Original subtitles

Good night, sweetheart.

All my prayers are for you. Good night, sweetheart.

I'll be watching all you.

Tears and parting may make us alone.

But with the coming,

a new day is born.

John wanted you to phone me.

Yes, and instead I decided to call round in person.

Profound apologies, but that's the sort of ignorant git I am.

So what's the panic?

I spent last night stuck in an air raid shelter with an accordion player who did

non -stop George Formby impressions.

So I was late getting home and I'd forgotten the cover story we agreed to

Yvonne. Now, was I supposed to be working in Basildon or Braintree?

Cheltenham.

Cheltenham?

I'm losing it.

Yeah, well, don't get your knickers in a twist.

I haven't spoken to Yvonne yet.

You could tell her you were running guns to Guatemalan rebels if you want.

Ever since I said you could pretend to be working for me to cover your jaunts

war -torn London, you've abused the privilege and been home late every

You don't know that's true.

It's what Yvonne told Stella.

All right, so you do know that's true.

OK, so I've been taking liberties, but it's not much fun for me in 1994 at the

moment. Yeah, well, I'm afraid it can't go on any more.

I'm going to have to sack you.

Sack you?

Reality check, Ron. It's not a real job, remember?

It is as far as the girls are concerned.

Stella thinks I'm a slave -driving ogre who's putting your marriage on the line

by making you work too hard.

But I'm already unemployed.

Do you realise what it'll do to my self -confidence if I can't even hold down a

pretend job?

I insist on a peaceful home life.

If I'd wanted turmoil, I'd have married for luck.

That isn't even making me do my own ironing.

I'd never have guessed.

I'll sort it out. I'll make sure everybody knows that the hours I've

been working are down to me, all right?

Yeah, we'll do it soon, OK?

Scouts on.

My God.

You don't give your employees a chance to rest, do you, Ron?

I'm only sorry we haven't got any children you could send up a chimney.

I hope you don't make a habit of hassling Gary before eight in the

normally like to eat my muesli as God intended.

Without sugar?

Without clothes.

If I have to start dressing, I'll have to start paying the window cleaner.

Good morning, Gary.

Good morning.

Look, it's not Ron's fault I'm working late. My hours are down to me.

And I'm a salesman without a car, so I'm at the mercy of British Rail.

Really?

And selling's a very time -consuming business, especially if you're new to

I can't go anywhere until Ron and I have had exhaustive discussions.

So where are you off to today?

Um, we haven't exhaustively discussed that yet.

Reading? Reading sounds good.

I'll make sure I'm home early.

What? You mean you can actually spend some of your precious time with little

Yeah. Well, tough.

There's a wine and nibbles party after work. So tonight, I'm going out.

It's all right, I think we've lost him. Oh, Gary, you are a terror.

Fancy knocking off an ARP warden's helmet.

Well, he was asking for it, pompous little twit.

Excuse me, would you mind not obstructing the alleyway? There could be

services trying to get through.

You give these guys a tin hat and they look like Churchill.

I'm going to have to start knocking off ARP helmets on a regular

basis.

That's... For a lovely afternoon.

It was only what you was after down that alley.

No tea, your honour.

Well, I'd better get you back to the pub.

I, er... I don't want to go in there just yet.

Well, going in there, back to Reg and all the others, means the afternoon's

over. I want to hang on to it for a little bit longer.

It's been the first time, oh, God knows, that I... Well, I actually forgot about

the war for a little while.

Do you know what I mean?

What? What, what?

Smashing film, wasn't it?

I've wanted to see Gone With The Wind for ages.

Actually, you know, you look a lot like Vivien Leigh. Oh, stop it.

Well, go on, then.

What?

You're supposed to say I look a lot like Clark Gable.

They've attached the Stan Laurels about you.

You can go off people, you know.

What are you doing tonight?

Not a lot.

I want to cook you a meal.

Oh, don't look like that. I can cook, you know.

Come up to the flat at about eight o 'clock.

But aren't you worried about what the neighbours might think?

You know, a married woman entertaining another man.

No, I'm part caring what anyone thinks.

Most of them round here think we're all ready at it, like rabbits anyway.

Do they?

Dirty mind and lot.

Well, I suppose I'd better go in.

I'll see you at eight.

On the dot.

All

right.

Quick bath.

No, I'd better just check.

It's a job that just suits me.

A window cleaner you would be.

If you could see what... God, that George Formby, when he gets in here... I

don't believe it.

Air raid, I've lost nine tonight.

That means we're going to have to share our pudding course with 20 rejects from

Help the Aged.

That means I'm going to be late home again.

Why should I feel guilty?

She's gone out.

Flaming wine and nibble.

Whining about me and nibbling on some bloke's hair, that's fair.

