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1
00:00:16,229 --> 00:00:19,430
And you expect me to keep paying for
these lessons?
2
00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:23,190
Well, I thought it was beautiful.
3
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,710
Was that in the key of e -crap?
4
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:35,170
And as soon as they hear musical skills,
we'll pay for more lessons.
5
00:00:36,090 --> 00:00:37,950
Now, throw that thing in the trash.
6
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,450
Yes!
7
00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:41,350
Next!
8
00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:44,390
Oh, there's my little soccer star.
9
00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:48,030
Gracie, tell us why we should pay for
another year of soccer.
10
00:00:48,690 --> 00:00:51,070
I'm out of your hair for three hours
every Saturday.
11
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:52,350
You may continue.
12
00:00:54,790 --> 00:00:55,790
There's a check.
13
00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:56,970
Next!
14
00:00:57,310 --> 00:00:58,610
Oh, God.
15
00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,470
A tap -dancing child?
16
00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:03,280
Better earn those fancy shoes of yours,
girl.
17
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:47,850
This Treasure Snooper T -700 is the best
investment I've ever made.
18
00:01:48,510 --> 00:01:50,130
Goodbye, loser weekends.
19
00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,930
Hello, metal detecting.
20
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:55,150
Well, hello, ladies.
21
00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:58,510
What's sexier than a man who can find
treasure?
22
00:02:00,350 --> 00:02:03,250
Hmm. Must be something funny going on
behind me.
23
00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:06,310
Guess I missed it.
24
00:02:09,470 --> 00:02:11,990
Ooh, ooh, please be gold coins. Please
be gold coins.
25
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,410
Hey, a nickel.
26
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:16,910
From 1988.
27
00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:19,770
It's like a window into another time.
28
00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:26,330
Please be gold coins. Please be gold
coins.
29
00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:28,870
A wedding ring?
30
00:02:29,870 --> 00:02:32,230
Jim, put this back on. Love, Cheryl.
31
00:02:34,010 --> 00:02:35,010
Oh, my.
32
00:02:35,130 --> 00:02:37,070
God, this is Jim's wedding ring.
33
00:02:38,030 --> 00:02:40,510
I remember when he lost this a year ago.
34
00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:46,810
That rascal has worn a cheap look -alike
ever since, and Cheryl's never been the
35
00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:47,810
wiser.
36
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,570
God, I love that guy.
37
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:59,730
Andy! Andy! What did I tell you about
digging holes in my front yard?
38
00:03:00,230 --> 00:03:01,970
I can't wait to show him.
39
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,840
Why don't you just take that thing back
to your house and use it to try to find
40
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:07,418
a life?
41
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,140
Wow. He's really mad about something
behind me.
42
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,180
Must have missed it.
43
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,480
Things happen fast around here.
44
00:03:14,740 --> 00:03:17,920
Hey! Hey! You're not killing me? Is that
what you're going to do?
45
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,520
All right, Andy. All right.
46
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:25,600
Wow. He's squirting me with a hose.
47
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,520
Why would he do that? I'm his best
friend.
48
00:03:29,180 --> 00:03:30,440
I know.
49
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:32,760
I must be on fire.
50
00:03:33,390 --> 00:03:35,610
Stop, drop, and roll. Stop, drop, and
roll. Stop, drop, and roll.
51
00:03:37,390 --> 00:03:41,290
Next time, I'm going to get my BB gun
and we'll see if you can detect metal
52
00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:42,370
flying in your ass.
53
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:53,970
I wasn't on fire at all.
54
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:56,730
He's just a big, stupid jerk.
55
00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:58,690
I'll show him.
56
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,440
What is so funny behind me?
57
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:30,840
Poor Andy.
58
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,500
Even with that thing, you can't find
your dignity.
59
00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:36,950
and I give him a break.
60
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:39,570
It was small and hard to find in the
first place.
61
00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:42,730
Ah, Cheryl, big sis.
62
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,110
Always there with a clever quip and an
apron.
63
00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:50,270
Reminds me, what was the funny thing you
had engraved on Jim's wedding ring?
64
00:04:50,470 --> 00:04:54,310
Oh, Jim, put this back on. Love, Cheryl.
