Original subtitles

Coming up next, we have brand new young Dracula, and today the Count has turned

Garside into a vampire -themed hotel. Imagine that!

Check it out! Bye -bye!

I hope you've enjoyed your stay.

What were you saying, sorry?

All right, then.

Anyway, I imagine that would be quite a convenient thing to do for a vampire,

because in that way, your guests will have no idea that you were a blood

-sucking creature of the night. You can just pounce on them.

It's not funny, Yonko. You made my blood boil.

Yes, it's dinner time.

I heard somebody mention boiled bloody.

No, no, no, it's not dinner time. You only pay for bed and breakfast. The

didn't include an evening meal.

Really? I thought I went full board.

Could you look in your magic box of secrets, please?

It's called a laptop.

Why is all Dracula dangling from our ceiling?

No, definitely just bed and breakfast. Sorry.

But I'm sure I paid for the evening meal itself.

You didn't! Okay.

Keep your teeth in.

Come on.

I

think I

know what's happening here.

You copied the Count's idea and turned the CBBC office into a hotel for

vampires. Exactly.

Good work.

See you next time. Bye. See you soon.

You're on business, I imagine?

Why do you guys always check out so late?

Well, they can't check out in the morning, can they, Chris? Everything's

eh? I'm surprised you know that bigger word, really.

Never mind.

Time, though, for brand new Young Dracula.

Oh, come here. I love this show. Let me watch it with me eyes.

That here.

Family in the old country have turned their house into a vampire -themed

Well, it's the perfect scam.

They're getting an endless supply of breathers, and the corpses never

Thank you very much.

Wait a minute.

We could do that here.

No, no, no, no.

We could turn the empty classrooms into bedrooms, each with their own en -chic

bathroom. Oh, could I book into the honeymoon suite?

I could wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something

blue like the veins on my neck.

Oh, fighty, fighty, fighty.

You'll be doing reception and room service and laundry, basically.

You'll be doing everything.

Yeah, now I might be trying. All those in favour of getting caught running an

illegal breather biting hotel and turned to dust, raise your right hand.

Keeping this empty frown running is draining me dry.

It's only fair I should do the same to others.

Don't worry, Dad. When I'm head of the Vampire High Council, that'll be the

first law that I change.

I'm talking of pure fiction.

Perhaps you could try your hand at writing the brochure.

I'll have you know that tonight I'll be attending the Council Networking

Weekend. The first woman ever to be invited.

Well, somebody's got to pour the dreams.

Hmm.

Why would someone who doesn't own a computer be carrying a memory stick?

Oh, is that what that is?

I found it in the street, thought it was pretty.

Oh, so you don't mind that all the data's been lost now that it's been

the wash?

Why would I care?

Hmm.

I want to see Mum.

Will you help me find her? No, I'd stay away from her. She'll be trying to steal

money off you like the last time. Not Magda, my human mum, Sally.

The mother no one is supposed to know about ever.

End of conversation.

I know you said it'd be dangerous for her to make contact, but I need to meet

her. Forget about the danger to her. What about the danger to me?

Do you know what the Vampire High Council will do if they find out I...

If they find out I had a baby with a breather... Dad, it's... No, no, no, but

seriously, do you know what they'll do?

I know for a crime this big it's execution, but by what method, hmm?

Sunlight garlic stick?

A steak made of garlic in the sunlight? She's my mum.

I want to know where I came from. Right here.

You're 99 % me, minimum.

So you're not going to help me find her? Oh, Paddy, forget about her, please.

I'm sure she's forgotten about you.

Where are you now, Sally Giles?

Keys.

Oh, God.

Where did you put them?

George! Have you seen the car keys?

I can't be late for my sculpture class. I'm teaching them welding tonight.

Oh.

It's okay. I found the spare set.

This could be the reception area.

Front desk here.

Cobwebs there.

I don't know.

Scary portraits of Aunt Blisselburst everywhere. And voila!

One vampire -themed hotel.

Perhaps I should bite the guests as they sign in. You know, that way we wouldn't

even need the bedrooms.

But you do get peckish in the middle of the night, Master. Good point. Good

point.

Let's fill the place up and make it all inclusive.

With a 24 -hour all -you -can -eat buffet.

Are you planning a special discount with players? Because I predict I block

booking. No, no, no. If we tell the breeders we're vampires, they book in

get bitten, then they've only got themselves to blame.

People come to hotels to be pampered, not punctured.

