Original subtitles

Another store I can't go back to.

Cheryl, that guy had 13 items. When I feel like my liberties are threatened, I

jump on it.

Jim, you don't count each can in a six -pack.

In my world, you do.

Did you and Daddy get a scooter? No, honey, it went to the grocery store.

The one next to the scooter store?

I told you, no scooters till Christmas.

Well, what's with this attitude here, huh?

Well, where do you think the money comes from?

The machine at the bank.

You put your card in and push 4720.

How do you know my code?

You move your lips when you do it.

Look, girls, it may be okay for your mother to sit around the house all day

looking pretty, but it's not going to work for you.

You know, girls, it's true. Not everyone can have my fairytale life.

Here's your hemorrhoid medicine. Oh, thank you.

Huh, brand name.

You haven't given me a raise in three years, but you're buying the good stuff.

All right, girls, look.

If you want a scooter so bad, you're just going to have to find a way to earn

the money.

You understand?

Okay. Aunt Dana, will you give us money so we can buy a scooter?

Get up, get up.

You know, girls.

When I was your age, I made money by taking dares on the playground.

I'd eat all sorts of stuff.

Dirt, worms.

The occasional booger.

Thank you.

Long story short, the stomach pump guy at the emergency room suggested a

lemonade stand.

Can we do a lemonade stand?

Yeah. Yes, that's a good idea. Sounds good, sure.

Tastes like chicken.

Oh, baby.

Oh, honey.

Look at them. They're so cute. Setting up their first business.

If this works.

I say we blow their college fund on an RV. Oh.

Okay, we're open.

Lemonade, 50 cents.

Go inside.

Oh, honey, I'm your first customer.

I'd like a lemonade, please.

50 cents.

Aren't you thirsty, Daddy?

It's my lemonade. I'm not buying it twice.

I'll take a cup.

I know, I know, I know.

Oh, crap.

The Driscolls. Jim, be nice. I am not going to be nice. Hey!

Look who it is. It's Janice Wallace and Jules.

Jim.

Driscoll.

Oh, this is just darling. Just like a Norman Rockwell painting.

Aren't they cute?

Look at your jewels. He's growing like a weed.

Speaking of weeds, Jim, it seems like you have a little bit of grass poking up

between yours.

Very funny.

You here to talk or to buy?

Daddy, let us do it.

You here to talk or to buy?

We'd like three lemonades, please.

Oh, thank you.

when he sold sliced fruit door to door.

Thank you, Mr.

Driscoll. Oh, and so polite. But it's Dr.

Driscoll.

Daddy said beef doctors aren't real doctors.

Well, my luxury sedan's real enough.

Well, this is awfully refreshing.

Fresh squeezed?

Actually, it's a powdered mix.

Well, you can't tell the difference.

Well, good luck, girls.

Julie, you don't have to finish it if you don't like it.

You need to stir it more, unless you're going for chunky style.

Thank you for that tip, Julie.

I got a tip for you. When you get into high school, change your name to Kick

Mommy, let us do it. Oh, okay, yes, of course.

But use a spoon, not your fingers, promise.

Tasted their lemonade, or at least tried to.

Then I saw Jules Driscoll next door selling real fresh squeezed lemonade.

What? Yep.

It's like he's captured the taste of summer.

Andy, how could you do that?

These are your nieces. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Hey, Mom would have never sent us to the street to hock a mix.

Just do something like that. Because they're no good, Cheryl. I told you that

the day they moved in.

No, no, the day they moved in, you told me they were spies.

Well, he still hasn't explained the ham radio.

But he's going to explain this.

Hey, check it out.

They gave me a Lemon Jewels card.

Buy five, get one free.

It's all right. I'm in their computer.

Making lemon jewels your beverage establishment of choice. If you have a

please fill out our comment card.

What do you think you're doing?

You stole my girl's idea.

I'm sorry. I didn't know you invented the concept of a lemonade stand.

We're also observing the laws of gravity here today. Or are those just for you

as well?

Oh, I see. You're trying to show me up, huh?

Well, my girls were here first.

You invited competition when you offered an inferior product.

Oh, competition?

You want competition?

You got it, buddy.

