Original subtitles

Gosh, it's weird being back at work. I forgot about all the office politics and

the backstabbing. Oh, no, is somebody picking on you?

No, no, I'm doing it to other people.

I just, I forgot how much fun it was.

Hey, Daddy's home.

Hi, Daddy.

Hello, my doves. Hello, my angel. Hello, leftovers.

Cheryl, tell me about your day.

But just the highlights, please.

Okay. Remember how I told you Mrs. Reifschneider is retiring?

Guess who's in charge of her send -off party?

Cheryl, do you know what highlights are?

Who is this Mrs.

Riffstinker? What's her name?

It's Reifschneider.

Ruby's art teacher. Her favorite.

You re -ended her in the parking lot?

Oh, yeah. Rat stellar.

Daddy,

look what I made you in our class.

Will you put it on the fridge?

Yes. Just so happens I have business there.

love our class.

I just sit next to Bobby and he wants to have a play date.

Wow, that's pretty forward.

You know, my advice, get to know him over drinks. You know, a little punch on

the playground.

And when it's time to pay, don't reach for your purse.

But what purse?

You're going to be good at this.

But don't lead him on either. If you say you want him to call, don't give him a

fake number.

Because that's just cruel.

Cheryl, Cheryl, there's no room to put this up on the refrigerator. Can we get

rid of some of this stuff?

No, I like having this stuff up here. It's special.

No, honey.

This isn't special. The kids are special. Maybe we should put them up on

refrigerator now.

All right, fine.

Take this stuff and put it in the garage in the box marked Ruby Second Grade.

And while you're at it, take out some of these word magnets of yours. Come on, I

used them to write little love poems to you.

Oh, yeah, they are sweet, especially this one.

Too bad you couldn't find something to rhyme with doable.

.

Empty jars.

Oprah transcripts.

Ruby, second grade.

Here we go.

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

Eleven years of crap that you won't throw out.

Oh, come on. How can you call this crap?

The Blarney Stone Ruby made in kindergarten.

I'd hate to lose that.

We could never replace that. I mean, we have to go outside and dump a bunch of

glitter on a rock.

Come on.

It's a TV from our first apartment.

Do you remember we used to watch it in the kitchen and they'd cut up vegetables

and you'd say, oh, I can't wait to eat those.

Yeah, it's amazing what you'll eat to get a woman in bed.

I keep this because it reminds me of you.

Yeah, you know something else that would remind you of me?

The actual me.

reminds me of a time I still thought I could change you. Come on, Phil.

We've got to get rid of some of this stuff, honey. I mean, you've got stuff

from college and from when we were first dating. What about all this kid stuff?

Look at this stuff.

Could you just die?

This is a clay map of Illinois.

I know.

It's not even to scale.

Cheryl, it's an object. It's an object.

Objects aren't memories. Memories are up here.

And in here.

Cheryl, please.

We've got to get rid of some of this stuff. I mean, I can't even get the

back in here.

So?

So, I'm getting rid of some of this stuff. No, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. How

about we compromise?

How about we get a storage space and put all this stuff in there?

Why? So we can not look at this stuff somewhere else?

Oh, honey, so I know it's all there.

All right, we'll compromise and do it your way.

All right.

Hey, hello.

Hi. Welcome to Store It All, formerly You Store It All.

What happened to the you?

Well, there was a murder and we wanted to distance ourselves.

Can I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for a storage space. Nothing fancy. It's got to be cheap. All

want are four walls and a roof. So your crap won't be needing a view there.

Our basic unit is $60 a month.

$60 a month?

Jim, let me... Look, you're a very smart, and I must say, a very

beautiful woman. Yeah, I'll go out with you.

Slow down, honey. You're crowding me.

No, um...

I'm just looking

for a little break on the price.

Can't help you.

Come on, 60 bucks a month? That's like... It's like a hot dog a day.

So do you want the space or not? I've got to go track down a smell on level

four.

No, no way. I'm not paying that much to store a bunch of junk.

Well, then, perhaps store -it -all formerly you -store -it -all is not your

of tea.

Leave your number.

I expect a real dinner, no drive -thru, no coupons.

Of course, baby.

You rolling with the A -dog.

Slap some butter on the bread.

I don't know why I told Cheryl that I would do this.

I'm just enabling her.

You know what? Screw it. There's a dumpster out back. Let's throw all the

out. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no. You can't do that to Cheryl. I'm not doing it to

her. I'm doing it for her.

Don't you understand? If she were a smoker, I'd throw out her cigarettes,

Jim, she used to be a smoker, and you never threw out her cigarettes.

That's because it was never my damn business.

