Original subtitles

Is this going to be the most fun adoption video ever made?

Okay, okay, Dom, let's be serious. Her name is Candace. She lives in

Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh.

Am I tiny? No, you look gorgeous.

You're not looking at me.

Because you always look gorgeous.

Okay? Okay.

Okay, so I'm going to say that thing about traditions, and then you will just

say something like a human. Like a normal human person?

Like a normal human. Okay, great. I can do that. Okay.

Here we go. Three, two...

I've always wanted to create tradition as a family. It's an opportunity for us

to grow as a family and grow together and gives us an opportunity to... Okay.

Sorry. What? You said opportunity twice.

Oh, shit.

I just wish we could do this in person.

I know. But there's a thousand of us and just one of her.

Okay. Here we go. Yep.

You know, we see the adoption process as an amazing opportunity to look at our

whole lives and think about how much joy our child would bring.

No, we can't say our child. What?

No, you have to say the baby or your baby. We can't just assume that it's our

child already. Oh, okay. I got it. You got it?

I'm going to do the cuts. I'd prefer if you didn't do the cuts. I'd like to.

Okay. Okay.

We see the adoption process as a wonderful opportunity to wait for a

thousands of dollars, let social workers into our home, acquiesce to an FBI

background check.

I have an idea.

I have an idea.

I'm just going to keep it loose.

Cheers. Cheers.

Please give us your baby.

Please give us your baby.

would you do anything for your child anything anything that seems a little

it's very like ominous like would you do anything for your child it's like the

beginning of like a thrill like would you do anything for your child okay this

is the one why do you want to be parents all right i just want to show this

child all the love that was shown to me to us and and let this kid know that

they have infinite potential that if they're they're kind and open -hearted

maybe even a little bit silly, that they can find joy.

We promise to do our absolute best.

And we know that choosing parents for your child is a very complicated

so we just want to thank you for considering us. Yeah.

Questa e mia moglie.

Oh, Italy's calling. Time for vacation.

Okay.

I'm ready. Okay.

Here's your itinerary. I have marked everything out, and if we follow it, it

should be perfect.

Sounds fun. Sounds distracting.

It will be. It'll be fun.

Uber's waiting.

Is your mother coming to get Axel? Yep. She should be here in about ten minutes.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Bye.

Axel, no parties.

Hi. Hello.

Baby, next time let me book the flights. Was there really nothing direct from

one family?

Hey. Oh, sorry.

This is a new podcast.

You? A podcast?

Uh -huh.

Yeah. This is a new podcast.

About?

about the restaurant we're going to for our anniversary.

Oh. Yeah, it's 50 best restaurants in the world.

Vegetarian restaurant for my vegetarian husband. Thank you. Oh, baby.

Oh, no, don't worry about it.

Who's this?

This is Beatrice.

Oh, hi, Beatrice. Hi. You're perfect.

What's this?

Rubbing elbows upon the grains.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh my god.

Is that blood?

Okay, because there's, you know, a lot of pickpockets here. Oh, my God, your

mother gets robbed one time in Russia. I know. It's a confirming... John, it's

in my front pocket. Okay, well, now everybody has seen where you're keeping

wallet. Can you smell me? I feel like I smell.

No, it's syrup. You'll blend it. Who puts raw meat in an overhead

My grandmother used to put loose sausages in her purse.

This is a bad omen.

I smell like blood.

The owner's gone.

Yes, but the memory lingers, darling.

Are you kidding?

Baby, only the best for you.

Look at this.

Oh, my God.

Seriously, thank you for doing all the planning.

You still have your wallet?

Yes. I do. You need to stop.

I... We made it.

Right? We're here. We did it. Soak it in.

I am.

It's in my front pocket. Okay, that's what I'm... I was trying to be sexy

You were not.

You were giving me a stop at first.

That's not cool.

Has she called yet?

Candace? Not yet.

Getting nervous?

No, are you getting nervous?

No. I would just like to speak to her, though, to know that she's real.

Would this be easier if we were at home?

Really? Do you want to? Because we can go home if you want to leave Italy. No,

no, no, no. I don't want to leave Italy.

I don't want to leave Italy. I want to stay here, and I want to have fun.

Because we haven't matched with her yet, so don't get too invested.

Yeah.

Yeah, and she's not even due for a few weeks, so it's like, this is perfect

timing.

Hey, yes, this is perfect timing, okay?

This is a really special moment for us. We're going to have a blast, all right?

Okay.

Love you. Love you.

I think this might be the building here.

That? Yeah.

Choco!

Choco!

Come inside.

We feed you.

Yeah? That's him.

That's your dad's best friend?

Yeah. Wow. Let's hope they have booze. So it turned out it was not the thing,

but in fact, the bidet.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

A gift.

