All language subtitles for according_to_jim_s06e09_dino-mite

Hey. What's going on?

Oh, not a lot. Ruby and Grace have
soccer practice. Kyle has a field trip.

Was that a goat?

Yeah, the lawnmower broke, so Jim's
exploring some low -cost alternatives.

Hey, you see Gordon?

This doesn't mean it was a bad idea. It
just means he needs to adjust to his

surroundings.

Gordon owes me a $300 pair of loafers.

Mom, can Ali spend the night tonight?
Only if Daddy catches the goat.

Cheryl, I'm telling you, 20 years from
now, everyone's going to have one.

I shouldn't have bought mine until I saw
how this worked out.

Oh, baby.

I don't know. I'm not a dinosaur expert.

Hey, Ryan, you're a doctor. Where does
this bone go?

Jim, I deliver babies.

I could help you out if this was a lady
dinosaur.

Oh, but it's not.

Dana, come on. We don't want to be late
for the movie.

Hang on. I just have to give Ryan Tanner
some emergency contact information.

Oh, great.

Oh, wow. 9 -1 -1.

Dana, relax.

I'm here with Ryan. We can take care of
the baby. I've raised three kids, Ruby,

Gracie, and... Kyle. Kyle.

You know what? Maybe we shouldn't go.

Dana, they'll be fine.

Oh, come on, honey. You've been working
so hard looking after Tanner. You

deserve a night off. Yes, absolutely
going. You too, Cheryl. You've been

your tail off on that stupid museum
fundraiser that I'm not going to.

Free booze and unlimited shrimp
cocktail.

It's a good cause.

All right,

come on.

Let's go watch Matthew McConaughey. Oh,
I hope he takes his shirt off.

What are the odds?

Ruby, the window.

In the car. Right.

Backing up. Right.

Checking lipstick.

Almost in a car.

Okay, Doc, diaper bag. Let's go. Come
on. Hey, how? Why? Because, my friend,

this key unlocks the front door to the
Museum of Natural History. Yes, yes. You

see, they gave this to Cheryl to open
the museum to help set her fundraiser up

that I'm getting the shrimp at.

Why were you in the closet?

Well, ever since that goat thing, we're
not allowed to play together.

Cheryl grounded us.

Why don't you just go to the museum
during the day?

Come on, what's the adventure in that?
That's not fun.

Everything's better when you sneak in.
Yeah.

Like a public swimming pool. Yeah, or a
stranger's wedding.

Or your new hot co -worker's apartment.

And I'm trying to create some memories
for my children.

Gracie, give me my false ID.

Here we go, Mr. Demon.

All right.

Yeah, Jim, I'm not going to any museum.
I told Dana I'd stay here and watch

after the baby. You're free to your
wife, aren't you?

Don't be afraid of your wife. You can
watch the kid at the museum.

Yeah, but Dana said... Yeah, but Dana
said... Don't mock me. Don't mock me.

Cut it out. I mean it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Right. You can come with us, bring the
baby to the museum, watch him there, and

be a good dad, or you can stay here,
watch the baby here, and be Dana's

babysitter.

It's go time. All right, let's go.

You should tell me what to do, you know?
I'm a doctor. I'm the kid's father.

I'm very responsible.

Tanner, you cannot wander off like that.

you have to take advantage of the rare
opportunity you have to cut loose.

Take the lid off your soda.

What? Why?

Because I'm going to pour liquor in it.

You can't drink in a movie theater.

Oh, my God, I love those bottles.

It's like doll booze.

Did you bring one for yourself?

This is even better than the waste
management plant.

He broke into a waste management plant?

Eh, it's Ruby's birthday.

Daddy, I can't see anything.

Hey, see, there's a switch, I think,
right there. Can you see it?

Yeah.

This is a lady.

How can you tell it's a lady?

Just look at her face.

She's crazy.

Yeah. Yeah,

I bet she ate a lot of cavemen, though,
huh?

There weren't any cavemen when dinosaurs
were alive.

Well, that's because the T -Rex ate them
all, honey.

Hey, Andy, you got your camera? Yeah.
Come on, let's take a picture in front

the big guy here. Okay, okay.

