Original subtitles

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Okay, if she does not introduce us, I am going to kill myself.

He is so gorgeous.

She is, like, glowing.

Two and a half hours she's been with him. Two and a half hours.

Jesus, if that had been me, I'd be impregnated by now.

I'd like to be referred to as Mrs. Clooney from now on.

I cannot

believe

you did not introduce us. Why couldn't he? He wouldn't stop talking to me.

he looked absolutely smitten. I know.

He's seen every movie I've ever done. Every one.

George is a fan, and I'm unemployed.

How cool is that?

What are you talking about? We had so much in common. I'm from Montreal, and

loves Montreal, and he has a house in Italy, and I want to have babies in

Oh, my God. He's got your number.

No.

Why not?

Well, I just think that he didn't want to belittle this magical connection we

had by, you know, hitting on me.

But he invited me to Lake Como.

How is he going to take you to Lake Como if he doesn't have your number?

He's fucking George.

I mean, if he wants to find me, he can find me, Rox. I mean, you know, he'll

call me. I'm sure he'll call me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's been five days. Why hasn't he called?

I don't know. I mean, maybe because you didn't give him your number?

Mm -hmm.

And you owe me a massage.

Why? Because I strained my neck trying to get a peek at him.

I know the Sabbath massage guy. He's incredible.

He comes to your house.

Although I got a warning. It looks like Paul.

Paul Roxy Beck?

Mm -hmm.

Um, Sasha's on a school trip. Give me his number.

Hi.

Hey. Hi, honey. You want coffee?

No. I am detoxifying.

Yeah. No solid food for three weeks.

This stuff is supposed to get it all out of my system. All the drugs. Out of my

system.

What is this?

It's good.

Okay, anyways, um, Mrs.

Clooney. I'm sorry.

What are you... Yum.

What are you up to today? Well, you know, since George isn't supporting me

I'm going to have to rent out my guest house.

Do you think that you could do the interviews with me still?

Well, as much as I would love to interview a bunch of starlets with three

-picture deals that want to live in your guest house, I can't.

I'm taking Sherman Statler's acting seminar.

Whoa, whoa.

I thought you had somebody in there. What happened to her?

Oh, she got a three -picture deal.

So, Sherman Statler, he's like a guru, right?

To be or not to be?

That was the act of question.

Well, that was then, and this is now, and this is reality, and this, my

is Hollywood.

If you want to work, show them that you don't care.

To care is to be, but to not care is to work.

Nice.

Look, I don't know. You know, something's got to give, because I'm

working. It's breaking my heart.

What's for lunch?

So, no pets and, of course, no smoking.

I'm just going to ask you a couple of questions.

Mandy. Mandy Slice. Cindy. Cindy Mauve.

Texas. Iowa.

About ten days now, yeah.

Two days.

Oh, I'm an actress.

Actor.

Fifteen, sixteen hundred dollars?

Yeah, sure.

Daddy's paying.

All I can pay is $7 .50.

I smoke.

I have a cat, but I don't make any noise. All I need is a place to pee and

and a home for my friend.

Oh, my God.

Is that an Oscar?

Lady Rising.

Screenwriting. 1979.

I'm working on a new script right now.

Yeah, and you know, you would be just perfect for it.

You could be my muse.

It's yours.

Hi.

I'm here for your massage.

Is everything okay?

Sorry.

You look like somebody that I used to know.

Come on in.

Does that feel better?

I've been working deep for about an hour now.

How do you feel about some energy work?

experience I've never had before.

He serviced to me for hours.

I paid him like a whore, kicked him out. It was fucking fabulous.

But you didn't do anything back?

Not a goddamn thing. I just lay back and let it happen.

That's amazing.

I mean, you know, he never did that to me.

Francesca, honey, why are you here? This must be torture for you.

No, I can do it.

I can do it.

So, just thanks. You were fabulous. Can I get out? That's all? Well, I don't

think he wanted to leave.

That's because you didn't care.

Sherman's technique works for everything. I mean, like with fame and

sex.

Yeah, well, I wish I didn't care that George hasn't called.

Franny, you can't sniff through cans.

Look, there is something very powerful about paying for sex.

Now I understand why men do it.

Uh, is that cash or charge?

I don't care.

Well, what would you prefer?

I said I don't care.

Okay.

Cash?

Look, I don't usually do this, but can I have your number?

I love this script.

It's the most amazing story.

It's about this young woman who finds out on her mother's deathbed that she's

the product of an affair, so she travels all over the world where her mother

lived and loved to find out who her real father is.

Oh, and when she broke his, what happened? How did it end?

I don't know, but I'm going to go find out.

Should I call you back?

No, I'm watching porn.

Really?

Mm -hmm.

The Food Channel.

That's a new one.

Oh.

Oh, boy, base.

I gotta go. I'm gonna lose my shit.

Bye.

So, did you have a chance to read the script?

No.

Are you not interested in the part?

I don't really care.

You don't care?

No.

Yeah, very nice, Stella.

Very nice.

I just came to tell you how much I love, love the script.

You read it?

Read it? I practically lived it.

My mom died a year ago, and on her deathbed, she told me that I might be

product of an affair, but I never got to find out because it was too late.

So now every time I meet a European man, I don't know whether he's going to be

my husband or my father.

I've been working on that ending for I don't know how long.

And now, oh, my God, now I can see my way forward.

Oh, thank you. You really are my muse.

Oh, Chris. Oh, watch out.

It's not a cat. Yeah, a lot of cats.

