Original subtitles

Good night, sweetheart.

All my prayers are for you.

Good night, sweetheart.

I'll be watching over you.

Tears and parting may make us alone.

But with the dawn,

a new day...

you tomorrow, Josephine, and night, Magna.

Thanks for the afternoon.

You've been darned, you've gone.

I'll turn next.

Bye.

Bye. It was lovely.

Haven't had so much fun since I fell off my bicycle.

Oh, you didn't have to be so offhand all through dinner.

No, I didn't have to be. I just thought the occasion called for it.

Where do you find people like that? Bores are us.

All right, Agnet, Josephine and Magnus can be hard going.

And you know, it's odd because Josephine's a real laugh at work.

Oh, well, next time let's have dinner at the office.

An aphrodisiac charisma bypass?

How can anyone spend the entire night talking about nothing but mortgages?

Oh, be fair, Gary. He's a mortgage broker. That's why we invited him.

Well, yeah, but there are limits.

And why give him dinner?

When I was a kid, we had a man from the pre who used to come round once a month

to collect the insurance premiums, and all he used to get was a cup of tea and

digested biscuit.

And not a choccy digestive, either, just an ordinary wheatmeal one.

Have you ever considered you just might be a social cripple?

I am very social.

I just prefer socialising with my friends rather than with an extra from

Michael Jackson thriller video.

What friends?

What?

Derek? Chris?

That fellow who brings the smelly cheese sandwiches every day?

They're not friends. They're people you work with.

I'm some real friend.

I mean, when we got married, you had to get the best man out of the Yellow

Pages.

All right.

What was the name of that plumber I really got on with when he came round to

drain the central heating?

Yeah, he was a tall bloke. We can have a drink together.

Well, when we have a baby, we'll make him godfather.

If we can afford the call -out charge.

All right.

I am a social cripple.

Happy? Well, the question is, are you happy?

Well, I was until Magnus came into our life.

All he did was tell us there's no way we can afford Maple Avenue.

Well, we can't.

Oh, look, it's not so bad.

We're only a few thousand pounds adrift.

Only?

Oh, we could sell the car.

They don't let you live in Maple Avenue if you haven't got a car.

If he hasn't got a catalytic converter, they'd get up a petition.

What about Ron?

No, if you'd ever shared a curry with him, you'd know he hasn't got a

converter.

You know, when we were discussing friends, it was painfully apparent that

one name you didn't want to volunteer was Ron.

The only real friend you've got.

And I bet you've got a few thousand put by.

There's no way I'm making it up with Ron.

We didn't just have a tip, you know. We had a serious parting of the ways on a

matter of principle.

Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?

Ron, I... I hope you're not a rep. I only see reps on Friday afternoons by

appointment. All right.

I'll go.

I knew it was pointless.

Hold on. If you knew it was pointless, why did you bother coming round?

Because I haven't had sex for a fortnight.

Kelly, even before our bust -up, I don't think our relationship had progressed

that far.

I mean, Yvonne has suspended all carnal activities until I make it out of here.

Yeah, well, serves you right.

You really let me down, you great divot. I know. I'm sorry.

Sorry? I could have been seriously wealthy now if you hadn't blown it.

Things just got out of hand. There was a war on, you know. I know. I did do

history O -level.

You could try again.

No.

Even if I did want to see Phoebe, her dad would never let me back in his pub.

No, if she thinks I'm in Hollywood writing songs for movies, it wouldn't be

on her to start it all up again.

You don't have to see Phoebe.

The planets still work.

All you have to do is go back to 1941.

Invest a modest amount, come back, and cash in the enormous pile that we'll

accumulated in the interim.

No, I'd have to go down Duckett's Passage, I'd have to go right past the

Oak. I don't think I can do it, Ron, I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry too.

Because I don't see how else you're going to get the money to buy your dream

home.

You're not going to lend it to me, then.

I'm doing you a favour, pal.

You're never going to fit in in Maple Avenue.