They get value for money.

What else can they book in for a weekend and get immortality for free?

Just can't hope.

Right. We have a hotel to build, and when I say we, I mean you. Goodbye.

Oh, yes.

I thought you'd like to know that I found Sally.

What, what, what?

You know where she lives. No, but I'm getting closer.

Until you are 18, you must do what I say. Now stay away from that woman!

You're gonna get me dusted, Vlad!

I think you're going to do that all by yourself.

Someone's been busy.

What? It's just an old PC.

There's enough tech here to launch World War III.

I wouldn't know. I only use it for email.

And researching members of the High Council.

There's no harm in knowing who you're working with.

Harm being the key word.

Don't worry.

I'll delete your search history when I'm finished.

Back off!

Nobody touches my gear.

Does Dad know you've got this?

Just be careful you don't download any viruses.

I thought you liked things that spread misery and destruction.

I don't know what you're talking about. Hmm.

Okay, let the lying begin.

Dear Gallop, we are opening Hotel Dupont.

and would like you to come stay this weekend to discuss

making a sculpture for us.

Kind regards, Vladimir.

Renfield, you're supposed to be making the staircase look scary. Your face is

already terrifying enough.

Have a nice weekend. I know I will.

I'll give you regards to Morgan and the rest of the council.

Oh, yes. You can do that when you hand them their name badges.

You're just like this place.

Old school and in need of updating.

Bye.

You know, maybe this...

A hotel.

Wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Well, thank you for your ringing endorsement.

What's changed your tune?

No reason. Just want to help.

Maybe I can manage the bookings.

Splendid, splendid.

Just be sure to charge extra for use of the health spa.

Health spa? Yes, yes.

They give a neck massage and free acupuncture.

You know what this hallway could really do with?

Vladimir, this is a hotel, not a gallery.

The other books about our guests would be admiring.

If you put a scary sculpture here, you'll get the guests' blood pumping

they retire to their rooms.

Permanently.

What a neat idea. Well done, Vladdy. Maybe some kind of gargoyle. Or teeth

tongues and twisted features. I know just the sculptor we can hire.

Do you want me to invite her over? Yes, yes, by all means. Let's get started.

And I know just the face.

She can model it on.

Well,

this better be worth it.

I hate being awake in the middle of the day, and I'm famished.

One of the first guests arriving.

Any minute now.

Do you think this room looks scary enough? Oh.

It's mine.

Take that as a yes.

I don't know why you're going to all this trouble.

I'm going to bite them before they have time to unpack.

You can't.

This room is for the sculptor I was telling you about.

When? She's going for the weekend and we need her alive.

But the whole weekend.

I can't believe she said yes.

She sounds desperate.

It's probably the first offer of work she's had in months. Make sure she pays

front. I said she could stay for free.

We are running a hotel, not a charity.

I want blood and banknotes. Oh, please tell me the other rooms are full of

paying victims. Oh, yes.

Well, no one else is actually coming.

No one.

Vladimir, your fledgling career in hotel marketing is hanging by a thread,

snippety -sniff.

I've got a confession to make.

You might want to sit down for this.

No, I'll stand.

I fight better on my feet.

The sculptor is called Sally.

This wouldn't be the Sally we agreed never to talk about.

The Sally I gave strict instructions for you not to contact. The secret Sally no

one must know is your breather mother or I'll be toast, Sally.

I knew you were a half -breather.

But I never thought your mum would be able to... Hang on.

If the county dad and you're our breather, then of course your mum had to

breather, didn't she? Oh, got it now, yeah.

Oh, that's a nice little founder, isn't it?

He must be very excited indeed.

This feels like a family moment.

Relax, Dad.

I'm not going to tell her who I am.

Do you want to spend a weekend with her?

How can that do?

A lot can happen in a weekend. You happened in a weekend.

Ingrid's away.

No one will even know she was here.

Look, you're playing with fire and it's me who's going to get burned.

You're risking my life and for what? For a chance to meet my mum.

What if she sees me? It was 18 years ago at a goth festival in Whitby. She

probably won't even recognise you. Please, no one forgets this.

Face. She's probably still single and it'll be one day I walk back into her

life. That'll be why she's booked in with George.

George.

He sounds very dull.

He sounds like he stuck around for longer than a weekend and didn't

adopt the child they had together without telling her.

Look, she didn't know you were a vampire. I was doing it for her own

Oh, you're all heart.

Yes, yes I am. And I wanted to stay that way, so cancel her visit.

