Original subtitles

Oh, man.

You want to take that move back, don't you, sunshine?

I'd love to let you, but thems ain't the rules.

Here's the problem.

You're not paying attention.

Now, I don't want to say it's because you're a girl.

But there, I just said it.

And that, my friend, is checkmate.

I leave you with this piece of advice.

Never underestimate your opponent.

It could be costly.

Oh, kids.

Pretty good take.

But we still don't have enough for the video game.

Here comes Daddy. Hide, hide.

Let's play for money. I got my eye on a video game.

Oh.

Oh.

Come on.

Oh. All right, that's it.

That stupid dog, that crazy neighbor of ours.

is letting that dog bark on purpose.

Julie, it's not crazy. She's a nice woman.

Julie is crazy.

And she's not a nice person.

You know, she's letting that dog bark because I won't trim that branch off the

tree. Oh.

Come on.

Don't you get it?

Bark? Tree?

She's fiendishly clever.

She is.

Oh, that's it. That's enough. That's enough.

See how she likes it.

Stop it.

This feud has been going on for ten years. It's enough.

Okay, you're right.

I'm going to end it right now.

I'm going to go over there and talk to her.

Jim, yelling is not going to solve anything. You're just going to make it

How can I make it worse? What, is a dog going to bark show tunes?

Fine. I'm going with you. Last time you went over there, you mooned her through

her front window.

Yeah?

Yeah, well, that was payback for her ratting me out to the city.

You can't put your own speed bumps on a city street.

Cheryl, if I can paint my own stop sign, I can put out my own speed bumps.

Don't worry about a thing.

I'm going to go over there. I'm going to talk to her like a reasonable,

responsible adult.

Fine. Give me the sport gun you just put in your pajamas.

What, are you crazy?

Be careful with that.

That is loaded.

You're leaving a loaded gun in the bed like that? Get out! Get out!

Ring the bell again.

No, I already rang it twice.

Three times is rude.

All right, then I'm only going to ring it once.

Why are you stopping?

Why are you stopping?

Don't hurt me. Okay,

game face, game face.

darling.

What do you want?

Julie, we're sorry to come over so late. Your stupid dog has been barking all

night. He's barking.

I don't hear Trevor barking.

Trevor? That's why he's barking so much. He hates his name.

Maybe what you hear is your tree limb thumping up against my house.

Okay, here we go.

You know, maybe I'd trim that tree limb if you didn't call the cops on my band

practice. Practice?

You need practice to be that bad?

Okay, Julie. Okay, look. Just bring the dog back inside, okay? I don't want to

be awake right now. And I don't want squirrels running into my office from

tree limb. Well, what are you going to do, lady?

Squirrels look for nuts.

Then I suggest you close your room.

Okay. And on that note, I think it's time to go to bed.

Good night, Julie.

Not so tough now, are you?

What's the matter, Trevor?

Can't get your tongue?

All right, all right.

You won nothing.

Morning,

all.

Nothing like a solid 14 hours of sleep to start your day.

it's the key to happiness. Boy, I believe it.

Yeah, they also say it's a sign of depression.

Shut up! Shut your stupid hole!

How is it that you didn't hear Julie's dog barking all night?

I swear that woman lives to torment me. Yeah, I've always liked that about her.

You know, I was surprised that Julie even got a dog. She seems more like a

woman. Yeah.

Oh, good morning, Julie.

I wish it were.

My dog is missing.

And he did it. I know he did.

I didn't... What?

I didn't do anything.

You opened the gate so Trevor could escape.

You think you're so smart, don't you?

You're accusing me of letting your dog out? You're accusing him of being smart?

Look, Julie, maybe he's just hiding.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, when I... When I was a kid, I had a pet gerbil that

got out. Mom said he was just hiding.

Guess he still is.

Friends forever, Butterscotch.

You're such a delight.

Yeah, yeah, Julie, you know what I'm gonna do? I am gonna organize a

neighborhood search. Don't worry, we'll find Trevor. Oh, thank you, Cheryl.