What is this? No.

Yes, for your anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. You didn't.

Oh. Wow.

That is so thoughtful.

Oh. Oh, my gosh.

Knives. These are such a unique gift.

Your mother said he liked knives, so we thought. Kitchen knives, I think. Yeah,

dumb ones to cook. They're very good. I hope you like it because they are the

top on the top.

Yeah, I had one just like this. You got them engraved with our names on it. Look

at this, Cole Domenico. Oh, look at mine. Mine says cool.

C -O -O -L.

Cool knife.

Risotto. Oh, that smells delicious.

Oh, I don't eat meat.

Lui non ha mangiato gli animali.

Nessun intipo e liu nien. Lui è vegetariano. Sì, vegetariano.

Scusate. Thank you. Allora, così.

Ah, grazie.

Buon appetito.

You try, baby. Yeah, it's much easier on Duolingo.

Yeah, you try it, babe.

Dom, your mother told me...

About the complication your gentleman had this year with adoption fraud.

Of course she did.

What happened?

Yeah, the woman had forged all these medical records. It was awful.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. The worst part was the day after the baby shower, we found out.

And so we drove around all night returning all the gifts and telling our

that there was no baby.

No baby.

Oh, my God.

That's a nightmare.

Yeah, it's so horrible. I'm so sorry.

I was ready to quit, actually.

You were?

Yeah. We talked about it. Do you not listen to what I do? No, we talked about

waiting for a little while before we try it again.

Right. Well, then we waited longer.

Well, why don't we talk about something else? I think it's fine. I think it's

okay. They're like family.

Aren't they?

So, you know, these adoption agencies, they don't... tell you ahead of time how

often these things turn out to be scams and he was we were

inconsolable when we found out that there was no baby oh no you just want to

dads you know you mentioned maybe we could get some gelato somewhere you know

there's one okay great uh one more thing yeah treat for your universe

If you want, I can make you a special reservation, but just if you want.

Oh, well, Dom actually made plans for us for the anniversary.

Yeah, no, we can cancel if we want. Maybe.

No, Dean, because I already did it.

When you sent me the plan of your trip in Italy, I've seen that you will be in

Orvieto for your anniversary. Yes, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's magical.

Great. And this woman, the cook, you will love her and her restaurant.

Amazing.

She's special. She's not a summer chicken.

Spring chicken? Spring chicken, yeah.

Very old, Zerushan. You had to call and call to get the reservation because I

told her that you are a very big fan of her cooking and you are coming from the

United States just to visit her and she said that she will get her oven hot just

for you. Very.

Cool. Yeah, and so rare that a woman will get an oven hot for us. I know. We

haven't had that in a long time.

No, Daniele, you already paid.

Oh, no.

No, no, no. You don't need to do that. Come on. You are the only son of my best

friend. And I want for you, the trip in Italy, to be the best memory in your

life.

Grazie mille.

Shall we go? All right.

Bye. Ciao. Grazie.

This is, um... What?

This is romantic.

That's beautiful.

You rent that car, Jim! Oh!

So,

here you have the keys. Okay. My car.

Thank you.

Anything at all, any trouble, you call me. Thank you. Okay.

And be careful.

What?

Okay. Ciao.

Ciao, ciao. We will. Okay, bye. Ciao. Thank you so much. Ciao to you.

Weird that Danielle was like, be careful.

Be careful.

I didn't love that. Do you think he meant because I was driving?

Or because we are?

Again. Again.

Maybe we're in the country.

It's so beautiful, huh?

Oh, I love this song.

Toodle -oo!

You are pretty, baby.

You are pretty. Thank you.

And I'm ready for any of the old buildings.

My goodness. Ready?

Trying to pull the reins.

Hit on me.

No! Too high. Ready?

I got you. I got you.

That's where I could go. Yeah, take it, baby.

No,

it's our anniversary.

Is the room ready?

Sorry?

Sorry for what?

Roommates set up for husband and wife.

And I don't notice that you travel with your colleague.

Very embarrassed.

Colleague? It's fine.

It's fine, Tom.

Oh, my God, Tom.

Look at this view.

Yes.

You can see the intervalle, yes?

It's small, but it's... How do you say?

What happened?

I don't know.

I don't think that he was having some sort of attack.

Okay, I'm getting a 412 area code. Okay, I think it's Candace. It's her. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Chairs. Okay. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

All right, so we just need to make this as great as possible. She has to love

us. We have to be very cool and very normal. So be normal. I am being normal.

Hey. Be cool and normal. Be cool and normal. Great.

Hi.

Hi.

Is this Colin Dom?

Hello. Yes, hi.

It's so great to meet you, Candace.

I'm sorry that it's taken me a bit. It's just there's a lot to manage with

work and night school and obviously the pregnancy.