No, no. I don't know, Jim. Hey, do you want a hot dog every day?

Because I could show you that world.

I can see it.

It's so beautiful.

I'll keep it.

So, Gracie. Dish, how were drinks with Bobby Simmons?

He sucked the punch up his nose with a straw.

I like that.

You know, it's true. Girls really do want to marry their daddies. Yeah.

Hello, girls.

Daddy. Who wants to go outside and step on some ketchup packets? Yay!

Wait, what's with all the hot dogs lately?

Yeah, I've seen you guys eat one every day.

hot dogs is the most American thing that you can do.

Every time I take a bite, I feel like I'm waving the flag.

Let freedom ring.

Yeah, well, when your cholesterol gets to 300, sell.

Oh, honey, I'm going to need to get into that storage space.

Why, honey? What is it that you need? Well, I'm doing an exhibit of the kids'

art for Mrs.

Reischneider's retirement party.

You said I'd never look at that stuff again.

That's the great thing about you, honey.

You remember every freaking thing I say.

So, give me the keys. I'm going to go down there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no.

Let me do it.

Oh, honey, that's so sweet, but I want to go down and pick out some of my

favorites. Oh, what about my favorites, Cheryl?

I mean, you know, I like our children, too, and I like their artwork.

Even though you think I don't care, I'm really going to miss Miss Redhauser.

Reif Schneider. Reif, yeah.

You know what?

If you feel that strongly about it, I think it's a great idea.

Well, I also feel that strongly about you and another woman. No, Jim.

Come on, Annie.

Okay.

You are, as the French say, so less screwed.

Look, all we got to do is go back to the dumpster and hope everything's still

there. What? No way. Hey, I have a date with that storage woman.

What if she sees me crawling around a dumpster? I think I've established that

the A -dog does not roll that way.

I don't know.

I've said it for a while, but this sucks.

You suck.

Just look. Will you just look?

What are you doing, Andy?

What? What are you doing? It's a banana in a garbage can. It's closed up. It's

perfectly fine.

Give me some.

He's pretty good.

What,

what, you find something?

Did Ruby ever do a nice pencil line drawing of Alan Greenspan?

No. Oh.

Then it's just a Wall Street Journal.

You know what? This sucks.

If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even get out of your house.

Oh, really?

Hang on, Bob. Just keep looking.

It's here. I know. I threw it in here. We've been looking forever, Jim. Give it

up. Nothing's here. Come on.

What's that? I don't know. Right there. Look, that's Ruby's stuffed animal right

there. Let me reach.

It's moving. It's moving.

Please.

Please tell me that's your cell phone.

Soundtrack to Top Gun.

What's that for?

Jim, 99 cents.

Do you feel the need for speed?

Yes, I do. We've got to speed this up. Cheryl's going to be back in an hour

her meeting. Let's go. Let's finish this. Now, how much of this stuff for

do we have to duplicate? Just enough to pull one over on Cheryl. You know the

drill. Sure, sure.

Throughout this, I want to be called Maverick. Okay, Maverick.

Okay.

So what do you want me to do? Where should I start?

Well, I'm going to do some cotton ball clouds. And why don't you draw something

like, oh, I know what Ruby does all the time. Family. Do a family portrait. I'm

on it.

What if Cheryl doesn't buy this? Oh, come on.

She never looks at this stuff.

She wouldn't know the difference between this and Vincent Van Goat.

Don't you mean Vincent Van Go?

No, Van Goat. The goat at the state fair paints with his beard.

Yet another reason our state fair blows Wisconsin out of the water. That's

right, Maverick.

All right, little here, little there.

Okay, what do you think?

Andy, I think that's perfect.

If Ruby was a courtroom artist, come on.

This stuff has got to look like a kid did it. It's got to look bad.

Jim, I'm not eight years old anymore. I got too much talent.

Would it help if I gave you a wedgie?

Am I?

Okay,

that's it. That's good. It's working. Call me a sissy. Sissy!

Tacky.

Derivative.

Cats have tails in my world.

You told me we were going to some fancy art opening.

Two, three.

lies like this and we're through.

Come on. If I took you to a real opening, some trendy artist would steal

away from me.

You got that right.

I'm gonna go get us some punching cookies.

I have a feeling we're gonna need our energy later.

Suggested donations are a dollar.

There you go.

Thank you.

You don't work here, do you? No.

Bobby Simmons here?

Yeah, that's him with his mom and dad.

Oh, Gracie, you don't want to date a guy who still lives with his parents. Come

on.

Hey. Is it working? Are we filling in with the artwork?

Yeah, I heard someone pass by and say this was fourth grade level work.

Hi, guys.

Mrs. Reischneider, this is my brother Andy, and you know Jim.

