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You know, every year I think these
leprechaun shoes aren't going to be
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anymore, and every year I'm wrong.
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You know the two of you look stupid,
right?
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The two of us?
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Or the three of us?
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00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:22,260
I'm invited?
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Aye, sir!
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Oh, man, tonight's going to totally
rock!
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I love St. Patrick's Day. I mean, it is
the greatest holiday. I mean, it's a
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religious holiday centered around bars.
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What would Jesus think?
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And you know what, Ryan? You're not just
getting hammered with a bunch of
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idiots. You're getting hammered with the
Green Man.
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The king of all St.
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00:00:46,690 --> 00:00:49,610
Patrick's Day revelry and hooligan
emeritus.
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00:00:50,690 --> 00:00:54,990
Well, I must admit, your renowned
shenanigans are one of the reasons I
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Dana. Well, she wasn't pregnant, so we
were wondering why you married her.
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Okay, okay, okay. So, what's the Green
Man got planned?
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Plan, you say?
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You don't make plans on St. Paddy's Day.
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No, somewhere around midnight or after
the fifth pitcher of beer.
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The green man infuses me and I go out
and I delight the people of Chicago.
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Then I hide in the bushes till the cops
are gone and see if they go home.
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Want some more tea, Reverend Shelton?
Oh, thank you, no, Gina.
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So, Cheryl, with the Ruth Mitford's
passing, there's now an opening on our
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church advisory committee.
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Wow, isn't that exciting?
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Except for the part about Ruth dying.
She was so sweet.
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Yeah, she was sweet, all right. You
know, I once wore jeans to a youth
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and she called me a slut.
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Well, I won't ask you to speak at her
memorial.
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You know, Reverend, I would love to be
considered for a spot on that committee.
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I have such exciting ideas. You know, I
really, really care about this
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00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,820
community. Yeah, you ought to get a
reserved parking spot at the church.
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I do.
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00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,460
Well, I did not know that.
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Sure you did. You said you really wanted
me.
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00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:14,840
Carol, I've already placed your name
into nomination.
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00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:20,680
And frankly, barring any last -minute
controversy, I don't see any reason why
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you shouldn't be approved.
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00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,540
Well, it's one good thing about being a
boring suburban housewife. I don't
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really have to worry about controversy.
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I asked her to go out back and through
the alley. Trust me.
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Oh, baby.
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All right, guys.
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Look, we're going to be drinking for 12
hours straight.
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00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,060
So it's very important to line our
stomachs with bread.
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It absorbs the alcohol, and God forbid,
if it comes up later on, it comes out
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00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,540
soft and easy to clean up.
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00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,300
I hear a lot of guys are celebrating St.
Patrick's Day this year with a quiet
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dinner at home.
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Yeah, the nursing home.
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00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:19,460
You know, Ryan, I don't know if I like
this whole idea of you getting really
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drunk tonight.
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00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:22,480
Please.
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00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,500
I don't think I need your permission,
woman.
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I do what I want.
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00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,440
Oh, God, please.
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00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,500
Jim, can I talk to you for a minute?
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All right, all right, all right.
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Ryan, start eating bread.
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You watch him. Keep an eye on him. I
don't want any rookie mistakes.
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00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:49,040
You better watch it, kid, because I got
two weeks left till retirement.
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00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,000
What are you talking about?
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00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:53,800
Saw it in a movie. I always wanted to
say it.
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00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:56,520
I know what you mean.
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Mine is...
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Really hard to work into a conversation.
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00:04:07,770 --> 00:04:08,770
How about this, huh?
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00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:09,810
Wow!
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00:04:09,930 --> 00:04:11,410
Michael, flatly eat this!
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00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:12,970
Yeah, wow!
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00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:15,470
Very festive, wouldn't you say?
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00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:19,950
I know, I can see how excited you are
about St. Patrick's Day. I am so
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I think that is just great.
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00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:27,830
Thank you. I was wondering if maybe it
wouldn't be a good idea to pull it back
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little bit this year. Pull it back?
