Original subtitles

Looking forward to brand new Hank Zipster there, mate. That's going to be

amazing. But tell us, looking forward to brand new Young Dracula, which is on in

just a sec. Brand new, you say?

No!

Brand new!

I like Young Dracula, Chris. A very pleasant show there. But I do prefer Old

Dracula. Old Dracula, mate? How's he doing? I haven't seen him in ages.

Do you know what, Yonky Pips? I haven't seen him myself for a while. So I'm

going to nip out, nip right out now and see him. See what he's up to. He always

needs a hand getting out of bed in the morning. Well, hurry up.

Young Dracula's on in a sec.

Oh, Drac, hello!

Ah, hello, comedy dog thing.

I know. Hey, do you want a hand getting up to that chair?

Oh, no.

I may not be as sprightly as I was when I was 300 years old. Yeah. But I've got

a lift for me chair.

Oh. Watch this.

Lovely. Hey, wow, that's good, isn't it?

Oh. Hey, perfect.

Oh,

that's new.

That's not meant to happen.

Oh.

Um, oh, Drac, are you okay?

Come here, you couldn't help me, could you? Well, I'd better get back to the

office, Sam.

You take care down there, Cocker. Woo -hoo!

Blah.

Mate, come here, come here.

How was he? Same as always, Chris.

I'll nip back later and have him up off the floor when he wakes up. He was

asleep, you see.

Whatever you do, don't make him garlic for dinner.

I shan't.

Time now, though, for brand new Young Dracula.

Brand new?

No. Help me.

His fever's growing.

This is the most uncommon, common cold.

Find something to help him.

But I've tried everything, Master.

Tincture of mandrake, cultuses of monkshood and toad flax, infusions of

dwarfwort and periwinkle.

Same old, same old.

If anyone discovers he has a cold.

They'll put two and two together and realize he's half human.

You need to make him well before that happens.

It's impossible.

Humans haven't found a cure for the common cold and they've been trying for

thousands of years. One hour!

You have one hour!

Great.

Dressed to kill.

Today's the day I show those old coffin loiterers on the High Council.

Time to make a splash.

I'll bet he'll give that one to Master Vlad.

But I've got to find a cure.

I can't afford to let him down.

Oh, no!

They were saving that mouldy old spud for me lot!

Why is Renfield trying to blow us all up?

How's Vlad?

Fine, fine, fine.

He's just having a back nap.

Really? So what's with your 24 -hour vigil, then?

And how come this room looks like the inside of a weasel's nose?

The room?

The room is coming out in sympathy for Vlad's temporary indisposition.

So that makes the... Mucus.

Vampire mucus, naturally.

Oh. Gross.

Look, don't you have a vampire council meeting to go to? I hear they've made

head of doughnuts.

Minister for catering, actually.

Oh, impressive, impressive.

And don't you get your own apron?

Wow.

He's fine.

Fine. He's ill.

He's supposed to be the chosen one. How come he looks like that? Because.

Because.

When Vlad reaches 18, he will inherit unimaginable power.

This is simply his body preparing.

Or, it's like I've always thought.

There's something not quite right about my little brother.

He's about to go hairy.

You think you have time

to waste polishing your empty head? Now.

Ingrid's growing suspicious. I need that cure.

But it's good news, Master.

I think I found one. Yeah, it's specially formulated to rebalance the

vampire sides of Vlad's body.

Only... Only... Only there's a slight chance it might prove fatal to Vlad's

human side. What we need is a guinea pig to test it on. Someone dispensable.

Utterly inconsequential.

If I don't survive this, what I would like to say is... Just get on with it!

Actually, it ain't half bad.

That's it.

Oh, well, goodbye, Renfield. It's been disgusting.

Oh! Yes, sir. Oh, don't worry, master. No, it's just the putrid toad I had

earlier repeating on me. Windy pops. Then it's safe.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Thank you for curing my son, Renfield. Oh, no, not at all. No, all in a day's

work. Thank you very much. Oh, is it?

Oh, dear.

Time to put the motion to a vote.

All those in favour.

The High Council denies Warnock's motion.

Mark it so.

Well, gentlemen.

If that is all, I think we can adjourn.

I was told the meeting started at three. It's only five -two.

