Original subtitles

Hello, my beauties. I'm home.

Hey, honey.

How was your day?

Fine.

Anything happen at work?

Nothing.

Where are the girls?

Outside. Oh, hey, we got a math test.

She got a smiley face, which isn't quite as good as a star, but it's close. And

Gracie was eating an orange, and she choked. You know in the middle part

it's like a rope? Anyway, she threw up, but at least she's eating fruit.

Since what is a smiley face not as good as a star? What kind of school are we

sending this girl to?

Daddy! Hey, there you are. I've been looking for you girls. How are you?

What's going on?

Guess what? I ate a whole orange, and fruit was all orange.

I know you're a big girl.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

You guys go outside.

I'll hide in here.

And when I'm done, I'll come out and tell you where I was.

Yay!

Oh, I'm hiding. I'm hiding. Oh, sweetie, you know what? I've been with the kids

all day, and I really need to finish dinner. Would you help me out?

Sure, sure.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Okay, I'm done hiding. Here I come.

Sweetheart.

Oh, my God, honey. What happened?

Fun for all ages.

What a load of crap.

Daddy heard his knee.

And then it's a bad word.

Five times in a row.

Honey, if they don't learn it from me, they're going to pick it up on the

street.

I'm fine. I don't even know why we're here.

Cheryl, go over there and take some of those rubber gloves.

Forget it.

Oh, come on. They get them free from the glove guy.

I am not healing.

Cheryl, come on. We take some home, blow them up, paint faces on them, and we'll

keep the kids entertained for hours.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Dr. Patello, hi.

Hi, I'm fine.

Hi.

Okay, Jim, I checked your x -ray.

Nothing's broken.

Is that tender? Yes, it's just as tender as it was last time you squeezed it,

doctor. All right, well, I'm going to give you an anti -inflammatory for the

pain, but first I want to check and make sure it's not going to interact with

your blood pressure medicine.

All right? Be back in a minute.

Okay, blood pressure medicine?

Jim, what is he talking about? Have you been taking blood pressure medicine?

Well, I don't know, honey, if it's on the chart there. It must be true. I'm

a doctor.

How long has this been going on?

A couple weeks.

Uh -huh. A couple months. Uh -huh. Six months, honey!

Honey!

What? This is serious. How could you not do this? What the hell is wrong with

you? She stole rubber gloves.

I just don't understand how you kept this from me. I mean, I never saw you

any pills. I was grinding them up in my beer.

I am so mad at you, and I want to yell at you, but I'm afraid to get all upset

and die.

Why didn't you tell me this?

I did.

I wrote it in a letter and mailed it to you.

But I might have got the address wrong. You still live at 2635?

Not for much longer.

I didn't want to tell you because I just didn't want you to worry.

Well, you have to at least give me the option to worry. I mean, you're treating

me like one of the kids.

Okay, I'll go get you an ice pack. Hold on.

Honey, it is no big deal. Men have high blood pressure.

That's the price we pay for going out in the world and bringing home the bacon.

Which you could eat less of while we're on the subject.

Not until they make a bacon patch.

Hey, how's Jim's knee?

Oh, just bruised. The doctor told him to take it easy for a few days.

Woo, good luck slowing down that dynamo.

Thank you for babysitting. I really owe you one.

Oh, great, because I need to borrow your black wraparound dress, no questions

asked. Okay. Why do you want to borrow it?

Carrie's getting married.

Oh, my God. Andy's ex -girlfriend? This is going to kill him. I know.

I know. I don't want to hurt him, but I've known Carrie since college. I

introduced the two of them. You know, if she's getting married, he's going to

find out.

Yeah, you're right. I should probably just tell him. No, don't. Don't let me

tell him. You've always been a little rough on Andy.

I have not.

Remember how you told him the dog died?

You put it in his bed.

He was four.

I thought he needed a visual.

Just let me handle this.

What was that about?

Oh, well, Dana was just telling me about this. I already don't care.

Hey, honey, you know what would make my knee feel a lot better? What?

Some nachos.

No.

You are putting back on snacking. You're going to exercise more or at all.

And we're going to have to do something about your stress level, honey. Keeping

stuff all bottled up inside is not healthy. Cheryl, you're my wife. How I

about things is none of your business.

Look, Jim, I really want you to talk to me more. I mean it. Like, if something

happens at work or if you're upset or worried. Not me, honey. It's not the guy

am, honey. I don't share well.

Are you willing to blow off a team of total strangers? Like yelling at waiters

or holding up traffic so you can yell at some guy in a toll booth?

They've been collecting quarters for 20 years. That bridge is more than paid

for.

Oh, honey.

I love you.

Every day I look forward to you walking through that door.

I don't know what I would do if something happened to you.

Yeah? Yeah.

Would you cry?

Yeah.

Would you cry a lot?

Yeah.

Would you cry so hard you threw up?