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00:04:29,290 --> 00:04:30,310
Are you kidding me?
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Come on, this is my holiday.
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00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:35,720
The kids get Christmas. The gay guys get
Halloween. This one's mine, baby.
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00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,720
Okay, what do I get?
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00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,880
What do you... How about my husband
bought me a house day?
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00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:47,940
Oh, wait. I think that's more of a year
-round celebration, isn't it?
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00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:50,120
Hey, hey, honey.
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You know what I just found out?
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I found I'm up for a spot on the church
advisory committee.
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00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,080
Great! What's it pay?
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00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,480
Oh, that's good, too.
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00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:08,740
Yeah, yeah, it's great. And you know
what would really help me out?
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00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:13,000
If you and the green man could stay out
of trouble.
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00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,160
Define trouble.
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00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,580
Cheryl. Now, come on. You know I can't
embarrass you. Oh, I know. I know.
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I know this speech.
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00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:43,360
You can't embarrass me. Only I can
embarrass me. I care way too much about
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00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,900
other people think. How dare I try to
stop you from being who you are? And
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00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,600
you know who I was when you married me.
I know. I was getting to that. I had to
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stop to take a breath.
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Look, honey.
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I mean, can't the green man take one
year off?
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Cheryl, I am the green man.
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00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:04,760
I am Chicago's delightful favorite
little mascot.
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00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:11,410
Robin Hood, instead of helping the poor,
I mow dirty words in high school
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00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:12,410
football fields.
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00:06:13,750 --> 00:06:15,910
You know, you're lucky you haven't been
arrested.
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00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:17,470
Lucky?
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00:06:19,650 --> 00:06:20,830
Or magical?
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00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:22,170
Wait a minute.
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00:06:28,770 --> 00:06:30,630
You're really serious about this, aren't
you?
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Yes.
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You really...
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00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:38,610
Don't want me to have fun on St.
Patrick's Day? Oh. The day that we
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00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:41,270
Patrick for whatever it is he did?
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00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:48,630
Jim, this committee is really important
to me. Honey, the green man is very
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00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:51,270
important to me. It's who I am. I know.
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00:06:51,730 --> 00:06:55,010
And who you are is a problem for the
people on the committee.
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They don't give a hoity -toity what
those people on the committee think of
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don't care.
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00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:01,350
Jim, I do.
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00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:06,230
you to do this.
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00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:08,710
No, absolutely not.
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00:07:09,070 --> 00:07:10,070
For me.
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00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,390
For you.
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00:07:19,750 --> 00:07:21,030
For you.
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00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:36,370
For you!
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00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:40,650
For you!
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00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:47,090
For you.
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00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:59,790
Oh, look, another diet soda for
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00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:00,870
Nancy O 'Funkill.
129
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,280
You may be boring, Jim, but at least
you're trim. Thanks.
130
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,800
Seriously, Jim, no green man? That's
like Halloween without gay guys. Come
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00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:14,340
don't like it any better than you do.
But I made a promise to Cheryl, and
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00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:16,400
once in a while I got to honor one just
to keep her guessing.
133
00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:18,920
Yeah, Jim, this sock.
134
00:08:19,220 --> 00:08:22,680
I mean, we look forward to every year.
Tony even sold his couch for bail money.
135
00:08:23,020 --> 00:08:24,020
Not my couch.
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00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,500
A couch.
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00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,260
Come on, I don't have to have fun to
have a good time.
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00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:32,480
You guys can do whatever you want to do.
139
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:33,780
Woo!
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00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,450
Well, thank you. I don't mind if I do.
141
00:08:43,549 --> 00:08:44,550
See that?
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00:08:45,170 --> 00:08:46,790
Ryan's having a great time.
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00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:51,350
Yeah, but he's a rookie. He's never
experienced the green man. And once
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gone green, there's no in between.
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Come on, Chairman.
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00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:58,630
Be the green man. No. Come on. For us.
