Original subtitles

It must be nice having Jim cook dinner. Give you the night off?

Yeah, I remember that when I'm scraping out the grease tray.

Okay, what you and Jim do in the bedroom is none of my business.

Hey, hey, hey, no, no, no, no, no. You can go change.

Those are for your recital.

Oh, I remember my first dance recital. I was nine and I danced Giselle.

I could have been a professional.

recap, Kyle. You always put the thickest steak in the middle, where it's hotter.

And then five minutes into it, you want to give the steak a quarter turn so you

get these really nice crisscross marks on the steak.

Because you're not just feeding the stomach, you're feeding the eyes.

Where?

Sweaty and shirtless. Oh.

So this is that fancy new grill you got at that drawing?

Man, you are lucky.

Lucky? Or does God just like me more than other men?

Or is it having your daughters fill out 400 entry forms?

I ice their hands.

Wow, Jim.

You and old Blue had some good times together.

Oh, yeah.

I hate to see her go.

Hey, you want her?

Okay, sure, thanks.

200 bucks?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

All right, deal.

Jim, honey, can you help me with something in the kitchen?

Uh, I doubt it.

Kitchen.

Here you go, Andy.

You got the con.

Aye, sir.

This big one here.

That one's mine.

Oh, really?

We'll see about that.

Well played.

Okay, Cheryl, make it fast.

My steaks are coming up on a quarter turn, and you know how I look forward to

that?

All right.

I don't think you should sell the grill to Andy. I think you should give it to

him. What? Yep.

Cheryl, are you kidding?

Grilling and money is my territory.

Do I tell you how to fold my underwear or how to raise the children?

All the time.

That's because you don't do it right.

I just think you really put Andy on the spot.

Oh, come on. This is a great grill.

I can take it right now down to the mall, walk it around for an hour, and I

three bids on it right away.

Yeah. So you said about the washing machine, and you just ended up blocking

escalator.

Carol, I gave Andy a fair price.

He accepted. I said, deal. We shook on it. There's no take -backs.

Yeah, and I'm sure that would hold up on any playground in the country.

Honey, this is not how you treat family.

I don't know.

It just doesn't feel right.

Giving something away for nothing in return.

I think it's wrong. I think it goes against every fiber of my being. I think

every cell in my body is telling me right now, Hey, Jim!

then it must be the right thing to do.

You want it? You want the big steak?

Go get it!

Look,

I was thinking, since we're family and everything, you know, I think maybe you

should have the grill for... not anything.

What? Free! For free!

I guess that's what families do. They give each other stuff for free.

Hey,

hey, hey. You know another great thing about that grill I gave you yesterday?

You can put the buns on the warming rack. And then when the smoke comes up,

makes the buns taste like meat.

Smoky buns. Can't wait.

Hey, did you get a chance to fire it up yet?

No, I just got it from you last night. I made my toast in a toaster this

morning.

Well, I can't wait for you to fire it up. I want to be there when it happens.

want to see your face. What kind of face do you think you're going to make?

Maybe something like this.

I don't know.

Oh, hey.

What do we owe you?

$20 even.

Okay.

What?

It's 20 bucks, so that's $10 each.

Oh, we're splitting it?

Yeah, we always do.

What the hell? I mean, we're family, right?

You want to be part of my family?

Hey, here.

Take the stapler.

Thanks. For free.

For free.

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. I was just trying to make a point. Give it

to me.

Okay, okay, take it, take it.

What's your problem? I'll tell you what my problem is.

Is you don't even buy me lunch the day after I give you my old grill for free.

Okay, fine. Jim, you want me to pay for lunch here? Here's $10. No, no, no. It's

not about the money.

Well, then what?

It's about appreciating what I did for you.

Jim, I said thank you. Gee, she gave me a grill, not a kidney.

Yeah, but I bet if I did give you the kidney, you wouldn't buy me lunch then

either.

I know what it is. You know what it is?

I think you feel like you deserved it, like you're entitled to it. What do you

want from me? I want my $200. What?

Or my grill back, your choice.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You gave me that grill, and you can get it back when you

the barbecue tongs from my cold, dead hands.

Not if I get to it first.

I observed this miscreant stumbling out of a bar.

Glug, glug.

Hit him with the breathalyzer.

Step out of the car, please, sir.

What? To the rear of the vehicle, please.

Welcome, Jane.

Did you and the officer have a nice chat?

Taking my grill back.

Be my guest, neither I nor the Countess will stop you.

Bunt the chain, mate.

Advantage Andy.

unattended.

I think I'll partake.

Yeah, no, no. No, see, I put the cup to my lips, but I didn't actually drink it.

Looks like your little joke went to summer school because it failed.

Andy, I didn't do anything to the coffee because you were loosening the screws

on my chair.

I didn't do anything to your chair.

Fine. But I know you're going to do something to get me back for the grill.

Well, I'm going to have sex with your sister. Does that count?

That stings, James.

Luckily, I have a free grill to ease my pain.

Good morrow, kind sir.

Oh, hey. I almost forgot my check.

Thank you.

I'll need this so that I might convert it into cooked meats and shellfish.

You didn't sign it.

Didn't I?

Well, that would make that piece of paper completely useless.

And no butcher in the world would accept that in exchange for meats.

You and the countess have a good weekend.

So you're not going to pay me until I give you the grill, is that it?

The price for my signature, Andy, is $200 or the grill brought to my door.

And a pie.

That is Jim.

Oh, there'll be no pie today, sir.

As I recall, when you started the company, you made Cheryl, my sister, an

officer of the corporation.