Don't worry, but we completely understand. I get so nervous and

I'm excited.

You're real.

Can we see your belly?

Yeah, this pregnancy is very real.

Wow. How do you feel? I'm good.

I don't have a lot of support, but it's a really hard decision to make.

I can't imagine.

I know that I can't give this baby anything close to what it deserves or

want for it.

It's just been a really hard and good choice.

Yeah, well, you're really brave.

I really like your video. Oh.

You seem fun.

Totally. Yeah, no, I mean, but caring, but also fun. Like, you'd be fun to add.

Totally fun.

Super fun to add, but also organized.

Okay, dumb.

Do you think you could tell me why, you know, why you want to have kids

together? Well, we both always wanted kids. That was always the dream. But we

knew if we just, like, stayed focused and really kept our eye on what we

wanted, which was a family, that we could make that happen. And when I look

him, I'm just very sure.

So thank you for reminding me to look.

I feel the same way.

Well, I've already talked to a few families, and I didn't feel like any of

them were quite right.

You know, like my mom always said before, she always says, like, Candace,

your gut. And honestly, like, I have this gut instinct that it's the two of

What?

I think that you should be the father to this little baby boy.

Wait. Oh, my God. Really?

Yeah.

Holy shit, yeah, right?

You guys are everything I've imagined, really.

Are you serious?

Really, yeah. I mean, please don't bail on me.

No. No.

We promised.

No, we were not going to bail. And he's a boy.

He's a boy.

He's a baby boy. He's a big old baby boy.

We're having a boy.

I know you guys have waited a really long time.

It's been like three years, I guess.

It must have been really hard.

But worth the wait. Well, you're not going to be waiting that much longer

because he's due in less than a month, so. Oh.

He's actually kicking my bladder right now.

Oh. I'm actually going to call you guys back.

I'm just going to need a little.

Call us whenever.

Yeah, and we're always here for you. Anything you need, for real, anything.

Thank you, guys. This is so good. Okay, bye.

Is it

happening?

It's really, it's real. Like, we're going to have to.

We're going to have to, like, do this now, right? Yeah. Right?

Finally.

After all those years of trying and getting close and then... It's been

hard, right?

It has been really hard, but... Maybe we haven't been, like... Like... No, we

haven't.

We haven't been connecting.

And I'm really sorry.

Sorry that I haven't always...

But I really want to do this with you.

I do too.

We can do this together, okay?

Yes. You're my teammate. You're my colleague. You're my colleague.

You're going to be such a good dad.

Would I be?

Right. I mean, I think you would. No, no, no, make a right. Right here. No,

right. Turn.

Well, this doesn't feel right. I know, but it's a farmhouse, so.

This cannot be correct.

It's a mile that way.

Really? This is the way to a restaurant?

Yes, the restaurant is also her farmhouse. I'm just telling you. Why are

being this way?

I'm sorry.

Being what way? That you don't trust me. I do trust you. I just also trust my

eyes. Okay.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, just, um... Okay, hold on. Yeah, just back it up.

Oh, shit.

Okay. Okay, wait. Hold on.

Just... Okay, hold on. Here.

Cold. Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold. It's all good. Just don't panic.

I can get help.

Yeah, because I'm sure AAA is on standby for two faggy tourists.

I will walk to the restaurant. Do you really think there's a restaurant

around here?

Let me be your knight in shining armor.

It's not that way.

You think?

So I'm going to go around back and I'm going to take a look, okay?

What do you think he's going to do?

So I'm just getting this tire dug out.

Okay, grab down on the accelerator.

Okay.

Mike and Mike.

Okay, thank you.

Okay.

Hi.

So, it turns out if you walk for a half an hour in the rain, it cleans you right

up. Yeah, great.

So I made a phone call. Mm -hmm.

Called my mom.

Hello. Just to get some ideas.

Of course you did.

And she suggested calling Danny L .A., which I did.

He is called Triple A, and they are in route.

Fun fact, here in Italy, Triple A is called Triple A.

Fuck off.

See, this is kind of funny, right?

We can't even get to dinner.

How are we supposed to raise a child?

Yeah, come on, come on, come on.

Yeah, hi. Come, come, come, come.

Oh, oh, wake up.

Oh, God.

Is that Triple R?

I think so.

Yes. Hello.

Hi. How the fuck did he find us? Are you here to help?

Thank you for coming out, especially in this weather.

I'm in the county.

Hey. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait, stop.

Yeah, he told me to do that. He tried that.

Yeah,

it's

pretty bad, right?

I think he's here to help.

Help us what?

We're not getting any better offers right now.

Okay?

It's an adventure.

You know,

it's really hard to get this car in forest green in the U .S.

Sorry,

where are you taking us?

