Original subtitles

Good night, sweetheart.

All my prayers are for you.

Good night, sweetheart.

I'll be watching all you.

Tears and parting may make us alone.

But with the dawn,

a new day is born.

Mm -hmm.

Mobile phone, file of facts, Greenpeace newsletter.

Oh, and condoms. Oh, yes.

New man is off to the office.

Mark, if you wish.

Yeah, I was.

And I don't need your permission, thank you. It's in lieu of rent.

So, what does a new man do at lunchtime?

I mean, after the tai chi lesson and the tofu salad.

You got time for a quick pint?

A real organic ale, obviously.

All the hops humanely killed.

Sorry, thought I'd pop down to Camden Lock.

Sonia's going to do the cards.

Your lousy cards.

Tarot cards.

I bet you still lose.

Sonia, right?

So, what, Stella really is history, then?

I think Sonia could be my sort of woman.

She's very together and very, very well adjusted.

Is this the one with the four therapists?

Well, at least she's been adjusted by professionals.

Speaking of which, I'll be out of your space this weekend.

I have enrolled in a manhood workshop.

It's crucial stuff, Gary.

I'll be learning how to access my inner chemical reservoir and eventually be

able to control my own testosterone levels by the sheer power of thought.

Awesome stuff, eh, Gary?

Yes, the consequences are frightening, Ron. No, the consequences are a new

order built on genuine love and total sensitivity towards each other.

This weekend, we are taking to the forest to absorb the he elements from

so strengthening our male bonding.

So basically, it's into the woods, and I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Radical. Hey, it's good that somebody's got work to go to. Hey, Ron. Well,

that's right, isn't it, Yvonne?

You see, what we have here is a part -time knocker and collector of negative

vibes. Really?

Tell me about it.

Neanderthal, Yvonne.

An Iron Age reject.

Well, I'll be seeing you.

I'll bring the organic wine later.

And don't worry, Yvonne.

Some of us are still evolving.

Oh.

Evolving. He means revolving. Going around in circles looking for himself.

at least he's making the effort.

Amazing. Just that. A woman has rejected him. I know he's trying to be better

for the next woman to come along.

I have to applaud that, Gary.

Ronnie's trying to raise his threshold.

No, he's not. Ronnie's trying to raise his chances of getting his leg over.

All this new age stuff is just a ploy to see if he can get into somebody's new

age knickers.

It's a blag. He still thinks the Rainbow Warrior is one of the gladiators.

A notter and collector of negative vibes.

He's right, isn't he? Well, personally, I think Ron is turning into a very aware

and sincere human being.

Well, personally, I think Ron should go. The sooner the better.

Phone Stella, see if she'll have him back.

Tell her there's a few quid in it for her if she'll take him back by the

weekend. Go on, speak to her. No, I won't. Well, she's supposed to be your

friend. Well, I can see it from Ron's side as well now.

And besides, I'm not sure I know Stella anymore.

I haven't spoken to her since this sudden sexual liberation, since she

carving notches on her bedhead.

But she might have calmed down a bit.

She might.

Or she might have whittled the whole bed away by now and be rolling around in

sawdust and shavings.

See you later.

Happy birthday to you.

and blow the icing off and all. We had a whip round for all that sugar.

Lil's birthday.

Oh, don't tell me you forgot the chocolate.

Haven't you got anything for her?

Well, there's this, but this was for you.

Well, what is it?

Harry, would you put that...

You'd better not give this to Lil. Her husband could have a heart attack.

I wouldn't mind risking one myself a bit later on.

Yeah, well, I'd like to sing her a song instead.

Lil!

Um, Gary's going to sing you a song for your birthday.

Thanks for the pressure.

What's that been mean? You know hundreds of songs.

How old are we, Lil?

She's 63, aren't you, Lil?

63.

Yeah, that's close enough.

When I get older, there is in my head...

years from now will you still be sending me a valentine birthday greeting

bottle of wine if i stay out till quarter to three would you lock the

door will you still need me will you still feed me when i'm 64

Ain't the bullet all wet?

Sidney Wick.

And before you ask, no, I will not play fourth down the bill to some drunken

fire -eater at a flea pit in Deptford. Now, would I ask a thing like that? Yes,

you would.

Harry wants to concentrate on his songwriting side of things. As so he

so he should. I mean, that was an A1, little number, yes. Maybe with a few

verses, that could be perfect for my latest discovery.

George Formby, you didn't discover him. You're just a ghastly freak of nature.

Here, here. You are talking about a star, a stage, screen, a radio.