Were you born a jerk, or did you just go to some special jerk school?

Nice try, Julie.

But that's one of those questions where whatever I pick, I'm still a jerk.

You have a keen grasp of the obvious.

My dear Trevor, you are without conscience.

Absolutely.

What?

Are you kidding me? Come on, I wouldn't let that dog out. I would never do that.

Oh, of course you wouldn't, Jim. Hey, maybe it was the same damn teenagers who

knocked over a mailbox and she insulted your new haircut.

Come on, Jim, how'd you do it? It's just us. How'd you lure that dog out?

Bacon in your pockets?

I didn't do it!

So, if we checked your pockets right now, we wouldn't find any bacon?

That's not what I said.

All right, people, listen up.

Joey's driving around the neighborhood. We are going out on foot.

Our fugitive's name is Trevor.

The answer responds to Trevenator, T -Bone, and Who's a Pretty Boy?

cashmere glove that matches this one, I'd be very grateful.

Mommy, I know how we can find Trevor. We should all walk backwards because he

likes to smell butt.

Much better now that the stupid dog is missing.

All right, come on, come on.

Look, I may have done some crazy things in this feud with Julie, all right? I

may have painted my curb red so she doesn't park her car in front of my

And then written fake parking tickets, placed them on Julie's car so she

couldn't park in that no -parking zone. Right.

And I may have planted chicken bones in her front yard and called the museum and

had them dig up the yard for dinosaurs.

I know this.

I had nothing whatsoever to do with Trevor's disappearance.

I believe you, Daddy.

Thank you. See that, huh?

This cynical world hasn't changed this five -year -old boy.

Now, you hear me.

I am ashamed of all of you. You sicken me.

See what I did there? I blame them. Made it their fault, even though you took

the dog.

I didn't take the dog. I love dogs. Oh, that's good. He loves dogs.

And children.

And Celine Dion.

Come on.

Damn that, Julie.

She's got the whole neighborhood treating me like I'm an ostrich for

didn't even do.

Ostrich?

Cheryl's word. I don't know.

Oh, ostracized.

Did you hear that?

Sounds like Trevor.

Yeah, it sounds like it's coming from out back.

I want to find him. I want to be the hero.

hiding him in the garage. You monster!

I did take a dog. Now stop it!

Look! Look, there's Trevor right there. Where?

He was just there in the window.

Yeah.

Guilt plays tricks on the mind, Jim. You know what needs to happen?

When Julie gets home today, you need to march right over there and for once in

your life say, I'm sorry, I'm a foolish idiot. Ooh, there he is.

Look at that.

He wasn't missing at all. Julie's hiding him in her house.

But gosh, Jim, why?

Why?

Indeed.

Julie claims the dog is missing.

Yet there he sits, framed by Jan Windowsill.

Hmm.

A frame -up.

Holy dog bone, Jim. She's trying to bury you.

Precisely, Jim. Oh, can you believe her?

Oh, lying to the entire neighborhood just to make you look bad. What a

despicable woman.

Well, some people in America have no morals.

All right.

Let's break into the house and steal the dog.

But gosh, Jim, how?

Well, we'll just...

Use this corded -up length of rope with a grappling hook on it.

Climb up the tree.

Sorry there, Chubb.

One more time.

All right, let me do it.

Good shot, Chubb.

Boy, this tree seemed a lot shorter from the ground.

Hey, Jim, look.

A lavender cashmere glove.

Nah, just one.

Andy?

Yeah. Too close again?

Yeah.

Andy, tell me that was your knee cracking.

I was hoping it was.

situation.

Have our fearless duo gone too far out on a limb?

Will Jim continue to be dogged by these allegations? Or is it the perfect crime?

Stay tuned. Same Jim time.

Same Jim time.

How lucky was it that that tree limb was right over a big pile of leaves?

Yeah. And Cheryl was mad at me because I didn't bag the leaves after I raked

them. Yeah.

Kind of angry you didn't take the rake in.

Yeah.

How are we going to get in that house? We need that dog, man.

