Original subtitles

Okay. We only have two days in Paris, so I've circled all the places we have to

go. Cool.

We're going to start at the Paris Opera House to pick up some musical babes.

Then we're going to head over to Mon Marty to pick up some artistic babes.

then we're going to head over to the Left Bank for left -handed babes.

Ooh, and all these places have snack bars.

So you can pick up hungry babes.

I can't believe we are going to get to spend our one -year anniversary in

I know.

City of lights, romance, and the world's largest network of sewer pipes.

I love that you know that.

Je t 'adore, ma chère Piquette.

Moi aussi, mon petit chouchou.

Sacré barf!

Come along with me.

Let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now.

Let's switch out the way the wind blows. We say, hey, ho, let's go.

Oh, oh, oh. This boat's rocking.

Oh, oh, oh. Ain't no stopping us now.

Because we're living the switch life.

Oh, oh, oh. This boat's rocking. Oh, oh, oh. Rocking the whole world round.

And we're living.

Oh, I love Paris.

I mean, just think of all the great writers that have walked these streets.

Voltaire, Flaubert, Moliere.

Don't care.

Yeah, I bet none of those guys wore stretchy shorts.

I am dressed this way to root on my favorite team in the Tour de France.

You know, most fans just make a sign.

I am more than just a fan.

It was a brisk fall day, Colorado, 1991.

Here we go.

The U .S. cycling team was training two of its most promising members, Lance

Armstrong and...

Marion Spokes Mosby.

Lance and I were ready to race into the record books, but at last, it wasn't

meant to be.

Why? Your feet couldn't reach the pedals on a big boy bike?

No. I was careening down a hill, my shaved legs slicing through the wind.

When my chain broke, as did my tibia, my fibula, and my dreams.

Wow, Mr.

Mosby. You have failed at so many things.

Cycling, croquet, badminton.

Don't forget love.

Ignore this, folks. I'll watch the Twitter finals with you. Thank you,

That's very thoughtful of you.

Yeah, what's better than hanging out with these two deadbeats? The one time

picked up the check, they used money from a board game.

We had to go directly to jail.

Thank goodness they had that card to get us out, though.

woman i keep seeing everywhere she the mayor anyways i really want to get cody

special anniversary gift something he really needs but would never get himself

no a decent looking girlfriend i chip in for that okay france

what is that oh a map of the world i color in all the countries where you've

insulted me how did i miss norway we were docked for an entire day

You said when I went ashore, they'd rename the country Boarway. Oh, yeah. I

forgot to color it in.

This break is awesome.

Hot fudge and whipped cream all rolled up in a handy edible carrying case. It's

a French burrito.

Isn't this e -school great?

It's like the United Nations of indigestion.

Take a picture of me with this puppet dude. Camera's in your purse.

It's not a purse.

It's a satchel.

Why do you want a picture with these creepy French puppets?

It's a mock Cody. His nickname in elementary school was Pinocchio.

Did he lie a lot?

Nope. His only friend was a cricket.

His only friend was a cricket. That's what it is.

Yes. I have the Monet here with me.

The painting is yours for five million euros.

For an extra penny, I'll throw in the frame.

All right, let's go check out the Louvre. I hear there's a naked lady

no arms.

The map's in your purse.

It's a satchel, not a purse.

Right?

Right. Not a purse.

Someone must have taken mine by mistake.

I had important stuff in there.

Like what? Your bag of marshmallows?

Yes.

It's a snack and a pillow.

Relax, relax.

We'll just have to track down whoever owns this bag.

There's got to be a wallet with some ID in there.

No wallet.

But there is a day planner.

Give me this.

Look, whoever owns this has an appointment at 1 o 'clock at Cafe Tres

a babe named Stephanie.

So? So, if we go there, we might be able to get your bag back.

Plus, maybe the Stephanie is cute.

Ooh, I hope they have crepes.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Someone stole my stolen painting.

You can't trust anyone these days.

First of all.

Second of all.

And third of all.

Oh, wait, I already did that.

Come on. I planned my anniversary date with Bailey, and I want you to do a dry

run with me just to make sure everything's perfect.

Not gonna happen. I don't like helping people.

If you help me, I'll do your paper on Lafayette for you.

What paper?

The one that's due Monday morning.

What? How do you know about this stuff?

I look at the board.

In the classroom.

Oh.

Where's the classroom?