I mean, Yvonne will be all right with her open university and her subscription

to country living.

But you.

On the other hand, if you had a quarter of a million or so in the bank, that

would buy an awful lot of social lubrication.

Golf club membership.

A little boat, the tow behind, new four -wheel drive with nudge bars.

Nucky with Yvonne.

You've still got those old white five -pound knives.

And there's plenty more where they came from.

Hello again.

Again?

We met?

Well, no, not really.

You gave me directions once. Would have been about a year ago.

My word.

You've got a good memory for faces.

And this what about becoming a policeman yourself? Tall, young chap like you.

Look, I'm on a yellow line.

Turning yourself in?

All I want to know is, has this always been a bank?

Always is a very long time.

25 ,000 years ago, they say, this entire area was underwater.

But what about 50 years ago?

Of course not. 50 years ago?

The ice age had long ended. And this bank was a bank?

Oh, yeah.

My granddad used to bank here himself during the war.

Thanks.

Barry Sparrow.

Well, you were a sight for sore eyes and no mistake.

Back from America, then?

Oh, PC Deadman. Sorry, I didn't recognise you. Come on, sick leaf.

Ruptured eardrum.

Hello, hello.

Why don't you come in for a beer, then? Play us one of your tunes, cheer us all

up. Yeah, we still do that one of yours down the shelter sometimes.

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

Well, I'd love to, but I'm on my way to the bank.

And your path just happens to cross in front of the front door of the Royal

You can't pull a wool over my eyes. I've been a copper for 20 years.

Come on.

I know there's someone in there you're dying to see.

Well, I don't know. I mean, me and Phoebe.

Well, you know.

A lot's changed since you went to America, son.

You're a bit late.

Sorry. I bumped into an old friend outside.

Look, Reg, you're supposed to be here helping me, not rabbiting with old

Gary.

Hi, Stevie.

Gary, follow me.

Oh, I never thought I'd see you again.

Why didn't you ever write, you bastard?

Lady's present?

I'm the only lady present, and if you don't like the language in here, you can

go and drink somewhere else, you silly old sod.

Phoebe, you've changed.

Yeah. Well, these days you've got to get tough to survive.

You'd better not let your daddy hear you swearing like that. You feel the back

of his hand.

What?

What have I said?

The back of his hand was about all I found, son.

That and his dentures.

That's how they identify them.

Sorry.

When? Four months back.

Phoebe, I'm so sorry. Are you?

You never liked him. Oh, that's not true.

All right, he was a bit of a... Well, he used to get on my... But it doesn't

mean he was a complete... Well, you know.

I know.

I do miss him, Gary. He was a terrible nag, but he did care about me.

You look like you need a drink.

A large whiskey, Reg, and I'll have me usual.

So, now you're running the Royal Oak.

With Reg, you know.

If you can call it Oak.

You just can't get the staff these days, are you?

Well... Why didn't you write?

Look, I wanted to, but... I just thought it would be best to make a clean break,

you know.

After they took your Donald prisoner.

Just let you get on with your life.

Then why are you here now?

I suppose you just couldn't keep away, eh?

Something like that.

So?

You came all the way from Hollywood to step me, to look me up.

Despite the fact that there it's sunshine and film stars and here it's

landmines. Poor the other ones, Gary.

All right, cards on the table, I didn't fit in there.

It was fine to start with, you know, the chauffeur -driven limousines, the

apartment in Beverly Hills.

Hobnobbing with the stars.

No. Who did you hobnob with?

Clark Gable.

He wanted to be in the film, actually.

And what about the lady film stars?

Hobnob with any of them?

Yeah, one or two.

More hobbing than nobbing, of course.

Which ones?

Lana Turner, Betty Grable, Greta Garbo.

And you expect me to believe none of them fell for you?

With those eyes that look like they've seen things other people can't even

imagine.

Is that what you think?

It's just a job, Phoebe.

I mean, all right, I might seem a bit special here in Stepney, but over there

I'm just an unknown limey tunesmith.

