Original subtitles

All right, Dominic, look, next time Uncle Greg gets in your way, I want you

knock him down, okay? This isn't a tea party. Football is a man's game. Why

can't you guys play outside?

Because it's hot, there's bugs, smog, it's allergy season.

All right, you got the play?

Got it! Got it! All right. All right, be careful.

We're being careful.

Ready! Fight!

Ow, ow, stubbed a toe.

Oh, man, Jimmy's deaf. That looked like it hurt. Oh, he might have aggravated an

old injury. I saw him early in the dressing room. He was giving that toe

Greg, he might not be able to finish this thing. Yeah, look, they're carrying

him off. It looks like they're going to have to go to the backup.

Yep, it looks like the network's sending in Mike Tomczak.

All right, guys, let's get it done.

I've been waiting for this all season. Nice to meet you. Just stand over here.

Come on, Dominic, you've got to hike it. All right, be careful.

We'll be careful.

Ready, hike.

All right, which one of you is my wife? I'm supposed to kiss you.

Easy.

All right, I'm ready to go back in now.

Just relax.

This guy's been waiting for this all year.

Man, that Tom's like, he's amazing.

He sure is. He just steps in and scores.

What's going on?

Just going through the mail.

Oh, I'll take this.

Jimmy, it's not a burger coupon. It's a bill.

I know.

Yeah, now that Jimmy's making some money and we've gotten out of debt, we think

it's our responsibility to help out with some of the bills.

Oh. Does anyone else hear harp music?

That is so nice, but you don't have to unless you can really afford it. Honey,

you're talking over the music.

We can afford it. Besides, it feels kind of good to have a little

responsibility.

They charge us for water. I thought water was free.

Only when it falls out of the sky and you catch it in your mouth, honey.

Oh, hey, Greg, by the way, I might be able to get my boss the tickets to the

hockey game in the front row right on the glass.

On the glass? Jimmy, I've always wanted to see a hockey game from down there.

Yeah, well, I hope he comes through, because you know what? You've done a lot

for us, and I want to do something nice for you.

Wow, what a great day. He's paying in bills. You're going to try to give me

great hockey tickets?

Oh, I knew it. This is where I open the door, and a guy with a big hood and a

sickle tells me I died ten minutes ago.

Hello? Yes, is Jimmy here?

Oh, I'm sorry. Jimmy hasn't seen any guests with suitcases.

Billy? Jimmy, you old bastard! Billy, you big loser!

Jimmy, you green -loadin' slob!

I was trying to fit in.

Billy, this is Greg, my brother -in -law. Greg, this is Billy, my best

since high school. How you doing? Great to meet you.

Hey, what are you doing here, man? I'm moving out here. What? Yep, sometimes in

life you just gotta pack up the Subaru Brat and never look back.

Of course, you gotta look back around Shamrock, Texas when the rear axle falls

off, but then you get on a Greyhound and you never look back.

Billy! Christine!

Hey, how are you?

Good to see you.

You're holding up well.

Thanks, thanks. Yeah, I always like a compliment you could also give to a

mattress.

Hey, Kim.

Hi, Billy.

Come on, you're not still mad at me. I'm not still mad at you. Why would she be

mad at you? I used to tease her in high school. I called her mosquito bites.

Did you get bitten by a lot of mosquitoes?

No. I took a little longer developing than some of the other girls. It was a

long time ago. Yeah.

A lot's changed since then.

Okay, all right, we get the point. Put them away.

So where are you living, man?

Well, actually, I was hoping I could crash here for a little while, you know,

just until I get set up. What, what, what, what?

Yeah, I'd probably have to talk to my brother -in -law about that. Well, I

want to step on anybody's toes here. I mean, if they were here first, they

have the guest room. I could just put my tent up out back.

Yeah, actually, this is his house.

Oh, I just thought when you said you found a place. They did. They found our

place.

Hey, Billy, can I get you something to drink? Yeah, you got any peppermint

schnapps? I lost my toothbrush in Arizona.