Right, we'll see if you play it like that.

Hello, Gary.

I heard you singing. Has something happened?

No, it's just a tune that was going around my head. What are you doing here?

mean... What happened to the wine and nibbles?

I didn't fancy it.

Something wrong?

You seem a bit down.

No, it's nothing much.

It's just one of those days when you look at your life and you realise it's a

complete and utter mess.

Shall I get you some evening primrose?

I'm not having a period, Gary.

PMT is not the major cause of depression in women.

And it's not likely to be as long as there are men in this world.

Well, I'm sorry.

What for?

I'm not 100 % sure. It just seemed the safest thing to say.

It's about me working all these hours, isn't it? Yes, it's about you working

these hours.

I had realised it was getting on your nerves.

No, you hadn't.

Ron told you it was.

And I know because I told Stella, knowing she'd tell him and knowing he'd

you. Why not just tell me?

Because I'm your wife.

I like to give you the chance to give the impression that you're capable of

original thought.

I'm perfectly capable of original thought. What about... About that

electronic personal organiser I surprised you with on your birthday.

Poor fool.

You really believe you were sent that brochure on a random mail shot?

So once I'd behaved like a well -manipulated little puppet and told you

home early, why did you throw it in my face? To get back at you.

You really don't understand women at all, do you?

Apparently not.

Look at me.

Now I want you to be honest.

Is all this time you're spending at work just an excuse to get away from me?

Now, I know I gave you a hard time about wanting a baby and you're losing your

job. Oh, don't be silly.

Then why are you late home every night?

And I don't believe all that rubbish about selling being a time -consuming

You have never let work rule your life.

It's wrong.

You're right, he's a bloody slave driver. Well, don't let him do it to

Put your foot down. From now on, I promise.

I don't want to lose what I love, Gary.

No, nor do I.

Look, let's go out for a meal together.

Yes, tonight.

No, not tonight.

I can't.

Sorry. Well, I promised Ron.

You said you were going out. And you said you were going to put your foot

Yes.

Right.

I will.

Two birds.

And they both want you in different places at the same time.

It's the classic adulterous dilemma.

I'm not an adulterer.

I never have been. I never will be unfaithful to Yvonne.

Well, not in the same space time continues.

The only course of action I can see open to you is to bite the proverbial bullet

and choose between one or the other.

You have an incredible knack for stating the obvious and taking 20 minutes to do

it. I know I've got to choose, but which one?

Whichever one I reject, I lose.

Yvonne already thinks I'm giving her the cold shoulder, and this invitation from

Phoebe is a pivotal moment in our relationship.

If I cry off, she'll take it as rejection.

Surely not.

Women back then were, ah, a lot more sensitive.

Even so.

Ron, have you ever been romantically involved with a girl born during the

World War?

Partial to the older woman, Gary. Even my upper age limit falls some way short

of 79 -year -olds.

Leave it to one of these, eh?

Gough, ain't really enough to paint you into a corner, doesn't it?

The night Phoebe invites me to dinner is the same night my wife decides to save

our marriage.

God, listen to me, I'm turning into such a chauvinist.

I think your average Cosmo reader would be reaching for the castration scissors.

But your fellow man knows where you're coming from, pal.

If I was a full -blooded chauvinist, it'd be a lot easier.

Oliver Reed would seduce Phoebe over the hors d 'oeuvres.

Then cold -bloodedly see to Yvonne between the coffee and the after -eats.

Keeping a date with both of them. Now that'd be cool.

And I could do it.

There's an Indian restaurant at the present day end of Duckett's Pathage,

So that is where I take it all.

Then I pretend I've got a dodgy tummy, right? Keep going to the toilet, nip out

of the window, go to Phoebe's, then make a similar excuse to Phoebe and spend

the night flitting between the two.

How about frogs?

That double -breasted suit Yvonne made me get for her cousin's wedding, that

should just about cut it in both eras.

I'd only have to keep it going till I pass nine.

There's an air raid then. I can tell Phoebe I'm needed back at work.

It's bold.

It's audacious.

It verges on the lunatic.

But if you can pull it off, it will belong in the pantheon of man's

achievements, along with landing on the moon and making sure women are the ones

who get pregnant.

However, if the bog in the Indian doesn't have a window, you'll be

The toilet's through there, isn't it?

Yeah, that's right, Gary, where it says toilet.

Oh, I just feel a bit... Well, then isn't Indian the best place to be? You

go home if you want.

No, no, no, it's fine.

Ooh, what are you having for starters?

Oh, whatever you're having.

Good evening.

Evening. Can I get you something to drink?

Yeah, I'll have a lager, please.

Gary? Ah, yeah, fine.

Please don't be put off by our lack of custom.

We've only been open for 18 months.

