Original subtitles

Okay, class.

Today, we will be visiting the ancient tomb of Zaria.

I've read that tourists at the tomb can participate in a real archaeological

excavation. I haven't been this excited about digging stuff up since our home

got swallowed up in the mudslide of Ot 4.

Which followed the flood of Ot 3.

And the locust swarm of Ot 2.

You know what? You ought to move.

Now, I assume you all did your reading and prepared for today's dig.

She said doubtfully.

Look, I didn't do the reading, but I'm prepared.

I brought my old pail and shovel.

Wow, what do you use for a microscope?

Something so old it was designed by Anthony Van Leeuwenhoek? Good one.

Ouch.

You know, I've heard better trash talk for minds.

along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me

now bitch have a way the wind blows we say hey ho let's go oh oh oh this boat's

rocking oh oh oh ain't no stopping us now cause we're living the sweet life

That bus ride up the mountain was awesome. I can't believe how narrow that

was. I was so sure we were going to fall off the side to a fiery death.

Didn't you think so, Miss Tutwiler?

Stop the bus! We're going to die!

Miss Tutwiler, snap out of it. We're off the bus.

Why can't I breathe?

Because we're at 12 ,000 feet.

But it's okay. Relax.

Welcome. I am Luis, your guide. And you are? Single.

I have a question.

Is it about our beautiful architecture or the legends of our kings and queens?

Maybe you are curious about the sacrifices that were rumored to have

on this very spot.

Well, I just want to know where the bathroom is.

Otherwise, the sacrifice is going to be the second worst thing to happen on this

very spot.

The bathroom is over there, but you'll need this.

Is there a key on it?

No, the door is open.

That's for the spiders.

You want me to stick this big to kill spiders? Oh, no, that's not going to

them. It just knocks them out long enough for you to go.

Okay.

So, kids, and lovely teacher, today

I will take you on a journey to the past. Oh, goody. Okay, I want to go

back to this morning when I was on a luxury cruise ship and now I'm a big

of dirt.

Still here.

This dirt happens to contain many important artifacts from my country's

including the burial ground of Princess Saria.

Oh, I'm going to go to the gift shop to see if it comes in a bullet.

And I will now tell you the story of Princess Saria's fabled crown.

It was crafted for the princess by... Her high priest.

But sadly, she never got the chance to wear it before she perished.

Yes, and it was... It was buried with her, but when the tomb was discovered,

was missing, leading archaeologists to conclude it was stolen by grave robbers.

Yeah, you get used to it.

Well, Louise, I have my own personal theory. And here we go.

After extensive research, I believe the crown was never discovered because

archaeologists were looking in the wrong place.

I submit to you, Louise.

that there is a secret antechamber untouched for centuries and yet to be

discovered.

Se queso.

You know, I should probably apologize in advance for, uh, for everybody.

That's why I'm laughing.

Guess what? I think I'm close to finding the crown of Zarya. Wow!

I wish I cared.

You should care.

You know what's going to happen when I find the crown? You're going to buy a

pair of matching earrings.

Tee hee hee.

I will be hailed as one of the greatest archaeologists of all time.

I'll be on the cover of Tomb Digest.

Ooh, that magazine is read by tens of people.

I don't even know why I'm talking. talking to you. Your biggest dream in

to eat an entire pizza in two bites.

That and getting paid for sleeping and burping.

Why aren't you with everyone else?

Well, I was on my way to the bathroom when I saw Marcus trying to whack a

with a stick.

I left when the spider picked up the stick and started to whack Marcus.

It's a known fact that Princess Daria was the most ruthless leader of her

Hide. We're not supposed to be away from the group.

She's been thousands of her subjects to their doom.

True, but one thing you don't know is that... She also had a pet jaguar named

Squeaky.

Does she have an off button?

Sadly, no.

I can get her to be quiet.

You got another one of those big spider -whacking sticks?

Sadly, no.

Okay, dude, keep a lookout. I really gotta go.

Not right here. I'm sure we're right above the antechamber. Yeah? Well, I

to empty my chamber.

And here we are, boys and girls. Back at the burial site and final resting place

of Zaria.

Enough already.

When are we gonna get to the spa and shopping court of Zaria?

Legend has it that Princess Zarya... My turn.

Princess Zarya swore to once again rise.

Her spirit will not rest until she is wearing her beloved crown.

Knew that.

Heard you. Whatever.

Whatever.

I'm reading these hieroglyphics correctly.

The crown of Zarya should be hidden within an object that can only be opened

with the waters of mankind.

What does that mean?

I tickled on that big stone back there and a door opened up.

Look what I found inside.

The crown of Zarya. We actually found the crown of Zarya.

What do you mean we? It's because of my we that I found it.

And we're walking and we're walking.

Right behind this ancient carving.

of the great deity, Getsarkoater, is where we keep the controls to the

sprinklers. Now, we will climb to the ancient astronomical observatory

at the top of the tomb of Zarya.

Is there an escalator of Zarya?

He never said Zarya.

Can I call you Zark?

I've heard all these stories about you being cool.

and vicious, but you just look like a regular gal to me.

Although you're not the prettiest flower in the garden, are you?

Look at me. I'm the king of the jungle.

More like the duke of the dimwits.

Don't you take that off.

What? I can't hear you over all the humming.

What humming?

The crown.

It's making some kind of weird noise.

It's vibrating.

That's supposed to happen?

You quit goofing around?