My mouth tastes like a bum's pocket.

No, Jimmy. Come on, man, he doesn't even have to stay in the house. You heard

him, he can stay in his tent in the backyard.

No, Jimmy, this isn't Yosemite.

It's only till he gets set up.

Well, maybe pitching a tent in someone's backyard is set up for him. Come on,

man. I've known the guy since first grade. He's helped me out a million

No, no, forget it. All my friends back home think I'm doing great out here. I

don't want them to think that they can't even stay with me for a few days.

Why do you do this to me?

Please?

Maybe for a couple of days. Okay, thank you, man. I promise I won't even let him

in the house. Well, good, because you're responsible for him. Keep him out of

the house, make sure he doesn't bother the neighbors, and you're going to have

to clean up after him. Great.

Greg, he's not a dog. He's living in our yard.

All right, look, I promise you won't even know he's here. I'm going to

take care of him.

Billy, you can stay. You can stay.

Take it we have a house guest. Yes, we do.

Well, it might not be so bad. Yes, it will.

What are you getting so upset about?

Well, Kim, it's just our living situation isn't getting any better.

I used to watch TV? I used to watch TV like this.

You know how I watch TV now? I watch TV like this.

Because all that's here, that's all Jimmy.

Why don't you just ask him to move over?

I have. It's just as big as Jimmy is standing up. When he lays down, he

He's like this beanbag chair with legs.

When you think he can't spread anymore, he invites people in off the street.

Do they know we can hear him?

Yeah, they do this all the time.

You sure Billy wouldn't like to join us for dinner?

Oh, no, he's fine.

He can survive anywhere. He's like a weed, you know?

Don't worry. Enjoy your dinner.

Listen,

I hate to bother you, but can I possibly get a glass of water? Oh, sure.

What did I tell you?

I told you my brother -in -law doesn't want you coming in his house.

Jimmy. Not Greg. I'll handle it.

Greg works very hard. He is trying to enjoy his dinner. He doesn't need you

coming in here and bothering him for a stupid thing like a glass of water,

which, by the way, is very expensive.

I'm sorry. Don't talk to him.

He doesn't want to be bothered by you. Jimmy, stop it. This is ridiculous.

Why don't you join us for dinner? Greg, he knows the deal.

Yeah, it's all right. I can just go get a drink of water out of the neighbor's

hose.

Please, join.

You sure? Yes, I'm sure, yeah.

Jimmy?

Well, I guess now that you've made everyone uncomfortable.

Thanks. Here, let me heat up your cherry pie filling.

So, Billy, what are your plans out here? I'm going to be a star.

Well, no, not yet, but I mean, how hard can it be? I figure you got the look,

you got the look, and come on, I got the look.

Billy, it's not that easy.

Thousands and thousands of trained actors come out here, and very few of

succeed. Well, yeah, but they don't have connections.

Oh, you know people in show business?

Oh, yeah.

Jimmy.

Billy, Jimmy works for the guard gate at the studio, okay? He's not in the

business. He waves at it as it drives by.

What are you saying?

I'm just saying maybe you should have thought this out a little better. That's

all. You know, you're just like everybody else.

You take someone's dream, you water it up in a bowl, and you crush it.

Maybe I've never met any important people or taken any fancy classes, but

one, damn it, no one's going to keep me from living my dream.

Pretty good, huh?

I learned that piece from Mr.

Sylvester Stallone.

in a little class I call rhinestone.

That's right, honey. Make an example of one box and the rest of them will stay

in line.

Well, honey, you shouldn't be doing that by yourself. You should try to find

Christine.

Hey, who's Jimmy?

I think he's out with Billy.

Really?

Well, hello, old friend.

Who knew the answer to getting rid of Jimmy was just getting him another Jimmy

to play with?

Hey, Kim, do you know anything that would get blood out of a shirt? Dominic

got home from another birthday party.

Geez, is he okay?

I didn't say it was his blood.

those kids learn to keep their hands away from his mouth while he's eating.