Oh, hitching up your pants, huh?

Two can play that game.

Okay, I'm a little uncomfortable.

Well, I'm...

I guess I win the pants thing, huh?

Dad! Oh, look. I have to refill Jewel's lemonade pitcher.

I see no such problem exists on your side of the hedge.

Now you laugh, Driscoll. Laugh!

Girls.

Guess what, girls?

You are going to have the best lemonade stand.

It's going to be bigger. It's going to be better.

It's going to be more lemony.

Cool.

What should we do?

Go in the house and wait for Daddy to call you.

But we want to help. Yeah, you had your chance. Come on, go.

You forget I used to be in the advertising?

America loves this homespun childhood happiness crap.

Hey, Dana.

I made up these flyers and put them up all over the neighborhood.

Please buy some lemonade. Our grandma is sick.

Andy, what are you thinking?

I know it's not true. It's also not specific.

Grandma has a name. It's Rose. Wait.

30. And she's not just sick. She needs a new hip. No.

Kidney. Oh, you're good.

You're racist. Now go. Make.

his lemonade stand.

I turn it into a lemonade experience.

Check it out. We got coffee drinks, cotton candy, and chocolate -covered

bananas. In between the hours of two and three, Limo the Magnificent will be

entertaining the kids.

How about that?

Where are the girls?

Oh, uh, inside, I guess.

Well, I thought this was to teach them about hard work and the value of a

dollar. Excuse me, Sherman.

Where have you been while we were doing all this work?

Kyle has an ear infection. I had to see him to the pediatrician.

Must be nice.

Okay, here's where we stand. We can either get a knife thrower or a sweat

from Welcome Back, Cotter.

Horseshack! Not available.

Please, give me that phone.

Good enough.

How did you get dragged into this? Cheryl, I'm an advertising professional.

It's like when a doctor drives by an accident scene. You know, you don't

of yourself. You just stop and help.

to hear about the girl's grandmother.

Yeah, Grandma Rose is one tough old bird. Dirty. Whatever.

We're keeping our fingers crossed. Oh, how much are the chocolate -covered

bananas?

Oh, you know what? I'll take them all. Twenty bucks, no check.

Dana!

Horseshack's out, but I got a look -alike!

Yes! Yes!

This is insane.

I don't want any part of this. Fine, fine, fine. Oh, when you see the girls,

tell them it's going great!

My God.

Knock, knock, knock.

It's your neighbor with the peace offering.

Oh, Janet, thank you.

Oh, and thank you so much for coming over. I am at my wit's end. I don't know

what to do about our men.

Oh, I know. They are so competitive.

It's almost like it's about who's got the bigger dot, dot, dot.

And if you ask me, they're acting like a couple of dot, dot, dot.

That's very funny.

happens to wallace a lot people get jealous what do you mean well you know

a doctor makes a very good living and sometimes that's a problem for people

jim people like jim

yeah you know blue collar blue collar

i'll have you know that jim has been invited to join the kiwanis club

Well, my mistake. Make sure you say hello to Ben and J -Lo for me.

You know, I think you're forgetting that we actually had a lemonade stand -up

first, so Wallace is actually the one who's jealous he copied us.

Oh, Cheryl.

If he really wanted to copy you, he would have put on a shabby card table

served citrus -flavored chemicals.

Those chemicals happen to be the official drink of the WNBA.

your card table when we came over to play gin rummy, or don't you remember?

Well,

I had to do something to blot out the sight of your husband sucking the marrow

out of a rib. Oh,

oh, oh, God. So sorry. Oh, would you look at us for acting just like that?

know. Honey, let's just, let's calm down. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Driscoll's got pony rides now. Why didn't I think of that?

Relax. He's targeting the wrong demographic.

Pony rides are for three -year -olds.

That little applesauce.

What a cutie. He looked right at me, Jim. Right at me.

Cheryl, what happened to you?

Got into a bit of a dust -up with Janice Driscoll.

Tell you this, she doesn't look so tall when I got a fistful of her hair.

Cheryl? Haven't I told you, if you were to get in a sexy cat fight, to call me?

Well, I'll tell you this.

We are taking back the neighborhood!