Do you speak any English?

We're staying at the hotel La Spigarella.

God damn it. What?

I left my phone in the car.

What?

All right, we'll be back there soon.

I'll hold on to the keys.

Thank you.

What is going on?

I don't know.

Where is he going?

Okay,

yeah, don't look. Oh, my God. Cole, don't look. Cole, look at me. Hey, hey,

Yeah, I know. Hey, look at me.

There's no room for everyone up here.

Either him or you.

But I didn't choose you.

I'll have to go back and get him, though.

Don't waste the meat.

40.

Uh, can we make a phone call?

40.

Excuse me?

Oh,

that's... Oh, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, hey!

Excuse me!

What the fuck? Hey, where's Goodway going?

So this isn't his house?

No. What the fuck?

Well... Maybe on the bright side, we can just say he didn't shoot us.

What?

Oh, you... Happy anniversary.

Oh!

What are you doing?

I'm checking to see if anybody's home so we can go inside and make a phone call.

Get the fuck out of here.

We're sorry to bother you, but a man just dropped us off. Our car

got stuck.

I don't want to go.

I don't want to watch it. I don't want to watch it.

A phone.

A phone.

What the fuck is going on? I don't know.

I just gave my phone to a blind woman.

of goats. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Of course.

She's Zia Luciana.

This is the restaurant.

She's Zia Luciana. Hold on. Hold on. This is the restaurant we're supposed to

at? Yeah.

And he only said it was authentic.

It's erotic.

Ah. Ah.

You're Zia Luciana.

Si. You are her, she is you.

Thank you. It was delicious.

Grazie.

Grazie.

Manciate.

Okay. All right. Manciate.

Wow.

Oh, this is really delicious. And you doubted Daniele.

I did, but this is between me and the pizza now. It's so sweet. I mean, they

really set us up. They set us up.

Vino. Yes.

I know what that word means. It's like a whole case if you got it.

I don't know.

I think she wants it.

To our new family.

That means to love.

Yep.

I think she wants us to do it. Sure. Okay.

No, did you see her face when we kissed?

I mean, she asked us to kiss, and then she was disgusted by it.

She's like 2 ,000 years old.

Daniella told me she makes wine the old -fashioned way.

Old -fashioned? Yeah.

She stomps the grapes with little tootsies.

She stomps the grapes.

their 80 -year -old feet. Don't you worry. All the foot fungus is removed

the fermentation process.

So we almost died on our anniversary for foot wine.

And for that, I love you very much.

Are you already a little drunk?

Maybe.

I'm sorry I freaked out. I shouldn't have done that. Hey, I don't mind.

I kind of like it when you panic.

You like it when I panic?

Yeah, it makes me feel like you need me.

Baby, I do need you.

You're going to be a great dad, Cole.

I was beginning to think that maybe... We would never be dads?

No, that we would die here.

Stallone in a rental car.

What are you going on like that?

We're going to figure it out. We always do.

Wow.

Like a work of art.

That's all you, baby.

Holy shit, this sausage is legendary.

Put some on your plate.

You don't understand. There's nothing more, no act of violence more traumatic

for her than you not eating her food.

I haven't eaten meat in 15 years.

It looks delicious.

You didn't have to take that big of a bite.

Delicious.

Delicious.

Quando Giovanni è morto, è come se fossi morto pure io.

E io gli ho voluto un pene con tutto il mio cuore.

Quando Giovanni è morto, chiuso il ristorante, non avevo più voglia di

Mi volevo lasciare tutto alle spalle.

Mi ero arresa.

E poi vedi com 'è strana la vita.

Mi chiama Daniele e mi dice che voi volete venire a mangiare qua da me.

E io mi sono sentita, non lo so come, felice forse.

E oggi ho ripreso a cucinare e ho ritrovato me stessa.

Io festeggio Giovanni festeggiando voi.

Ma poi perché io vi dico tutto questo che voi nemmeno mi capite?

Che tu...

You look a lot like Giovanni.

Do you want some more?

To get

some fresh air, have another glass of wine.

I'll be right back.

I hope it's fine to see someone so passionate about their food. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm

-hmm.

Oh, wash my hands from all the... Okay, thank you. Oh, it's very hot.

Nice. Oh, thank you.

Grazie. Prego.

Okay. Oh.

Okay, okay, okay.

Grazie.

Okay?

Yeah? Bravo.

Dan!

Te la lavo. Ah.

Okay.

Ti do una camicia di Giovanni, di mio figlio.

And then you have the same size.

This is for your husband.

She immediately came back with a clean shirt.

Hello.

Um...

Good

evening.

Oh, no.

Fuck, what's going on here?

Uh... She took my shirt.

She undressed you?

Making me feel weird.

Maybe it is weird.