So, uh, what's with all the stuff?

Oh, I'm donating it all to charity. There is a ton of junk up there.

Wait a second.

Getting rid of this daiquiri maker?

Actually, it's called a blender.

Yeah, yeah. Tomato, tomato. Can I have it?

Yeah, I guess.

Cool.

All right, how about this one? If we were in a plane crash and you had to eat

the guy next to you, what bar would you eat first?

That's easy to thaw. I like dark meat.

I mean, do people have dark meat and white meat like chickens?

Yes. Yes, they do.

Ah, the think tank's home.

I was showing Billy around, helping him get started.

Yeah, I realized I was missing the one thing I need in this town to be a star.

What's that, an apartment?

Headshots. Check this out.

Drama.

Your stage name is Tom Hanks Jr.? Yep.

So what'd you do all day?

Oh, well, you know, I chased the kids around, did the laundry, cleaned the

toilet, and then I pinched myself to make sure it wasn't just all some

dream.

It's the dream that never ends, baby.

Hey, daiquiri maker.

I'm on it.

Jimmy, maybe I'll meet a special lady at the hockey game.

I better go straighten up my tent.

The hockey game? Yeah, my boss came through with the tickets right on the

So you got three tickets, huh? No, just two.

And you're taking Billy?

Well, yeah, I mean, I haven't seen him in forever. I thought it'd be a special

treat for him. Well, no, he doesn't need a treat. I need a treat. I have to see

you every day.

Relax, man. You and I can go to the game anytime.

Not on the ice, Jimmy. I've never seen a game that close before. Besides, you

were the one who made such a big deal about taking me. Look, I'm sorry. I

know you wanted to go to the game that bad. Well, I said I wanted to go.

Remember when you said you wanted to do something nice for me after all I've

done for you? Where's the nice, Jimmy? Where's the nice?

Okay, you're right. You can take my ticket.

I'm not going with Billy.

What do you want from me?

I want you to be a little smarter.

Well, then the joke's on you.

Where you been?

Your hobo friend's turning my backyard into a shantytown.

Look, I was thinking about what happened yesterday, and it wasn't easy, but I

got another ticket to the hockey game.

Are you serious? Right on the glass?

Yep, front row, just like I promised. Oh, wow, Jimmy, thanks.

I mean, I wanted to go so bad, and then that... Anyway, thanks, man. Hey, thank

you for putting up with Billy.

No, it hasn't been that bad. I mean, truthfully, I haven't even noticed him.

What we never do, we never sit out in the living room and talk.

What is he doing you don't want me to see? He's washing his hair in a bucket.

Oh my God, I've never even been this close.

Bill Gretzky, you're fine.

Oh, boy, look at you. That called me to be a ten. What do you got here, like a

six, seven?

All right, fine, be stuck up. But I'm going to be a big star.

Maybe I've never taken any fancy classes or met any important... Billy, Billy.

Hey, I think our seats are further down this way. Yeah, actually, Greg, you're

down here. Billy and I are sitting up there.

We're not sitting together?

Well, the only way I can get an extra seat was to trade in one of the good

for two up there.

What, sit by myself?

Come on, you're on the ice, buddy.

I mean, seriously, think about it. You always complain about how I talk during

the game at home. This way, you'll have no one to bother you. All right, all

right. Have a good game.

Hey, Jimmy, hold on. Come on, man. Don't get us kicked out of here. Hey, roll

the tie!

How about a little midnight express, baby?

See? That's the kind of stuff I'm not going to be able to do when I'm famous.

checking up on you guys. Great game, huh?

Yep. Hey, Greg, you want a peanut? Sure.

What are you, 12?

I'm sorry, man.

Gotcha.

Hey, Greg, how long are you going to stay up here? You're letting that good

go to wait.

Yeah.

Yes, you're right. Well, see you after the game.

See ya.

You know, I was just thinking, why should I have the good seats the whole

I've had it for the first two periods. Maybe Billy should take it for the rest

of the game. What, are you kidding? Yeah. All right. There's the ticket

All right.