On the boat.

Oh.

In the water.

You are going to love your present, Cody.

It's handmade with lots of love.

Okay. No, I can't tell what it is. Okay.

I can't tell what it is either.

It's supposed to be the Eiffel Tower.

Which I should have guessed because you have already made quite an impression on

me.

I have a boyfriend.

And I have a goldfish. See, look how much we are learning about each other.

I am Jean -Luc, and you are?

Bailey, listen, you're very sweet, Jean -Luc, but... I'm making this as an

anniversary gift for my boyfriend.

Remember? The one I mentioned four seconds ago? Oh, no, no, no.

Me paint a portrait of you as your gift.

Here, sit, sit.

Okay.

You know, as beautiful as you are, you belong on the canvas.

Uh, okay.

But put Cody in it, too.

He's my boyfriend.

Mention number three.

How are we going to find this Stephanie? We have no idea what she looks like.

I picture her as a tall brunette with full lips and piercing green eyes.

She loves the outdoors, but she also enjoys a night in.

By the fire.

Excuse me, can you help us?

No.

What do you want?

We're looking for someone who's supposed to be here at one o 'clock.

Stephanie. I am Stefan.

He doesn't look like a cuddler.

We're here to make an exchange.

I was expecting a woman.

So were we.

Who cares?

Give me the money.

We don't have any money. We thought Marcus was going to pay for lunch.

But here you go.

Banker in your favor. You can collect $200.

Stop playing games and give me what you stole.

I didn't steal anything. It was an accident.

An accident?

You do not rappel through the skylight into the mission, doctor.

Steal a priceless money and escape through the sewers by accident.

never in the sewers.

My nose tells me different.

Hey, I didn't smell like this until you pointed that thing at me.

Just take the purse, Satchel.

Just please, don't hurt us. Why would I want a purse like that? No man has a

purse like that.

Told you.

Very clever not bringing the painting to our rendezvous. But now, you will take

me to it.

Okay, okay. Let me just get the map.

Hurry up.

Are you going to finish that? All right, thanks.

Come back or I'll shoot.

Oh, no.

Have you seen these two boys?

How much longer? My lips are cramping.

Perhaps I could massage them for you with my lips.

You know, I think he would really like Cody. He's very creative.

One time.

He wrote me an opera based on the periodic table.

He said I was hotter than plutonium.

I do not know much about chemistry other than that you and I have it.

Have I ever mentioned I can neuter a bull with my bare hands?

That would discourage me if I were not French.

You are a very persistent people.

And helium, I'll tell you how I feel -ium.

Iron, cobalt, nickel, copper.

Bailey, you're a real hard stopper.

Oh.

Yeah.

So what'd you think?

I think I'd rather hear someone step on a cat.

After I sing my opera to Bailey, we'll eat our entree.

Which is taking forever, by the way.

Much like your opera.

Listen, tomorrow I'm going to be here with someone I care about.

Thank you?

You're coming back?

No goody.

So I would appreciate it if our meal got here before the bread got moldy.

It's moldy when I bring it.

This is the perfect spot to watch the race.

I wonder why this place is so empty.

Ah, Cody.

Hey, London.

Faith me.

The cyclists will go right by here.

Athletes from all nations hunched over their metallic steams. I know, I know. A

cyclone of cycles. A blizzard of bikes.

All culminating with the presentation of the glorious Victory Cup.

There's no painting in here. What was Stephanie talking about? I don't know.

I just hope we lost him. Do you think we lost him?

Nope. Get out of here. How?

I don't know.

Wait. I got it.

You distract him by letting him catch you. Then I'll escape and immortalize

deed in song.

What rhymes with Woody's dead?

Bad lads. What?

No!

Okay.

Then how do we get past him?

We need to blend in with the locals.

I've got it.

Please, have you seen these two American boys running? Yeah, follow me. One of

them is like a pajama shirt, and the other guy, a big, fuzzy hair. He looks

a nearsighted bear with glasses and... Never mind. Everybody has allergies

today.

I can't believe this is the only thing they had in a husky.

There he is. That's right.

It's working.

Woody, get on.

It's mine.

Come on.

I'm trying. It's hard to get on with these pantaloons.

Can't be them.

Get out! Get out!

And if I see you again, I will flatten you like a crab. I'm just saying that

your fondue was a fondon, miss. I can't believe you said that.

