Original subtitles

Hey, guys.

Woody, why are you eating an onion?

More importantly, why are you wearing my 85 -year -old uncle's golf outfit?

Because we're about to enter the Bermuda Triangle.

And?

This is my Bermuda Triangle protective outfit.

Bermuda shorts, Bermuda onion.

According to the website, Wild, Weird, and Wacky, this will keep me protected

from being abducted by aliens when we enter the Bermuda Triangle.

You're not going to get abducted by girls either.

Woody, there are no such thing as aliens.

They're just elves that uneducated people mistake for beings from outer

Well, I'm not going to take any chances.

More ships have disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle than any other place in

world. These waters are cursed. Cursed, I tell you!

Okay, Woody, there are other explanations for all the disappearances.

Uh, for a fact, this is one of the most highly traveled shipping lanes in the

world. So, statistically, it makes sense that more ships would meet with an

untimely fate.

Plus, there are rogue waves. Uh, fluctuations in the Earth's magnetic

sticking with aliens.

I didn't expect you guys to believe me anyway, all right? So I took precautions

to make sure I wasn't going to be alone when you're all abducted and probed.

Hey, guys, check this out.

Kanye West sent me this gift basket filled with cool shorts and onions.

See?

You know Kanye, too?

Yeah, we're cousins.

I'm going to eat.

you think i did i didn't and i have the perfect alibi for it i'm sure you do but

that's not why i'm here i have an envelope from your parents ah cool it's

early birthday card from mom and dad oh mom wrote us a poem your birthday is

here and i'm really beaming giving birth to you boys was worth all the screaming

that's so mom heartfelt with a touch of guilt

She screamed when you were born, and I've been screaming ever since.

Just think, only a few more days till we turn 16.

The big one -six.

The grande uno -sixto.

Hey, they sent us a check. It's for $200. Oh, twin Benjamins. Deuce bagel

Dose bagel -o bagel -o.

Shut up -o already -o.

I know just what to spend this on. So do I.

The Zbox 8000 game system with biofeedback wireless controllers that

make it hurt when you get shot.

Or we could spend the money on something less mind -numbing and painful, like

the Galileo Intelliscope with the 102mm ED refractor.

Oh, you mean the Geekaleo Dorkiscope with the 2mm nerd refractor?

Look, we're getting the telescope, and you can amuse yourself with a pan and a

wooden spoon.

Or you can see all the stars you want after I give you a black eye. Now give

that check.

We're getting the telescope. Game console.

Great. You ripped the check.

Me? You ripped it.

You know what I want for my birthday? To be an only child.

Nothing would make me happier.

That was weird.

It's the aliens.

We're caught in their tractor beam.

Marcus, you believe in aliens?

Nope. I just like onions.

All right, Woody, relax.

There's nothing weird or supernatural happening on the ship.

The wind slammed the kitchen door on my souffle.

It's only food.

Only food?

Is it only air that we breathe?

Only blood that courses through our veins?

Woody, would you please get your hot links that you call fingers out of my

souffle?

Haven't you heard of a fork?

I am the youngest of nine.

I learned to grab first and worry about utensils later.

For if you would have known, being an only child... Give me this.

I want to get this recipe right before my birthday soiree.

I hope you can come, Bailey.

I used my mother's birthday check to hire Vance and the violin vagabonds.

They're going to raise the roof.

Holler!

Sure, Zach.

I wouldn't miss it.

Lame.

Excuse me?

He said, we hope there'll be...

We're going to play pin the tail on the alpaca.

Calm down.

I was putting on eyeshadow when the boat shook. I think the captain

needs a Bermuda tricycle.

Triangle. Right, the tricycle triangle.

All right, look, be careful with that.

Zach made that for me on his loom.

What a lovely young man.

Actually, I'm Rich Thang.

May I help you?

I'm Cody.

I'm a new student here, and I'm having a little trouble finding my room, which I

hope is next to yours.

Mosby? Young man, we have strict rules that boys and girls do not room on the

same deck.

The only rule I follow is the rule that there are no rules.

And sometimes I don't even follow that rule.