It doesn't explain why you come round here, though, does it?

Not if you really wanted to make a clean break.

I just wanted to see you again.

Oi, love!

What do you have to do to get a pint in this place?

I'll be right with you.

Why don't I... No, of course not.

She's been really lonely since her death.

I can imagine.

She's a brave girl.

Very brave.

But she's only young still.

It's been hard for her.

I'm sure.

Things get very mixed up in wartime, Sam.

People do things they wouldn't normally do.

Sometimes I regret it after.

Like my missus.

What about your missus?

Nah, forget I mentioned her. Bloody Canadian fighter pilot.

Anyway, as regards our Phoebe, just don't go breaking her heart.

I couldn't if I tried.

Well, look at her. She's become as tough as nails.

Nah, that's just the front.

Reg, would you ever get off your fat backside and start collecting the pots?

It's convincing, though, isn't it?

Mr Sparrow? Yes.

You come in.

That'll be all, Wilson.

Very good, Mr Manoring.

Shall I arrange some tea?

Of course.

Use your initiative, man.

Public school education of the slightest idea how to behave in the real world.

I understand you want to invest.

Are you feeling quite well?

Who do you think you are kidding yourself?

Beg your pardon?

I

suppose

Manoring and Wilson are very common names.

Wilson may be a common name, but we Manorings can trace our ancestors back

Hastings. And I assume you're both in the Home Guard?

Of course.

We're all doing our bit.

Now, about this investment you wish to make.

Yes, sir.

That's rather a lot of sterling.

May I?

Something wrong?

You can't be too careful.

That swine Goebbels is flooding the country with counterfeit currency.

Oh, excuse me. I hope you're not accusing me of coming in here with...

respect, Mr Sparrow, you come in off the street with a sum of money equivalent

to my salary for a year.

All right.

Here's my ID card.

My ration book and my passport with all the relevant United States visas and

stamps. I see.

All seems satisfactory.

What were you doing to earn this money exactly?

I'm a songwriter.

Really? And I've been working on a musical in Hollywood.

Instead of enlisting to fight the enemies of the king?

Hardly the act of a patriot, if you don't mind my saying so.

And why the stepney branch of the provincial bank?

Mr Manoring, I'm here because you were recommended for your courtesy and

efficiency by my very good friend, Constable Deadman of Stepney Green

Station. He'll vouch for me. I'm sure he will.

The man's a gullible dolt.

No, I have a better idea.

Handel's Agrippina.

Who's what?

One of Handel's early operas.

The Bank's Operatic Society presented it last Christmas.

I had a leading role.

Perhaps you'd care to sing a few bars.

Um, well, I can't read music.

A songwriter who can't read music.

I see.

Wilson, would you come in here, please? Oh, no, hold on.

Look, lots of songwriters can't read music.

Oh, you take Irving Berlin. He wrote Alexander's Ragtime Band. He can't even

play the blank notes.

He just sings these songs to people who can write them down.

Sort of low -trick you'd expect from a man called Berlin.

I've got a conundrum for you.

Mr Sparrow here tells me he's a songwriter and can't read music.

What do you make of that?

Oh, that is a strange coincidence.

I was reading the other day in a playbill that Irving Berlin can't read

either. And he did write Alexander's Ragtime Band.

Come on in here.

Come on in here.

Yes, quite enough, Wilson, thank you.

I find the whole business very suspect.

I think we should give Mr Sparrow the benefit of the doubt, sir.

Perhaps if he could sing.

One of his own compositions, that would be proof.

Yes, just what I was about to suggest.

Go on then, Mr Sparrow.

Here, now.

I'm getting married in the morning.

Ding dong, the bells are going to chime.

Pull out the stopper, let's have a whopper. But get me to the church on

I say, that's awfully good.

Thank you, Wilson.

Yeah, it's quite amusing.

In a low, doggerel fashion.

I'm sorry about the unconventional preliminaries, but you can't be too

There's a war on.

Now, about the share... Come.