Okay.

Friends.

What's that?

Oh, it's a map of the world. I color in all the countries where Cody's been

kicked out of restaurants.

I break up with you.

Not yet.

We still have to go to the Eiffel Tower. That's where I want to end my perfect

date with Bailey.

Nope, absolutely not. I am not taking one more step with you.

Did I say Eiffel Tower? I meant Eiffel Mall.

Shopping. Yay, mall.

We can blend in.

I don't think so.

We're right in the middle of the Tour de France.

I hope this qualifies as P credit.

Just one last look and voila.

So, what do you think?

Very funny, but now I don't have a gift.

Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. I can paint it the way you

see him, okay? And you can pick it up tomorrow.

But right now, let's have dinner.

I have a better idea.

You keep painting, and I'll go sightseeing.

But the cafe across the street has wonderful service.

My sister, she...

Paulie in behind them.

Are you even pedaling?

I'm supposed to pedal?

I thought we were taking turns.

And when were you planning on taking your turn? Next week?

No. Just as soon as we started going downhill.

Would you pedal?

Oh, no.

We're heading back into Paris. That's where Stephanie is.

Oh, no, it's not.

Oh, no.

I've got you, you fuzzy -haired American buffoon!

Fuzzy -haired American buffoon with a thorn!

Vanguard!

Who's that?

Hey! Give me back that parental!

And you call yourself a general!

Hey! Take that! And that!

Pardonnez -moi.

Anybody chance to have any jam?

Enjoy it. It will be your last meal.

Oh, my eye!

I have food!

Woody, what would it take for you to not think about food?

That tore Napoleon's bones apart.

Why is everything spinning?

The horror!

It's like Colorado 1991 all over again.

No, no, no. Wait a second. No, no, no.

Look at that.

It is pretty.

I mean, you can see everything from here.

Notre Dame, the loo, that angry mob beating a man with a bicycle.

Wow.

This is just so beautiful.

You know, maybe I'll just make the whole date with Bailey up here.

Are you sure that's such a good idea? I mean, you tend to get thrown out of

places.

Bailey for your anniversary.

I can't afford diamonds.

Besides, the appropriate gift for a first anniversary is something made from

paper. If my boyfriend didn't get me diamonds, I'd give him something made of

paper. His death certificate.

My paper gift to Bailey is the love poem I wrote commemorating our relationship.

I'll read it to you. Wait.

How long is this poem?

281 stanzas.

We've been through a lot.

Bailey, when we first met, You looked like a boy.

When I found out you weren't, my heart filled with joy.

In biology class, our two hearts connected over the organs of the frog we

dissected. Now I've been through a lot.

Can I see that for a second?

Sure.

Hey!

Look out! Steve will play!

Okay, let's imagine that you've already read the poem to Bailey and for some

unknown reason, she liked it.

Go too soon.

And then I do this.

You are the most beautiful girl in all of the world. Your eyes shine brighter

than all the stars in the sky.

So, what do you think?

Wow.

You know, I never thought I'd say this, but Jane Bailey's a very lucky girl.

Thanks, London.

I don't even mind that I wasted my whole day.

Helping you.

Good to know, because we still have to audition 40 accordion players.

I

can't

believe Cody would kiss someone else on the night before our anniversary.

I hate men.

pointing backwards?

I got punched and pummeled by peeve Parisians.

Just because I won the Tour de France without technically being entered in it.

I should see a doctor about that.

Oh, uh, thank you.

Happy anniversary, Bailey Bunny.

Meet me at the top of the Eiffel Tower at 7 for the most romantic evening of

your life. Love, Cody.

Take that, you no good cheating jerk!

Go to school.

The lunch lady uses my hair to scrub the pot.

You'll miss breakfast.

I'm up.

Where are we?

We're trapped in some kind of box.

It's a coffin. We're buried alive.

They're shooting at us. We're going to be buried alive dead.

Woody, we went to some kind of shipping crate and that sound was bubble wrap.

Would you stop it?

I said stop it.

That wasn't the bubble wrap.

Dude, we're in a box.

Wait.

Wait.

Shh. I hear someone coming. Get out.

Of course I checked.

They don't have the painting.

All they have is a purse.

That's all.

Don't worry. Once they tell us where the painting is, once we get to Bulgaria

and they meet the hammer.

Now remember, start playing the moment she comes in.