Yeah. It's confusing, but that's how I roll.

What's up?

I'm your new lab partner, Cody. But you can call me C -Note.

Well, Mr. Note, it appears you spilled blue dye all over my cashmere sweater.

And I just knitted this.

Quick question.

You are a dude, right?

Look. I don't know how you were raised, though I fear wolves were involved.

But I was raised by my mother, and she taught me to take responsibility for

myself and to show respect to others.

Well, I was raised on the road with my dad and his rock band.

Eight guys in a bus with one bathroom. I learned to fend for myself.

And pee in some pretty strange places.

Well, I'm going to talk to Mr. Ockapenny about this lab partner situation.

Fine, go ahead. I need to hit the bathroom.

Rats!

These banana slices aren't even.

Zach, it's fine.

No, it's not. It looks like it was done by a three -year -old with safety

scissors.

Part of the fruity drink enjoyment is the visual aesthetic of the fruit.

Just once I like to get my drink without the speech.

Yeah, that's why I just swallow my own spit.

Wait, Zach, is everything okay?

You seem a little agitated.

Yeah, it's that new kid, Cody.

He's rude, crude, and I won't even tell you what he did with my test tube.

You know, I saw him in the hall. I think he kind of looks like you.

Yeah, if I had a bad case of stupid.

Kid, we just have to give him a chance.

I'm here.

Your lives just got better.

Hi, I'm Woody. And this is Marcus.

Hey, nice to meet you. I know.

Could you move over a bit? You're blocking the view.

Jerk. Mimi.

Good timing.

So, loom boy, introduce me to the skirt.

The girl.

in the skirt, can introduce herself.

I'm Bailey. And you must be Cody.

Or you can just call me the guy you've been waiting for.

You're not him.

One day, I hope to find a fella who's got a soft heart, but is tough enough to

work the land.

And moving on.

I'm gonna go hit on those girls at the hot tub, but stay close in case it

doesn't work out.

Still blocking the view.

You see, his manners are deplorable.

I hope you don't invite him to your birthday party. No way. Oh, and good

We are going to have balloons shaped like famous figures from European

including Lady Godiva.

Will there be any girls there that won't float away?

Oh, he's coming back. No one mentioned my birthday party.

Struck out?

Apparently those girls don't like good -looking masculine types.

Zach. You might have a shot over there.

So what are we talking about?

Sex birthday party.

Oops.

Really? My birthday's coming up too. I'm going to be 16 this Saturday.

Really?

So will I.

Where were you born?

Seattle.

So was I.

What hospital?

St. Joseph's. So was I.

What time?

6 .40.

I was born at 6 .30.

For a second there, I was getting a little spooky.

It still is spooky.

You look alike. You were born in the same place at the same time.

Do you know what this means?

You two must be aliens.

No, twins.

Twins?

Dad said when they got divorced, they split everything.

Mom got you in the matching luggage and dad got me in the amplifier.

Mom said that I was meant to get us together, but it never happened.

I just can't believe I have a twin. I mean, we're nothing alike.

I'm cool, you're nerdy. I'm tough, you're weak.

I'm good -looking, you're... Ugh.

I look just like you.

But on you, it doesn't work.

Ignoring that, since we are brothers, I guess we should start hanging out.

Do you want to see my coin collection?

As tempting as that sounds, I've got a better idea.

I say we hit up the Neptune Club.

El Clubbo Neptuno.

That's 18 and over? Don't sweat it. According to my license, I'm, I mean,

23.

Your middle name is Thunder?

Cool, then I'll be lightning bolt.

More like lightning dolt.

Goodness, these ripped jeans sure are breezy.

Now that you look like a dude instead of a dork, let's go find us some dates.

Oh, I already have somebody.

It's Bailey.

You're dating that babe?

Well, I will be. I have a six -month plan to woo her.

How many months has it been?

Nine.

Right. Well, how about until that works out, we find us some college girls in

the club.

I don't know.

I'm not really good at talking to girls.

Look, just remember.

You're in charge. Picture yourself as a hungry jungle cat. And that girl over

there is a deer with a limp.