The meeting was brought forward an hour... Did you not receive the carrier

with the memo?

No. Oh, dear.

We all naturally assumed that you had gone for a hair appointment or some

important shopping trip that couldn't be counted.

Well, no matter.

We were discussing weighty issues, and you know you might...

Never mind.

When you're here, you can make yourself useful. Fetch us the drinks and the

nibbles.

How is he, Master? Your potion isn't working. He's getting worse.

The mucus on the walls looks... Thicker.

Oh, and greener.

Oh, basically, though, the potion just needs to, well, work a bit faster. I'll

stay with him.

Oh, well.

Would you like me to wait here with you? Certainly not!

Excellent.

Taken from me.

So young.

Your ashes will be put in a place of honor and revere. Oh, excuse, I...

How dare you, wretch!

First your disgusting potion destroys my son, and now you're collecting him up

like the contents of an old ashtray!

Master, quiet!

Tear you limb from limb.

Put him down, Dad. I'm fine.

Please,

John. But then who was this?

No one.

It's my dandruff. Yeah, I'm producing loads of it. Now I've got hair.

Oh, look.

Twins. You collect your dandruff?

Yeah. I recycle everything.

Hey, do you want to know what I've got in the rest of me jars? No!

We do not.

It's so good to see you with no colour in your cheeks again.

I'm good. I'm on a roll, aren't I?

Inventing a cure for baldness and masterfully it's cold only one day. Are

saying I had a cold?

Cold, awful breathing.

What? What?

Exactly, exactly.

Ignore the number, darling. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

You didn't have a cold. You had a temporary indisposition.

Temporary indisposition? Yes.

Yes. Renfield was just using simple terms he could understand.

Much in the same way the ancient Romans used to think the world was a giant

birthday cake and the stars would be candles.

No, they didn't. Well, that's what your Uncle Cornelius told me, and he was

there. Are you hungry? I'm starving.

I heard that Morgan knocked back another one of your proposals.

I'm so sorry.

Look at this.

Long list of cutting -edge ideas I've suggested, and Morgan the moron had to

smith them out.

I've said too much. No, it's fine.

Go on.

It's good to share.

Apart from you and I, this whole council are a bunch of old... Coffin loiterers.

Exactly. And Morgan is the dodderiest old loiterer of them all.

Excuse me.

Top up.

This is too dangerous.

Warner.

Here you are. I've been looking for you.

Why? You have to keep fussing over me. I'm fine.

I know, I know.

Got in for your battle laureate?

No. I'm trying to find out how it's possible for me to catch a breather's

I told you, it wasn't a cold.

It was a temporary indisposition.

That doesn't mean anything.

Very well.

Your ailment was due to your body preparing to receive more power

on your 18th birthday. So perhaps we should call it a transitional temporary

indisposition. Makes more sense. Yeah.

But I still don't believe you.

You're starting to look like a girl, Renfield.

Oh, thank you very much.

I'm getting terrible split ends, though.

Hey. I couldn't bother your conditioner, could I, police master?

Conditioner? I am a prince of darkness. So that crumbly and horrible... Is what

your mother lives.

Now, what do you want?

I bought some medicine for Master Vlad.

We don't want him to have a relapse, do we?

So, put some vitamin C there, some lovely chicken soup. All the things

take for a trip. For a transitional, temporary indisposition.

Now, get out!

Out!

Let's be fixed matters.

No. Well, then you're favourite. No, because there's always a slayer in the

kitchen with a steak.

Why aren't you letting me research this?

What are you trying to hide? Nothing, nothing.

What's wrong?

I've got a... A cough.

I've got a cough now.

Well, you probably swallowed some of... Renfield's dandruff.

Oh, my God.

to sit here in the sunlight.

Why aren't I a big pile of ash right now? Well, it was touch and go very

There's definite singeing. And that's all I should be dust.

What's going on? I have no idea.

Oh, I think you do. First, I get a cold. It was a cold, then a cough, and now I

can sit in the sun like a kid at the seesaw. The sun's not as strong. What's

wrong this time of day? No more lies for the long night. I really think I

should... Stop stalling!

Tell me what you know. There really is nothing to tell.

Fine.

Where are you going?