But no back end.

It's the most incredible script, I'm telling you, and it could make anybody a

star. And the writer.

Writer? Molly Maudsley.

The Lady Rising. Oscar, 1979 for screenwriting.

Oscar? Yes.

Okay, Miramax.

I'll set up a meeting.

Where's the script?

That's almost finished, but there's the most amazing part for George. Hey,

Murray. Yeah, listen, I got this brilliant script.

Yeah, it's... Ow!

No, I read it. I loved it. It's, uh... Molly Maudsley, you know.

Lady Rising, Oscar, 79.

Two words.

Gigi, George.

Yeah. Okay, uh, uh, different words.

George attached.

Better get that script over to me before somebody nabs it for Lindsay Lohan.

So what do you say?

Excellent.

We up for lunch Thursday?

Could you do that a little harder, please?

Jeez.

Hi, Roxy.

Hi. Oh, um...

Did you forget something?

I want to see you again.

I gotta go get my daughter.

I'd really like to give you another massage.

Oh.

And then today we went on that school trip that I was telling you about. And

saw killer whales.

We saw seals.

We saw dolphins.

Molly.

Dude, thanks.

Hey, have a little respect for your elders, okay?

Molly, are you there?

Molly?

Molly! Oh, sorry. It's just me and my friend's daughter.

Me? For what?

The ending.

And? It was in my head.

And now it's gone!

Because of you!

Don't you ever come down here and interrupt me when I'm writing. What, you

to ruin the script?

God, no, I'm sorry. Do you hear me?

Never, under any circumstances, interrupt me.

Until I'm done!

This is your fault.

You've got a nice ass.

What are you doing?

Oh, no.

Thanks.

You don't have to pay me.

Yeah, actually, no, I do have to pay you.

When can I see you again?

Um, you know, you really are reminding me of someone, and it's freaking me out.

Well, who?

I like you.

This isn't about business.

Sweetheart, it's all about business.

Okay, I need you to get out of the bed.

Now, please, get just... Please.

Doc!

Yeah!

Hi.

Here she is.

Thanks.

Been lifted.

With our therapist.

Hi. Hello.

Thanks for coming.

You guys have a good day.

Bye.

Oh, my God, Rock. You look just like him.

Nobody.

motherfucker ring i got a job

what happened well i

just didn't care and now i am the third lead in a studio film oh my

god awesome i know thank you sherman i just did what he said and it worked oh

man that is so cool still i'm gonna tell you if i meant up my mirror mask

meeting i'm gonna fuck up my life for the rest of it i'm sure of it perfect

opportunity to practice sherman's technique okay okay you just need to

out i'll show you exactly what i did and then you will get this project and you

will get george fucking hell it stinks

in here my god it's rant You've got to talk to her, Jane. No, no, no, no, no. I

cannot disturb her. I will just light another incense and we'll be fine.

We'll be fine.

Smell, look, better.

No, it's bucket stink.

Inhale the incense. It's all right.

I can't go down there.

You okay?

You know, there's no smoking in here.

I don't care.

You don't care?

How about you just want to tell us about the script?

Uh, no, not really.

Excuse me?

You don't want to tell us about the script?

Then why are you here?

You don't care if Miramax wants your project?

No.

Well, good.

Then you won't care if this meeting is over.

I care.

I care.

God,

I know.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Hey. Hey.

Gee, this is disgusting.

Oh, my God.

Get up. We're going out. No, I have got to get that script from Molly. It is the

only thing that's going to make things right.

Gee, no. Get dressed. We're going out.

Why are you so dressed up?

We're celebrating.

Stella's got the job, and Franny can finally eat today.

Yeah, I can finally eat today after three weeks, but Kenea, Hora, I'm

you, the smell from this house, I think it's killed my appetite, so please go

get dressed.

Let's go outside.

Okay. We're going to wait outside!

Del, when do you have to be back on set?

Now.

Yesterday I came in about two hours after call. I mean, you know, if they

want me, they can wait.

Franny, you are not eating the food.

Oh, the smell totally fucked up my appetite. I can't eat.

That's in a smoking pot.

A smoking pot?

You don't have to smoke pot. All you need is some dessert.

Excuse me.

Can we have two pieces of the chocolate? No, three. Three pieces.

Three pieces of the chocolate cake with ice cream.

Here's my card. And keep it shaking, pretty.

Ross, that was totally inappropriate.

Oh, please.

We're paying them.

Besides, men have been doing this to women for years.

You're just not used to it because it's not the norm.

Miss Gensler, the studio just called. Oh, yeah, yeah. I know. I know. I'm

Just tell them I'll be there in a minute.

No worry. They say you can take as much time as you want because you're fired.

pretend that I don't care because I'm a deeply caring person.

We were all pretending to be something.

Yeah.

Something that we weren't.

What was I pretending to be?

It's over!

Gee!

Oh, gee, gee, gee, gee, gee.

I found a spot that doesn't smell.

I did.

My house

is stanky.

Did anyone notice that guy that fired Del looked just like George Clooney?

If George called right now, I would tell him that he could just take his fucking

Lake Como and he could shove it up his ass!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

Good

evening,

ma 'am.

Do you know why we're here?

No.

Haven't you noticed the smell?

Incense. I don't know how you couldn't have noticed.

But we think you may have a dead body downstairs.

We're going to need you to identify the body.

If you can make it, come, join me.

And I hear you have the script.

This program is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to events, persons, or

companies is entirely coincidental.