Original subtitles

Good night, sweet heart.

All my prayers are for you.

Good night, sweet heart.

I'll be watching all you.

Tears and parting may make us alone.

But with the dawn, a new day is born.

I finally made it, mate.

It's only Commander Bond.

I'll have a martini, please.

Shake and not stir.

Out. Out.

Out. Out.

You swine!

I was doing it. I was time -travelling, you son of a toilet brush!

You were wandering around in the blitz. So?

So? So whose mind are you trying to blow?

and the Bunnymen come back to her in 1998.

So what's the problem?

You think someone in the Royal Oak's going to start hustling tickets off me?

Look, I know sometimes I have a problem with dress code, but what are we doing

back here, Gary?

Ron, that time gate has gone totally potty and you belong here.

Oh, do I?

And when did you join the time police?

Move along there, sunshine. We can't have you luchering in the 40s. We'll

get the millennium in.

I'm sorry, oh gatekeeper at the door of time, but I'll belong where I like.

You can't be progressive about the Second World War, Gary.

Well, you can, but wait till you get the bill.

Wrong!

Look, things are out of control.

Phoebe wandered through. My kid was in here. We could have Reg in here. We

have Vivien Leigh in here.

But don't you see, that time gate could close at any moment.

I could get trapped here, separated from my wife and kid.

Or I could get trapped there, separated from my wife and my business.

Well, wherever you are, you'll be happily married.

Thanks a lot.

Well, it could happen to you too, you know. You could get trapped back there

the 40s. Big deal.

What have I got here?

My marriage went down the pan, my self -esteem went with it, my business went

the next flush, Gary's somewhere half my life is preserved in Sunnyland.

Remember me? I've been stuck in the car for 15 minutes. Have you forgotten?

No, no, of course not.

Where's Ron's date?

She, um... Oh, on second thoughts, I'd rather not know.

Look, I've got to get home. I've got an early start in the morning. I've got to

be at Stamford Bridge.

That is where Chelsea play, isn't it? Yeah.

Well, you never mentioned that. What are you doing there? Oh, it's just a one

-day consultancy.

They're always looking for new ways to heal injuries, and I do have a lot to

offer. Huh?

Well, don't go offering it to the whole team.

Hey, Ron.

Tickets.

Big European game tomorrow night.

Oh, go on, Yvonne, please.

Just two tickets.

No, three. Come yourself.

Oh, that's very generous of you, Gary.

They are clients. I am a professional. I'm not going to go hustling for

for you two.

Oh, Yvonne, please.

OK, if it crops up, I'll mention it. But I'm not promising anything.

No, no. Well, I'll get a cab back. I've got a few things to sort out here. Yeah,

that's right.

Well, you'd know, Ron. You're one of them.

Oh, free tickets, eh?

Think she'll get them? I bet she does.

We'll have to make sure we're back in time. Back from over there.

Look, Ron, no, just forget time travel, OK?

You don't have the clothes, you don't have the ID.

Correction. I've had the ID for ages, just in case this miracle should happen.

Clothes shouldn't be a problem.

So come on, Gary, let's go down to the pub, have a pint, make plans.

Are you kidding? I can't leave here.

I'm not leaving that time gate unguarded.

Oh, I see.

All -night vigil, is it? I'm impressed.

You guard that gate with your life. You keep it open.

I will return with my ID and I will be in the full Monty, if you know what I

mean.

What, Starkers?

So, you wanted to be involved in the war, did you? Well done.

You've now got six feet of fence to guard, you happy now?

Seems to be working fine from this end.

Yeah, the other side will sort itself out.

Yeah, of course it will.

Probably already has.

Probably just one -way traffic by now.

It's a bit early for that, lads, isn't it?

Well, if a ball can bounce through, I could have half the years down through

here.

Wartime housewives queuing up in Waitrose trying to figure out what to do

ricotta.

That army... A whole regiment.

Well, they shall not pass.

For king and country, I shall defend the... Pull yourself together, Gary.

It's the all -night watch.

It's getting to you.

You're cracking up, mate.

You'll be talking to yourself next.

Just try and relax.

It's funny.

On the other side of that gate, men all over Europe are doing this.

Keeping watch.

Well, it's diligence, isn't it? That's what you need.

Thank you.

Bethel Green Road.

A bargain in glorious pinstripe.

It's not a pinstripe, isn't it? It's all blue.

Well, he did say it'd been in the window for a while.