I'll go see Ingrid and her new BFFs on the High Council. Maybe they'll have

answers. No, no, no. That would be a very, very bad idea. For who? All of us.

Me, mostly.

Then tell me what's going on. No good can come of it.

30 seconds or I'm going to the High Council.

Now you listen to me, boy.

You're opening a can of baths that could ruin everything.

15 seconds.

Please, please don't make me do this.

Whatever it is, I can handle it.

Now tell me.

You had your chance.

You can face the consequences.

You're a half -breather!

I think you just called Morgan a dodder. Shh.

Oh, Warnock.

You're not another Billy Big Fang, are you?

All talk and no action.

No.

My computerization of the High Council Library wears more than a few eyebrows.

Computerizing the library?

Does that really count as action?

I made it available in three different formats.

Still. You two huddled together again?

What exactly are you up to?

We're plotting to overthrow Morgan.

Priceless.

Absolutely priceless.

What were you thinking?

Oh, relax.

I'm a girl. Nobody takes anything I say seriously.

Even for a vampire, you're twinted.

Oh, sweet.

You're still weak.

You haven't recovered properly, but no matter.

Once they come of age, all vampires get a power boost, and once that happens...

It was your mum, wasn't it?

She cheated on you with a breather.

She was always cold and unfeeling, and now I know why.

She was ashamed of me.

Why didn't you kick her out?

She would know me.

No matter what she did, I could never stop loving her.

When you arrived, I agreed to raise you as my own to protect her reputation, and

I have never, ever regretted that decision for one moment. I'm the

good guy here.

No, you're not.

You lied to me my whole life.

I've always felt like an outsider, like I didn't fit in as a vampire, and you

knew why.

If you told me, I could have made sense of things.

I couldn't tell you.

Why not?

It would have been too dangerous.

Look, having a child with a breather breaks the vampire's most sacred rule.

the biggest taboo.

As head of the clan, I would have been executed, and you...

Would have been seen as an abomination, Vlad.

The abominable vampire. It's not funny!

It's hilarious!

If I'm half -human, how can I be the chosen one?

I was more than a little surprised with that myself, but then vampire lore moves

in very mysterious ways.

So he's my real father.

There's no point in dragging up the path.

Who is it?! This is too much for you. In your condition, you need to rest.

No chance.

Where are you going?

If you can't or won't tell me who my real father is, I have to go and find

Warnock the Great.

That is how you want to be remembered, isn't it?

How did you... That's not important.

You are the only member of this council with the vision, the drive, and the

charisma to take us out of the 13th century.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

In fact, that's exactly what I wrote. You owe it to yourself and vampires

everywhere to step up, sweep away the old guard, take charge, and deliver us

into a new golden age.

You can't let Morgan get in your way.

I feel right.

It's time to use my destiny.

You're not going to stop me. Get out of my way. My feelings count for nothing.

Your feelings?

You don't have any.

I'd be a true father to you. Treated you like my own. Am I just to be cast aside

now? You know what? You're right.

You have done all that, haven't you? Why?

You don't do nobody. I told you. It was to protect your mother.

Oh, no. There's a limit to what you do.

Even for mum.

And bringing up another man's child is definitely way, way over it.

Stupid.

I've been so stupid. You're lying, aren't you?

It wasn't Mum that was unfaithful. It was you.

Mamma mia!

You have my word.

Your word means nothing.

If you're not my real father, I have no further use for you or your lives.

idea of collecting old capes could be so fascinating.

Well, one day, my dear, if you're very lucky, I shall let you clean them.

That would be such an honor.

What is this? The greater good of vampire child.

I don't know, Dan.

Allow me.

I cannot thank you enough for alerting me to Warnock's treachery.

Your loyalty will not go unrewarded.

Thank you, sir.

Do you know, if only you weren't a weak and useless girl,

I would make you my deputy with a breathless heartbeat.

I've learned to know my place, sir.

I'm just glad to be your humble servant.

Stop it, Blitz! Stop it, you're killing us both! Then tell me the truth! I have

told you the truth!

Master! What are you doing to your dad?

According to him, he's not my dad.

Well, of course he is. Shut up, Renfield! I did a DNA test to work out

wrong with you, and there's no doubt about it.

He's definitely your old man.