Oh, and make sure it's heartfelt when I sing about how much I love her molecular

structure.

We stopped moving.

There's gotta sound somewhere.

I wonder where we are.

Why don't you give me your purse?

Sexual.

Maybe there's something in there that can help us.

We can use these nail files.

Good thinking.

We'll sharpen our nails and claw our way out.

Or... We could file away the wood around the hinges.

You try your way, I'll try it mine.

On your mark, get set...

It is finished.

So, what do you think?

The simple I don't like it would have sufficed.

Sorry, the painting is wonderful.

Was wonderful.

Tony, it stinks.

No, no, no, no. What is wrong, mon chéri?

Nothing.

I'm fine.

I saw Cody kissing another girl.

Oh, no, that is awful.

It's almost 8 .30.

Where could she be?

That's not my girlfriend.

I know. I am hoping she will be mine.

Bailey, where are you?

Why don't you go look for her?

Right.

Out of the millions of people in Paris, I'm going to find the one person I'm

looking for. What?

I can't believe it.

She's with some other guy.

London, I need your help. Again with the helping. It's like you people never met

me.

It's an emergency.

Yeah, well, I have an emergency too.

It's been two days and I haven't bought anything.

The global economy just can't take it.

I just caught Bailey in the arms of another man.

Yes, technically I am a man.

Wait, this doesn't make any sense.

That Bailey would cheat on me?

No, there's another guy interested in that hillbilly.

park across from the cafe.

Oh, I see them.

Wow, he's cute.

Thank you, London. That is so helpful.

Oh, relax.

I'll go check him out. Uh, it out.

Uh, that snail's coming out of your paycheck.

Marshmallows in it.

Hey, this isn't a backpack.

This is a parachute.

That's how we'll get out of here.

Is there another one?

Juliette, mon amour.

You think that's a woman named Juliette?

Well, you have been carrying a purse all day.

Satchel. Ah, Marie, ma chérie.

He's cheating on me.

and burn his picture later.

Right now, we've got to get out of here.

Wow, we only have one parachute.

Wait.

I've got it.

I'll parachute to freedom and send help to Bulgaria.

That's in Spain, right?

I can't. I parachute to freedom and send help to Bulgaria.

Which, by the way, any idiot knows is in Rome.

You ever parachuted before?

No. Have you?

Well, this one time I jumped off the back of my grandma's couch with an

umbrella.

And it worked?

Yes. You consider spraining your ankle and crushing a dachshund working.

You crushed a poor little wiener dog?

Yeah.

After that, his middle kind of sagged. Made him sort of U -shaped.

All the kids call me Stephanie.

Now I know how that dog sin felt.

Sorry.

I haven't cried this much since my dad replaced all of our crops with onions.

Onions make you cry when they're in the ground?

Oh, no, no, no.

We were crying because Locust ate our entire onion crop. We were penniless and

surrounded by bugs with bad breath.

Hey, you hunk!

Unhand that hick!

What are you doing here? Helping people.

I know, crazy, right?

Meanwhile, I haven't dropped in two days. If you listen closely, you can

credit card softly weeping.

Don't be ridiculous. Whoa, that's creepy.

Look, Cody's freaking out because instead of being on your anniversary

you're here with some sleazy French guy. No offense.

Why should Cody care what I do? I saw him yesterday on top of the Eiffel Tower

kissing some hideous French girl with horrible extensions.

Hey! That hideous French girl was me!

And these are not extensions.

It's just someone else's hair attached to mine.

Wait, what? You were the one kissing Cody? Oh, I didn't kiss.

Cody dragged me on a practice date so his anniversary with you would be

Why would he do that?

Because he loves you.

And he irons his underpants.

Cody loves...

right. Now get your butt to the Eiffel Tower before it closes.

Great. Sorry, Jean -Luc, but my man's waiting for me at the second highest

structure in France, right behind the Milo Viaduct.

Completed in 2004.

Anyways, I have to go.

I will never get to you, Bailey.

Bonjour.

I am Jean -Luc, and you are?

Not going shopping.

I'm gonna kill you!

Tony!

Happy anniversary!

If you're referring to the discovery of radium by the Curies on this date in

1898, then I suppose it is.

You know, I looked all over for a card for that.

Um...

This is all just beautiful.

And I love the accordion player.

Me too.

We've had plenty of time to get to know each other.

Isn't that right, Pascal?