Yeah. How are we going to get in?

Hey, what are you guys doing?

We're trying to get into Julie's house.

Why can't Uncle Andy just crawl through the doggy door?

Oh, right. It's a doggy door, not a cow door.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Hey, why don't you crawl through the doggy door?

Okay. Come on over here.

All right, look.

When you get in the house, when you get in the house, you unlock that front

door. But if you see Trevor, don't do anything with the dog.

But why? Because that dog is an animal.

You leave that animal to the men.

All right, all right. Dogs smell fear, so smile.

There you are, Trevor.

Who's a pretty boy?

Who's a pretty boy?

You're so brave. You're so brave. You take the dog.

All right, come on. Grab the dog. Let's get out of here. Whoa, Jim, check this

out. What?

Julie must be a fan of the grumpy guy.

Grumpy guy?

It's a series of kids' books written by this dude, C .W. Semple, about a nice

family who lives next to a cranky, grumpy man.

I love the grumpy guy.

Grumpy guy in a red curb?

The grumpy guy in a big branch?

The grumpy guy in his awful band?

Oh, Jim, you're the grumpy guy.

Julius C .W. Semple.

C .W., that makes sense. For Crazy Woman!

Who's this monkey? Oh, that's his portly sidekick named Randy.

Oh, my God.

That must be Cheryl.

All right, grab these books. Come on, Trevor, let's go.

I can't believe you're the grumpy guy.

How could I have missed the resemblance?

That's not me.

That's just a highly fictionalized character loosely based on me. Right.

The grumpy guy and the homemade firework. Oh.

I forgot about that one.

She's coming. Julie's coming.

Jim, you should have seen her face when I told her you found Trevor.

Oh, a good bust really turns me on.

Thank you, Andy.

You're such a delight.

What?

I told you, I don't have any more cookies.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Here, here, here.

I'll split it with you.

No, no, all right, take the whole thing. Take the whole thing.

Trevor!

Baby!

Come to mommy.

Boy, Julie, you must be so relieved. I bet you thought you lost Trevor forever.

for trimming your tetrapholium emasculatus.

That's true to you.

Oh, I understand.

I speak Catholic.

Come, darling. We'll go home now. Not so fast, Julie.

Don't you want to stick around and hear the story about how we found Trevor?

Not really.

Maybe because you already know.

I do?

I do. think you do.

Thinking now, are we?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Are you playing cat and mouse with me?

Yes, but this time I'm the cat.

You fool.

I'm always the cat.

Well, cat, maybe I set the bait for you and you bit the...

not let your dog out. What's going on? Yes, yes.

What is going on, Mr.

C .W. Semple?

Dun, dun, dun.

Oh, I feel faint.

I may pass out.

Go ahead. Nobody's going to catch you.

Then I'm fine.

I had this deadline, you see, and the grumpy guy hadn't thrown any terrible

tantrums in weeks.

So it is me.

And Cheryl, you're Randy, the portly sidekick.

Julie, you've been fighting with Jim all these years just to get stories for

your books?

No. I genuinely dislike him.

So you wrote these books to make me look like a jerk?

A jerk?

I know my books are a little above your reading level, but the grumpy guy is my

hero. Yeah, actually, Randy's the jerk.

Sorry, Cheryl. Yeah.

Oh, Jim, it would be so sad if there were no more Grumpy Guy books.

I'd miss our quick -fought adventures.

Yes, and you'd miss the slow ones, too.

And people think I make this stuff up.

You know, it really doesn't have to end.

It doesn't?

No, I mean, Jim fights with lots of people. You can just follow him around

take notes.

I don't fight with people. They attack me and I defend myself.

Oh, Jim, did I tell you that Dutch Egan took his lawnmower back?

I just put two bucks worth of gas in that damn machine.

Oh, dear. I hope Grumpy Guy doesn't push Egan's lawnmower into his pool.

Just what I'm going to do.

As soon as I get the gas out of that tank.

No, Jim, you can't do that.

Do you think they know?

They don't.

effective thing.