All language subtitles for according_to_jim_s05e17_the_grumpy_guy

Oh, man.

You want to take that move back, don't
you, sunshine?

I'd love to let you, but thems ain't the
rules.

Here's the problem.

You're not paying attention.

Now, I don't want to say it's because
you're a girl.

But there, I just said it.

And that, my friend, is checkmate.

I leave you with this piece of advice.

Never underestimate your opponent.

It could be costly.

Oh, kids.

Pretty good take.

But we still don't have enough for the
video game.

Here comes Daddy. Hide, hide.

Let's play for money. I got my eye on a
video game.

Oh.

Oh.

Come on.

Oh. All right, that's it.

That stupid dog, that crazy neighbor of
ours.

is letting that dog bark on purpose.

Julie, it's not crazy. She's a nice
woman.

Julie is crazy.

And she's not a nice person.

You know, she's letting that dog bark
because I won't trim that branch off the

tree. Oh.

Come on.

Don't you get it?

Bark? Tree?

She's fiendishly clever.

She is.

Oh, that's it. That's enough. That's
enough.

See how she likes it.

Stop it.

This feud has been going on for ten
years. It's enough.

Okay, you're right.

I'm going to end it right now.

I'm going to go over there and talk to
her.

Jim, yelling is not going to solve
anything. You're just going to make it

How can I make it worse? What, is a dog
going to bark show tunes?

Fine. I'm going with you. Last time you
went over there, you mooned her through

her front window.

Yeah?

Yeah, well, that was payback for her
ratting me out to the city.

You can't put your own speed bumps on a
city street.

Cheryl, if I can paint my own stop sign,
I can put out my own speed bumps.

Don't worry about a thing.

I'm going to go over there. I'm going to
talk to her like a reasonable,

responsible adult.

Fine. Give me the sport gun you just put
in your pajamas.

What, are you crazy?

Be careful with that.

That is loaded.

You're leaving a loaded gun in the bed
like that? Get out! Get out!

Ring the bell again.

No, I already rang it twice.

Three times is rude.

All right, then I'm only going to ring
it once.

Why are you stopping?

Why are you stopping?

Don't hurt me. Okay,

game face, game face.

darling.

What do you want?

Julie, we're sorry to come over so late.
Your stupid dog has been barking all

night. He's barking.

I don't hear Trevor barking.

Trevor? That's why he's barking so much.
He hates his name.

Maybe what you hear is your tree limb
thumping up against my house.

Okay, here we go.

You know, maybe I'd trim that tree limb
if you didn't call the cops on my band

practice. Practice?

You need practice to be that bad?

Okay, Julie. Okay, look. Just bring the
dog back inside, okay? I don't want to

be awake right now. And I don't want
squirrels running into my office from

tree limb. Well, what are you going to
do, lady?

Squirrels look for nuts.

Then I suggest you close your room.

Okay. And on that note, I think it's
time to go to bed.

Good night, Julie.

Not so tough now, are you?

What's the matter, Trevor?

Can't get your tongue?

All right, all right.

You won nothing.

Morning,

all.

Nothing like a solid 14 hours of sleep
to start your day.

it's the key to happiness. Boy, I
believe it.

Yeah, they also say it's a sign of
depression.

Shut up! Shut your stupid hole!

How is it that you didn't hear Julie's
dog barking all night?

I swear that woman lives to torment me.
Yeah, I've always liked that about her.

You know, I was surprised that Julie
even got a dog. She seems more like a

woman. Yeah.

Oh, good morning, Julie.

I wish it were.

My dog is missing.

And he did it. I know he did.

I didn't... What?

I didn't do anything.

You opened the gate so Trevor could
escape.

You think you're so smart, don't you?

You're accusing me of letting your dog
out? You're accusing him of being smart?

Look, Julie, maybe he's just hiding.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, when I... When
I was a kid, I had a pet gerbil that

got out. Mom said he was just hiding.

Guess he still is.

Friends forever, Butterscotch.

You're such a delight.

Yeah, yeah, Julie, you know what I'm
gonna do? I am gonna organize a

neighborhood search. Don't worry, we'll
find Trevor. Oh, thank you, Cheryl.

