Original subtitles

Kim, dinner was delicious.

This is so great. We never get to see you guys. Well, you know, it's tough

Sam. When you guys have kids, you'll see. The first year is just a blur of

screaming, staying up all night, and trying not to step and throw up.

Just like college without the sex.

Oh, hey, why don't we go to the Blues Festival in Long Beach this Saturday? B

.B. King's playing.

Actually, we already have tickets to a concert on Saturday.

Oh, really? Who are you seeing?

Barney.

And his friends.

He has friends.

The shows are a little tough to sit through for adults, but it's worth it

because Sammy is so interested in music. Yeah, the first couple of times we

went, he would clap, but not on the beat. Now we clap on the beat.

Which is like months ahead of when he's supposed to be doing that.

Wow!

That's great. I mean, he's clapping.

On the beat.

So, have you guys seen any good movies lately?

Oh, no. Since we had Sam, we don't get out to the movies that often.

Yeah, we finally got a chance to rent American Beauty the other night. Oh,

wasn't it great?

Oh, well, we only saw the first 20 minutes.

After that, Sam ripped his diaper off and started running around.

We got the whole thing on video.

It was adorable.

I'm going to get the tape. You're going to love it. You're going to love it.

Craig, don't bore them with that. Get the Halloween tape instead.

Wait till you see this. Sammy with the cat in the hat.

Did you see the look Sammy gave me when he dropped the Cheerios? He was like, uh

-oh.

Rewind that.

Gosh, actually, you know what? We should go because we have to get up early.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I've got to go to the gym and Jeff has to, well, we should go. Yeah.

Well, this has been real fun and maybe we should try to do it again real soon.

Well, yeah.

Maybe. Bye.

Wow. That's kind of quick, huh?

Yeah. Hey, we saw your guests heading out to their car.

Is there any pie left?

Yeah, we never actually got to it.

It left so quickly.

I hope they had a good time.

Gosh, I mean, we've been friends with them for so long, but I hate to think

they don't like us anymore.

So, the pie's in the fridge? Yeah, Jimmy, the pie's in the fridge.

Hey, guys, I'm sure they had a good time. They probably just had to... Is

the Halloween tape?

Yeah, we were showing it to Jeff and Nicole.

No wonder they left.

I think that tape is boring, and my kids are in it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, we chased them away.

Why did you put that tape in?

Because you told me to. When did you start hitting me?

Hey, Christine.

Grab yourself a pie and let's head back to the guest house.

Hold on a second. Kim and Greg are having a special moment. They've just

away their first set of childless friends.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Remember Steve and Maureen? Yeah, I told them the story about

and his floppy hat. Next thing you know, I'm getting sprayed by the gravel

coming off their back tires.

Welcome to the club, guys. You're officially boring parents.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to go enjoy the highlight of our weekend.

Pie.

I want to be in their club. Kim, relax.

It's not that big a deal.

What happened to us?

We used to be a young, hip, sophisticated couple.

Now it seems like we have nothing to talk about anymore except Sam.

Okay, so from now on, we'll just talk about other things.

Yeah.

But we should set aside some time every night where we can just sit and talk.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Let's do it now.

Now? You want to talk now?

Yeah. Otherwise, this will turn into one of those things that we say we're going

to do and we never actually do it. Yeah, that happens to us a lot. Someday we

should do something about that, huh?

Come on, Greg.

Fine. What do you want to talk about?

Oh, I don't know.

Current events.

The outside world.

When we first met, we used to talk for hours.

Yeah, but I had a goal then.

Which was to get to know you a lot better, and now I do.

Greg, you said it yourself. We need this.

Now let's just talk.

I know, but it just feels so forced. I mean, conversation is supposed to come

naturally.

You're right.

You're right. You're right.

All right.

So, how was work?

Work was good.

Anything interesting happen?

No, not really.

Then why was it good?

I don't know. It just was.

Why? I don't know why. It just was. Why are you interrogating me?

Look, if you don't want to talk about work, then come up with something else

talk about. Okay, good. I will.

So some weather we've been having, huh?

Greg, I'm your wife.

Not the mailman. You might as well just say, how about those Lakers?

Hey, how about those Lakers?

But you know what? Just forget it. And thanks a lot for trying. What, Kim? I'm

the one trying. You're the one shooting down all my topics.

Oh, yeah. You're trying real hard. At least when I don't want to do something

you want to do, I know how to fake a little enthusiasm.

Hey!