A living legend. A musical millionaire. He could be worth a lot of money to me.

And he's one of Reggie's favourites. Oh, and one of Reggie's favourites. Oh, Mr.

Woo. What can I do? Thanks, Reg. Shut it.

I queued up all night once on Charles III Avenue for tickets for George.

Yeah, well, he inspires that kind of dedication.

I hope you got the tickets. I did, yes.

Unfortunately, I was in the wrong queue.

Ivan Avella's good, but he's not as funny.

Right, well, let's have no more disparagement. The man is a genius.

He has raised the status of the ukulele to the level of the symphony orchestra.

Well, I wouldn't do that. Well, I would. That kind of talk sells tickets.

How come he's appearing courtesy of you? Because I'm paying him money.

Well, that's a first.

I am paying him what nobody else in London would pay him. You wouldn't

what I'm paying him. I don't believe what I'm paying him. But I shall be

as the man who brought George Formick to London during the war, regardless of

the cost. Everyone will know Sidney Wicks.

In a week from now, I could be the most notorious bankrupt in town.

You mentioned something about one of Gary's songs. No, I don't think he did.

think he did, actually, Gary. Yeah, I'm sure I did. What was that called? When

I'm 64?

Yeah, you know, that might have been written specially for George Vorley.

I can assure you it wasn't. Yeah, but you can hear him singing it, can't you?

Yeah, well, of course, he might want to change a word or two here or there, put

it in a verse of his own, maybe.

No, no, he can't.

But he's a star, Gary.

A star.

Oh, I'd love George to hear that number. I really would.

Yeah, I'll tell you what. I'll bring you round to meet you.

What, here?

Yeah.

George Formby in my pub.

What? I... Tell Mr Formby there will be police presence at all times.

Excellent. How about tomorrow, then?

No, sorry, Wixie. Some of us have got better things to do.

Oh. Um, just a minute.

Gary, get over here.

Now.

Um, better things to do. Gary.

George Formby is coming here to meet you in person. What could you possibly be

doing that's better?

Oh, washing my hair, ironing a shirt, knitting a parachute.

No, you listen to me, Gareth Sparrow.

Your songs could get us out of here on the road to a new life.

Now, we talked about this ages ago, Gary. You can't have forgotten so

No, no, of course not.

Well, then, having a song taken up by someone like George Formby could be the

making of you.

Yeah, but not that song.

Well, why not? Have you got anything better for him?

I suppose we could try him out on great balls of fire.

What? Yeah, nothing.

Well, then.

I mean, this is our big chance, Gary, so you just find the time to meet him.

Be glad to meet George Formby.

In fact, it's been an ambition of his for a very long time.

Cancelled my manhood workshop.

Thought I'd let my testosterone find its own level.

Can always dilute it with lager if I have to.

Tarot reading didn't go too good either. All doom and gloom.

Apparently a period of celibacy looms.

Well, the card said that.

No, Sonia said that.

Saturday the 14th of February, 1942.

You going?

Judging by the worried and depressed look on your face, I'd say you must have

tickets. Now you're going to see George Formby.

It's worse than that, Ron. He's going to see me.

What, you started performing again?

Where is it this time? The Palladium?

No, I just happen to play when I'm 64.

You know, totally innocent.

Except, as usual, you claimed you wrote it, which, let's face it, isn't totally

innocent.

In fact, let's really face it, it's deception, copyright theft and fraud,

go on.

Well, that's it. I play the song, then up pops Sidney Wicks, and the next thing

I know, it's audition time at the Royal Oak.

But what if George Pornby liked the song?

I can't let that happen, Ron. That's messing with history.

Yeah, but not a lot.

I mean, it just means that Paul McCartney won't bother writing it

grew up hearing George Formby singing it.

It'll still exist.

British culture will remain intact.

No, I've got to get out of this one, Ron.

Well, don't go back. Stand him up. I don't do that. Phoebe had never forgiven

me. Well, that's it, then.

George Formby sings the Beatles.

A collector's item if ever I heard one.

Do you think you could get him to sing Strawberry Fields Forever? I think I'd

like that.

I know this is all a big joke to you, but you can't go messing around with

history. That's a knock -on effect and very serious consequences.

I take.

How much?

Well,

I'm not sure. You don't see many of those about.

Well, you wouldn't, you know.

George Formby never played the Hackney Empire.

Well, do you have to go now?

Well, yeah, he's a weekend market sort of person. You know, if I don't catch

now, it's a trip up to Nottingham midweek.

Oh, yeah, go on then, twist my hair.

Thank you.

May I say something?

No.