His name wouldn't be Pike.

What are you talking about?

He's called Major.

Look at the state of that train, Major.

Sorry, Mr. Mannering.

Stupid boy.

happened to you this morning?

I had to go to the bank.

Anyway, I was wondering... If you could come in.

Now everyone's gone and I'm all alone in here.

Well, not exactly. I mean... Of course you can.

So, join the WVF?

Yeah.

I always wanted to do my bit, but Dad would never let me.

I can only do a part -time, of course.

Otherwise, I'd have been a fanny.

A what?

A first -aid nursing omenry. The fannies.

But you can't be a part -time fanny.

No, no, of course not.

And they're very difficult to get into.

Well, that's true.

So what was you wondering?

Oh. Nothing. I just wanted to give you something.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's gorgeous.

Oh, I wish I could wear it with my uniform.

Thing is, I've got to go back to America.

Oh, no? So when are you going?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Yeah, I had a phone call from my producer in Hollywood.

They want Judy Garland to play Eliza Doolittle and they'd like me to meet

Oh, well.

When it comes on at the Rivoli, I'll think about you.

Oh, look, please don't be like that, Phoebe.

You don't need me around confusing things. You've got your Donald to think

about. Oh, he's all right.

He's in a prisoner of war camp outside Naples. He's probably getting a lovely

suntan and eating tonnes of spaghetti.

But obviously you're going to want to wait for him. Well, I don't know.

I used to think that.

But then Dad bought it and I started thinking, can you live your life waiting

for something, someone?

Especially when you aren't even sure you want to see them again. And after all

that, what happens if we lose the war?

We'll win, I promise.

How can you be so sure?

Well, all I know is I'm young, I'm alone, I'm lonely.

My marriage was never much, Cop, you know that.

And now I've met someone who was good and kind, generous, talented.

Phoebe, please, don't go on.

You were talking about me, weren't you?

You know I was.

Just when I think I've got over you, you come back.

You stir everything up, you give it this lovely broach, and then announce you're

going to swan off again. It just ain't fair, Gary. I know, but that's the war.

It's not war.

Flipping Hollywood.

Look, I've got to go. I was due on duty five minutes ago.

You've got to promise you'll come back soon and in one piece.

And here's something to remember me by then.

And you can have this on account.

Look, think of me when you're over there.

I will.

I promise.

Listen, we'll meet again.

I don't know where, I don't know where.

But I know we'll meet again some sunny day.

God, I'm rich.

Fantastic.

This calls for a high alcohol content bevy.

Do you know what Eurotronics were trading at this morning?

19 and a half quid.

That means we're worth nearly 450 ,000 smackers.

I could kiss you.

Try to resist the temptation.

Cheer up, Gary.

In one morning, you've managed to make 200 ,000 and raise your Nucky rating on

both sides of the space -time continuum.

Move over, Warren Beatty.

I'm not happy about how I succumbed.

Grow up, pal.

If every man who had a bit of tongue sandwich on the side went and confessed

his other half, the child support agency would be Britain's biggest employer.

I don't feel bad about Yvonne.

Well, not only Yvonne.

No, Phoebe.

She's changed. She's more passionate, more exciting.

Excuse me, but I don't see you've got a problem.

Well, I only went back to get the money so Yvonne and me could afford our dream

home.

And I tried to tell Phoebe I wouldn't be able to see her again.

She didn't understand.

Ron, she's still going to be waiting for me in 1941.

No, she isn't.

Because it's 1994.

And she's either dead or she's a very old lady who you wouldn't fancy one

bit.

Well, it says here that bedroom three is seven feet by five.

Who owns this house? The Seven Dwarfs?

Oh, it's a study, is it? For studying what?

Claustrophobia?

What do you mean?

Well, it's a simple question.

Where, meaning location, have you, meaning Gary Sparrow, been?

Meaning been.

Oh, I've been getting us a mortgage.

Really? Yeah, yeah, found a friendly bank.

Ron put me onto them.