Were you born a jerk, or did you just go
to some special jerk school?

Nice try, Julie.

But that's one of those questions where
whatever I pick, I'm still a jerk.

You have a keen grasp of the obvious.

My dear Trevor, you are without
conscience.

Absolutely.

What?

Are you kidding me? Come on, I wouldn't
let that dog out. I would never do that.

Oh, of course you wouldn't, Jim. Hey,
maybe it was the same damn teenagers who

knocked over a mailbox and she insulted
your new haircut.

Come on, Jim, how'd you do it? It's just
us. How'd you lure that dog out?

Bacon in your pockets?

I didn't do it!

So, if we checked your pockets right
now, we wouldn't find any bacon?

That's not what I said.

All right, people, listen up.

Joey's driving around the neighborhood.
We are going out on foot.

Our fugitive's name is Trevor.

The answer responds to Trevenator, T
-Bone, and Who's a Pretty Boy?

cashmere glove that matches this one,
I'd be very grateful.

Mommy, I know how we can find Trevor. We
should all walk backwards because he

likes to smell butt.

Much better now that the stupid dog is
missing.

All right, come on, come on.

Look, I may have done some crazy things
in this feud with Julie, all right? I

may have painted my curb red so she
doesn't park her car in front of my

And then written fake parking tickets,
placed them on Julie's car so she

couldn't park in that no -parking zone.
Right.

And I may have planted chicken bones in
her front yard and called the museum and

had them dig up the yard for dinosaurs.

I know this.

I had nothing whatsoever to do with
Trevor's disappearance.

I believe you, Daddy.

Thank you. See that, huh?

This cynical world hasn't changed this
five -year -old boy.

Now, you hear me.

I am ashamed of all of you. You sicken
me.

See what I did there? I blame them. Made
it their fault, even though you took

the dog.

I didn't take the dog. I love dogs. Oh,
that's good. He loves dogs.

And children.

And Celine Dion.

Come on.

Damn that, Julie.

She's got the whole neighborhood
treating me like I'm an ostrich for

didn't even do.

Ostrich?

Cheryl's word. I don't know.

Oh, ostracized.

Did you hear that?

Sounds like Trevor.

Yeah, it sounds like it's coming from
out back.

I want to find him. I want to be the
hero.

hiding him in the garage. You monster!

I did take a dog. Now stop it!

Look! Look, there's Trevor right there.
Where?

He was just there in the window.

Yeah.

Guilt plays tricks on the mind, Jim. You
know what needs to happen?

When Julie gets home today, you need to
march right over there and for once in

your life say, I'm sorry, I'm a foolish
idiot. Ooh, there he is.

Look at that.

He wasn't missing at all. Julie's hiding
him in her house.

But gosh, Jim, why?

Why?

Indeed.

Julie claims the dog is missing.

Yet there he sits, framed by Jan
Windowsill.

Hmm.

A frame -up.

Holy dog bone, Jim. She's trying to bury
you.

Precisely, Jim. Oh, can you believe her?

Oh, lying to the entire neighborhood
just to make you look bad. What a

despicable woman.

Well, some people in America have no
morals.

All right.

Let's break into the house and steal the
dog.

But gosh, Jim, how?

Well, we'll just...

Use this corded -up length of rope with
a grappling hook on it.

Climb up the tree.

Sorry there, Chubb.

One more time.

All right, let me do it.

Good shot, Chubb.

Boy, this tree seemed a lot shorter from
the ground.

Hey, Jim, look.

A lavender cashmere glove.

Nah, just one.

Andy?

Yeah. Too close again?

Yeah.

Andy, tell me that was your knee
cracking.

I was hoping it was.

situation.

Have our fearless duo gone too far out
on a limb?

Will Jim continue to be dogged by these
allegations? Or is it the perfect crime?

Stay tuned. Same Jim time.

Same Jim time.

How lucky was it that that tree limb was
right over a big pile of leaves?

Yeah. And Cheryl was mad at me because I
didn't bag the leaves after I raked

them. Yeah.

Kind of angry you didn't take the rake
in.

Yeah.

How are we going to get in that house?
We need that dog, man.