Well, I suppose it takes time for word to get round.

Absolutely. I've got an ad in the local paper, but I think I need something more

direct. You know, leaflets through the letterbox, that sort of thing. Well, if

it's leaflets you're after, my husband can help.

He's the sales... executive.

For a printing firm.

He'd be delighted to help, wouldn't he, Gary?

Well, yeah, I was just going to go to the toilet.

It can't wait, can't it? You don't want to lose a sale.

What sort of things did you want?

Say, 3 ,000 double pages A5 brochures with full colour and laminated paper

and back.

Well, go on then, Gary.

How much?

Well, I need to work it out and I really must go to the toilet. Excuse me.

Don't worry if I'm a little wild.

I thought disguise would be appropriate.

If Yvonne caught a glimpse of me, the whole operation would be blown.

Yeah, did you get the wine?

Vintage Chateau Lego vest.

Take your time.

Invited into Phoebe's private quarters, I thought you might be planning to

finally consummate your relationship with her tonight.

Ron, in the course of the next... 80 minutes, I've got to have two three

meals with two different women whilst commuting between an Indian restaurant

an East End pub that are 200 yards and 53 years apart.

Now, trying to fit a meaningful sexual encounter into that kind of schedule

might just be considered pushing my luck.

Nothing.

The boy's tense.

It's not a good sign.

On the dot, you said. You were late.

Sorry.

You look hot. Have you been running?

Yeah, well, I knew I was late, you know, so... I've got some wine.

Oh, very posh.

You look nice.

Oh, thanks.

I'm wearing those stockings you got me.

They look all right.

Yeah, terrific.

Come and sit down.

So, what are you cooking for us, then?

Well, um, to start, there's MI5 soup.

MI5 soup?

Yeah. Best you don't know what's in it.

Then we're having lamb chops.

Lamb chops?

Where do you get those?

Don't you know there's a war on? Well, the butchers have a few things under the

counter, and I just happened to have a spare barrel of beer at a knock -down

price for his daughter's wedding.

You're not the only one we'll contact, you know.

I want tonight to be special.

Yeah.

I'm going to have to keep nipping out to the phone box at the end of the street.

Why? Well, there's a bit of a flap on at work. They want me to keep in touch.

Well, you can phone from here.

Well, public lines are more secure.

Careless talk, all that.

I won't let it spoil the evening, I promise.

Look, let's open the wine, eh?

I've got a corkscrew in the kitchen.

Gary, this wine?

Yeah, well, I know, strictly speaking, we should have red with dark meat, but I

don't think it really matters, do you?

What the hell with the colour? It's German.

I'm going to kill you, Ron.

Who's Ron?

Ron's my wine merchant.

He's obviously got lumbered with the stuff and tried to fob it off on me.

You ought to report him. He could be a fifth colonist. No, no, he's not. He's

just... Very, very stupid.

Well, I'm not drinking anything that's been trod by a Nazi jackboot. I'm

throwing it down the sink.

Yeah, of course.

Your lucky dad's not here.

Remember what he was like?

He'd have his shot for catching a German measles.

Yeah.

Good old rational Eric.

I do miss him.

The table looks nice.

You're going to have to get your best china out for me.

It's not my best china.

It's my only china.

A bomb went off three streets away. The cat went berserk and knocked all the

crockery off the dresser. You can't get a patient for love nor money.

God, the time.

Hope you like it.

It's, uh, mock oyster, actually.

Mock oyster?

Yeah.

It's made from cod's heads and whale meat.

Lovely.

Careful, it's very hot.

Let's buy it.

Delicious.

Look, I'm going to have to check in at work, OK? I won't be a tick.

So far, so good?

Where did that wine come from?

Freshers. Try Germany.

I'll just give you one simple little thing.

Can you hear that?

Sounds like Cliff Richard.

Shut up, Cliff.

the hand basin in the gents, you know, to wash my hands, and I put my foot up

it to tie my shoelace, and it slipped in and got wet.

Well, you never done that.

Is everything all right?

Are you enjoying your meal? Yes, it's gorgeous. Yeah, lovely, really, really

lovely. Oh, have you done that quote for Sanjay yet? Oh, no, please, don't let

me interrupt you. No, it's okay.

Um, well...

You wanted 3 ,000. 3 ,000.

On the... And then just carry that through.

Is that all right?

You're joking.

Oh, no, all right. Knock 50 off that, then.

I was going to say that's really cheap, but if you can knock off another 50,

that's even better.

Thank you.

So, Neil, more chicken tikka here, please.

You don't look a gift course in the mouse.

What's up, Gary?

Don't you like my cooking?

No, it's delicious. I'm just not a very big eater.

Well, don't you waste it.

Remember what Potato Pete says.

Wasting food is as good as giving it to Adolphe.