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00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:00,250
For you.
148
00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:02,850
For you?
149
00:09:05,690 --> 00:09:06,690
For you.
150
00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:08,370
For you.
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00:09:50,250 --> 00:09:55,410
I promised my wife and I wouldn't. Ooh,
making promises to the wife now, are
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00:09:55,410 --> 00:09:59,950
you? Well, she really wants to get on
this church committee. Really bad, you
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00:09:59,950 --> 00:10:03,650
know. Without sinners, there'd be no
saints.
154
00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:05,570
Hey, that's pretty good.
155
00:10:06,390 --> 00:10:07,790
Is St. Pat saying that?
156
00:10:08,070 --> 00:10:09,870
Oh, it's on your button right there.
157
00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:14,090
This is your church.
158
00:10:14,590 --> 00:10:16,550
And those drunken idiots out there.
159
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,240
People who don't wear green.
160
00:11:34,140 --> 00:11:35,440
Stupid holiday!
161
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:36,880
Get out!
162
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,580
So, you really trust Jim to stay out of
trouble tonight?
163
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:41,940
Oh, of course I do.
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00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:46,380
I told him how much this committee means
to me, and I asked him nicely.
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00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:50,100
I better call.
166
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:08,210
Border Patrol answer?
167
00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:12,810
Yeah, the year the Green Man invaded
Canada.
168
00:12:14,270 --> 00:12:16,090
They were so polite about it.
169
00:12:17,830 --> 00:12:19,530
You know, I'm being silly.
170
00:12:19,910 --> 00:12:23,370
I'm sure everything's fine. I mean,
Ryan's with him. Yeah, and he's very
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00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:28,110
responsible. His ears must have been
burning. That's Ryan.
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00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:46,900
on a cracker.
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00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:16,820
you've got tonight.
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00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,340
Come on, you little beavers!
175
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:27,800
Hi.
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00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:36,060
Hi. I just need to go and talk to my
husband for one second. I promise I'll
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00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:36,819
right out.
178
00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:38,440
Sorry, lady. We're at capacity now.
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00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,080
Yell at him when he gets home.
180
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,520
Oh, okay.
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00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:46,130
Could I just run in and use the
bathroom? Because I've had, like, Eight
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green tea, so I'm kind of a capacity,
too.
183
00:13:50,850 --> 00:13:53,410
St. Paddy's. Go outside like the rest of
Chicago.
184
00:13:55,250 --> 00:14:02,110
You know, I'm not really a pee -in -the
-alley kind of girl, so... I understand.
185
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:03,490
You want your privacy?
186
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:04,550
Right.
187
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,750
Well, don't worry. There's a dumpster.
188
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:11,410
Dumpster? I will have you know I'm a
mother of three.
189
00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:13,830
Damn it.
190
00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:15,500
Now you upset me and I peed a little.
191
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:24,100
Who's got a camera? I want a picture of
my ass right next to his face.
192
00:15:05,770 --> 00:15:06,449
Thank God.
193
00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:07,550
Hey, do you have a wet nap?
194
00:15:09,090 --> 00:15:11,130
Yeah, about that.
195
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:14,770
Could you come out here with your hands
and your pants up?
196
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:17,730
Are you arresting me?
197
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,150
Yes, I am.
198
00:15:20,270 --> 00:15:21,270
Then I'm finishing.
199
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:31,190
You know, can you cut me a break? I
mean, I'm a mother.
200
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,390
Five and seven. Aw. Yeah.
201
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:37,670
They pee inside.
202
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:27,910
You know what? There are two hot dog
stands in a zoo between us and the bank.
203
00:16:27,930 --> 00:16:28,930
He'll never make it.
204
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:39,790
Oh, Cheryl, I can't wait to get to the
reserve parking spot. That truck across
205
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,610
the parking lot is hell.
206
00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:50,010
Green Man topples statue of Frank Lloyd
Wright, declares city free.
207
00:17:06,730 --> 00:17:07,629
a lot worse.