In order to remove the cloudiness, that wine has been filtered through the dried

innards of a deceased fish.

Really? Well, now it's being filtered through me. Personally, I'd be more

worried about it after that.

I don't expect you to care.

But I know Yvonne appreciates my little health tips.

She is, after all, Yvonne, isn't she?

Ciao.

I told you, he's definitely getting a thing for you. No.

Yes. No.

Yes. Mind you, he's getting a bit much, isn't he? Can't even enjoy a drink

without having to swallow all the sordid details.

And if I am told that one more thing is a desecration of the Brazilian

rainforest... I know. Look, it is time to phone Stella.

Yes.

No later when you've gone. Oh, right, I've gone, I've gone.

Stella, it's Yvonne.

Look, I don't suppose you want to talk about things, but... Stella?

Stella, hey, it's OK.

Yeah, we'll talk, we'll talk.

Of course, it's getting deeper out there.

I hope your visitors are going to make it. Oh, don't worry. What's the battle

for a blizzard if there's a few bob involved?

George Formby coming here.

They were so nervous. I could do with a drink.

I could do with a transfer to the Russian front.

Oh, come on, Gary. You can't hate him that much. You've never met him.

I've never met Hitler, but I don't send him a birthday card.

That is not the same thing at all, Gary, and you know it. George is very, very

popular. He's filled the Empire tomorrow.

Not with soundbites.

Gary? You just behave yourself when they come. Be nice.

I mean, this could be the day when your career takes a step forward.

One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

Brilliant! That's a song, isn't it? I'm coming to recognise a Gary Sparrow song

in the making. Yes, that's right, Reg.

It's called Walking on the Moon.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the great George Holmby.

Good morning.

He looks more assertive in a frock, doesn't he?

What do you call it after noon around here?

How do you do?

How do you do?

Turned out nice again.

Brilliant, brilliant.

George, come sit down here, dear.

Away from the bar.

And the very lovely Mrs Beryl for me, obviously.

Obviously. No show without punch, eh, Reg?

The, er, the piano's over here.

No, that's no good.

You can't play one.

Oh, but Gary can play, so play on, Gary. Let's hear this song.

I want to see the words written down first.

Don't we?

That's right.

I don't want George doing anything that might offend.

Really? Mr Woo's solicitor's not been in touch yet, then?

Beg your pardon?

Words, please. That's how we work.

Yeah, well, Gary prefers to play it. That's how we work.

Play it. How do you feel about that, George? Play it loud, for God's sake.

her out.

Mine forevermore.

Will you still need me?

Will you still feed me? When I'm 64.

Oh!

Encore! Encore!

No, no, no, I'm sorry. We don't do encore in private.

It's perfect for George. Just perfect.

That'll be the top number in all the promenade booths from Yarmouth to

Blackpool.

It is the sort of thing you need.

Something for the old ones, so to speak.

Well, Gary can write songs for people of all ages. He's very professional.

Listen, George, I might want to change a few things.

Might you? Well, I might.

Well, Gary, actually, I definitely will.

Don't get me wrong, it's a lovely song.

A bit old -fashioned, but we can still sort that out.

But that bit that goes, birthday greetings, bottle of wine.

Who drinks wine, lad?

No, no, no, no, no. That should be... bottle of stout.

You see, that's my audience, Gary.

Man of the people, mate.

Yeah, but George Stout won't really rhyme with Valentine, will it?

No, no, but it does need to be a bit cheekier somehow.

Something about, um, out for nowt.

I see.

And out for nowt is cheekier.

Well, it will be when I do it.

Yes, it's the sheer sophistication that staggers me.

Look, George, let me think about it. I'll work on it, represent it at a later

date, OK? I mean, it's not even written down. There's no going back now, Gary

lad. It's all up here now.

Never forget a lyric, mate.

Well, not unless I've had a few.

Fancy a swift half, just for starters?

I can't.

What are you two muttering about?

Nothing, Petal, just music, dog.

How Bentley's parked out there.

How lovely new Bentley.

We haven't had it in five minutes.

George.

Oh, George!

legend.

Are you OK?

How are you feeling?

Oh, so -so. Oh, really? So -so used to be a code for passing me the razor

Excuse me.

Another one of these.

Oh, look, Yvonne.

I'm really sorry about that outburst on the phone. It's just that you were the

only one to ring.

Do you know, I haven't heard from Chrissie in over a fortnight.

What's with Lindsay? Is she away or what?

Well, nobody quite knew what to say.

I mean, you just surprised us, that's all.