Of course.

I'm worried about you.

One minute you bolt your food, now you can't face it, and in between you're

rushing to the toilet.

What are you, bulimic or pregnant?

I'm fine, honest.

Mmm.

Yum, yum.

Is the soup pudding all right?

Lovely.

I wish every night could be like this, Gary.

Sorry about that.

I was listening to live commentary from the match at Highbury.

I suppose it was inevitable that I'd doze off.

I'm a total embarrassment.

And I hope to God I'm suffering from chronic indigestion, otherwise I'm in

middle of a major coronary.

Which way are you headed, past or present?

Present. I've just shared the world's largest suet pudding with Phoebe. Mmm,

suet pudding, smashing.

Not on top of soup, but double chicken teacup, lamb chops, potatoes, peas,

mutton vindaloo and bimbi bars.

Hey, what nettle?

I mean, there's nothing to you.

You're built like a whippet.

I've seen more meat on a butcher's pencil.

Now, listen, I've got to go back to Phoebe's once more. I think the going to

toilet for 15 minutes excuse is running out of gas, if you'll pardon the pun.

So I need to switch to plan B, all right? No, you give me five minutes,

come into the restaurant.

You didn't tell me exactly what plan B entails.

No, I didn't, did I?

You say you like sweet pudding?

Yeah.

Get the bill.

Oh, we can't go now.

We haven't had our coffee and our hot flannel yet.

You've spent half the night in the loo. You're obviously ill, so let's go home.

No, I'm fine, honest.

I won't be going again tonight. You shouldn't have to go for another

I don't believe it!

Oh.

Have you enjoyed yourself?

The few minutes we've spent together have been nice, yes.

How could you do this?

I saw him earlier, and he said he had to discuss business. But I said, no. I put

my foot down. I said, I am taking my wife to dinner. So what does he do? This

tyrant follows us here.

You're a disgrace, Ron Wheatcroft.

Sorry. Is everything all right? Yes. Yes, I'm sorry for the disturbance. I'll

take this outside.

You'd better stay here, love. It could get ugly. Come on.

Brilliant. That was...

Thanks, look, I've got to get round to Phoebe's.

Of course, I don't look like a complete git.

I told you I wanted tonight to be special.

It has been. You've spent your whole time rushing out of here.

I'm sorry, but like I said, there's a flap on at work. You sure that's not

been an excuse?

For what?

Avoiding me.

I wanted... I wanted us to spend the night together.

Tonight. And you guessed that's what this meal was all about.

You don't understand women very well, do you?

Doesn't seem to be a particular strength of mine.

Perhaps you're just not interested in me.

Of course I am.

It's all I've thought about for... Well, not all I've thought about, but... I've

thought about it a lot.

Look, Phoebe, if I have been slow on the uptake, it's because I didn't want to

start something I couldn't finish.

I don't think you'd have that problem at me.

I haven't.

The reason I've had to keep checking in tonight is because we're almost certain

there's going to be a raid.

What's new?

We think the Germans might be using a different kind of bomb.

I'm going to have to go.

They want me for evaluation purposes.

And what time can we expect this, right?

Any second now.

I'm sorry, you should have told me.

Didn't want to spoil our evening.

This bloody war spoils everything.

Look, there'll be other evenings. I'll make sure of that.

I even went to the chemist for you.

There's no need for you to do that.

Why?

Do you always carry a spare toothbrush?

All sorted, then?

I suppose so.

Congratulations, old son.

Men all over the world will be taking a bit more of the duvet tonight.

Ron, I've spent the entire evening lying to and deceiving the two most important

women in my life.

How do you think that makes me feel, eh?

Married with a bit on the side?

Listen. Tonight could have ended in three shattered lives.

But you've managed to sort it so that there's been no casualties.

Be brave.

Hello?

I think I've just become the evening's first fatality.

The voice you hear ranting.

on the other end of this phone.

Stella.

Yvonne has just phoned her and told her how I seemingly dragged you out of the

restaurant.

Consequently, I'm going to go through an experience which can only be likened to

Dante's journey through purgatory.

Sitting next to Graham Taylor on a long -haul flight.

Would I not like that?

Precisely.

Now, the only thing that will sustain me through my misery is the knowledge that

I have helped others.

So I want you to smile, go back into that restaurant, and enjoy the rest of

evening.

You're a good mate, Ron.

Right now, I think I'm the best mate in the world.

Oh, by the way, if somebody asked you to print 3 ,000 double -page A5 brochures

with full colour and laminated paper front and back, could you do it for

Yeah, of course.

If I wanted to go bankrupt.

Why?

I'll tell you later.

Good night, sweetheart Sleep well, banished

sorrow Good night, sweetheart Till we

meet tomorrow

We talk.