She's not stepping one foot inside this hotel.

Too late.

You

must

be Sally.

Oh, Vladimir.

Call me Vlad.

I really love your vampire hotel.

Is it the energy here?

Perfect for one of my pieces.

Oh, or have I got paint on my face?

Do you know, I'm always doing that.

Giving bits of clay in my hair.

It's an occupational hazard.

No, it's okay.

We were hoping you could design something for us here, at the bottom of

stairs.

What an inspiring space.

Now, it needs to be a work that really captures the...

Crepid beauty of the place.

That smell of damp and decay is so authentic.

Cheek.

Shall I sign you in? Is George parking the car?

No, George can't drive yet. George sounds like an incompetent fool, but

I've forgotten what a fox she is.

This is my daughter, Georgina.

Mum. No, except I'm not allowed to call her that.

George, this is Vlad.

Hey, can I meet you, Georgina? I mean, George.

Vlad! Great name.

Very vampiric.

What's your real name?

Flood. Oh, staying in character. I like it. Are you a vampire?

Yes. Do you sleep in a coffin?

Yeah, yeah.

Can I see your fangs?

Yes, but then I would have to bite you.

Oh, you're good.

But I'm going to catch you out. Lucy, Peter, Pat, the last thing we need. They

have to leave.

Here's your room key. Ooh.

I wish you were staying here for a week. By the time I'm finished, you'll be so

scared you won't stay the night.

What was that?

That was, uh, Count Dracula.

Yes, he moves very fast.

No, no, no, no. Seriously, I just felt something rush past me. Is this place

haunted? Mum, they're just special effects.

Air cannon mounted in the ceiling.

Renfield will show you to your room.

Please.

Follow me.

Thank

you

so much for doing the name badges.

After saving your life, it's nice to be rewarded with such an important job.

Keep up the good work and who knows where it might lead.

Cleaning the toilets, perhaps.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. One step at a time, Ingrid.

One step at a time.

Quick question before you go.

Where's my name badge?

You want to come in?

I thought that was the point of a networking weekend.

Well, it is, but...

Well, someone has to look after the caves.

Which reminds me, if you could find an old iron knocking about, give them all a

quick once over, that would be wonderful.

Right then. Now you've had your little family reunion, you can send them back

in. Just stop it.

I've only just met them. Stop trying to scare them away.

First it was just your mother coming. Now they're the half -sister.

When's the bark arriving with the rest of your relatives?

Just stay out of the way and give me a chance to get to know them. Not long

enough so they can spot the family resemblance.

Do you think I look like them?

Yes, you share their blood.

And so will every other vampire in a five -mile radius if they stay too long.

I can protect them. And who's protecting you?

Don't get too close, Vladimir.

Your heart can get hurt by more than just a steak.

I can handle it.

I understand that they are here for a weekend, not forever.

It's a problem with the room.

Sorry about this. It's just that I can't share with Mum. She snores like a

train. It's OK. You can have my room.

Your room?

Oh, sorry, it's a hotel thing. I think of all the rooms as my room.

Wow! Look at this coffin.

I know. Pretty impressive, huh?

It looks totally fake.

Fake? Oh, sorry. Me and my big mouth.

Like you want to know what I think of your hotel.

No, go on. It'll be good to get an honest opinion.

Well, I think this coffin's way too fancy.

Only a loser vampire would sleep in something like this.

I'm starting to like her.

Too fancy?

Got it. What about the rest of the room? That's pretty cool, right?

I don't know.

It's all a bit try -hard.

Feels like the bedroom of a total poser.

And there's a really weird smell.

Like a hospital. Let's find you another room, shall we?

This is the Count Dracula penthouse suite.

More of a poser's room than the last one, but yours if you want it.

Don't even think about it. Oh, wow.

I know. This is more like it.

This feels like a proper vampire sleeps here.

Well, your sofa has impeccable taste.

But that coffin's even more fancy than mine.

I mean, fancier than the one in the other room.

No, this one's got class.

If you say so.

Plus, it doesn't have that weird smell.

You know, the one that's like a cross between... No, yeah, I got that.

This lining's so soft. I'm really not happy about a breather in my coffin.

That's strange.

Are you okay in there?

I used to get scared thinking there was a monster under my bed.

It feels like there's one in here with me.

But I will make an exception for her.

My mum's story is not that bad. I think I'll bunk in with her.

Not a problem.

