Original subtitles

Oh, this is where it's coming from.

Okay, who is responsible for this?

Why do I even bother to ask? What were you thinking?

Well, Mr. Occupany questioned my ability to create a chemical reaction, so... To

prove you could, you set off a stink cloud in the class?

Exactly. I think it's worthy of an A.

All right, gentlemen. I want you to be careful in there. No human can withstand

even a whiff of this toxic air.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

As for you and for me now, pick up where the wind blows. We say, hey ho, let's

go. This boat's rocking.

Ain't no stopping us now.

Because we're living the sweet life.

This boat's rocking.

Rocking the whole world round.

And we're living the sweet.

long at attention are we talking here?

Permanent!

Until the day you graduate, which I'm not convinced will ever happen, so it is

permanent!

No!

That's punishing me.

I'm the one who has to stay after class with him.

And you've done nothing wrong. So no detention.

Good talk, guys. No, not so fast.

I know what we need to do.

Ooh, do you have a plan more devious, even more sinister?

Yes.

We are going to give him a position of authority.

I'd rather just throw him in the brig.

Well, no one has to know.

I meant we are going to make Zack the hall monitor.

Oh, that's a great idea.

And while we're at it, why don't we put Woody in charge of the ship's chocolate

frosting supply?

It is a well -known fact that when rebellious teenagers are put in a

authority...

into model citizens.

Did you happen to read that on the inside of a juice cup?

You are a cynical little man.

I am an educator, not a warden. Well, you're wearing the stripes.

Zach, instead of doing time in detention, we are

going to give you community service.

Ugh, that sounds like helping people. Can't you just throw me in the brig?

My shift's almost over. You got a second to hang out? I can't. I'm late for

physics. Oh, but my Mandarin class doesn't start until... 2 .30?

I can't.

I'm tutoring until 4.

But I'm free after that.

I can't.

I have an interview at a new boutique on the plaza deck.

What? Well, you can't get a job. We'll never see each other.

I need money. My parents couldn't send my allowance because of those evil

weevils. The Weevils got your corn crop?

No, the Weevils got my parents.

Those must be some mighty big Weevils.

No, no, no. Joe and Edna Weevil, our next -door neighbors, they sued us.

They said they slipped on horse pucky, but I think that's a load of pucky.

One day I've got to visit your town wearing really big boots.

All right.

Let's go over your responsibilities when working the halls.

Rule number one, make sure all the students have hall passes.

Yeah, I figured as much.

And then, uh, well, that's it.

Cool. My kind of job.

Hey, Zach.

Hey, Woodster.

Zach, why didn't you stop him and see if he had a hall pass?

It's Woody. He never has a hall pass.

Then don't let him by.

Your job is crucial to the safety of this ship.

Dude. I'm a hall monitor.

Zach, you better take this seriously. These students have to be watched.

Uh, Kirby? I don't want any horseplay in these halls.

Uh, Kirby? You have no idea what kids will sneak past you if you don't stay

sharp.

Actually, I got a pretty good idea.

When Woody comes through here, you gotta clamp down on him like my teeth on a

double cheeseburger with bacon.

Woody.

I'm going to have to see your hall pass.

Yeah, good one, Zach.

No, I mean, if you don't have one, I'm going to give you detention.

But I got pizza.

And I even brought you a slice.

That's bribing the officer.

I'm going to have to put this in the evidence locker.

Is the evidence locker your stomach?

Maybe.

I'm here to apply for a job. Have you seen the owner?

Every time I look in a mirror.

So a lot.

What don't you own on this ship?

That dress.

You look like a taxi.

Leave my dress alone.

Hmm. Bad attitude.

I'm noting that on your application.

Wait. Do I have a shot?

Of course. We're roommates. This interview will just be a formality.

So... Name?

London.

The bed next to yours?

Do you have a criminal record?

Not yet.

So, what makes you think you have what it takes to work at one of a kind?