65
00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:56,890
That's funny.
66
00:04:57,410 --> 00:05:01,150
That's what this ring says that I just
found buried in the front yard under two
67
00:05:01,150 --> 00:05:02,150
inches of lye.
68
00:05:03,950 --> 00:05:08,040
Jim Lott? His wedding ring? A year ago,
and he's been wearing a fake one ever
69
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,040
since.
70
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,980
How do you know he lost it a year ago?
71
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:12,460
Dana.
72
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:14,540
Sweet, stupid Dana.
73
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:23,060
A thieving treasure hunter can analyze
the soil and the position of said
74
00:05:23,060 --> 00:05:26,200
artifact in determining... You were with
him when he lost it.
75
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,380
It was a warm spring day.
76
00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:33,930
A day which found Jim and I in
possession of a water balloon catapult
77
00:05:33,930 --> 00:05:35,630
good sense to know where to use it. All
right.
78
00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:37,790
Gun's up.
79
00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:40,270
Ten bucks, you hit Driscoll's mailbox.
80
00:05:40,730 --> 00:05:42,770
Ten bucks, if you don't lean back so
far.
81
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:44,530
Fire in the hole!
82
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,690
Oh, great!
83
00:05:48,310 --> 00:05:51,750
All right, what else we got? Oh, look at
that.
84
00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:55,650
Looks like Al Kranis picked the wrong
day to leave his sunroof open.
85
00:05:58,550 --> 00:05:59,550
Gun's up.
86
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,520
Here's somewhere it couldn't have gone
far.
87
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,700
I'd say 100 yards with a good tailwind.
88
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,220
Maybe it's in the front yard.
89
00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,820
Hey, you're a big nerd. You got one of
those metal detectors, don't you?
90
00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,420
I've been kicking the tires on a couple,
but the online buzz says wait for the T
91
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,800
-700. And nerd's a little harsh.
92
00:07:03,980 --> 00:07:05,900
Cheryl's going to get a little harsh if
I don't find that ring.
93
00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:07,540
Come on. Jeez,
94
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,640
Jim. What are you going to do if you
can't find your ring?
95
00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:16,870
Well, for some reason, Cheryl's always
made a big deal about the ring.
96
00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:19,150
Women, you know.
97
00:07:20,410 --> 00:07:22,050
You know, I could just tell her the
truth.
98
00:07:22,410 --> 00:07:23,550
That doesn't sound like you.
99
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:25,790
She's a reasonable woman.
100
00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:28,390
She knows accidents happen. I mean, look
at Kyle.
101
00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:31,250
Well, we'll find out. No!
102
00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:35,470
Cheryl.
103
00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:39,030
You do something new with your hair?
104
00:07:41,650 --> 00:07:43,230
Did you forget something, Jim?
105
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,200
Yes, happy birthday.
106
00:07:49,620 --> 00:07:50,620
Happy anniversary.
107
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,400
Happy Halloween?
108
00:07:55,320 --> 00:08:00,100
What? You forgot to pick up the girls at
their dance lesson. Today of all days,
109
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,440
after I had to beg, borrow, and steal
for an appointment with Todd, the hair
110
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,480
genius of Oak Park, I was halfway
through my weave with cell phone rings,
111
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,400
threw me crying because you...
112
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,300
We were going to, but then we realized
we could fill water balloons with pee.
113
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:51,600
Once we were bored with that, summer was
over, and it snowed.
114
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:58,220
So, he's been lying about this for a
year? Oh, Cheryl, you know him. He'll
115
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,340
I just didn't tell you, and that's not
the same as lying.
116
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,040
Oh, no.
117
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,100
He lied.
118
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:15,980
Cheryl, I swear on this ring, I did not
heave water balloons at Al Kranitz's
119
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:16,980
car.
120
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:25,560
Cheryl, I swear on this ring, I did not
teach Kyle that word.
121
00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:31,020
I swear on this ring, it was here when I
woke up.
122
00:09:45,569 --> 00:09:49,890
Cheryl, for once in a twisted marriage,
you have cold, hard evidence. You should
123
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:54,210
nail him. Oh, oh, I am going to nail
him. I will nail him. He is nailed!