Help me!

Make more of your potion for Vlad. He's having a relapse.

Why lie?

Why make it out that Mum was the unfaithful one?

Because! Because!

If you thought I was the victim, I hoped.

I hoped you'd go along with what I wanted and let sleeping bats lie.

I met your mother at a goth festival in Whitby.

I saw her across a crowded room full of depressed youth.

At first, I really thought she was one of us. You know, some of the goths are

very convincing.

Anyway, we talked, we got on, we... I

don't remember her name. I'm not sure I ever knew it, really.

Did she know that you were a vampire?

No, no, no. Of course not.

But when I found out you were to be born, I had to adopt you. You'd never

survived in a world of breeders, Vlad.

So how did Mum's... Sorry, Magda, fit into this sordid little story?

Ah, Magda, Magda, Magda.

She agreed to pass you off as her own.

It took the pressure off her to produce a male heir. It meant she could go off

and... Do what she wanted and she certainly grabbed that bat and ran with

So my whole life has been a total lie.

You are one piece of work.

I did what I thought was best.

Really? So where's my real mum now?

Don't even think about looking for her.

You don't get to tell me what to do anymore.

I am still your... Regent! Oh, I think we are way past all that.

Very well.

There's no point looking for your real mother.

After the adoption, I bit her and left her a lifeless husk.

No wonder you didn't want to tell me.

I feel sick.

I had no choice.

If the truth had ever come out...

The Vampire High Council would have ordered my destruction.

I couldn't afford to leave any loose ends. Loose ends? That was my mother!

then!

Well, I expect you'd like to get on with killing me now. Just do it! No.

That'll be too easy.

I'm going to the High Council to tell them what you've done. I want to see you

totally humiliated.

Leave me alone!

I'll get there.

Even if I have to crawl every inch of the way.

Oh,

that's

better.

Sorry. It's been lovely. It really has, but you're out of control. I can't let

you come between myself and my duty to master Vlad.

You're going to have to go.

Catch me a cold one, girl. Silence!

The Struckerer.

I think you and I need to have a little talk.

Thanks.

What's the matter?

My hair was out of control.

So I got rid of it.

Really? Yeah.

Most people just switch hair gels.

Out.

Nothing you can say is going to stop me going to the High Council.

As soon as I'm strong enough.

All right.

All right, all right.

Your

mother's

name is Sally.

She was only 18 when I met her in Whitby.

Magda and I had separated again.

So I decided to go to the festival to... cheer myself

up.

She was the most bewitching of women, lad.

I was very, very fond of her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blah, blah, blah.

You'll do or say anything to stop me going to the High Council.

No, no.

This is the truth now.

I only lied to protect her.

Protect her?

She's dead.

You killed her.

Look at me.

I could never have done that.

alive in mortal danger.

Breathers and vampires.

They're a dangerous mix, Vladimir.

You have to forget her, please, for her sake.

And ours.

Ladies and gentlemen, up next we have What The New Scooby -Doo. And speaking

new, we've had loads of brand new shows today, haven't we mate? Loads of them.

In fact, so many we'd probably have to recap or recount them in some way. But

how, Chris? What wacky way can we recap the new shows?

Well, sir, we shall recap what new shows we all watched today by staring,

dancing and singing at a brand new heron.

Look! Cut it!

Let's go!

Okay, first of all, we had brand new Jedwood's big adventure today. They

potatoes around and Shannon Flynn looked mighty perturbed.

After that, we had brand new Lunas. If you didn't play along on the app at

you're missing out. Seriously, go to the website, download it. After that, we

had brand new M .I .I. with spy antics galore and Frank got a little bit hairy

and scary.

And what was after that?

Then we experienced the glitz and glamour of young Dracula.

Shut up with the trumpet when I'm talking!

Huzzah! Chris, what's a heron doing? No, stop it. I'm shutting the town. Stop

the heron.

What are we doing?

We're dancing with a heron, Chris.

Why? What relevance does he have?

Chris. Yeah?

Kiss the heron.

Kiss the heron, Chris, on the beak.

As a little treat for him, but be nice and profile.

That's lovely work.

Off you go.

What a lovely heron. Bit weird, isn't it? Yeah. It's Scooby -Doo.

No heron.