Hi, Mrs. Reischneider. Oh, for God's sake, Jim, it's for... That's right.

Thank you.

Well, thank you, Cheryl, for this lovely party. And I must tell you that Ruby's

work really stands out.

Oh, thank you.

You're too kind.

Well, what do you think of the rainbow here? Pretty slick, huh?

It's wonderful.

Yeah, well, I much prefer the dog under the tree. I think it's far superior than

some average rainbow.

Yeah, well, look at the clouds, though. Look at that. They look really real.

That's very hard to do. You're a hack.

Shut up!

What difference does it make? It's all Ruby's work.

She loses.

Well, Mrs. Reichneiter, we're going to miss you so much.

Oh, aren't you sweet?

But I'm not going to miss this snake pit.

What a bunch of backstabbing SOBs.

Right, yes, isn't it?

Aren't you glad I didn't let you get rid of all these beautiful memories?

Come on, Cheryl.

I mean, if Ruby's name wasn't on this, nobody would know it was hers.

Oh, please. A mother knows.

Right here.

A mother knows. Yes.

Really? Really. Well, then I wonder if Mommy has a clear memory of when Ruby

this little horse.

Of course I do.

Kindergarten. Oh.

Well, how about this tree?

Oh, that tree.

It was spring.

Uh -huh. And Ruby went out and drew the tree in the backyard.

Oh, Cheryl.

You have some kind of memory.

I know. That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Each one of these is a memory for me. And Jim, if you paid a little more

attention, they'd be memories for you, too.

Honestly, I feel a little sorry for you. You feel sorry for me? I do.

You know what? Honestly, I feel a little sorry for you. Why?

Because you think all this stuff is your daughter's precious artwork.

You know what?

Andy and I threw this together last night. Ha!

What? Yeah. I didn't rent that storage space. We just threw it all out.

You didn't? Yes, and we did all this by ourselves, and you couldn't tell the

difference. You are unbelievable. You threw Louie's stuff away without asking

me? Threw it all away. Absolutely. Every bit. There's not one popsicle stick.

Not one painted piece of macaroni. He threw out my artwork.

So,

uh, want to see a movie later?

Is it playing at your place?

Yeah,

baby. As long as it's not gone in 60 seconds.

Oh, honey.

I am so sorry that... Daddy did that.

Mommy didn't know anything about it, baby. I am just as sad and upset as I

you are.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. My turn, my turn. Come on, come on, come on.

Hey, Ruby Toons.

Why'd you throw it out? Did you hate it?

No, Ruby, I don't hate your artwork. Actually, I love your artwork.

There was so much good stuff, we couldn't keep it all.

I did make some good stuff, didn't I? Yes, you did.

And it is so sad that it's all gone.

You know what? It is sad that it's all gone.

But the good news is you can paint some more.

That's true.

Yeah, and you can paint really good stuff.

Way to go, Jim.

She is devastating.

Cheryl, please.

The only person that's upset about this is you.

Ruby's not upset. No one else can tell the difference.

I am upset for the kids.

How do you think they killed this other artwork in the garbage?

Cheryl, that's why I threw it away across town.

I mean, if they're in that neighborhood, believe me, they're not trying to score

on their old artwork.

My baby's artwork is hanging up in a crack.

Good. I'm so glad you took it that way. I was so afraid you were going to be

overdramatic.

Jim, you don't get it.

Ruby made that Blarney stone when she was five.

Now she's eight. She will never be five again. You're right.

Or six.

Or seven. Oh, God, don't say that.

You're right. You're right. We have to preserve every moment.

Jim, I feel like I'm losing something.

Oh.

You don't have to hold on to all their artwork.

You don't.

Holding on to it is not going to keep them from growing up.

They're going to grow up.

You've got to make room for some new memories.

Well, I am not throwing everything away, Jim.

I mean, some of that stuff really is special.

Well, then, I'll tell you what. If it's special, then let's treat it that way.

How about this? Once a year,

We pick a couple pieces, and we hang them up in the hallway upstairs.

Okay. You like that? Yeah.

We could frame them, and you could do some fancy lighting.

And you could fix the hinge in the garage door.

Where did that come from?

Well, I've been asking you to do it for months. I thought I'd just slip it in.

Honey, if I fix the hinge, then... Then I might forget about the wobble in a

garage door. I don't want everything to remind me of that. I'm going to flip

out. I'm going to break it.

All right.

Come on, let's go back in there.

Because now that you know I did that artwork, I want your honest opinion.

If mine's better than Andy's.

Yeah, you know, I did have my suspicions, though, honey, because that

turkey looked a little meaty to be Ruby.