Yeah! Come on board, baby!

We're going to bury those driscolls! Yeah! Listen, we just need something

little sizzle. Sizzle! Sizzle! I got it! I got it! I got it!

We'll set some old tires on fire. People will come and stick around for the

lemonade.

I'm just spitballing. Here, help me here. I don't know what I'm talking

Look!

Yeah, you know, we decided to go another way.

But we want to help.

And you can.

Why don't you guys go upstairs and finish reading Harry Potter?

But it's 700 pages.

Well, then you better get going. Go, go, go.

A car wash.

It doesn't have sizzle.

Oh, I think it does.

Free Internet.

Free Internet.

Well, well.

Look who's come to serve our new Cyber Lemonade stand.

Very clever, Jim.

Look, it was a long walk over here, so let me just say what I have to say.

Game over. You win.

What?

Cheryl, Cheryl, quick, come here, come here, come here. I want my wife to hear

that. But can you say it like you're saying it for the first time?

Cheryl?

Janice?

Found your earring.

How about my tooth?

Still looking.

Your husband won.

Your lemonade stand is better than mine.

What's that?

Hey there, officer.

Can I shut up the cruiser for you?

A concerned neighbor filed a complaint. I'm going to need to see a permit.

Permit? Yes, the permit is required to operate a temporary commercial business.

Wait a minute. You're telling me my kids need a permit to run a lemonade stand?

Well, I see a massage table. I see some meat sitting out in the sun. I see some

sort of gay porn car wash.

But I don't see any lemonade or kids.

Dana, help me out here.

Officer, isn't there something we can...

You know.

Sorry, Jim, she's straight. There's nothing I can do about it.

200 bucks?

You know what?

This guy needs a ticket, too. He doesn't have a permit, either.

Or do I?

That looks good.

No violation here.

Officer, can I interest you in some saltwater taffy?

Complimentary, of course.

So.

You're the concerned neighbor, huh?

Well, I'm not concerned anymore, Jim, because I win.

Oh, in case your wife didn't hear that, I'll say it again like I'm saying it for

the first time.

I win.

God, it makes me hot when you talk like that.

Oh, yeah?

Well, two can play at that game.

Oh, oh.

Oh, Cheryl, what a shame. All this food's going to go to waste.

I'll tell you what.

I'll give you a nickel for the pie.

Our dogs haven't eaten yet.

Don't worry, Janice.

It's on the house.

Annie, Annie, get the camera.

It's going to be a sexy pie fight.

Okay, Cheryl, don't get up. I got it.

I've been sitting here going over and over it in my mind, trying to figure out

how it all went so terribly wrong.

We took over our girl's lemonade stand.

I got into two fights.

I know, I know.

That's what went wrong, you see.

You're the grounded one. We can't both be mad dogs. One of us has to be the

chain. That's you, Cheryl.

Jim, the point was to teach the girls a life lesson, but instead we shoved him

out of the way.

I know, I know. I'm ashamed of both of us.

It wasn't one of our best days. No.

But, you know, if you look at the bright side, you know... There's no bright

side. We just blew it, didn't we? We just really blew it.

Finally, what did you take, the scenic route?

I saw a hummingbird.

Well, it must have all been worth it, then.

How much money did we make?

Well, let me see.

Of course, there was parts and labor.

Then there was the tickets.

And dot, dot, dot.

Carried the two.

Forty -six bucks.

Is that enough to buy scooters?

Well, girls, listen.

That's not even close.

Scooters are really...

Your mother and I will help pitch it. Yeah.

No, we want to make our own money.

Yeah. We want to have another lemonade stand next weekend.

You do?

Really?

That's a great idea. And you know what? We're going to do it right this time.

We're going to get the permits first. We're going to get a real horse jack.

Jim, Jim.

All right, you're right. Yes.

You should do it yourselves.

And we're very proud of you. We are.

Do we have to finish Harry Potter?

Not today.

Yes!

Oh, I don't believe it.

We acted like jerks and we still made our kids better people.

Yeah, well, pretty good parents, you know. Yeah.

Boy,

I don't think I'll ever be able to eat off the plate again.

I think we can forget about this.

I wish I could forget about that.