I was dirty.

Hey, what is going on?

I think she's getting me a new shirt.

Okay, well, that's weird, too. I know.

There is a very, very old... It doesn't matter.

It's late.

I'm tired. I don't feel well. Let's just go and cuddle. Yeah, I like that idea.

Okay, okay.

Oh, here she comes.

See you, Luciana.

We are very tired.

We're very tired.

And we would like to go home. So can we use your phone?

Your phone?

Ah, il telefono.

Venite, venite.

Maybe my phone's charged now, too.

Venite, venite.

It's amazing, the kitchen.

It's a pizza oven.

Tom? Yeah?

What is Daniele's number?

Uh, three, four, seven, six.

Johnny!

Dom, let's just get out of here, okay?

I can't see a fucking thing.

Does she have a generator?

Well, how the fuck would I know that?

I'm just going to go look for Magic.

Johnny, don't worry.

Go and see what happened to the accountant.

Oh my god, she just

jumped out at me. And she just, what are we going to do?

Hey, Cole, just breathe.

Just breathe.

Okay.

Zia?

Your phone doesn't work. Use the house phone. House phone. Call 911.

911. 911.

911.

Shit.

Fuck.

Thea?

Thea?

Is she dead?

Call the fucking ambulance.

It's not working.

911 is different in Italy.

It doesn't matter because there's no power.

Is she breathing?

She's not moving.

Oh, my God.

What do we do?

CPR. What? We can do CPR. We took the class. That was CPR for infants. I know,

so this should be easier.

I can't do it. I can't either.

I wasn't paying attention.

You weren't paying attention in CPR for infants and we were about to have an

infant? I was going to watch it again when we had the baby.

Is this because you didn't think we were going to have that baby?

Wow.

You do it.

Cracked her ribs.

I hurt her?

No.

How? Well, because she's already... We can go for help. Yes, yes. Okay.

Stay here.

Fuck! What do we do?

Accidents happen, right? Right.

Right? Okay, so we didn't do anything wrong.

And that's what we'll tell them.

Tell who? The cops or the ambulance. I don't know.

You want to tell the police and our perfect Italian that we accidentally

an old woman down a flight of stairs and then cracked her ribs trying to revive

her? I wouldn't phrase it exactly like that. How would you phrase it, Tom? I

would say something like, we're two hapless tourists who, you know, fuck me.

We got stuck in a ditch.

And we met a very sweet old woman who, like so many other sweet old women, fell

down a... The flight of stairs while we were in the other room.

There.

That's what I would say.

What about the broken ribs?

Accidents happen.

Oh, God.

What is that? It's a car. Someone's coming. Who?

I don't know. Your mother? No, she's still in California. She couldn't have

gotten here that quickly.

What are we going to do? I'm going to go handle it. You go watch her.

Watch her what? Die more? Yeah.

Give me keys.

I'm sorry, did you say you want me to give you a kiss?

Give me keys.

Oh, keys.

Our keys. You want our car keys.

Are you Triple A?

I think.

Oh, God.

Cole? What the fuck was that? Jesus!

Hiding in a manger?

Yes!

It was some man.

I gave him our keys.

You gave him our keys? Yes, I had no choice. You had no choice?

Yes, very forcefully. Oh my God.

Oh my God, great.

Okay, here's what we're going to do.

We're going to take her car.

We're going to go find our car.

And then we're going to drive to Rome and be there by morning. We're just

to leave her down here?

I'm gonna find her eventually.

And you're okay with that? I can get okay with that. Can't you just leave her

a basement?

We have to take her to a hospital. She's dead.

Okay, fine.

I'll move her.

Oh, fucking hell.

Okay, on three.

Okay. One, two, three.

Oh, God.

Was that her neck? Fucking old lady bones.

Baby, let's go.

Okay. Ready? Yep.

Cradle her head.

One, two.

Yeah, baby. I know. I know. Okay.

Okay. I need to put her down. Where?

On the floor. The floor is dirty.

Okay. On the table.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Oh.

Hold her. Oh, God.

Hurry up.

I don't want to break her stemware.

Okay. All right. Ready?

Yep. Okay. Just come here, Zia.

There we go, Zia. There we go, bitch.

There we go.

Okay. Slide her down.

You gotta quit breaking her bones, man. I'm breaking her bones.

God. Okay, we need to find her car keys. Okay.

Okay. By the door. By the door, I think. Okay, okay.

Okay,

I got them. Okay.

We're not bad people.

We're supposed to be on our anniversary for fuck's sake.

Okay, Dom.

Don't freak out. If you freak out, then I freak out, okay?

Just go call someone.

Okay. Okay.

The phone.

Call the phone.

Dom?

Are we sure that's a good idea?