Well, I have tons of failed experience.

Every summer in Kettlecorn, I worked at Buck's Bait and Beauty Barn.

Huh?

You know.

If you're getting gussy to go out or itching to land a trophy trout, it's

to give Buck a shout for all your worm and perm needs.

lot of people lie on their resumes you should be one of them do you have any

experience selling clothes uh would you count a hat that says do it for the

halibut no then no you're hired oh my gosh really thank you i'm so excited i

won't let you down what can i do first let me down

no

don't blame me you guys got caught Had you snuck through the sewage flap and

shimmied up the laundry chute, you're going to think this is all a lot of

trouble.

Now get out of here.

Oh, and next time, don't chew gum in my hallways.

Hooligans.

Wow, Zach, I must say you are doing a great job as hall monitor.

Thank you.

You know, it is kind of a rush when you catch them right -handed.

Their eyes bulge out and they start stammering, but, but, but.

No, I don't. And then they get that little bead of sweat on their feet.

there, right there.

And the knees, they get... Oh, I love the knees.

I love the knees.

It's fun, isn't it?

You know, Mr. Mosby, I finally get you.

position of authority would put him on the right track.

Actually, that was my idea.

Yes, and I went along with it. Oh, we are brilliant!

Uh,

no public displays of affection in the hallway?

I'm gonna have to write you up.

Thank you for shopping at One of a Kind. Come back soon.

that was my job. You hired me as a sales girl.

Yes, because you were completely unqualified.

Okay, I'm confused.

Why did you open a store if you don't want to sell anything?

I think it's obvious.

Look, but if I must explain everything to you, look, Daddy wouldn't let me

expand my closet, but he was all for me starting a business.

Are for your personal use?

Yes. I mean, didn't you notice they're all my size and there's only one of

Oh, so that's why it's one of a kind.

Wow, you're slow.

Which is why Mary's going to beat you out for employee of the month.

Hi, Mary. How are you doing today? Oh, you look great.

That's so funny.

Hey, um, so if we don't sell anything, I'm still getting paid, right? Oh, yeah,

sure. Now, get back to work. And remember, don't...

beautiful Bailey's Comet.

Just get out of astronomy?

Yep. And between classes, I have a few heavenly minutes to spend with you.

Cody, I feel your gravitational pull.

I have a customer.

I wouldn't touch that. That die will come off on your hands.

Cheap.

That's rat fur.

Well, that was odd.

I'm going to be late for class.

But we never get to see each other.

And I don't get out of here until right before curfew.

Then we'll just have to meet after curfew. But curfew is

curfew.

Curfew be darned.

Why, you wild Mustang.

No electric fence can corral you.

Or should I say...

I love this bad boy attitude.

Oh, I can be bad.

Real bad.

Can you check your forehead for my front tooth?

Sweetie, are you okay?

I am now.

I can't believe we're out here under the stars after curfew. I know.

Kiss me, Cody.

Okay.

Freeze! And keep those lips where I can see them!

Really, Zack?

That's Officer Martin to you.

You youngsters are breaking curfew. I'm gonna need to see some ID.

Just pull out your ID and look at it.

None of your lip, mister.

I need your student number for the detention slip.

I knew this was a bad idea.

I thought you liked the bad boy knee.

Save your insanity defense for court.

for detention.

Okay, don't worry. I'll take care of this.

Zack, you can't do this.

Hey, you break the rules, you pay the price.

Since when do you care about the rules?

Since I took my sacred oath of duty.

You're a hall monitor.

That's right.

That's why I'm giving you each one of these.

I can't believe after all the times I've covered for you, you bust me.

I didn't write the rules.

After 16 years, you finally read a book and it's this one?

You shouldn't have done that.

Assume the position.

No. Don't resist, sir. Oh, I'm going to resist all I want. I'm resisting.

I'm resisting.

in the dressing room. Go kick her in the shins.

Just do it.