All over the place.

All right.

Fine.

I'll tell you how I feel.

Thank you.

I feel like nachos.

Well, hello, people I see every day.

Hi, baby. Hi, baby. How are you, girl?

Daddy, come to our tea party.

You get for the tea.

All right.

But don't let me sit next to Bear, because we don't get along.

You know what?

Daddy really needs to take it easy. Why don't you guys go start the tea party,

and I'll bring you cookies in a minute. Okay, Mommy. Okay. Thank you, sweetie.

And you.

Me. I want you to sit over here and do nothing.

Nothing? That might be my favorite thing to do.

Maybe of all time.

Come on over here and do nothing with me.

Hey, honey, do you want a drink? Red wine is supposed to lower your blood

pressure. That sounds great. Great.

But make it a beer. Oh.

How was your day?

Fine.

Jim, we talked about this. I really want to know how your day was.

All right.

Okay. Let's see.

Maurice, the tile guy, quit.

And how did that make you feel?

Like, I need a new tile guy.

Oh, Jim, how did it make you feel? Like...

Did it upset you? Did it frustrate you?

No. This is frustrating me.

Look, if we're going to reduce your stress level, I really need a little bit

help here.

All right, the guy ticked me off.

Okay, I mean, he left me high and dry.

Oh, honey.

And I think he stole my putty knife.

Oh, sweetie.

Oh, and I really upset me.

Oh, this feels so good.

Oh, honey.

Oh, you know what? You have some knots in your back. I'm going to go get some

massage oil, okay?

Yes!

Hey, you know what, Gary?

We play this right, we could spend the rest of our lives in pajamas.

Hey, Cheryl, got your message. What's up?

Yeah, Andy, why don't you come sit down?

Uh -oh.

Do you remember that friend of Dana's from college, that blonde?

You mean Carrie, who I went out with for six months?

Yeah, this may be kind of hard for you to hear.

Carrie's getting married.

Oh, my God.

If we didn't break up, and if I got along with her parents, and if she still

loved me...

That could have been me.

Oh, honey, at least you have your memory.

Yeah. And some of her stuff that wouldn't burn.

Actually, I still have to give her back her bike. It's going to be so awkward to

see her again. You know what? Why don't you let me do that? You know, you tend

to get a little overly emotional when it comes to Carrie.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

You do it.

I smelled it coming up the driveway. I smelled it in the garage.

Tell me it's true.

Yep, Carrie's getting married.

No, that's not the smell.

I'm making lasagna. Yes!

And it's healthy. I made it with nonfat cheese.

Wow, that ought to be real bland.

Daddy!

Hey, Kyle. Hey, girls. Hey, girls. What do you have to say to Daddy?

We love you, and you never have to play with us.

Wow. I knew inside this family there was a better family trying to get out.

Andy, would you do me a favor? Take the girls upstairs, help them clean the

room. All right.

Girls, come in.

Wow. Hey, Carl. How are you?

Everybody's gone.

It's nice and quiet.

How was your day?

It was good.

Really? Now, what do you mean by good?

Well, I mean, you know, Maurice the towel guy came back, and I found my

knife. I forgot. I left it in the kitchen. I was making a sandwich with

Fine, Jim.

Well, where are you going, Mrs. Magic Fingers?

Oh, no, that's fine. Keep it all bottled up inside.

All right.

Let's see.

There was one thing.

Oh, really?

Well, honey, why don't you tell me about it? That's what I'm here for.

Well, you know, the Anderson job.

Yeah, what happened?

Well, they ran into a little financial trouble. Oh. And they filed Chapter 11.

Wow, that's bankruptcy, isn't it? Yep. So we got to eat about $10 ,000 in

Wow, $10 ,000.

That's a lot of money. Mm -hmm. But you know what, honey?

I'm sure another job will come along, and we are going to be just fine.

You know, you're right. I do feel better talking about it. Oh, good, honey.

And you know what I want you to do now? What? I want you to go in, sit in your

chair, put your feet up while I finish dinner.

I love this family.

Now,

honey, I want you to just relax, okay?

Okay.

Kyle, we're going under.

Horrible dream.

They still make tater tots, don't they?

What's going on?

Oh, yeah, when I can't sleep, I like to give myself really hard math problems.

Look, what do you know? Pluto really does have an elliptical orbit.

Weird. Well, let's go to bed.

Hold on.

Hold on, Cheryl.

Calculator, bank statements.

I can put two and two together.

What's going on here?

Okay. I think I found a solution to our money problems.

What money problems?

I'm going to take out a second mortgage on the house to help cover your losses

on the Anderson job.

What? Yeah.

You don't have to do that, honey. What are you doing?

Come on, things fall apart in the construction industry all the time.

That's why we're always moving from one job to the next one before we finish.

That's why people hate us.

I'd like to do something. Would you please not eat these?