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

She had Jesus Christ in her life. And it was a long life and a beautiful life,

but it is over now.

Okay? And I will not risk my hours, our family's life, because she tumbled down

a flight of stairs.

Okay. Tom, just don't yell at me right now. Look.

A lost rental car? We can handle that. That's just some insurance bullshit.

But a dead body?

We have a child coming, and we cannot get involved in all of this and

our child's future.

Yes, you are right.

Fuck!

What are you doing? Getting rid of the evidence.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Pull you out like a little beach.

Are those?

Yes, these are our car keys, because this is the man who took our keys.

Thank you.

It was nothing.

Well, how did you get it out? It was really stuck. I mean, we didn't even

how to use it.

Why would you know how to?

You're from Sydney, no? You don't know dirt?

I would allow, but you will not be in this situation again, right?

Right.

I apologize for earlier. My attitude

was not correct.

Pietro? Was so mad you blocked the road to his farm. Oh, we're so sorry about

that. I don't mind. Well, just so tired.

Was out hunting all day.

And was in the middle of sex when I get a call to come. So I come, and then I

come.

We're sorry about that, too.

Just been a very long time.

I knew how important it was for my mother.

to have you here tonight your mother see when she say massimo come and relieve

this man i know i must come and mama mama okay okay and she's

uh so excited you give her a

new life before this she not even wanting

to cook ever again but when she found out She had a fun.

And then you come so far to eat her. Sorry?

Eat with her?

See, this is my English.

Our Italian.

You really bring her back to life.

This the woman I know, you know.

So, many thank yous to yous.

A toast.

Ma, por la grappa.

She's a dev.

You know what?

We're driving, so we probably shouldn't drink. And we should probably be going.

No. No.

Massimo.

Si? There's something we need to tell you. Dumb.

Your mother? Dumb.

Si?

She, uh, makes the best pizza we've ever tasted in our entire lives.

Well.

Well. It's good.

I tell to you, she live for this night.

For you to care about her cooking.

Is more the case now that my brother Giovanni

is dying.

He's gone.

Sorry. Yes, and my father, he had a

common stroke when my brother died.

Now he's on iron lung, six months.

I say too much. We drink. I find some grappa. You like? You will like.

You no go till we drink together.

Okay.

Let's go now.

Open up. Open it.

You open it. I don't have the key. Oh, wait.

I don't.

Okay. I do. I have the key.

But I do not have the phone. Who opened your phone? I'm going in. Hi.

Hi. Sorry to jump you. Oh, no.

Francesca. Uh -huh.

Oh,

okay.

You Finnish?

No, we're American.

No, finish with the dinner.

Uh, yeah. Uh -huh. I know who you... You do?

She did.

Uh -huh.

Okay. Everything?

Yeah,

yeah, we gotta go.

Yeah, in fact, I gotta go get my phone. Yeah, grab your phone. Yeah,

we're just gonna... We'll be on our way.

Another. Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

You are wet.

Uh, yeah.

Where do you go?

Just coming to get my phone. Your mom was charging it for me.

That is, uh... This, uh...

It is, uh... This is my...

It's my brother's shirt.

Giovanni. Yeah. I buy for him. Yeah. I know this. Your mom. How you get?

Your mom, my shirt was muddy, and so your mom... Mama give you this.

Yeah. Mama give you shirt of my brother.

Yeah, she give me ticket to Washington.

No,

no, no.

Too soon.

Giovanni only die a little bit ago.

I can give you back the shirt. I really don't...

Me to keep it Giovanni he was like you

he again She always wanted to be happy and make

husband and family but He's not go like this

Zero the not to do don't

She's deaf, yeah.

I'm going to get the phone and then I'm going to come.

You two, uh, welcome or, uh, need this?

Drink with me. It's just that my husband's outside. He's waiting for me.

out. Sit.

We were just trying to drive back to the city tonight. We weren't thinking it

was going to be a big late night, so... No grappa.

No liva.

Thank you

so much.

Really nice of you. I should really go.

Oh, no,

just Bella.

Oh.

Oh,

a rain.

A rain. Yeah.

Massimo, I'm really sorry for wearing your brother's shirt. I'd like to return

it.

You're going to be dead.

What?

Dead. You're going to be dead. No!

Dead? You're so wonderful.

You're going to be dead. I don't want to be dead.

Yeah, I got to go find out.

Or she hides.

Or in there.

In there, under the table. No, no, no.

She's not in there.

No, because I was in there. I would have seen her.

So she's not in there.

Definitely not under the table.

Okay. Well, see ya.

Bye.

We celebrate.

I take head off. No, please don't take the head off. You're going to be dead. I

don't want to be dead. Why not? He's great. It happens when it happens.

going to be dead.

Fuck. He's pathetic.