Don't yell at me. I've had a hard day. I have detention later, my job doesn't

make any sense, and my feller's a victim of hall monitor brutality.

What's a feller?

Never mind.

Wow. That dress looks perfect on her. It sure does.

Now go tell her she looks like a ham stuffed in a tube sock.

So, what do you think?

Um, well, it...

I thought it was perfect.

I was hoping my boyfriend was going to propose tonight.

And I thought for once I found the perfect dress.

Maybe you're wrong. I'm wrong.

It's perfect on you.

He's going to propose and you're going to live happily ever after with your

fella in that dress.

Well, if you're sure, I'll just go take a note.

Wear it out. I'll have your clothes sent to your cabin.

your cabin just sign this okay never mind i'll sign it hey go go

run run run like the wind did

you just make a sale it was for a good cause

that was my favorite

Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

I clocked you doing five miles per hour in a one mile per hour zone.

Automatic detention.

Plus, you gotta go to walking school if you don't want this to affect your

insurance.

In fact, I thought we were friends.

When I put on this badge, my only friend is the law.

Bailey, let me handle this.

Is this an attempt to bribe an officer?

It wouldn't be an attempt if you took it.

Running in the hall?

Bribery?

You're in a heap of trouble, missy.

Detention room, 3 .30. Be there.

Don't worry, Bailey.

Mary will bail us out.

At the end of my shift, kind of a slow day.

If you have a busier day, we'll have to start making kids walk the plank.

Good idea.

As long as they walk, not run.

They hate your slimy guts.

Thanks. Don't hold back.

Look, Zach, when you became hall monitor, you reached new levels of

Jerkocity isn't even a word.

See? Only a jerk would point that out.

He's building an officer.

That's a detention.

You're not even on duty.

I'm undercover.

You'll never catch me, copper.

detention it is.

Tough day, little buddy?

Everybody hates me.

Yeah, it's a lonely life.

When I first got into security, I became so obsessed with enforcing the rules, I

even screamed at my grandmama for getting in the express line with more

items. I hate when people do that. Actually, it was just one can of peas,

there's hundreds of those little green suckers in there.

My point is, this is a hard job to get a handle on.

The wisecracks, people shunning you, grandmama stops sending you birthday

and chocolate -covered pork rinds.

The stress gets to you, man.

I used to have a full head of hair.

I need to go talk to Mosby.

Mr. Mosby, I can't take it anymore.

I'm resigning.

I never gave you a badge. How did you get a Boston police badge?

Long story, but you probably didn't want to. fingerprints on that? Anyway,

I'm done with hall monitoring.

Why, Zach? Why?

Because I went a little overboard and now my friends want to throw me

Zach, I can't help but notice that you tend to go to extremes, whether it's

breaking the rules or enforcing them.

Well, what can I say? I'm a passionate guy.

Well, there are other ways of convincing Mr. Akapeni of your skills besides

releasing a stink cloud.

I mean, can't you find a middle ground?

Like what?

You could just be a regular student who follows the rules.

Well, gee, that sounds boring.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

First, I have to win my friends back by getting detention.

How do you plan to do that?

I've already done it.

Oh, yes, you have.

I would have thought detention would be the only place we could spend a little

time together.

I guess we're both just prisoners of love.

No kissing in detention!

Fine.

Got another one for you, Miss Tutwiler.

It's a sad day when you find out one of your own is dirty.

Did you hear that, guys? I'm back with my peeps. No hard feelings, right?

Coffee break?

Hey,

London. What did you want to talk to me about?

Daddy found out I was using the store as my closet.

Now he's making me turn into a real store and sell these.

That's so cute. I love snow globes. I have a kettle corn one where you see a

tornado blow a bunch of cows over a truck.

Charming. Well, I mean, that's why I need you. I mean, you know all about

cheap tchotchkes.

Can I be nice to customers?

Yeah, and I need you to start right away.

Mary's terrible at the cash register.

I'm paying her way too much.