No, no, they're fat -free. They're good for me. Not by the dozen.

See, this is why I don't share.

Okay, you say you want to hear my problems, I tell you one, and you go

completely nuts.

Protecting your family is not nuts.

No, no, pretending you're blind to try to get a free dog, that's nuts.

Those idiots deserve to get ripped up. They didn't even try to stop me when I

drove away.

Jim?

Here he is. What are we going to do?

Sit down.

You know what you need, honey?

What? There's a nice, relaxing massage.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, good night, honey.

Well, hey, Cheryl, here's Carrie's bike.

You said you'd take it back.

You wrecked her bike?

Actually, it fell off the roof on the way over.

Then I nudged it to the curb with my car 10 or 20 times.

Cheryl, this dress looks too good on me. I don't want to upstage Carrie at her

own wedding.

You're going to Carrie's wedding?

I thought you were going to tell him.

You knew she was going to the wedding? Oh, I'm sorry, Andy. I didn't want your

feelings to get hurt. You see, Cheryl, I should have just told him myself.

What were you going to do, put a sick dog in my bed?

It was dead, Andy.

Oh, God.

Jim's home, okay? And he's already upset about the Anderson job falling through,

so... What?

That didn't fall through.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Jim told me they went bankrupt and you guys lost all that

No, that was like a month ago.

Everything's fine now. We got paid.

I'm gonna kill him.

If there's any way at all you can keep my name out of this.

Trouble with the paper boy?

You know, guys, Jim looks like he's had sort of a rough day. Would you run in

and get us a glass of wine?

I'd kind of like to stay.

Go.

So, honey, how's it going with the Anderson job? Oh, you know what? That

out just fine. They got the money. Oh, that's great. I know.

Um, how?

Let's see.

Well, here's a funny story.

You know what? They found a deed to a gold mine behind one of the paintings.

You lied to me.

You're going to have to be more specific.

The Anderson job.

Andy told me all about it.

You've got to keep me in the lilas.

Jim, I almost remortgaged our house. This is maybe the stupidest thing you've

ever done.

Honey, watch the yelling. I have high blood pressure.

Why would you lie to me about something like this? I don't know. I didn't plan

to. It's just I told you what you wanted to hear, that's all.

What are you talking about?

Look, when I came home that day, I told you that there was nothing wrong.

But then you kept asking questions and pushing. Come on, admit it. You wanted

to have a problem so you can swoop down and fix it.

Oh, God, that is so not true.

I don't swoop down and fix things.

Actually, you are kind of a swooper. What?

Well, like how you were going to tell Andy about the Carrie thing. It's okay.

You're just trying to make things right.

Whereas you are a backstabber.

You like to stab people in the back.

Yeah, thanks for decoding that.

Face it, Cheryl.

You always make other people's problems your problems. That's why you always get

in the middle of things like Andy and Dana.

Well, I'm sorry.

So I like to help people.

You know, Cheryl, my therapist says what you do is called compulsive caretaking.

See?

It's a disease.

Oh, I see. So I'm sick.

Mm -hmm.

What? I'm sick because I like to take care of the people I love?

Good, good, Cheryl. That's good.

Admitting that you have a problem is the first step of getting better.

And we're going to fight this thing together.

till you never help another person again.

Hey, honey.

Hey, honey.

So, uh, are you going to ask me about how my day went?

or buy a new one.

It's your call, sweetie.

What's this?

Dinner. Take.

I can eat red meat?

Yeah. Yeah, about your potato, what do you want? Butter, sour cream, or both?

Honey, if I can have butter and sour cream, I don't need a potato.

You're right. People don't need me helping them all the time.

Good. Good.

That's really good, Cheryl.

You learned a lesson.

Nobody's perfect.

I'm sure I have faults, too.

I miss it.

I love your annoying stuff.

You know, your annoying little questions and your red wine and your nonfat

cheese and buckle your seatbelt and put some sunscreen on and put some pants on.

Jim, you said I had a disease.

It's a good one.

Come on, honey, face it.

I mean, if it weren't for you, I'd be 350 pounds with no kids eating beans out

of a can in Hobo Town.

All the stuff you do, you know, makes me know that you love me.

Are you sharing your feelings with me?

No.

I'm just trying to tell you that, you know, I love you.

That's feeling.

All right, don't get cocky.

So we're going to talk about stuff?

All right.

But if I come home and I have nothing to say, I'm not going to say anything.

That's fair.

Oh, and also, I don't want to hear about your day.

So, this is for me?

No, actually, that's mine.

This is for you.

You know what would go with this?

A side of pizza.

No. How about a beer?

One.

Put the steak down.

Hey,

honey. Hey, honey.

How was your day?

Well, let's see.

I was happy. Uh -huh.

Sad.

Then I steered my way back to happy.

What's for dinner?

Soyburgers. Then I was a little annoyed.