124
00:09:56,370 --> 00:09:57,370
How do I do that?
125
00:09:58,850 --> 00:10:02,110
Easy. We tie him up and beat him. I've
got a bat. Oh, great idea. We can take
126
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:04,750
turns. No, no. I mean, hitting him would
feel good.
127
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:06,870
Really good.
128
00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:08,790
But that's just temporary.
129
00:10:09,570 --> 00:10:10,570
Depends on where you hit him.
130
00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:15,090
Andy.
131
00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:18,520
More satisfying would be a confession.
132
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,240
I'll never get him to confess. He always
talks his way out of these things.
133
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,300
We could beat a confession out of him.
Yes, I've got a back.
134
00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:26,860
No, no.
135
00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:29,060
We are going to be more subtle.
136
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,620
We are going to use cupcakes.
137
00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:36,420
I'll bring my back.
138
00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:52,599
Beautiful cupcake.
139
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,400
Oh, those are my favorite. I know.
140
00:10:55,940 --> 00:11:02,620
Deep, dark chocolate. But first,
everybody has to tell a deep,
141
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:03,800
dark secret.
142
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,980
Come on, she's only four years old.
Let's just eat the cupcakes.
143
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,640
No secret, no cupcakes.
144
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:14,240
I'll go. I'll go. Okay. Remember that
lavender tie you bought me?
145
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,480
The one I had monogrammed?
146
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:19,100
I lost it doing something stupid rather
than tell you I went out and bought a
147
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,020
similar one and you never caught on. I'm
a terrible man.
148
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:25,500
Sounds like something I would do.
149
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,400
Doesn't it?
150
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,720
Oh, Andy, that's silly.
151
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,420
Your family, I would have understood.
152
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:35,660
Right, Jim?
153
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,960
I mean, anybody can lose something.
154
00:11:38,380 --> 00:11:41,620
You should have just told her. I know.
The cover -up is actually worse than the
155
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:43,720
crime. It always is.
156
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:51,060
Can we just eat the cupcakes?
157
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:52,660
That's what we're doing.
158
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,840
Andy, here's yours.
159
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:57,880
Delicious.
160
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:02,320
This is a good cupcake, but not as good
as a clean conscience.
161
00:12:04,060 --> 00:12:05,140
Okay, my turn.
162
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:11,000
Last week, I was up on the roof throwing
water balloons filled with my own
163
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,000
urine.
164
00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:24,280
How's the bracelet that Cheryl gave me?
165
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,000
The one I had engraved?
166
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,960
I'm such a jerk.
167
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,480
Is there something weird going on behind
me?
168
00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:42,880
You know, Dana, I could have helped you
look for that with my metal detector.
169
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:44,780
Oh, the Treasure Snooper T -7000.
170
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,100
Yeah,
171
00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,380
you can find anything with that.
172
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:50,280
You know, Dana...
173
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:53,920
At least you didn't hide it from me for
weeks, months, or even a year. I mean,
174
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,080
that would have been really hurtful.
Yeah.
175
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,780
Don't you think so, Jim?
176
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:10,960
You know, I think... I think ye who
least judge, judge the least.
177
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,980
Now may I have ye cupcake?
178
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,860
Now it's time for your confession.
179
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:24,540
Sure.
180
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,520
Well, not unlike Dana, I was on the
roof.
181
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,580
This is very hard for me to say.
182
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:36,840
Go ahead, Jim.
183
00:13:37,060 --> 00:13:38,060
It's time.
184
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,500
Well, I was up on the roof. I don't know
why I was up there.
185
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:48,460
Anyway, I...
186
00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:55,410
I lost, I lost hope.
187
00:13:59,150 --> 00:14:01,930
I don't know, life just seemed a little
bleak to me.
188
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:08,690
And I went downstairs and took a nap and
I found hope again.
189
00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:14,970
That's your big confession, you lost
hope?
190
00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:17,930
I know, it was the worst thing that ever
happened to me.
191
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:19,850
I swear. On my ring.
192
00:14:25,370 --> 00:14:28,910
Thank you for digging so deep, Jim.
193
00:14:29,930 --> 00:14:31,730
I have a special cupcake.
