Original subtitles

This week we will be docking in Germany and visiting the Black Forest. The

setting of many famous fairy tales. I like Cinderella.

The way the sweet stepsisters make that poorly dressed girl sweep up the locker

in the attic.

Although after that the store just kind of goes downhill.

Tell me about it. They're all about young pretty girls getting swept off

feet by Prince Charming.

But that actually never happens.

It happened to me.

What? Who is the guy?

It's you, Dumbelina.

Oh.

Oh!

Well, don't worry, Ms. Tutwiler. Someday your prince will come.

Oh, I hope so.

I'm tired of kissing frogs and guys that still live with their mothers and tell

you they love you and then get married to your sister!

Didn't we study this last week?

along with me and let that out to see what this world has for you and for me

now bitch have a way the wind blows we say hey ho let's go oh oh oh this boat's

rocking oh oh oh ain't no stopping us now cause we're living this sweet life

the fairy tales, we need to understand the context of the patriarchal society

which they originated.

If we construct a timeline, what we find is that despite the fact that women

were often... Mirror,

mirror on the ground, who is the most beautifully in the town?

Duh.

You, of course. And I'm not just saying that because you signed my paycheck.

Love you. I'll hold that thought. I hate to say this, but she's prettier than

you.

La -da -da -da -da -da -da.

Fly away, my friend.

What? Mirror, you are cracking up. If it's any consolation, you have a nice

personality.

to prove it.

You, Hunter, come here. Good day.

You're looking well, Queen.

Duh.

Hunter, I want you to find a girl.

You sound like my mother.

I mean, Hunter, down and bring me your head.

I don't think I have a license for that.

Just do it.

All right.

How will I find this girl?

She's the face of a goblin.

Hair like a witch's broom and skin as thickly pale as a vampire's tushy.

Got it.

I don't see anyone like that. Just that gorgeous girl over

there.

Would you like to help me pick flowers?

The roses are in bloom. Come.

Wonderful. You have a knife.

There you... Careful.

That's sharp. Someone could get hurt.

wants me to get rid of you but i don't even want to be a hunter i wanted to be

musician but my father was all oh well that's not music that's noise and i was

all well you don't understand me man check this

to help you, but the queen must think that you are dead.

Oh. Oh,

that's good.

But I was thinking more of the running away and hiding sort of thing. Right.

Yeah, and go.

Let's crash here until I can find my own place.

You want to wait until we get to the mine before you start digging?

Okay, but there's a mother load up there.

Um, aren't there supposed to be seven of you? You're thinking of the seven stuck

-up jerks who live next door.

Yeah, you do one movie 70 years ago and you think you're hot stuff.

Anywho, I was looking for a place to stay, but I see this lovely cat. Happen

occupied.

Not so fast.

Maybe you could stay.

If you do a little cooking.

Maybe some cleaning.

What do I look like? The maid?

You will when you wear the little uniform.

Is the deed done?

Of course, my queen.

I brought you her head as proof.

Thank goodness she never asked me who's the smartest in the land.

Okay, here we go.

Mirror, mirror in the woods. Now who's really got the goods?

Oh, what does it matter what I think?

It's just what mirrors opinion.

Tell me or I'll kick the shards out of you.

Oh, you are evil.

Okay, okay.

It's Snow White.

She's still alive.

And she's playing house with some dwarves.

Oh, I hate myself.

What? I've been tricked by that hunter.

And whoever this girl was.

Bye,

Snow. Bye, Snow. It's off to, well, you know.

Yummy. It doesn't taste funny?

Maybe a little poison -y?

No, it's delicious.

brother's concert around here.

Charming.

So, uh, you want to live happily ever after?

You know, once I get my eyes checked?

Okay.

Mirror, mirror on the sand.

Don't make me grind you into sand.

You're the prettiest.

No contest. You're hot like dragon's breath.

Try to take care of myself, exercise, eat lots of fruits and veggies.

Uh -oh.

different cultures throughout history were often used as caution.

Come on, kids, keep up.

I hate walking.

Can't we just stay home and watch some TV?

Old woman in shoe plus eight is on.

Too much TV will rot your brain, Hansel. Can it, Gretel?

How many times have I told you I prefer to be called Greg?

Hey, look.

wonderful to be out here taking a walk deep in the woods with my two favorite

boys i'm hungry i can't imagine why you've already eaten me out of house and

home you have bread and you're throwing it on the ground

i'm leaving a trail just in case we get lost what happened to your compass i

lost it

This is why I wanted to leave a trail.

Maybe we should keep walking and see if we can find a house made of tofu.

Oh, yeah, yeah, man, good idea. Okay, you look for that, and I'll stay here

warn any passing kids about the dangers of tooth decay.

Hello, children.

Oh, is this your house?

I'm sorry if we're disturbing you.

a bad feeling about her. Why?

Because she has a witch hat and a big warty nose?

Who cares?

She's my new sugar mama.

Come in, mama.

Oh, delicious.

I mean, delightful.

I can't believe you ate the

toilet.

I find that eating in moderation and daily exercise is the key.

About that, I also ate your treadmill.

That wasn't made of candy.

That explains why I have the runs.

There's got to be something around here I can use to make a salad.

is a cutie pie.

Hello.

Dude, you're flirting with pastry.

Yeah, well, you're flirting with hypertension.

Listen, you two are in grave danger. The woman who lives here is a witch who

fattens kids up before she bakes them into pie.

She's single.

all the time, just trolling for babes.

Yeah, but he's not looking for a babe who's a troll.

Oh, he's a prince.

He's not interested in a witch like me.

Oh, you're not a witch.

You're a hag at worst.

You know what? You just need a makeover.

You know, style that. hair, shave that mole, maybe a mani -pedi, Hansel take

feet.

Can't we just push her in the oven?

Do you really think I look pretty?

Gorgeous.

Stunning.

Someone eat my eyes.

You're calling me a cow?

We need the money for food.

What's wrong with a hamburger?

Hey, keep your hooves to yourself.

Come on, move.

I've never heard that one before.

My feet are tired.

I'm really thirsty. I sure could use a glass of milk. Don't even think about

and sell me already. All right, come on, let's go.

Hey, hey,

hey. Want to buy some beans?

Oops, I'm sorry, wrong side.

Beans? What kind of idiot do you think I am?

But these are magic beans.

In that case, deal.

You should have traded her for a helmet.

there's a food court.

I'll be right back.

Yeah, that's what your father said.

Wow, what a view from up here.

I swear I smelled hooligan.

I think I'm getting a cold.

ribber pate.

Oh, that sounds delicious.

Wait a minute.

Does it look like me?

Wow, a golden egg. That does not belong to you.

And just what are you supposed to do?

supposed to be here. Mind your own business.

Ow! Quit playing me!

Three, five, four, Frankie!

Where did I leave my pocket, Hanky?

Thief! Thief! Thief! Where?

Here! You!

You're trying to steal my goose and my harp!

Well, actually, just the goose. The harp is annoying.

I happen to be 60 feet tall.

Okay, 59 and a half.

What's with the dollhouse?

It's for my niece.

If you are through talking, I am going to smash you to bits.