Hey, Jimmy, the seat next to that one's open. You want to come with me?

Yeah, sure. Thanks a lot, buddy. What?

You're welcome.

We'll see you later. Yeah.

Did he sit on the glass?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's wrong?

Oh, Jimmy.

Jimmy what?

Just Jimmy, okay?

What happened?

Oh, nothing. It's just Billy and Jimmy were up in the nosebleed section, so I

thought it would be nice and give the good seat to Billy. And then Billy says,

hey, there's an extra seat, Jimmy. Come down with me. And he does. He does. And

he just leaves me there.

Oh, I get it.

What?

You didn't want to sit alone. You missed your friend Jimmy.

That's so cute.

Kim,

there's nothing cute about it. Just because I don't want to watch a hockey

alone doesn't mean quit smiling.

Whatever.

I don't miss Jimmy.

Okay. I don't.

Look, you're obviously upset about it. Why don't you just tell Jimmy that you

felt left out and you hurt your feeling?

I'm not going to tell him that.

Why not? Because I'm not a teenage girl, okay?

Guys don't just sit around and share their feelings with each other. We keep

inside.

Keep it way down deep, where it just sits there and turns into prostate

Then they operate and take it out, and we never have to say a word about it.

my God, where's the Maalox?

Hey, Kim, I needed to take this thing back. Why? I thought you were all

about making daiquiris. Doesn't it work?

It works fine.

Well, then what's the problem?

Remember yesterday?

Yeah. I don't.

Hey, Greg.

Hello.

Come taste this pineapple.

No, thank you.

Not really. I got it at the farmer's market today. This is the best pineapple

have ever tasted.

That's all right. I'm not really that hungry.

What do you mean? You love pineapple.

When I was picking this out, I thought, hey, man, I'm going to eat this

pineapple with Greg. He loves pineapple.

All right, give me a piece of pineapple.

Ah.

It's good pineapple.

Yeah.

this all by myself.

Don't you want to save some for Billy?

I've had enough of Billy.

What?

Well, you know, I haven't seen him in years, but after spending all this time

with him, you know, I could use a little break.

You always make it seem like you and Billy are so close.

Yeah, I mean, what am I supposed to do? You know how it is.

You're kind of stuck with your high school friends for the rest of your

Now, it's not like when you're an adult, you confuse your friends a little more

carefully. Not like you and me.

We didn't choose each other. We married sisters.

Well, yeah, but I would have chosen you anyways.

Really? Of course.

You're a good guy, man.

Hey, you want some more pineapple?

Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Hey, where you been?

I read about an open audition for a TV series I wanted to go.

Oh, really? You know, the more auditions you go on, the more you're going to

learn. And who knows? You know, maybe one day. I got the part.

Get out of here.

Like an extra or something?

No, I'm one of the leads.

You mean you got a lead in a series after being out here for one week? Yeah,

you believe it? I was starting to think it was never going to happen.

Let's go out and celebrate.

Actually, I got to go. I got to see some people, and it's a whole thing.

But thank you. You guys have been great. I'll send somebody by to get my stuff,

and I'll see you soon.

When?

Soon.

Did we just get blown off?

I think so.

Well, you know what?

He may become a big star.

Maybe live in a bigger house.

Make a lot more money.

Have tons of women.

You know what he'll never have?

A pineapple as good as this.

Yeah, you're right.

And that is so sad.

Is that what we're rationalizing? Yeah.

Come on, Kim. The district is starting.

What were you thinking, son?

You stepped on a lot of important toes out there today.

I don't think you're fit to wear that uniform.

Look, maybe I've never taken any fancy classes or met any important people, but

nobody, damn it, nobody's going to keep me from living my dream.

I don't believe this.

Thank God I like that spirit.

What's your name?

Bill.

Bill, can I call you Billy?

Yeah. Can I call you Little Billy?

No.

I'm going to call you Little Billy.

All right.