Well, you know, dragging in every passing bloke and banging them up

wall. I mean, it's just, um... Is it tiring?

I mean, do you have to take extra business or what?

Just don't forget who you is.

It was Chris you wanted, not me.

Oh, come on, I understand and I respect your privacy. You know that.

it first to your back.

It was Lindsay who wondered.

Hey, Fawn. Oh, come on.

We don't care what you do in your own home or in the park.

As long as it's after closing time and you don't break the swings.

Oh, look, as long as you're happy.

You're not happy, are you?

Come on, Stella. If it makes you this miserable, don't do it.

I don't.

Hey.

The chair's in some way more salubrious.

I wouldn't know the meaning of the word, Gary.

I told you.

Man of the people, me.

Who's that lot there?

It's the people.

Turn down the ice again.

It doesn't take much, does it?

What? None of them? Not even that guy Keith who everyone had?

Well, nearly everyone.

about him as well.

Going through the car wash, remember?

You said you'd never had a hot wax like it. Did I?

Well, I lost track. I'm a lousy liar.

I invented the first bloke just to cheer myself up.

Then it got a bit out of hand and I couldn't remember what I'd said to who.

But did you come to actually believe it?

No, you did.

Right. And gradually the phone stopped ringing and I was all on my own.

I realised I'd overdone it.

Over -egged the pudding.

Oh, talking of the pudding, it's still in our spare room. Oh, yeah, I heard.

I hope you haven't eaten absolutely everything.

Not absolutely everything, no. We've still got some of those square things

Cream crackers?

No place, Matt.

But did you have to throw Ron out just to have a fantasy?

Well, I didn't know it was going to be just a fantasy, did I?

Remember my boss, the bloke at your fancy dress -do?

The one that Ron beat up because he thought you were having an affair with?

I was. Well, nearly. But not with him, with his brother. He used to be our area

manager. We were about to.

Or so I thought.

He kept offering me weekends away.

Brighton, Bournemouth, Paris even.

Well, I couldn't very well have hidden that from Ron. I'm rotten at all that

deception stuff.

So I thought it was more honest just to check him out.

What, leave the decks clear, ready for action? So what happened?

Nothing. He got transferred to head office.

And a week later he was spotted in Bournemouth with the personnel officer.

God, men are bastards.

Bastards. Hey, you, another one of these, now.

Bastards.

You see, Gary, women are like that.

Possessive.

Can't live with them, can't live without them.

That's wonderful.

I'll buy that one, too.

You come up with the words and I'll sing them.

Can't live with them, can't... Oh, this is grand, Gary. Do you know, I haven't

had this much fun since, um...

Since the last time you did it?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and you know why?

Beryl.

Possessive.

Women are like that, Gary.

Can't live with them, can't live without them.

I love that one, too.

Brilliant.

Fantastic. Quick, write them all down. I'll do them all.

You're starting to forget things, are we, Josh?

Eh?

Nothing. Come on, drink up. Then it's either the black swan or the lemon flag.

Flag and lag.

Flag and lag.

Flag and... I think we'd better make it. The black swan, I can tell you that.

Well,

cliche classics, Yvonne.

You find a bloke and you think, he could be great, with a bit of help and

encouragement, a bit of a trim here and there. Yeah, but we're morph men. It's

six inches off the gut and half a yard off the ego.

And the minute you show an interest, he thinks he must be great already, and

it's downhill all the way.

But Ron wasn't that bad, was he?

No.

I mean, like most blokes, he talks a good relationship.

What he really means is, if I lay you, will you be me mum?

But you have to be realistic.

I mean, Gary's OK.

He's a workaholic. He's never at home because he's always in his shop.

Frankly, I think he lives in the past.

Hey, George, what about a song, eh?

No,

no, no, George.

See, no lamppost. No lamppost there, right?

Oh, no. What about that song, When I'm 64?

Eh? You what?

Oh, Mr. Woo.

I think we'd better get you back to base.

No. Come on, then.

No. Oh, to the flag -a -lag.

Flag -a -lag.

See, I can see it now.

Come on.

No, no, George.

No, you don't want to go to the flag -a -lag.

You wouldn't like it down there.

In your state, I don't think I'd be too keen on you.

Really?

Everybody loves George.

That's Beryl.

That's my agent.

Come on. Mr. Wicks. All right, all right, Mr. Formby. Simmer down.

You'll kill him.

Beryl will kill him.

I should worry about him. She'll kill all of us.

I don't feel very well.

Stella!

You look happy.

Oh, my God, what a mess!

Yvonne, tell her, I am wearing nothing that has caused animal cruelty or

diminished the world's resources.