Oui.

Pascal has been married six times, has gallstones, accordion elbow,

and was just telling me in excruciating detail about

all... his planter's wart.

I'm sorry I'm a little late.

Very late, but I do have an excuse.

Oh, I know. I saw you hugging your excuse down in that park.

I was not hugging him. He was comforting me because I was upset that I caught

you kissing another girl.

When? Where?

Last night, on this very spot.

That girl was London, and I didn't kiss her. She didn't kiss me.

There was no kissing.

I know that now.

So, let's start celebrating.

Celebrate? My girlfriend doesn't trust me. Yay!

Even though I've been completely faithful to you for an entire year.

Not to mention during my six -month plan, even though you didn't even know I

existed. You didn't trust me either.

Because I saw you in the arms of some swarthy stranger.

Which would not have happened if you hadn't rehearsed my date with another

I mean, who does that?

I do.

And by the way, it went a heck of a lot better with her.

Oh, so you're saying you would have enjoyed our anniversary more if I

here? You weren't here. It was just me, Pascal, and the snails.

You were too busy hugging Pepe Le Pew.

His name is Jean -Luc.

pew. Well, thanks for waiting a whole 12 hours before you got over me and moved

on to another guy.

Will you stay out of this?

Don't you speak to Pascal that way. At least he showed up on time.

from the bad guys you rotten punks my name is stefan i am

not a little girl when i catch you you will be the dead meat wow you french

are a persistent people oh he's gaining on us

I must be out of knives.

Now you are.

What the heck?

For your information, Jean -Luc was just trying to be nice.

Oh, yeah, I saw how nice he was being.

I can't believe you were stupid enough to fall for that.

Did you just call me stupid?

If the shoe fits... What the heck?

If I'm so stupid, then why is my chemistry grade higher? Oh, I get one A

- because I noticed the teacher wore a toupee and she got all upset.

I am so sick of your competitive attitude.

accidentally stopping my perpetual motion machine.

I tripped.

And if I could stop it, then it wasn't perpetual.

You know what? That's it. I'm done.

Well, you know what? I'm done, too.

All I wanted was this to be the best anniversary ever, and you've ruined all

my plans with this horrible fight. Oh, you mean you didn't practice this fight

with London?

You know what?

If you don't appreciate what I was trying to do here, then maybe we should

break up. Maybe we should. Is that what you want? Is that what you want?

Then it's over.

Fine.

This is officially the worst night of my life.

What else could go wrong?

Our wedgie.

Serves you right, Stephanie.

Oh, hey, Cody. Happy anniversary.

That lady's bachelor got all ripped up. Must have never given me mine back.

Hey, what's that in the lining?

It's a painting.

Ooh, pretty.

This will look great next to my dogs playing poker.

practically see the tension in the bulldog's face. Is he going to raise? Is

going to fold?

Woody, this must be the priceless painting Stephanie was talking about.

Yes, of course. I know those bullies. In fact, they're right over there.

Give me that.

Give it back to me.

It's mine.

Not until you give me back my marshmallows.

Wait a second.

Isn't that the Monet?

that was stolen from the Musee d 'Orsay?

Uh, no.

It's a paint by numbers.

I worked really hard on it, so it's very precious to me.

You see that?

I tripped a thief with your satchel. Was that so hard to say?

Security! Security!

Come on, up you go.

Here you are. Now, give me that. Now, take her away, please.

You managed to catch a thief and recover a priceless painting.

I must say, I am very impressed.

Thanks. That means a lot, spokes.

Wait a minute.

Napoleon? I'm not Napoleon.

I'm Wolverine.

All the action on the set.

Get ready to take the stage with Disney Channel's Rock It.

This is the road to Camp Rock 2, the final jam.

Our newest campers are ready to rock. Let's meet them.

What's up, everybody?

This is Matthew M. Dot. I'm excited to be on set. I'm excited to work with the

cast, you know, the brothers and Demi and all of the other cast members, and

so excited to perform. I love performing. I'm excited to be on the

Matthew's such a hard worker, and he's so focused and determined to get his

music and his artistry out there. His style is very different than mine. It's

wonderful to feed off of him and play with him. M. Dot. M. Dot's my boy. M.

Dot's my man. He's really talented and has a great...

great voice and he's a great dancer and I'm just not afraid to go there with his

character. He is a smooth, smooth dancer.