All I'm saying is, it tickles.

peasant or I will rip your heart out.

Well, it's nothing my last boyfriend didn't do to me.

I have to say the hardest part was figuring out the waters of mankind

but, you know, I just put the old coconut into overdrive and the answer

to just flow out of me.

Please excuse me, ladies. I have to talk to my far less interesting brother.

Okay. Go fast. They love me.

I can't believe you.

I spent a year translating ancient hieroglyphics, read hundreds of

archaeological studies, and now you're taking credit for all my work? What do

you have to say for yourself?

What do you call that thing that hangs on the back of your throat?

Because when you yell like that, it kind of flaps around.

to a word I'm saying?

It's called a uvula.

science magazine you were talking about. A tone digest?

Yes, this is Zack Martin, the famous archimalologist.

I need to take this.

Billy, what are you doing touching my jewelry?

Silence, worm.

Whoa, do you have a cold or something?

I'm not interested in your poorly crafted trinkets.

that are dried corn niblets on a string.

I must have my crown.

It was forged in the fires of Mount Thule using the finest gold and precious

jewels. Plus, I wore it to prom, so it has sentimental value.

Wait, wait, you mean that thing Zach found?

Zach? Who be this Zach?

Zach be the brother of the guy you date.

Marry your wife.

This is Itabel Cruz reporting from the deck of the SS Tipton. I am here with

Zachary Martin, the young... And handsome.

Whatever.

Archaeologist who discovered the ancient crown of Zaria.

So, Zach, was this your first big discovery?

Actually, nay.

Last year, I went on a harrowing search for the emerald monkey.

That's a toy he dug out of a box of marshmallow crunchy oats, which was

to be mine because he got the stickers that came with the Fruit Rollies.

What was most difficult about discovering the crown? The years of

painstaking digging?

I'd have to say fighting off the giant scorpions.

Do you believe that?

Luckily, I always carry my trusty whip.

Before we talk more about how great I am, there really is someone I should

acknowledge. The person who helped me make this historic discovery.

Cody, move aside. Let the slushy guy through.

This is the guy that sold me the giant drink that made me need to release the

waters of mankind.

Shout out, slushy. You get over here, you big lug. Come on.

All right.

Let's get a picture of the two of us near the juice bar, okay?

Okay.

That's a new look.

See, you hit the Zarya gift shop too.

This pleases me more than the rags I woke in.

Oh, you got like a cold or something? Your voice.

Anyway, I'm just so steamed about this whole Zack thing.

I mean, look at him over there, taking credit for my work. He basically stole

the crown of Zarya.

How dare he? Exactly.

He will die a thousand painful deaths.

Thank you for your support, honey. It really means a lot.

And after he's sacrificed on the altar of Ixnayfufu, the lords of the

will carry his soul to the pit of despair.

I was just going to write a strongly worded letter to Tomb Digest, but your

works too.

I think our viewers would like to see the crown before you hand it over to the

museum in a ceremony hosted by our illustrious president, the American

ambassador, and Antonio Banderas.

I should be the one meeting Antonio Banderas.

No problem. Luis!

to you.

Yeah, you tell him, baby.

Now you will feel my wrath.

What are you?

I am Princess Zaria.

I've awakened from my sleep of a thousand years to finally reclaim my

Give me the crown, peasant.

Uh, no way. Finders keepers.

Weird.

Do not mock me or I will have your head on a stick.

You don't even have

That looked like Gloria.

says that the princess swore to awaken again.

Maybe when we unearthed the crown, we released the spirit of Princess Zaria

it jumped into Bailey.

Wow! Who knew that was true? I just thought we said that to suck in the

tourists.

Less talking, more helping.

You stop this instant or I will give you a detention!

And I will cut up your limbs and feed them to my piranhas!

make me look fat no you look fabulous now can you let me go now please no you

stole my crown and must be punished i will take you back to the sacrificial

altar where you will be buried in an ant hill and eaten alive

Someone needs a hug.

I just hope Back hasn't been eaten alive by ants.

Oh, so where are we going to dinner?

Back! There will be no rescue.

These hieroglyphics say that we need to put the crown on Zaria's statue to

appease her.

That or it's a recipe for fish tacos.

serpent people.

No, you're not.

You're Bailey Pickett from Kettle Corn, Kansas.

Your favorite food is chicken pot pie, and you like it when I tickle your left

ear, like this.

How dare you touch me, dog?

She really doesn't want to give that crown back.

Bailey, if you're still in there, I miss you.

Please, please give me the crown.

I've only one dick.

How dare you give away my crown?

Don't you flatten me.

Okay, I just can't win here.

Once more, safely entombed in the statue.

Good job, Cody.

I'm in the mood for Chinese.

So, Zack, where will your next adventure take you?

My cabin.

I'm through with archimalology.

You can tell your viewers the living and the undead.

The only reason I found that crown is because Cody, this guy right here, knew

where to look, okay? He did the research. He translated the hierarchy.

because I literally have ants in my pants.

princess. Oh, whatever, London, let's just go.

And you're gonna love Mr.

Whiskers. He's my tabby and quite the cut -up.

Oh, and then there's Lord Wiggums.

He's Persian and finicky.

You know when I said I like cats, I meant a musical.

I know, it's just no one's seen Marcus. Do you know where he is? I'm sure he'll

be fine. Yeah, yeah, but we're about to... I said I'm on a date!

Just go and I'll give you an A.

How about cash and a B?

Done.