Or has ever been anywhere near an iron or a washing machine. I know, I can see

that. You look... Totally recycled. Well, he knows where all the appliances

kept.

Stella, without you, an appliance is just white goods.

A thing of no meaning.

Oh, he's right, you know.

I do give meaning to his life.

Oh, look at him. He obviously needs me.

Oh, I do need you.

Nearly as much as I need a chicken vindaloo and a can of lager.

That's my boy.

Come on.

It's all you can eat for a fiver down the star of Bengal.

I blame your fella for this.

Don't you have any control over him?

They did slip out together, remember?

This is turning out to be a right Fred car. No, this is...

Carl bashed up, him gone AWOL, and here am I, stuck in one of the worst parts of

London. Do you mind? There's a lot worse than this.

We've never been treated like this in the North. Oh, no.

People look up to us.

People look after us.

Hospitality. Little sandwiches and butterfly buns.

Well, there's a war on down here. Or didn't they tell you about it?

Well, I'm playing in windows.

Look at that! Just look at the state of that!

For the flag of land.

Oh, Gary, how could you?

And what kind of an answer is that?

You can't live with them, and you can't live without them.

I've heard enough. Mr. Wick, fetch us a cab. Get us out of here, please. Now,

now, now, let's not be hasty, dear lady.

Yeah, I mean, that's right. What about the thongs? Thongs?

From him?

The sooner my George is away from him, the better. In fact, don't even stand

near him.

Oh, see you, Gary.

He's my pal.

You're always getting rid of my power. Can we try and keep some sort of order?

Any order ado.

Gary, have you got nothing at all to say?

Only that I am deeply sorry for any upset that I may have caused.

And if Mrs. Formby wanted to leave right now, no one would blame her.

apologise. That's right. Now, let's not make a mountain out of a molehill.

And let's not pass up the chance of some new material.

A good song can't be easy to find.

Yeah, and Gary writes some of the best songs going. I mean, Gary Sparrow is a

name for tomorrow. Isn't that right, Mr Wiggs? That's right.

And they don't ever have to meet. We can see to that.

Yeah, but if Mrs Formby wanted to stick to her guns and leave right now, I'm

sure we'd all understand.

Harry!

Business is business.

We must be sensible.

Well, that's right. I mean, life goes on. The world has to keep on turning.

Hey, no, don't let it.

Look, Wixie, the song isn't even public. No problem, I'll do it on Monday. In

fact, it isn't even written down.

Go on then, Gary.

This could be your first big break.

They might be singing this song in years to come.

Go on, she could be right, Reg.

Oh, yeah.

I don't suppose you have a bottle of champagne, Andy?

Good. Then you won't be disappointed.

Sorry, some of us have done enough celebrating.

Are we, Gary?

Is that right, pal?

Hey, I say, it's just that... Well, in the short time I've known him, I've come

to realise that he is a very special, warm, wonderful human being.

I saw this muttering over there. Business, George, that's business.

Well, you see...

I worry about the bad publicity.

If it should ever come out about all my convictions.

Convictions? Well, things I am really, really ashamed of now. But would the

people see it that way?

Hey, I'm not allowed to mutter in corners with the dancers.

Why are you muttering to me? Steady on, George, steady.

How dare you mutter with my wife?

Steady on, Red, steady on.

Drunk and disorderly, this is.

Assault, even, or grievous. What's his name?

Gary, are you all right? Yeah, and finally just flew past me and went into

fireplace. You daft bat.

That's your strumming hand. Could be out for weeks.

No, not possible.

The Act of the Empire, Deborah.

Could be broken.

Well, but anything is broken for men, surely. I mean, even bleeding broken

hearts can mend, for God's sake. Yeah, now would you know.

I blame you for this. Oh, that's right, you turnin' him as well. You're as bad

as these two.

I mean, if that's what fame does for people, I'd... Rather not, no. Reg,

them out.

You can't do that to us. Oh, yes, I can actually, Beryl, because in here I'm the

boss. Reg, chop, chop. They are on their way, Phoebe.

Nothing personal, Mr. Formby. I'm a big fan of myself.

I suppose an autograph would be out of the question.

He needs his head seen to. He needs his head seen to.

He may have a broken hand, but I have a handful of broken dreams.

So that's why George Formby never played the Hackney Empire.

He -he. Turned out nice again.

Good night, sweetheart.

Sleep will banish sorrow.

Good night, sweetheart.

Till we meet tomorrow.

Dreams and fall due.

In memory I'll fold you.

Good night, sweetheart.