Hey, you've got two walls in exactly the same place as me.

Oh, yeah.

I bet loads of you've got matching walls.

In exactly the same place? Yeah, that's what happens all the time. Come on,

let's get you to your mum's room.

I like making things out of rubbish.

I'm very big on recycling.

She wants to recycle someone's favourite trainers.

They had holes in them.

Be careful what you leave lying around. You might find some of these dusty old

antiques missing.

George, these aren't dusty old antiques. Yes, thank you.

They're cheap props for the hotel bought from junk shops.

What was that?

It's just another special effect.

How did you do that?

Trade secrets.

Oh, is that you as a baby?

No, that's my older brother, Adam.

You've got a brother?

I mean, sure.

Wow.

That's nice of you.

Any other brothers or sisters?

No, just Adam.

I've never met him, though.

I was very young when I got pregnant.

At a golf weekend in Whitby.

Yes, I don't think we need to go into all the details, thank you.

My parents persuaded me to give him up for adoption.

So somewhere out there, I've got an older brother called Adam.

Adam. What an interesting name.

I never met the people who adopted him.

I just hope he's with a nice family.

He'd be about your age now.

Wherever he is, I'm sure he's thinking about you.

We're going to try and find him.

Are you? When he turns 18, I'm going to go to the adoption agency.

See if I can trace him.

I didn't know you could do that. Would that madame's care to peruse the

menu? Oh, it's French.

It's very fancy.

May we?

They're serving.

Good. I'm starving.

I'm afraid they're short -staffed. They need help.

You want me to work as a waitress?

Yes.

And afterwards, of course, the members will need their fangs flossing.

Waitress and dental hygienist.

What an honour.

Unfortunately, I have a terrible pain in the neck that I must deal with.

Well, that is unfortunate.

Still, I suppose if it can't wait...

Can everybody else smell the burning?

Will they be able to find me through the paperwork?

Well, strangely enough, I decided not to put my occupation down as vampire, and

I didn't use my real name.

No, you aren't good with real names, are you? We had to change it to Vladimir,

no self -respecting vampire from the old countries called Adam.

I never thought she'd come looking for me.

Now they've found you, they just didn't know it yet.

George. We've spotted we have matching molds.

And how long before she spots you've got matching mothers?

I don't want them to find out who I am, what I am.

They'll think I'm a freak and start screaming.

We have to get them out of here as fast as possible.

It's like hearing myself think.

We'll say there's been a burst water pipe and send them home. No, no, no, no.

can't rush them.

It'll only make them suspicious.

You're right.

We'll let them stay overnight and make our excuses in the morning.

Where are they now?

Renfield's making them a fancy lunch.

Excellent, excellent.

He'll take until morning to chew through his food.

All right, pot, pot, pot, pot.

He's

not

cold. But we need him to cook this posh food, David.

Wake up, Renfield!

Oh, let him sleep.

I'll prepare the food.

They've ordered gourmet French cuisine, not eight pints of O -.

I can cook.

Dad, you could burn cornflakes.

My dear boy, you know so little about me.

To temper to the finest necks in Europe to your table, it pays to know your

birth bourguignon from your cocker van.

Ha -ha!

Stand back.

What did you order again?

I went for the filet de rouger de poêle.

What's that?

No idea.

What about you?

I chose the Saint -Jacques grill.

What's that?

Dunno. A bit French for burger and chips.

What if we both ordered something disgusting like sheep's brains?

I can look it up on my phone.

Good idea.

No signal.

I'll see if I can find one.

All right.

Tuck in.

Wow, that looks amazing.

Where's George?

She went to find a signal on her phone.

I'll go and get her. Oh, no, it's okay.

You start.

I'll go find her.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be at the conference all weekend.

I got bored.

They gave you loads of lame jobs to do, didn't they? I don't want to talk about

it.

Can you smell breather?

Uh... You must be picking up Renfield. He's particularly abundant today.

No. This is different.

Female.

Well, it might be that new wood polish he's been using.

Pity.

I'm in the mood for a feast.

Yeah, the wi -fi. That'll work.

Renfield, come round.

You know, he thinks my grass hand off in wire.

They're a little salty.

Well, I think someone's a little jealous of Ingrid's back.

What? She got treated like dirt by the High Council. Now she's on the warpath.

What did I say would happen? Did they get her doing the name badge? We need to

find George and get them out of here now.

Right. Come on.

Oh, right.

Hotel emergency. We're evacuating the building.