Come on, hurry up. But then I want to go
see the mummies, and I'm not going

alone. All right.

All right, here we go. Come on.

Hey, you want some adventure?

Let's put Tanner in the mouth of the T
-Rex.

Let's not.

What are you talking about?

This is fun.

It'll be a great memory for Tanner. When
he's older, he'll see the picture.

I don't know, Jim.

Doesn't that sign say, do not touch?

Can you read yet?

Not really.

It says, what paint?

That picture's no good.

Ah, Tanner's got that I got gas face.

All right, here, come on, try it one
more time.

to put Ryan's fat baby in the dinosaur's
mouth.

Whoa, my baby's not fat.

He could skip a meal or two. Who cares
if the baby's chubby or not? We gotta

figure out what to do here.

Shouldn't we find an adult and tell the
truth?

A serious plan.

I say we lie and blame it on Ruby.

You know, Ruby... Daddy!

Oh, you're cute. The judge may take a
liking to you. Are you kidding me?

All right, we're not going to blame
Ruby. Okay, I don't know about you guys,

I'm out of here.

Don't worry, he'll be back.

How do you know?

Mummy!

There's no way out.

You know, Jim, I'd like to thank you for
involving my child in his first felony.

I'm out of here. No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no. You're not going

anywhere. Nobody's going anywhere.

Not only have we broken the law, but
we've got to fix this thing so we don't

to jail.

And what's worse is Cheryl's going to
kill us if she finds out. She's going to

know right away we stole the key and
we're not even supposed to be playing

together.

I thought we weren't afraid of our
wives. You know what? When damage goes

$5 million, we're afraid of our wives.

We've got to put this thing together and
get home before Cheryl and Dana do.

Absolutely. And you know what? You know
what? We are the perfect team for this.

What are you talking about? Come on.
You're a doctor. You know about bones.

You're an architect.

We've got three cheap laborers there.

And I'm the lovable but gruff
supervisor.

You think we can really pull it off,
Jim? Absolutely.

Look, I need you to go to the Home
Depot. It's around the corner.

Get some supplies.

Great idea.

They know how to fix anything.

I wonder if they have a one -two -three
book on Cretaceous carnivores.

Okay, Doc.

Where do we start?

They're everywhere!

The knee bones connect the two.

a wig. She hasn't moved a one.

Maybe she's dead.

That would be awesome.

Oh, my God. Let's try pennies.

Here, throw some popcorn at the dead
lady's head. I'm trying to watch this.

Hey, do you have any pennies?

Oops.

Someone's getting busted.

This lady in front of us, she's dead.

to fix this leg and we can get out of
here. Oh, yeah.

Daddy? Yes, yes, yes. Can I take a red
bone to show and tell?

Yes, and then we can all go to prison
together.

And show and tell has a whole different
meaning there.

So where do we put the ceiling fan?

We built it just like you said, Uncle
Andy.

Yeah, that was supposed to go on my
trunk.

Andy, you were supposed to go to the
Home Depot for dinosaur supplies.

I got... carried away. This woman,
Marcy, boy, could she fill out an orange

apron.

She took me around the entire store.
Look, I even got this stud finder.

Uh -oh, found a stud.

Oh, Marcy loved that bit.

Andy, you're cute.

They're going to love you in prison.

Jim, I'm having a hell of a time with
this right femur.

And what was the name of your anatomy
professor at Harvard?

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know what I'm doing.

All right, kids.

Why don't you go to the gift shop and
maybe try to find a little book on

dinosaurs or a model of this T -Rex?
Okay. Oh, and while you're there, try to

pick up something nice for Mother's Day.

I know what I should have asked Marcy.
What?

I should have asked her to show me her
male -to -female connector.

Come on.

I'll be right back.

No, no, no, Andy. Stay here.

You know what, Jim? I think I know how
this goes in. All right? Now, if you

pull that board out, we'll just put this
right into there. All right? Oh, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa,
whoa.

Andy.

Oh, guys, that's perfect. Let me get a
picture. It looks like you're holding

whole thing up.

Let me get this board.

Ow! Ow!

Ow! You hit my nose!