194
00:15:06,060 --> 00:15:07,060
looks delicious.
195
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:52,720
sinful hit the spot good as gold i'm
gonna go
196
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:59,140
get some more milk would you guys uh
care for anything uh no no
197
00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:04,680
we're good well if you need anything
just give me a ring
198
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,360
There's no way he swallowed it. We were
all there. We all saw him swallow it.
199
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,100
Well, there's only one way to find out.
200
00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:10,970
I would rather swallow his wedding ring
than admit he did something wrong.
201
00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:14,990
You know what I can't believe? That
you're still surprised by him. He once
202
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:16,970
the kids to the circus, came back with a
stolen monkey.
203
00:17:19,069 --> 00:17:23,550
This is not over. I don't care what we
have to do. I am going to hear the
204
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,450
I swallowed my wedding ring and I lied
to you about it.
205
00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:28,810
It's too late now. The evidence is gone.
206
00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:31,770
Well, it's not really gone.
207
00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:35,290
We know where it is.
208
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,490
Presumably, it's coming back.
209
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:47,210
And when it does, we'll be there.
210
00:17:49,790 --> 00:17:50,790
Oh.
211
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,910
Daddy,
212
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:02,150
I finished that report you wanted me to
write. Not right now, honey. I'm in a
213
00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:03,150
bit of a hurry.
214
00:18:07,070 --> 00:18:10,070
Actually, it takes about 12 hours and 25
minutes and 40 seconds.
215
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:13,570
I can use some reading.
216
00:18:39,020 --> 00:18:40,020
that toilet.
217
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,460
Feel free to light a match.
218
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,820
I think we've crossed the line in this
family.
219
00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:53,000
I feel totally invaded.
220
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,300
Yeah, I don't feel so good myself.
221
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,660
It was all Cheryl. All she could talk
about was catching you on the pot.
222
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,060
Oh, please.
223
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,120
I had to talk you out of bringing a
camera.
224
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:10,100
I feel totally un... comfortable in the
role of this family's moral compass.
225
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,460
Get off your high horse.
226
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,040
Were you using that compass when you
lost your wedding ring catapulting water
227
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,080
balloons at your neighbors or lying
about it for a year?
228
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,020
Ridiculing a man's hobby and squirting
him with a hose?
229
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:29,960
You guys put a ring in a cupcake, then
stood in a bathtub and ambushed me like
230
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,800
bunch of hyenas waiting for a lion to
squeeze out a ring.
231
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,560
I gave you that ring.
232
00:19:37,020 --> 00:19:41,740
on our wedding day as a symbol of our
love, and you lied to me about losing
233
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:42,779
I didn't lie.
234
00:19:42,780 --> 00:19:47,380
I just chose not to tell you. Uh -huh. I
told you he'd say that. I totally win.
235
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,620
Except for the part about seeing Jim
poop.
236
00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:55,640
Carol, I chose not to tell you because I
knew you'd get upset.
237
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,600
You just didn't want to get yelled at.
That is true.
238
00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:01,840
I mean, the way you looked that day with
your hair, you look crazy.
239
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,380
Until five minutes ago, that was the
worst thing I'd ever seen.
240
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:10,460
Cheryl, think about it, all right?
241
00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:14,160
I mean, you didn't even notice that I
was wearing a different ring. And do you
242
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,420
love me any less right now?
243
00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:17,260
A little.
244
00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:20,780
I feel terrible that I lost the ring.
245
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:22,500
I do.
246
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,800
But come on, Cheryl, we got great love
here.
247
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,360
We got great commitment in this
relationship.
248
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,160
We don't need a symbol to prove it.
249
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:31,940
I mean, I don't.
250
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,920
And if you do, well, you know where it
is.
251
00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:45,380
Kyle, what did you do?
252
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:46,980
You must tell me first.
253
00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:48,340
I first.
254
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:49,780
Won't you tell him?
255
00:20:55,660 --> 00:21:01,640
Well, Cheryl, to be honest with you, I
got it this morning.
256
00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:08,220
What? But we heard the clank.
257
00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:09,700
Yeah, that was something else.
258
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,380
Remind me tomorrow we're going to have
some keys made.
20124
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