So? So, she can legally sign my check.

Ooh, you want some ointment for that burn?

Twice in one week, huh, officer?

I think you should take this man downtown and grill him.

Delicious.

I'm going to kill you, Andy.

Oh, dear.

Officer, was that a threat?

Okay, sir.

You know the drill.

Rear of the vehicle, sir.

Like it'll help.

Hey,

Cheryl, listen.

Where's Timmy?

Yeah, why didn't Jim be there? Oh, who knows?

He wasn't at work today.

Makes you wonder if he's got something on the side, doesn't it?

to pee a circle around it.

Girls, inside. Go, go, go, go, go.

What are you, just assigned to me?

Which one of us is better at the revalidate?

I thought you were... Excellent.

beautiful daughters who were so wonderful at their recital.

The big one's for you.

So, I didn't see you there.

No, no, I was sitting in back with the other people who had been given things

and then had them taken back and beat on.

You know, it's the saddest story in the whole world, Andy. Boy meets grill. Boy

loses grill!

You know what? This has gone on long enough.

You guys are both acting like babies and we are not leaving this table until you

settle this stupid...

real issue.

Oh, come on. Who's the bigger man?

Oh.

Joe,

that's kind of hard to tell. You've got to put them both in water and see who

displaces more.

All right. Okay. Okay.

Okay. You know what, my love? You are absolutely right.

No, I am. I'm being petty and childish.

Understatement?

No, really, Andy.

No one man needs two grills.

So out of the goodness of my heart, I'm going to give for free my grill to Dana!

What? We're out of the devil in the end zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is Daddy going to pee again?

Dana, here's the key. It's locked up in the backyard. You can get it whenever

you want. Jim, I don't even think I ever... Take the grill!

It's yours, Dana.

All...

So it's final then.

You're definitely giving it to Dana. Yes, I have given it to Dana. Oh, how

delicious.

Wow.

Dana, I will purchase that grill from you for the sum of $200.

No, $200 and a pie.

Okay.

Dana, you can't sell my grill.

Jim, I believe it's my grill. Mine, mine, mine.

to sell it to my brother.

Yeah, we're making great progress here.

Okay. Heading over to Andy's for dinner.

Are you sure you don't want to come?

Cheryl, I am not going to have the food of that man's ill -gotten grill.

The taste of betrayal tastes...

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

You're going to the home of mine enemy?

He's not mine enemy.

He's mine brother.

Right. Your brother, who shares your girly hips and your knack for betrayal.

This is a whole lot of crazy over $200. It's not about the money.

It's about the appreciation.

Respect. Oh, oh, I see. Respect. So anybody who doesn't do what you want

respect you?

Thank you. Your apology is accepted.

Jim, if you cop people off every time they don't do what you want, you're not

going to have anybody left.

I have you and the kids. That's all I need.

Oh, honey, that is sweet.

But I don't believe it for a second.

All right, I'm going to head over there, and I really hope you'll change your

mind and join us. I think not.

My doctor has been a low -betrayal diet.

Yeah, yeah, you're betrayed. I get it, I get it.

You're going to want to sear the meat on the outside and then turn down the heat

and cook them nice and slow.

This is boring.

Yeah, let's go watch some video.

I don't want to give anything away, but they find Nemo!

Hey, Dana, Cheryl, want me to let you in on a little grilling secret?

No.

Hey, Kyle.

I'm so in love with you.

Whatever you want to do.

It's all right with me.

But you make me feel so brand new.

I want to spend my life.

with you.

And if there's been a day since we've been

together, loving you forever

is all I need.

I was wondering maybe if you had something to spare.

Uh, yeah, sure. I think I can find something somewhere here.

Don't worry, I'll pay you for it. Oh, come on, Andy. No, no, I want to. What

it, three, four bucks? Oh, please, Andy, just give me a buck.

This is the grill cover.

It's guaranteed for life in a pinch. It makes a decent rain poncho.

Okay, yeah.

I'll go get the hot sauce.

I'm bored to death over there.

Me too, Andy.

What are we doing?

Wasting a precious day not grilling together. That's what we're doing.

Look, Jim, if this is how it's going to be, I don't want the grill. No, no, no.

Look, I'm not admitting anything, all right?

But for argument's sake, maybe I might have...

Overreacted. No, no. That tree you pulled out of the ground had it coming.

Andy, you really pissed me off. And I still don't get why.

Well, because I gave you a free grill and you acted like you didn't even care.

And over this, I said thank you. Yeah, no, but that wasn't enough.

Look, Andy, I can't give away anything without getting something back.

We're family. That's what families do. Not my family.

Well, I mean, look, we hardly had anything to begin with.

So we never gave anything away.

At my grandfather's funeral, we had to bury him naked.

So my uncle could have a suit to wear to the funeral.

And even when I donate blood, I get a box of cookies.

I think you're only supposed to take one.

It's my blood!

The point is, Andy, is when I give you something, make a big deal out of it.

I need that. You got to make a big deal out of it. I don't know.

Well, Jim, listen, it's easy to make a big deal of it when you give me an

incredible rain poncho slash grill cover like this.

Really? You think it's great? Jim, hey, if I go before you, please promise me

you're going to bury me with this thing.

Okay, Mort.

You are the most generous man in all the world.

Now you're embarrassing me. Please stop. Hey, my liege. Now allow the humble

servant before you to anoint thee with accolades you so richly deserve.

Okay, if you're going to praise me, use words that I understand.

Buddy, you're like an ice -cold beer on a hot day.

Now you're going to make me cry.