Oh, your poor little nose. You hit me in
a package.

Guys, can you help me out here, please?

Hold on, Doc. Did your nose feel a
little better? A little.

It's so worse up. Yeah, I just need to
walk home like three more times.

Hey, do you want to see where I'm doing
that charity thing for the museum for

that charity thing I'm doing?

I totally want to see that. I want to do
that and I want to pee.

I have to pick a bush. No, no, no.

There are bushes inside. Just let me
find my key.

Key.

Ah!

Give me a hand here. Wait a second.

Did you guys hear something? What?

Oh, that's a good question. Why don't we
wait for them to come here so we can

discuss it?

Help me here! I don't know, Jim. I think
we should hide.

Come here for a second. Yeah.

Ow!

Come on, Andy, in here. Let's go.

Where am I supposed to hide?

Uh, just stay in there and look
prehistoric.

is a boy dinosaur.

How can you tell?

Because it's Thursday night and it's not
sitting at home watching Grey's

Anatomy. Oh, and then the dinner is
going to be down that hallway past the

exhibit.

Can we get a mummy and put it in Andy's
bed?

It would be so nice for him to have
somebody in bed with him.

Yeah.

Well, if he's that lonely, he can borrow
Ryan. and I could use a night without

all the farting.

You think you got it bad. Think about
whoever's married to that.

Okay, Charlie's Angels.

You know what?

I'm done with that.

Hey, you know what over here? They have
prehistoric clothing.

Oh, just like in your closet. Guys,

come on out here. Give me a hand.

Do you believe those two?

They're out drinking all night and I'm
home babysitting.

Doc, look at this.

We had the bow at the wrong angle.

Did you really go to Harvard?

Oh, that's my phone. If that's Marcy,
guys, I'm going to need to take that.

I don't get it. Oh, thank you, honey.

Hello?

This is Andy's wife.

Who's this? No! No!

I guess the Home Depot can't fix a
broken heart.

I think we got it.

Yep, head.

Real body.

This adventure is over.

Now, let's walk away very slowly.

Best thing about an adventure is the
escape.

Let's go.

Come on, kids. Come on. Come on. Jim,
Jim, Jim. I mean, come on. What? I want

get the picture right now. All right?
What picture? Come on. Tanner and the

Dinosaur's Mouth. No gas face, Jim. I
really want this. You've been talking

adventure all night. Let's do this.

Come on.

I won't use the flash.

Okay, come on.

All right, did he get a good picture of
this guy? Yeah, real good.

Perfect,

got it. Oh, you're going to have a great
picture. Let me see, let me see.

Hey, that's good.

Look at Tina, doesn't look that fat.

Got a different angle. Yeah, better
angle on the chin. No, the T -Rex is

here. Escape!

And since we're having dinner near the
mummy exhibit, we're going to wrap the

napkins really tight around the
silverware.

Oh, look, Cheryl. It's another dinosaur.

Honey, it's the same dinosaur.

No.

Dana ran away.

In his car seat?

Well, of course he's in his car seat.

That's the law.

Ryan, you know better.

Yeah, and you know, you two aren't even
supposed to be playing together.

He was here when we got here.

Nah, Dana, this is my fault. I'm sorry.
I should have stayed at home.

I'm apologizing for it. Don't apologize.

You had an adventure, didn't you?

Yeah. It was fun, right?

Yeah. And you girls went to the movies
and had a few dozen drinks?

We did.

Yeah, all right. So where's the harm? I
mean, Tanner's fine.

The kids learned about dinosaurs.

Andy didn't fall on anything like he did
at the waste management plant.

So, come on.

Yeah. It's a good night, a good
adventure.

Really good. I see.

We take the baby carefully out of the
dinosaur's mouth.

We go home.

Call it a great night.

All right.

Because it was.

Come on. It was a great idea, Jim. Don't
you think?

Hey, Ryan.

Do you have a key to the hospital?

Of course.

Because I think the kids would love to
go on that MRI.

That machine cost over a million
dollars.

A dinosaur costs more than that.

Hey, kids.

You want to get a picture of your
spleen?

Wait a minute.

Let me get the light.

See you, Rex.