I'm so sorry, but we're going to have to close the hotel and ask you to leave.

Why? What's happened? Well, it turns out that the spiders that we shipped in to

spin the cobwebs are poisonous. Yeah, one bite and it's instant death.

But what about the sculpture?

I'm afraid we're going to have to put that on hold.

Oh, that's a shame.

I know.

Well, I suppose we'd better go and pack, then. Already sorted.

Oh, I see.

Oh, you wanted to leave right this minute. Well, there are a thousand

spiders on the loose, and they are tiny. They could be anywhere. Come on, chop,

chop!

Well, give me a call when the spiders have gone. Oh, that could take months.

Well, let's keep in touch.

We have to come back. This place is amazing. We may even have to close down

permanently. You think so?

And move out.

Such a great idea for a hotel.

Too bad it didn't work out the way I planned. Renfield, thank you.

I'm sorry.

So I don't expect we'll see you again. I'm sorry we didn't have more time

together. Well, take care of yourself, lad.

Stay away from things that bite.

You too.

I've decided running a hotel is far, far too much like hard work.

Dad, I'm so sorry. I should never have... No, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

No need to apologise, Maddy.

After all, all is well that ends well.

Oh, you nearly got me there.

I came back for my handbag. I wasn't expecting it. Oh, shut up.

breather. Let her go, Ingrid. Get your own. She's mine.

You can't bite her.

I have had enough of being told what to do today.

Sorry, can we not do this now?

I know you want to practice, but I don't want to get bitten by a spider.

The only thing you're going to get bitten by is me.

It's you.

Hello, Sally. It's been a long time.

Are you... Are you my son?

Vlad!

I am aware of your attempts to become the Chosen One.

Well, I'm aware of your awareness of my awarenessness.

Silence! This has gone on for far too long.

Ah.

So there have been a couple of minutes.

There can be only one Chosen One.

Yeah, well, that's basic logic, that, isn't it? I challenge you to a duel.

I do. I do. I do.

Accepted!

Vladimir Dracula, heir to the Dracula throne.

Chosen one.

Hacker!

That's all I've got.

You really think you're a match for the powers of the chosen one?

Ah! No!

Oh.

Vlad wins.

Round two.

Impressive. But your speed is no match for my karaoke.

Susan Barker, Sue Barker. You're better than a permanent marker.

Hacker wins.

Round three.

Oh, thingy.

It's incredible.

I can't match that.

Let both be the chosen one.

Good idea, Vlad.

Good idea. No!

Game over, Vlad.

Run it, Master Hacker. You are the chosen one!

Hurrah! For all eternity!

All eternity?

Nah, it's a bit longer than I expected, Cocker. I can do a couple of hours on

Thursday. No, it's eternity.

Eternity, is it? Okay, then that's fine.

But you might just have to... Get lost!

I can't be your chosen one, but I will watch the new series of Young Dracula,

only on CBBC.

Our brand new Monday is coming to a close. I've got to say, out of all the

new Mondays I've been involved in, this has been the best one. If you looked up

brand new Monday in the dictionary, you'd see a picture of this day.

Chris, we all know there are no photographs in the dictionary.

Don't ruin this for me. And Brand New Monday isn't even a famous phrase. We've

just got to made it up. Oh, brilliant.

Done it again, haven't you?

You've lav -lav'd all over my dreams.

This is my dream. This is what you've done to them.

They're all soggy now and ruined.

Oh, is that right?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, I guess that means you won't want to meet the amazing special guest I've

arranged to do brand new Monday Rundown for us. You've got a special guest?

Yes. Ladies and gentlehounds, here to tell us what's new in one, the only, the

Scooby -Doo.

Ah!

Cut the fake applause.

Turn it off.

What's wrong?

What's wrong? Hmm.

You promised me Scooby -Doo.

You know, great day. It's all.

Solves mysteries.

Speaks. There he is.

That's a cardboard cat!

What? That is not Scooby -Doo!

His initials don't even make the word Scooby -Doo. He's got DS instead. What's

his name?

Derek Sugarpot.

What?

That's not Scooby -Doo, is it?

Does it work? I bet he doesn't even speak either, does he?

Oh, he does speak. Look.

Speak, Derek.

What does that mean? He said he loved Jedward's Big Adventure and Luna's Am I

High and Dracula and You're a Massive Yen.

Charming.

Thanks for your time, mate.

Turn off the real Scooby -Doo. In what Scooby -Doo?