Original subtitles

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, honey. Slow down.

Dad, we want the freeze pops to be really, really blue.

Yeah, like the ones from the store. The only reason those are really, really

blue is because they're filled with chemicals that'll make your toes fall

when you're 40.

Here, food coloring.

This will blow it up really nice.

All right, son.

Let it rip.

Maybe someone's stuck in there.

Hey, turn on the light so I can see if the ice is stuck in here.

Now

it's

too blue.

15th anniversary.

And they said it wouldn't last.

Only your side of the family, honey.

Dana, I think I have your ginger ale. No, this is ginger ale. Well, I'm off to

bed. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sit down, young lady. Give

me that. Crazy.

It's time we teach her a lesson. I say we make her finish the bottle and smoke

pack of cigarettes. Oh.

Give her a break. If I had to grow up with Jim as a father, I'd hide a flask

my teddy bear.

You wouldn't have a teddy bear.

You'd have a real bear out in the woods where I'd make you live.

Jim, if you were my father, I'd consider myself the luckiest little boy in the

world.

Okay, now you're living in the woods with Dana.

See you guys later.

Good night.

Hey,

wouldn't it be fun if I was your little brother?

Are you ready to celebrate our 15th anniversary with a $15 entree?

You know, I'm looking forward to this so much more than our fifth.

Yeah. Those tacos are really good.

But, honey, before we go, there's something I want to do with you.

You're right. You know what? Between the T -bone and the dessert bar, I'm going

to be way too full later. No, no, no, honey, not that.

This. This? A really old envelope?

No, honey, it's what's inside the envelope.

We wrote these on our first anniversary and sent them to ourselves.

Wow. And they just got here?

No.

We saved them. It's our list of everything we wanted to accomplish

15th anniversary.

This is incredible.

Oh, look at you. You're just as sentimental as I am.

Stamps for 25 cents.

Oh.

Wow.

I've accomplished all my goals.

I have three kids.

I've helped well over 100 people less fortunate than me. And I've met Eric

Estrada.

What is it?

That's silly.

This was your dream for yourself 15 years ago. How can that be silly? That's

because it's silly.

Oh, honey.

Stupid. Oh, come on.

All right, well, it's...

I don't know. Back then I thought it would be really cool if by tonight we

done it in every state of the Big Ten Conference.

What?

Hey, back then I was a sucker for romance just like you.

Well, did we do it in every state?

No.

All the states but Indiana.

Not that I didn't try.

Father's funeral?

No.

Come on.

God took your father and brought us to Indiana.

I mean, I saw it as a sign from above to go for it.

And, honey, you looked so beautiful that night. Your eyes were just sparkling.

I was crying.

Cheryl, I know it sounds crazy, all right? It's a crazy goal, but I...

I don't know. I just thought back then that I hated seeing couples and how

they got in their marriage. I thought a cool goal like this would, you know,

keep it sparked.

Oh, honey.

When you say it like that, the sweetness kind of balances out the crazy.

I don't know. I just... I failed.

I did, honey. I failed on my one goal. No, I did. I mean, all right.

All right.

Sure, 15 years of marriage. I built a nice business. I have a beautiful,

supportive wife. I've got three children who are beautiful and healthy. But I

blew the one thing that was important to me.

Well, you know, I mean, there's still six hours left in our anniversary, and

Indiana's like 45 minutes away.

You would do that for me?

Of course I would.

Come on.

Fire up that minivan, get me across state lines, and have your way with me,

mister.

I have been waiting my whole life to hear you say that.

While we're here, let's knock one out.

Honey, honey, hold on.

What? Well, since it's our anniversary, I was kind of hoping that when we

knocked one out, it might at least be in a hotel.

Come on.

This doesn't sound like the girl that I married. The girl I married thought the

back seat of a car was kind of romantic.

Yes, by quite like under a full moon, but not in the runaway truck lane of an

Indiana highway.

You're kind of starting to make a big deal out of this, aren't you?

Fine.

$82 .50?

Come on, we're only going to be here an hour.

We don't rent by the hour, so we're not that kind of hotel.

But if your girl's a sport, there's a rusted -out school bus around back.

Come on, man.

This is our anniversary. We came all the way from Illinois.

Oh, wow, Illinois.

I didn't know I was dealing with a world traveler.

I'll tell you what, I'll give you the Land of Lincoln special.

$82 .50.

Come on.

Look, just give us 15 minutes alone to check it out, all right?

I'm not falling for that again.

You Illinoisians think you can come down here and just do your dirty business

and then go home for free?

Well, if you want to get horizontal in a Hoosier state, it's 80 to 50.

How much if we do it vertically? Oh.

80 to 50. Fine, fine. I heard you the first time. Fine, fine. Here.

Hope you choke on it.

Welcome to the sea breeze.

The sea breeze?

Oh, yeah.

Dana's having contractions and it's really freaking me out. What do I do?

Wait a minute. She's not due for another six weeks.