Since 1944, in fact. Since 1944, in fact. How's that for authenticity?

And look at this.

Ron Wheatcroft, master printer, does it again.

Good God, you really are Commander Bond.

Licence to kill and consume alcohol on and off the premises.

So, are we ready to boogie, or is it Charleston?

There you are. This is it, you see. You don't know 1944 at all. You haven't

researched it.

Researched it? I want to live it, not write a book about it. I mean, what do I

need to know?

Oh, OK, OK. It is 1944, right?

Who is the Minister of Agriculture?

Eh? All right, how much is a tin of cocoa?

Er... There you are, see? Look, you can't just busk it in 1944, Ron.

All right, Gary.

It's 1998. Who's the shadow minister of transport?

Um... How much does a jumbo bag of oven chips cost?

I kind of leave 1998. You're not qualified to live there.

Ron, this isn't a game. This isn't virtual reality. This is real reality.

There are real people back there with real lives and real deaths.

All right, Gary.

If you're worried, teach me.

I'll be a willing pupil.

I'll be grasshopper to your... Blue bottle?

Old guy, long robes.

Archbishop of Canterbury.

It doesn't matter.

Look, I can be your best mate back there, too.

Stand by you, support you, stand in for you.

Eh? Well, not all the time, obviously. I wouldn't want to startle Phoebe.

It's not that easy now, Ron. We have Reg to deal with. He's a different bloke

since his accident. Oh, come on, Gary. A bang on the head does not make someone

clever. If that was the case, there'd be no need for an education system.

When your child reached four, a bloke would come round with half a brick and

bang, that'd be that.

No, look, this is all academic now, Ron, because I checked it out at six o

'clock and the time gate closed on us.

Closed? Yep.

What, completely?

Totally. Nothing going either way.

Well, that means all your time travelling days could be over.

It means you're separated from Phoebe and the kid.

Maybe forever.

It means your whole life's in ruins.

You don't look like a man whose life's in ruins.

Do you know what you look like?

A bloody liar.

Ron, Ron, wait.

Wait. Still being possessive, eh, Gary?

Look, Ron, it isn't easy, you know.

I'll get the hang of it.

And apart from anything else, it's very dangerous.

Oh, now you're turning me on.

It's early opening time.

See you down the Royal Oak. I'll get them in.

Ron, hang about!

Hello,

everybody! The drinks are in!

The cheapest round I never bought.

He pushed his way through the merry throng.

Sailors just off the boat, jostled with boys from the 43rd Airborne.

He breathed in the smell of pipe tobacco and Sloane's liniment.

Moved to where a proud young airman was showing off his new tin legs.

Commander Bond.

Mrs Farrow.

Or Phoebe, if I may renew our familiarity.

Margie, this is Gary Superior, your officer.

I try not to be too superior.

Come over here, Reg. Come and meet Commander Bond.

Commander Bond?

This is an unexpected honour.

I don't usually drink at this time of day, Commander.

Ron, please, call me Ron.

Commander... Ron?

No, all right, Commander Ron.

That's what the girls in the canteen call me.

Yeah? Gary never mentioned a canteen.

Too many girls work there.

Oh, yeah, but you know the type.

Yeah, I do.

This is just a little celebration.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

We could have a bigger one, if you like.

Reggie's been moved to the yard.

Really?

It must be rather parky sleeping out there.

Scotland Yard.

No.

The Scotland Yard.

I'm only cognizant of the one, Commander.

Good to see you.

You've arrived at a very auspicious moment, Gary.

I might even call it historic.

Meet Deadman of the Yard.

Good grief.

Oh, Deadman of the Yard. That's got a really wonderful ring to it.

Well, that was quick.

The superintendent had to move fast. Said if I solved any more around here,

they'd be making men redundant.

Well, I couldn't have that on my conscience, could I?

Well, congratulations, Reg. I really mean that.

Can we press to your arm for a sherry?

Gary will always go a nice sherry.

Really? And you think you know someone?

Well, here's a toast to Deadman of the Yard.

Deadman of the Yard.

By the way, Gary, you never mentioned a canteen at HQ?

And lots of canteen girls.

Well, no, I wouldn't, because I never go there.

No, the food's diabolical.

Totally inedible.

What? It's pig's will.

Absolute pig's will.

Ron loves it, don't you, Ron?

Gary, could I have a quiet word, please?

It's funny, I was just about to say that to someone.

I don't like to say this, Gary, but your commander seems a bit, well, out of

place somehow.