208
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,730
I mean, we're lucky we didn't find a
bank to rob.
209
00:17:11,109 --> 00:17:13,849
We ended up eating hot dogs to a
giraffe.
210
00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:17,369
He didn't like it at first, but he came
around.
211
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:21,250
Cheryl, come on.
212
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,670
Come on, I see you're upset, Cheryl.
213
00:17:26,970 --> 00:17:27,970
Come on, Cheryl.
214
00:17:30,890 --> 00:17:31,970
Can't you let this go?
215
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:44,880
For me.
216
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:47,800
For you. For me!
217
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,119
For you?
218
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:58,020
Oh, hey! For you! For you! For you!
Thank you for waiting. We're ready.
219
00:17:58,440 --> 00:17:59,440
For you.
220
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:06,000
Good morning, Cheryl.
221
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,180
Jim. Good morning, Reverend.
222
00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:12,300
I'm afraid it isn't Cheryl. Well, you
just said it was... I know what I said.
223
00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:16,720
Shall I read back what you said from the
record?
224
00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:18,140
No.
225
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:28,800
Word has gotten out about last night.
And for obvious reasons, we have to
226
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,040
your name from consideration.
227
00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:31,639
Come on.
228
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,620
What the hell kind of church is this?
229
00:18:34,460 --> 00:18:38,100
I mean, wait a minute. No, honey. I
mean, you're going to reject my lovely
230
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:39,260
because of something I did?
231
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,840
I mean, what if that happened to Abe
Lincoln?
232
00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:43,870
I mean, his wife was nuts.
233
00:18:45,170 --> 00:18:47,790
And you probably all remember that,
having voted for him.
234
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,490
You're out of order, sir. I'm out of
order?
235
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:56,050
No, you're out of order! This whole
courtroom is out of order!
236
00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:00,070
Thanks, I always wanted to say that.
237
00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:04,090
Jim, it isn't because of you that
Cheryl's off the committee.
238
00:19:04,930 --> 00:19:08,670
We've received word that last night
Cheryl was arrested.
239
00:19:13,459 --> 00:19:17,080
What? Yeah, um, ironic story.
240
00:19:17,940 --> 00:19:23,800
Um, last night, I went out to try to
keep you from getting into trouble, and
241
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:28,200
I kind of got arrested for public
urination.
242
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:33,840
Way to go, baby!
243
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,540
The green man takes a bride!
244
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,280
Honey?
245
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:44,110
That is one of the hottest things I
think you've ever done.
246
00:19:46,630 --> 00:19:50,950
Hot or not, this committee has no place
on it for a person who will do things of
247
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:51,749
that kind.
248
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:56,030
We have a standard of conduct that your
wife has not lived up to.
249
00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:59,890
Wait a second. You're kidding me here,
right? I mean, she made one mistake.
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00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:03,550
You're going to reject the best woman in
the entire church for one mistake?
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Yes, we are.
252
00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:08,930
Wow.
253
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:10,610
That is cold, dude.
254
00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:16,940
Right. I did make one mistake.
255
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,840
But that mistake wasn't squatting behind
that filthy dumpster.
256
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:25,800
It was putting a spot on some stupid
committee over my husband.
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00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:30,120
First a police record, now you're
sassing the Reverend?
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00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:32,600
We've got to stop at a motel on the way
home.
259
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:36,200
One sec. One sec. Hi.
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00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,880
Look, none of us are perfect people or
we wouldn't come to church. That's
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00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,920
Now you can either reject us...
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00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:03,140
I've been kicked out of a lot of things.
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00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:05,340
But never at church.
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00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:07,920
Oh, honey.
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00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,060
I'm sorry.
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00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,500
I should never have asked you to change
who you are. On St. Patrick's Day, you
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00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:17,140
are the green man.
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00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:20,800
Honey, don't beat yourself up over it.
Oh, well. No, really, I should have told
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00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,340
you to cram it when you asked me.
20952
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