Maple Avenue's going to be a piece of cake.

Oh, that's brilliant.

And you've made it all with Ron. Yeah. Oh, Gary, I'm so pleased.

So when do we get to meet this fantastically accommodating bank

Ah, um...

Well, I'm afraid you won't be able to come.

Why not?

Well, you've heard of the listening bank.

Yes. And the bank that likes to say yes. Yes.

Well, this bank likes the women to be veiled from head to toe and walk four

paces behind the menfolk.

Oh, an Arab bank?

Yeah, an Arab bank with lots of money to lend. Gary, I don't want to mortgage

off a bunch of chauvinists. 5 % fixed interest rate.

That's fantastic.

I've just run over them.

Oh, he, uh...

Prints all their fatwas.

This receipt's in remarkable condition for 1941.

It's virtually mint.

What of it?

Grandad kept it in an old doctor tin.

Remember? That's right.

Airtight. Ah, I see.

Well,

open it, then. Right.

Just making sure nobody's tampered with it.

Ah, that's class. Here we are.

Yes.

20 ,000 shares in our button -off of Ealing.

I've not heard of them.

I believe they went on to become Eurotronics in 1973.

You're very well informed.

Do you play the market?

I dabble.

Eurotronics, eh?

That is exciting.

I just wonder why your grandfather never came back for his shirt at the picket.

That's easy.

He suffered a serious concussion in an air raid in 1941.

Loss of memory.

Followed by loss of memory.

It's lucky we found his chin.

Yes, sir, what do I have to do? Sign something?

Right. Are you his sole beneficiary? Oh, yes.

I mean, Grandad didn't have very much to leave.

He never bought his council flat. He said that was all a Thatcherite con

on the working class.

Yeah, but we're all entitled to our political opinion, no matter how

Are you calling his Grandad ignorant?

I thought you said he was your Grandad too.

Oh, yes.

Well, are you calling my Grandad ignorant, Ron?

Well,

look, as it happens,

Grandad was ignorant.

The thing is, he did leave me everything, as luck would have it.

photocopy of the will. It was all his worldly goods, which were £57 in the

office. Oh, and his collection of Brentford Football Club programmes from

to 1965.

Left the home game against Greensby. I'm not sure that's relevant, Gary. No, I'm

sorry.

Yes?

I'll be right out.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

What do you mean, uh -oh?

We're seriously rich. What's uh -oh about that?

This memo from the manager in 1957.

What about it?

Well, it seems that the Arbuthnot brothers, Cecil and Harold, had a

-up after Harold found Cecil in bed with his wife.

So they dissolved the partnership and set up rival companies.

Harold started Arbuthnot of Ealing Limited and Cecil started Arbuthnot

Electronics Limited.

Oh, no.

So what happened?

The shares were split. We only get 100 thou each and I've got to choose between

a yacht and a sports car. What a bummer.

I think it might be a bigger bummer than that, Ron.

Listen, since I have not been able to trace Mr Sparrow, I am compelled to make

decision on his behalf.

As a church -going man, I cannot in all conscience invest any of Mr Sparrow's

funds with the adulterer, so I will opt for Mr Harold's new company.

Which went on to flourish and become Eurotronics.

which went into liquidation 18 months later, while the wife -stealer went on

become Eurotronics P .L. Sorry about that.

Had to thought out a rather...

Ah,

I see.

How disappointing.

But I hope you'll accept that Mr Major acted out of the highest of motives.

Major? They made that...

uncoordinated, shambling idiot, the manager. The boy couldn't even manage a

tray.

Are you all right?

What? I was... Yes.

I'm not.

I really wish there was some way I could ease your disappointment.

There is.

Give us the key to the safe, close your eyes and count to a thousand.

I don't think head office would like that.

I suppose you do mortgages, do you?

Sweetheart, sleep will banish sorrow.

Good night, sweetheart,

till we meet tomorrow.

Dreams enfold you, remember I'll fold

you. Good night, sweetheart.