Come here. You're going to be dead.

Go!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Cole, you stabbed him? Well, he was gonna... I just needed to...

Sorry.

Why you treat me like

town whores?

I come to say, you're going to be dead.

Why? No.

Sorry. Sorry.

I was trying to protect you. I was trying to protect you. God. Are you

I'm fine. I'm just scared.

Okay. Oh, God.

Is he? I don't know.

Okay, here we go. Okay, flip him.

Oh, God, there's so much blood.

Oh, there's so much blood. It was an accident, right? It was self -defense.

He was going to kill you. He was going to stab you with that knife.

And then he was going to drink that champagne.

Oh, God. This is all your fault.

You planned this trip and now two people are dead. We killed two people. We're

going to go to jail. No, we're Americans.

They can't.

Holy shit. He's not dead.

He's alive.

What do we do?

We can save him. What? We can do CPR.

No. Yes.

Spicey Mouse, stay with us.

We're going to do CPR.

You got to do the mouth part. Me?

Yes, you do the mouth part. You did it for Zia. Look how well it went.

I can't do it. I've got a deviated septum. I can't get any power behind it.

Come on, baby. You got this. God. No blood -borne pathogens. No blood -borne

pathogens. Oh, God.

Oh,

God. Go ahead. Go ahead.

We've saved him.

Massimo, this is all just a full -blown miscommunication, okay?

Just stay with us.

Oh, good. They're there.

There we go. Stay with us. What do we do now?

I'm dottore.

What?

Dottore.

Dottore. Dottore, he needs a doctor. Yes, Massimo, a doctor is on the way.

What?

He doesn't know. We've got to stay positive right now.

Okay.

He's starting to kick in. You sound great, baby. Okay.

Get the phone. Get the phone. Okay.

Okay.

You're doing great.

Okay.

Mindy, it's Candace. What?

We have to get it. I know. Where?

There. Okay, right here. Okay.

Okay.

Baby, James is covered in blood. Baby, you're totally covered in blood. Okay.

Clean this up. Okay.

Okay.

What's my hair doing? Baby.

Okay. Ready?

Hey!

Hi, guys. There you are.

Hi. Hi.

Yeah, oh, are you okay? Are you in the hospital? I am. I'm just, uh, I'm just,

uh, where are you guys?

Oh, we're just having a very, uh, just relaxed dinner at home. Oh, pizza night.

Oh. Um, can you just... Excuse me, one quick second.

So, what's going on with you?

I'm sorry. I really need you to just keep it down for one quick second. This

a really important phone call, okay?

Okay, stay with me.

I've been trying to get a hold of you because the baby's coming.

What?

Yeah, yeah, I guess he maybe heard your voice and decided that it was time

because my water broke after I spoke to you guys, so I'm in the hospital.

My sister's been trying to reach you guys, so you probably have a bunch of

missed calls. We're so sorry about that. We're really sorry. No, everything is

totally fine. I know, it's okay. I was, like, really anxious, and I thought

something had maybe happened to you guys, so... No, no, no. No, nothing out

the ordinary.

No.

That's a relief.

Yeah, I didn't want to be panicked while I was going into labor.

No, we don't want that.

He's dead.

He's dead. Our phone died.

But now they're charged.

And we're here. And how is the birthing going?

How are you feeling?

Good. Everything's good. I'm five centimeters dilated. And the doctor says

baby's heartbeat is very, very strong. Okay. And I'm good.

He just really wants out.

This is just like all just so much, right? Yeah. Well, we will pull

together here.

We'll get to the airport.

I'm so glad I got you guys. I'm so glad. Well, we are too. Yeah. We will see you

very, very soon. Yeah. The doctor's coming in real quick. I'm going to call

guys back, okay?

Oh, go. Go, go.

Yeah. Bye.

I don't know. I feel like I'm gonna pass out.

No.

Whatever happens, I love you so much.

I love you too.

Now we need to go.

We need to go to the airport right now. Yes.

Let's go.

We killed him twice.

We saved him once. I know.

CPR, it's a hoax.

It never works.

He was going to kill us. As soon as he touched that mummy, he was going to kill

us for sure.

We were holding our ground.

Exactly. And we are the only two people who know what happened.

Does that seem like we committed a crime? Yes.

That's why we need to go get our son right now. Yes.

Let's go.

Okay. I'll get the key.

Francesca, this whole thing is just a real misunderstanding.

We could just explain that, uh,

we're good guys, and, um,

we just got a chance to, uh, to maybe talk this through.

was in the kitchen and she fell down some stairs.

And I swear we were trying to revive her.

And Massimo, well, Massimo was trying to kill my husband.

So I had to do something.

It was self -defense.

I just want to talk to you.

Cole!

and then the goat. So I did that and it's like she hit the car. It was an

accident.