Actually, jungle cats and deer are not indigenous to the same area.

Maybe an impala would better suit that metaphor. Or an African pygmy goat. Just

show her you're an animal.

Now, give me a growl.

I swallowed my breath mint.

I'll handle the growling. Now, let's go save us an injured deer.

Mint is back.

Whoa!

I swear that was my trucker's license.

I don't think he bought it, Thunder.

Either way, thanks for the most exhilarating night of my life.

You were only in there for 15 minutes.

And you were in the bathroom for 10 of them.

Still, I did get to talk to a college girl.

You helped her with her math.

I know. She held my calculator.

I never had so much fun multiplying with anyone.

Oops. Ah, it's 8 .30 on a school night.

We should probably hit the sag.

Uh, not so fast.

There are parties all over this boat.

I don't know.

I'm not really a party kind of guy.

Okay, we're all agreed that Zach's souffle thing is lame, right?

Beyond lame.

Pizza says party.

Souffle says... Okay,

so let's throw him a surprise party instead. That way he can't nerd it up.

I love surprise parties. But don't tell me about it, because I want to be

surprised.

Maybe we can commit... Maybe we can convince Mr. Mothby to let us use the

skydeck for Zach's surprise party.

Hmm, that would be good.

But what do we do about his evil twin, Cody?

Throw him out the sewage flap!

What does that mean? It's his 16th birthday, too.

You're right. Well, sing happy birthday, give him some cake, then throw him out

the sewage flap!

I mean, look, we all agree that Cody is an obnoxious, sexist jerk with no regard

for anyone else's feelings.

But he is Zach's brother, and since Zach is our friend, we owe it to him to try

to tolerate Cody.

upside down.

Or not.

Ah, it's another happy birthday text. This one's from my weaving club, The

Lumatics.

Wow. That's the twelfth one just since you've stepped into the elevator.

Uh, you probably don't get good reception out at sea.

Yeah. I'm sure that's it.

So why do you think Mosby wanted to see us on the sky deck?

He probably heard about our flamenco dance and wanted to see our tango.

than just a dinner. Not that your idea was lame. It was lame.

Happy birthday, man.

Okay.

And we did incorporate some of your ideas.

Say bonjour to Napoleon Balloonapart.

He is awesome.

And this looks like my lower intestine.

into a tissue?

Hypoallergenic, please.

Hey, Bailey, I gotta ask you a question.

If this is one of your cheesy pickup lines, why don't we skip to the point

I slap you?

Well, I just wanted your opinion on why I should get Zach for his birthday.

Wait, what?

I wanted to get Zach something special for his loom, but I'm not exactly sure

what a loom is.

You're serious?

Yeah. I seriously don't know what a loom is.

No, I mean, you really want to do something nice for your brother?

Of course.

I mean, not only is he my twin, but he's not a bad guy.

Must be why he has so many good friends.

Like you.

Are we having a moment?

Maybe so.

No, we can't.

You may not know this, but Zach has a huge crush on you.

Believe me, I know it.

Yeah, for the past nine months, he's been baking me heart -shaped cookies.

And not your classic Valentine's Day hearts. No, I'm talking four chambers in

aorta.

You see those two girls over there?

They want to date me.

They saw me flamencoing, and apparently they think I'm hot.

Way to go, Tiger.

I know we have something going, but I just can't tie myself down to one girl.

A lot of chicks want a crack at the sack.

I'll try to get over it.

Thanks to you, I have a date every night of this week.

Except Thursday. That's loom club.

I know you guys still aren't speaking, but it's your birthday, and all of your

friends want you to have a good time.

Actually, for some weird reason, I'm not that mad anymore.

Me neither.

In fact, I've never felt closer to you.

Same here.

but you shouldn't have. Well, I didn't. It's a replacement check from your

parents. Aw, that's nice.

And I know exactly what we're going to get. Me too.

Your game console.

No, no, no. I insist we get your game console.

No, no.

Nothing would make me happier than to get you your telescope.

Look, as sweet as that is, we're getting your stupid game console.

No, we're getting your boring telescope.

Call your parents.

Good thing they didn't buy you a Picasso.