Well, tell that to the baby because it's trying to come out.

What was that?

I stepped on a cat. What do you think?

doing dishes on your anniversary?

No, honey, we're in Indiana. We're going to get there as soon as we can.

What's wrong? Are you in pain?

Oh, yes.

My baby's going to be in Aries.

That's okay. Jim's in Aries.

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, honey. I will get there as soon as I can.

Jim, we got to go. Dana's in premature labor.

Premature labor? That's serious. Jim, I know.

What's our license plate number?

Jim!

Stop it. All right, all right, all right. Dana needs me, and I'm worried

her. Let's go. You know, besides, Jim, I'm never going to be able to enjoy it.

Enjoy it? Whose list is this?

Jim! Fine, fine, fine, fine.

All right, I'm going to need my money back.

I'm sorry, sir. It's already in the system.

System? It's a metal box with a hole in it.

I'm sorry it's not one of your fancy Illinois systems.

Look, I am not going to pay for a room that's not being used.

Oh, it's going to get used.

Brianna, get yourself out of the school bus.

She's shy, but she's dirty.

Who are we talking about exactly?

Jim and Cheryl.

How many glasses of champagne have you had?

Just a gluple of glasses.

Andy. Oh, look at you.

You're going to have a baby.

Jim and Cheryl have been married for 15 years.

When is it my turn?

When does this butter pillar turn into a cat or fly?

I think maybe we should get you to the hospital just to be safe.

If you want to be safe, we should go to a hospital in Indiana.

Indiana? Jim?

Well, they're always safe in Indiana.

Okay,

honey, how far apart are your contractions? I don't know. I'm still

one.

The one?

I tried to time it, but then I stopped.

We still got time to make Indiana.

Come on, baby. The dream lives on. Let's go.

Honey, are you sure you're okay?

Oh,

good Lord.

I'm a little spacey. Was that me or you?

Hey. Hey, buddy.

Hey, it's my well -heeled friend from Illinois.

I didn't hear your limo pull up.

Uh, we'd like our room back.

I'm sorry that room is unavailable. Brianna's taking a well -earned shower.

What? Okay, Jim, let me.

Hi, I'm Cheryl.

Dennis. Hi, Dennis. We'd really like another room.

I'll check the availability, Cheryl.

Oh, thank you.

Okay.

Did you have a reservation?

We had a whole room!

Oh, look, something just opened up. I'll take it.

That'll be 200 bucks.

What are you talking about 200?

No. Please take it. Take the room. I'm not saying a room for 280. Listen to me.

Listen to me. We are this close to achieving your goal.

Please don't blow it over $200.

Okay.

We'll take it.

Does it have cable?

Yes. But no TV.

No, it's a tornado warning.

Tornado? Yeah, it happens all the time when you live near a trailer park.

Don't put it in the system!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Get everyone out of their rooms and into the shelter. This place is going to

come apart like a cheap hotel in a tornado.

You guys will be fine.

We're not staying here.

We're not.

Come on.

I paid $282 for this room and I'm going to get my...

Forget about the money. Forget about the big tent. We've got to get out of here.

Fine. Good.

Wait a minute. I'm not leaving without my money's worth. Jim. No.

a touchdown near the Illinois state line within the hour.

If you're visiting Indiana, the Seabreeze offers fabulous beds.

Big deal.

I didn't get Indiana.

So what?

Oh, honey.

No, no, really. It's okay. I haven't focused on the wrong things.

My big goal should have been my wife, my family, people I love.

Not a list of states that I could do it in.

I've never wanted you more.

Come on, pull over. Got ten minutes before midnight.

I should have deep thoughts more often.

All right.

Hey, are we near a train track?

A train track?

west is, Gerald.

It's the same direction that cow is flying.

Okay, okay, okay. There's a farmhouse across that field. We've got to make a

for it. Fast!

Wait, wait, wait. You mean like three or four minutes fast or now fast?

Jim, if you want to say you're going to celebrate our anniversary by yourself,

be my guest.

You think it would still count?

The same.

You know, Jim, it's still got five minutes before midnight.

Really?

It's not the sea breeze, but I think it'll do.

Here.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Cheryl.

You are so beautiful.

How about this night, huh?

I mean, that stupid motel.

Dana's farts.

And now a tornado.

Man, why do you go through this with me?

Oh, well, you see, honey, well, you've been trying to get me in all the Big Ten

states. I've been trying to get you on a bag of corn in a storm cellar.

You are a good sport.

I love you.

Four minutes. Oh.

Oh.

Hold that. Hold that.

What? Let me set the mood.

What?

Oh,

baby.

Well,

honey, happy 50th anniversary.

Welcome to the Big Ten.

Thank you. That was really fun.

Hey, but you know what, honey?

What about for the next 15?

We do it on all the great beaches of the world.

How about we take the ocean tape home, do it in bed, that way we won't get sand

up our butts.

Look, the power's coming back.

I wouldn't eat this corn if I was you.