Oh, God.

This has to be the last one. Absolutely.

I don't want to do this anymore. No, it can't be like a thing we start doing in

L .A.

Yeah. She called me a fag. What? Yeah.

Gross. Five times.

Toxic.

Are you okay?

I mean, I've been better.

Let's throw her in the truck.

Okay. I feel like we would have been friends with them.

Okay. All right. Here we go.

Okay.

Well, we can't leave them like this.

Then how are we supposed to, you know, leave them?

Do you think they have any trash bags?

Okay Sorry guys

Dom?

Yeah?

Come here for a second

I have an idea.

It's for our family.

Okay.

Oh, God.

I can't. Oh,

God, he's a big boy.

Here we go.

Ready?

That wasn't you.

Okay, CPR works.

Baby, good job. All right, you too. Okay, here we go.

Okay.

Here we go.

Here, put these on.

The best I could find.

Wait, that's what you're wearing? Yeah.

Oh.

Okay,

I got it. I got the rest. Okay.

On our way to the airport.

See you soon.

Can you put your seatbelt on? I will in a minute.

We've had enough accidents today.

I just want to get out onto the road. Can you just put the seatbelt on? Oh,

right.

Oh, fuck.

What? Oh, Dom. What? I forgot about the old man.

What old man?

His husband, his iron lung that was going to tell you that we started

people. Oh, it's Candace.

She said, I knew you could do it. Hurry.

Hey,

would you put your seatbelt on? Come on. It's not just put on your seatbelt.

Is she crazy?

She's close.

Like her husband?

Yes.

Chief!

I'm a horse.

A human horse.

Testimony.

He's dead.

He's dead by calling us Froci. It seems so.

Don't say a fucking word, you don't have to say a word.

I don't know.

Look.

The murder weapon. It's a dick.

A dick?

No, it's not a dick, it's a fucking murder weapon. Show some respect.

It's a dick, look at the knife.

Ah, a dick.

You could have said it right away.

Now we can retrace it.

Let's go find that son of a bitch.

Just walk past. But don't run. We're not running, but we're at the airport.

We're allowed to be in a bit of a hurry.

Let me do the talking. Yeah, of course.

Hi, can we have two tickets to Pittsburgh, please?

I have two first class tickets connecting through Charlotte, departing

We'll take them. Great.

Baby.

Caught myself shivering.

Accidents happen.

You have no idea.

The first ones to close the doors. Hurry up guys, let's go!

Have you enjoyed Italy? Yeah, it was great. The pizza was great. It's all

Domenico Colosimo, stop!

I got you.

I'll take the fall.

You take our baby. Okay.

Americano, you think you live in the country?

I'm glad I caught you just in time.

It's just an accident. An accident happened.

We didn't mean to do anything.

Whatever it be, big problem.

You left your passport.

Oh, you idiot.

It'd be pretty hard to come back in the United States without it. Thank you.

Grazie mille.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Six of you to return my passport. Okay, thank you. Come on.

Enjoy your flight.

Thank you.

Bye -bye.

Are you really going to leave me here? It would be a sacrifice for me too.

What's the room number? I don't... I think it was like 402 or... Hello, we're

Dom and Cole. We're looking for Candace. Yeah, they will have a 401.

Okay, thank you. Thank you.

How are you?

We're sorry we're late. It's okay. I'm at the point where everything is... It's

okay.

And this is your boy.

Do you want to go again? I can't.

I slept.

We just fell asleep.

Hi.

Oh,

hi, guys.

Oh, he's awake.

Hi.

Wow. Just like that.

There it is.

He's your son.

He is.

Do you want to hear the story?

No.

Thank you.

So, what did you think of the name?

Um, yes.

It's Giovanni.

Okay, ready? And here we go.

Okay, take three.

Let's try to act a little more normal on this one.

Here we go. It's just harder than I remember it being. I agree. Okay.

All right, why do you want another child?

Why do we want another child? Because we want to give your child a great life

and hopefully have another exciting life experience.

Yeah, because raising a kid is fun.

Um, talk about the experience of picking up your first child from the hospital.

Let's skip that one.

We'll skip that one for now? Yeah.

I can still hear her head hitting the rock. Okay.

Why don't we call, uh, Dr. Marcy, and we'll get a... Goat session, of course.

That's probably a good idea.

I'm gonna get a percadam.

How do you think those goats are?

They're alive, right?

Bella's still alive.

Okay, what have you learned by becoming a parent?

That we would do anything for him.

Anything.

Okay, I think we did it. I think we killed him.

Oh, oh, okay.

Okay, we'll cut there. Gio, come on. Hey, buddy, don't lift the camera.

Okay, here we go.

Gio, how many dadas do you have?

Yeah.