Um, well, he's just a bit eccentric, Reg, you know. Comes from a long line of

eccentrics.

Phoebe, if you're open, I'll have a pint of your very best.

And a packet of nuts.

Nuts? This is a pub, Commander, not a greengrocer.

No, salted nuts.

A packet... That's all right, I've probably got some at the office.

He has them imported specially.

Wrong. Can we have that debriefing, please? Oh, a debriefing.

Kindly leave my briefs out of this.

Look, can you just tone it down a bit, please?

I thought I was doing all right. Not quite. Watch the gags. Your humour is

definitely out of its time.

I'm sorry I left my Max Miller joke book in my other suit.

And your research is a bit iffy.

Salted nuts?

Don't you dare go asking for a packet of smoky bacon flavoured crisps. All

right, all right.

Anything else? Yes.

I warned you about Reg.

You've been in here less than 20 minutes. He's already got you classed as

eccentric. All right.

I'll be a bit more laid back, shall I? Would you? Only at the moment, you're so

obvious, you might as well be in drag.

OK, I'll play it tighter. Slow it down a bit, keep my shape, play a flat back

four. Gary, how long are you going to be?

Just think before you speak, OK?

I was thinking, Gary, it hosts all very well, but Reg moving to Scotland Yard,

it's really something to celebrate.

May I make a suggestion?

Only if it's sensible.

It is, Gary, it is.

Allow me to take you all up west.

Food, drink, music, dancing.

Take me to a club I've never seen and the celebrations are on me.

Do you hear that, Reg?

I don't know how to thank you, Commander.

Think nothing of it, Reg. I mean, how often does a man get transferred to the

yard? Hopefully only to once. Any more means he keeps getting slung out.

Come on, Reg.

We're going to look our best for this.

Gary, this is going to be a night to remember.

Please, Ron, please don't make it a night to remember.

Hello, Gary? It's me, Yvonne. You wanted tickets for tonight? Well, I did better

than that. We're in the VIP lounge, cold buffet, free drinks, and you get to

meet the players afterwards, OK?

You owe me for this, you two.

Meet you outside, main entrance, six o 'clock. Don't dare be late.

Five's a funny old number for a group, isn't it?

We should find somebody for Commander Ron.

Well, how about your friend Violet?

Oh, yeah, she's never been out with a commander.

Oh, there you go. We found a rank she's missed.

She'll need time to get ready. I'll give her a call. Well,

there you go.

I've even fixed you up with Violet.

Violet? Isn't she the two -wheeler with the crossbar?

Only if you're good.

Gary, tonight I will be so good, even I won't recognise me.

This is lovely, Gary.

Isn't he a lovely mover?

I don't know, you think you know someone?

First Sherry, now this?

Allow me, Violet.

I'm sorry, Violet. Damn this leg!

That was a prize -winning dancer before the war. Oh, we'd never know it. Wounded

in action, Violet. Dirty little chap.

Polar hat, steel rim, whoosh, right through my knee like a frisbee through

butter. Like a what?

Don't think about it, Violet.

I'm here.

I'm lame.

But I'm yours.

It's lovely to watch young people dancing.

Inspiring.

We're not too old, you know.

Margie. When I look at you, I still feel 27.

I can almost feel me hair flopping in me eyes.

The floor awaits you, Margie. And like us, tonight is young.

We've been dancing for ages.

Come on, let's be sociable.

Everything all right, wife?

No, everything is not. Not all right.

My feet are black and blue.

Look at my shoes. They're ruined.

Gary, can I have a word?

Your commander in half chucking his money about.

Mr Piano Man, another request, if you please.

Been chucking it about since he got here.

Well, that's Ron, you know, generous to the last.

Where's the service paying that sort of money, then?

Um, well, they don't, obviously.

A private income.

Very wealthy family.

A line of eccentrics, you said.

That's right.

Eccentric millionaires?

Well, that's partly true. I mean, they're not all millionaires, obviously.

Gary, your advice, if you please.

I do not wish to act on this alone.

What is the correct amount to bung them for some champagne?

In case you've forgotten, champagne comes from France. That is where the

live now.

Then it will have to be vintage, pre -war.

Expense is no object to Commander Robb.

Wait up, Bollinger.

Shaken, not stabbed.

Another word. It's about Commander Ron.

Violet questions his rank, so she's known a few officers.

Yeah, this one's got the manners of a stoker, if you ask me.

And he keeps saying things to us.