Yeah. How are we going to get in?

Hey, what are you guys doing?

We're trying to get into Julie's house.

Why can't Uncle Andy just crawl through
the doggy door?

Oh, right. It's a doggy door, not a cow
door.

All right, all right, all right, all
right.

Hey, why don't you crawl through the
doggy door?

Okay. Come on over here.

All right, look.

When you get in the house, when you get
in the house, you unlock that front

door. But if you see Trevor, don't do
anything with the dog.

But why? Because that dog is an animal.

You leave that animal to the men.

All right, all right. Dogs smell fear,
so smile.

There you are, Trevor.

Who's a pretty boy?

Who's a pretty boy?

You're so brave. You're so brave. You
take the dog.

All right, come on. Grab the dog. Let's
get out of here. Whoa, Jim, check this

out. What?

Julie must be a fan of the grumpy guy.

Grumpy guy?

It's a series of kids' books written by
this dude, C .W. Semple, about a nice

family who lives next to a cranky,
grumpy man.

I love the grumpy guy.

Grumpy guy in a red curb?

The grumpy guy in a big branch?

The grumpy guy in his awful band?

Oh, Jim, you're the grumpy guy.

Julius C .W. Semple.

C .W., that makes sense. For Crazy
Woman!

Who's this monkey? Oh, that's his portly
sidekick named Randy.

Oh, my God.

That must be Cheryl.

All right, grab these books. Come on,
Trevor, let's go.

I can't believe you're the grumpy guy.

How could I have missed the resemblance?

That's not me.

That's just a highly fictionalized
character loosely based on me. Right.

The grumpy guy and the homemade
firework. Oh.

I forgot about that one.

She's coming. Julie's coming.

Jim, you should have seen her face when
I told her you found Trevor.

Oh, a good bust really turns me on.

Thank you, Andy.

You're such a delight.

What?

I told you, I don't have any more
cookies.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Here, here, here.

I'll split it with you.

No, no, all right, take the whole thing.
Take the whole thing.

Trevor!

Baby!

Come to mommy.

Boy, Julie, you must be so relieved. I
bet you thought you lost Trevor forever.

for trimming your tetrapholium
emasculatus.

That's true to you.

Oh, I understand.

I speak Catholic.

Come, darling. We'll go home now. Not so
fast, Julie.

Don't you want to stick around and hear
the story about how we found Trevor?

Not really.

Maybe because you already know.

I do?

I do. think you do.

Thinking now, are we?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Are you playing cat and mouse with me?

Yes, but this time I'm the cat.

You fool.

I'm always the cat.

Well, cat, maybe I set the bait for you
and you bit the...

not let your dog out. What's going on?
Yes, yes.

What is going on, Mr.

C .W. Semple?

Dun, dun, dun.

Oh, I feel faint.

I may pass out.

Go ahead. Nobody's going to catch you.

Then I'm fine.

I had this deadline, you see, and the
grumpy guy hadn't thrown any terrible

tantrums in weeks.

So it is me.

And Cheryl, you're Randy, the portly
sidekick.

Julie, you've been fighting with Jim all
these years just to get stories for

your books?

No. I genuinely dislike him.

So you wrote these books to make me look
like a jerk?

A jerk?

I know my books are a little above your
reading level, but the grumpy guy is my

hero. Yeah, actually, Randy's the jerk.

Sorry, Cheryl. Yeah.

Oh, Jim, it would be so sad if there
were no more Grumpy Guy books.

I'd miss our quick -fought adventures.

Yes, and you'd miss the slow ones, too.

And people think I make this stuff up.

You know, it really doesn't have to end.

It doesn't?

No, I mean, Jim fights with lots of
people. You can just follow him around

take notes.

I don't fight with people. They attack
me and I defend myself.

Oh, Jim, did I tell you that Dutch Egan
took his lawnmower back?

I just put two bucks worth of gas in
that damn machine.

Oh, dear. I hope Grumpy Guy doesn't push
Egan's lawnmower into his pool.

Just what I'm going to do.

As soon as I get the gas out of that
tank.

No, Jim, you can't do that.

Do you think they know?

They don't.

effective thing.