problems.

What did you do?

What did you do? What did you do? What did you do?

All right, let's just say when he left the lot... Last night, some computers

from the executive building were found in his trunk.

Oh, my God.

He got Stuart fired?

No, he's just getting hassled. But the important thing is, he knows not to mess

with the guards anymore.

Right. The guards and our friends. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't believe you

did that to Stuart. He's never done anything to anyone in his life.

What do you mean? He messes with you. You told us he's always on your case. I

lied. Okay? I lied.

I mean, the guys were saying he brings Krispy Kremes every Friday. He chaired

the company blood drive and gave me his cookies in his juice box when I felt

woozy.

Why would you lie about a guy who brings Krispy Kremes?

Because I didn't want you guys in my office anymore, okay? There, I said it.

should have never invited you guys up here in the first place.

I mean, this is my office. It's not your clubhouse.

Well, I think you made yourself clear, Mr.

Warner.

Come on, guys. Let's get out of here.

Oh, yeah,

believe me, I want to punch him, too.

Jimmy, I'm sorry. It's just that... Oh, my God.

Jimmy, I'm sorry. You know I wanted to make friends with everyone, but look, it

got out of hand.

No, look, you did what you had to do. I mean, they're really good guys, but they

can really take advantage if you don't set some boundaries.

Good.

Jimmy, did you just hear what it said?

Heard it?

Support it.

Then why don't you do it?

What?

Oh, I get it. I'm just one of them.

Jimmy, it's just... No, no, no. No explanation necessary, Mr. Warner.

Come on, Jimmy. You know we're friends. Yeah, you know what? I thought we were.

You know, I had a really good time hanging out the last couple of days. But

like always, you know, Greg dangles his friendship on a little string. And when

dumb Jimmy bends over to pick it up, he yanks it back away.

You're being ridiculous. We hang out all the time at home. Yeah, that's

different.

I mean, we're always busy with our kids or our wives. I thought it was cool just

hanging out as guys.

You know, I thought you liked it too. But whatever, man. Forget it. Jimmy,

I do like hanging out with you at work.

I shouldn't have lumped you in with all those other guys. I'm sorry.

You want to stay for lunch?

You're not going to yank that string again, are you?

Nope, I promise.

Hey, come by for lunch every day if you want.

Okay.

You want a soda?

Yeah, sure, thanks.

How's work going?

I'm good.

Actually, something funny kind of happened this morning.

I'm knee -deep in 109s. I kind of have to know what a 109 is. It's a quarterly

disbursement report for the department head.

And they get all kind of confusing, but what happens is actually quite

interesting. Have I ever explained the company's finances to you?

Well, it's really more complicated than what you see in the annual report.

I like grape soda.

I should have it more often.

by that i mean we have a radar or a rally like grape soda that's a good show

mash it's not just about mash we also have a television it was the monster

the monster it was a graveyard smash oh wait greg's still talking

Look at him out there.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

I can't believe we're doing this.

I feel so naughty.

You don't have to whisper. There's no one around. It's Saturday.

Oh, so I can be as loud as I want. Even better.

You can be as loud as I want.

Giddy up, Javier.

Now that's freaky.