Well, yeah, he would. It's called conversation, Phoebe.

No, where we come from, it isn't. You just don't say things like that to a

Not on your first date, anyway.

Vina is not a common person, Gary.

She is not a canteen girl.

She's not exactly Snoop, what? All right, all right. I'll talk to him. I

understand half of what he's on about, anyway. I mean, who are Oddjob and

Blofeld? Was it Oddfelt and Blofeld? I'll talk to him.

Where is he?

I said no.

I'm chewing a toffee.

They're a bit snobby here, aren't they? There's no talking to them. Then don't

bother. Listen, have you been trying your happy hour come -ons with Violet?

enjoy yourself, Gary.

I can't. Every time I turn my back, you go and upset somebody.

Margie isn't upset.

She's a great sport. She laughed at the railway signalman joke.

Oh, you didn't tell her that. She doesn't mind. She's seen it all. She

work on the buses.

Excuse me, Gary.

Can I have a word, please?

He's getting worse, you know.

Yeah, I know, but he's had a few, hasn't he? He can't really handle it. He was

like this at midday.

Well, yes, they start early, these Bonds. Friends in the family always

I see.

A line of eccentric alcoholic millionaires. Makes you wonder how they

their money, doesn't it? Go on, guys, plenty more to kill here.

Ron, please, calm down, slow down and sit down. I'm running out of excuses for

you. Gary, can the pianist have a word, please? Oh, what's his problem? He's

making a fortune.

He says he doesn't mind taking requests, but he's not familiar with It Me With

Your Rhythm Stick.

Excuse me, sir, can I have a word with you? No, you bloody can't. If anybody

else wants a word with me, I'll swing for them. Who the hell are you?

I own this establishment.

I am Peter Strangefellow.

And I really must object. I will not have my staff bribed.

What? When we say we have no champagne, then we have no champagne.

And that is that.

Yes, quite.

And I don't care if it is for the new man at the yard.

What?

My sincere apologies. It won't happen again, I assure you.

Hmm.

I'm sure it won't.

It took my name in vain, Gary.

Yep. Finot wants to go home. She thinks her toe's broken.

What is the matter with him?

Well, he's... You're running out of excuses, Gary.

I am running out of excuses, Reg.

All right, I can't lie to you any longer.

Um, the fact is, he's a thick man, Reg.

Up here, completely flipped. What, gone bonkers? Yep.

Two coupons short of a tin of cocoa.

I knew there was somebody else.

It's tragic.

He was one of our top codebreakers for stress, overwork and... like that.

I mean, who knows what's going on up there?

I don't understand, Gary.

Well, you will, Ron. After a little sleep, you will. Why isn't Phoebe

me? Because she's allergic to lunatics.

Where's Violet?

Oh, she's limped home with Reg.

Women. If it's not a headache, it's a broken toe.

Gary, quick.

I'll go up and get Michael. You take that at the shelter.

We know nothing's going to fall around here, Gary. We know that. Yes, we know

that, Ron. It's just a little game we play, OK?

OK, OK.

I'll play, I'll play.

I suppose they cut all the boring bits out.

What? Of the war films.

I mean, you never saw John Mills and Jack Hawkins sitting on their arses in a

cellar, did you?

While the marauding Hun was dropping bombs on their heads.

Especially when they weren't even dropping any bombs.

Oh, Struth, I'm going to take a chance. You are not leaving my sight. You are a

rampant liability.

That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Gary.

Ron, you haven't handled anything since you got here. The sooner I get you back

to that time gate, the safer we'll all be.

I see.

I'm bored.

What did you expect, you moron?

Sparrow, that is no way to talk to a commanding officer.

He's right.

George, just stay out of this. You don't understand.

He's mad.

That's not the point. He's your superior officer.

We can't have officers going mad on us.

Why not? It never bothered us before. The Great War was full of it. That's

right. So, until the M .O. stamps my papers, you'd better stay in line,

Learn how to speak to a commanding officer.

And if I wish to leave here right now, I will. You will not.

Did you hear that?

We're not going to win the war with that attitude, are we? That's insurrection

in the ranks, that is. Blokes have been shot for less.

You see what you've done now? Wind -up merchant. Oh, mutiny!

Insurrection! Restrain this man!

Restrain him! George! George!

What's going on?

Untie my husband this minute. I'm sorry, Mum. I think you'll find this is a

military matter.

Oh, Rach, am I pleased to see you.

Put the ladies in a taxi cab. Thought you might need a hand.

Dismissed. Eh?

Dismissed.

That's not military.

It's an institutional eraldic facsimile.

Oh.

What are you doing all tired out?

Who, me?

Oh, it's party time, Reg. I'm just doing my impression of Harry Houdini.

We're in trouble, Reg. We've got a madman in charge.

Although apparently it's one of the fine traditions of this country.

Reg, he's coming back.

Leave him to me.

Ah, Commander Bond.

Permission to untie this man.

Permission denied.

Come on, you can't do that. It's Gary.

As from 2200 hours, this man is a military prisoner and beyond your

jurisdiction.

Reg, don't stand for that.

No, he's right, Phoebe.

King's regulations expressly prohibit the intervention of the Metropolitan

Police in Meta's military.

In fact, I forbid you all from speaking to him.

I can't believe this.

I'd like to question the prisoner.

Come on, Phoebe.

Yes? The prisoner?

and that's what you're going to stay till I'm out of here.

I like this. This is fun.

No, this is because you are totally irresponsible.

No, this is because I am a fun person.

You're so negative, Gary.

Look at all these people, all worried about what's going to happen. Yes, I

but we can't actually tell them, Ron, can we? No, but we can drop hints, can't

we? Cheer them up a bit. Give them a bit of hope.

You don't even try, Gary. Oh, I'd like to see you do better.

No, no, Ron. No, Ron, I didn't mean that.

Ron! Ladies and gentlemen, fellow officers,

unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I would like to address you on behalf

of the department.

Oh, no, Mr. Beach. I can hold back no longer. Don't listen to him. He's mad.

Ah, they said Columbus was mad. And they were right. Look what he discovered.

Ignore the hecklers.

Anti -American feeling is not welcome here.

We need our gum -chewing, nylon -dispensing buddies.

We need them for the invasion that is imminent.

Invasion? Reg, he has to be stopped.

Just leave him, Gary. I think he's about to be hoisted upon his own petard.

Now, that's a strange old saying, isn't it? But what it actually means is...

Yeah, I know what it means, Reg.

The invasion is imminent.

Obviously, I cannot tell you when it will be.

But don't book your holidays in June.

Especially if you're thinking of Bournemouth or the Isle of Wight.

Try Scarborough.

Less of a naval feel if you get my drift.

Rich, this is classified information. He could lose us for war.

This time will pass.

A new age will dawn.

Europe will be united.

One day, we will even all have the same currency.

This man is not in charge of his marbles. It's true. One day we'll be

Japanese cameras, driving German cars.

Half the Chelsea team will be Italian.

But, God, you're right, he's totally bonkers. Grab him!

Now, I realise you have all been very disturbed, but try and feel sorry for

man.

This is a man with no grasp whatsoever of the time we are all living in.

A man with no control over his imagination and a man with a strong

alcohol.

So, when you leave here, I must remind you again to forget everything that you

have heard.

Well, that's not going to be easy, Gary. Two Chelsea supporters going into a

trance.

You swine, Gary, you could have left me there. You were useless there.

No, that's here.

Well, just thank your lucky stars we're back.

Time gate is totally unpredictable.

And where were you two last night?

At a party.

What, an all -night bondage party?

No, it was a stag night. Yeah, a stag night. One of the dark team got hitched,

we went out for a jar and he got a bit... And so on and so on. Spare me the

idiot details. I thought you two losers were into football. I had Chelsea

tickets for you.

What? Oh, no, correction.

I had three places in the VIP lounge.

Free drinks, free food, and you'd have met the players afterwards.

Well, who won? How should I know? I was talking to someone.

Three tickets, drinks with the players afterwards, and I was stuck in a bloody

cellar. Well, that's it. There's nothing for me to stay here for.

Ron, Ron, don't you dare!

What? Oh, sorry, old mate, but it's all disappointments here.

Ron, please don't do this. What are you going to do?

You should have left me there, Gary.

I was happy there, you know that. It was a big thrill for me. It was a bondage

party.

Please, please don't do this. Not now.

Not in front of Yvonne. I'm sorry to embarrass you, Gary.

Look, don't look, Yvonne!

Now, why wasn't I allowed to see that happen?

That would have really made my day.

Well, it certainly made mine.

Good night, sweetheart.

Sleep will banish sorrow.

Good night, sweetheart.

Till we meet tomorrow.

Dreams enfold you.

In memory I'll fold you.

Good night, sweetheart.