I only had to listen to Pooh Corner six times before Sammy

fell asleep.

God, remember how excited I was when Kenny Loggins recorded a children's

Now if I saw him on the street, I swear to you, I'd push him in front of a bus.

Listen, Greg, I was thinking about what you said last night about talk time.

And you were right. It was forced.

Oh, thank you.

So, tonight, I have a bag full of topics that should help us spark conversation.

Well, Kim, how is this not forced? Because no one's forced to think up a

I clicked headlines from the newspapers.

Pull one out of the bag and let the conversation begin.

Nina Kingman, 90, dies in her sleep.

Well, I'm not sure what to say. I didn't know the woman.

Other side.

Cloning sheep.

Ooh, that's interesting.

What do you think about that?

I don't know. It's pretty cool, I guess.

But is it ethical?

Kim, I'm not sure. Clone them. Don't clone them. I mean, how many sheep do we

need? Is there a shortage of sheep that I don't know about?

Hey, guys. You mind if we watch TV with you? Oh, we're not watching TV.

Oh. Gee, sorry. I didn't realize you guys were fighting.

No, we're not fighting.

We're having talk time.

What's that?

It's where we set aside time to, you know, talk to each other. And we're not

allowed to talk about Sam.

Just current events, politics, and various cultural topics.

Must have been a pretty big fight.

I don't see what the big deal is. Jimmy and I talk about everything.

Oh, well, you want to pick a topic and join us?

Yeah, sure.

All right.

Genetically engineered foods.

Christine? I like them.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah. I mean, wouldn't it be cool if you could, like, they could grow an ear of

corn so big each kernel was, like, the size of a, like, a human head? Huh. You

know?

And then you'd go up and you'd, like, pull a kernel off and put it on your

and you'd just... Yeah, you'd eat it like a steak.

You know?

It'd kind of be like a... A corn steak. Exactly.

This is the stupidest conversation I have ever heard.

Okay, my turn.

Smog reaches three -month high.

Wow. Now, see, Kim, that's interesting.

Because I just read that kids that grow up in Los Angeles have 30 % less lung

capacity than kids that grow up in the Midwest.

That's why I take Sam to that park near the ocean. That way he can play where

the air's a little cleaner. I thought you weren't allowed to talk about Sam.

Why is this so hard?

You and Jimmy have stuff to talk about all the time.

Yeah, but me and Jimmy always talk about things we did together, like playing

golf or the game or something really stupid like who can eat the most butter.

Probably took five years off my life, but I am the king.

That's our problem, Greg. We don't do anything together anymore.

Please, Kim, I know I can eat more butter than you.

No, I'm talking about doing real stuff together.

Like when we were in college, remember?

Oh, we used to go to lectures together, we took classes together, we sang in the

chorus together.

You were in the chorus? Shut up.

Look, Kim, yeah, if we took classes together, we'd have a lot to talk about.

So let's take a class.

Huh? But we should sign up for a class at the local community college.

Something we're both interested in.

Do you really want to go to all the trouble of taking a class?

Well, Greg, I don't want us to be boring to each other.

I'm willing to try anything to make our marriage the best it can possibly be.

Aren't you?

Yes, of course.

Yes, yes, yes.

I think the class is a good idea.

Oh, this is going to be so much fun.

Some course catalogs came in the mail the other day. I'm going to go see if

they're still in the trash.

How do women do this?

How do they manipulate us to do whatever they want by making us feel guilty?

Oh, is that what it is, manipulation?

Or is it just the fact that we care about the health of our relationships

our kids grow up happy and in a loving home?

I guess you're right.

God, you guys are so easy.

Oh, how about this?

Exploring wine.

Well, that sounds fun.

Hey, Timmy, maybe we should take that class. Are you serious?

What? It wouldn't hurt us to get a little culture in our lives. You know,

might... Even find a better way to choose wine than, hey, do you think that

will fit in our fridge?

Actually, I wouldn't mind learning more about wine. I mean, we're always in

restaurants and there's always like a $40 bottle of wine or a $10 bottle.

And to tell you the truth, I don't know the difference.

That is so true.

I know white wine goes with fish and red wine goes with meat. But beyond that,

I'm lost.

Oh, my God.

Look at this. We're talking already.

Yeah, I think this would give us a lot to talk about. Oh.

Or you could just sing to her like you used to in chorus, you know?

Oh, Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the bay.

Jimmy, Jimmy, stop it.

Let me remind you of that bully in our jazz dancing class. Oh, Kim.

Good evening, people.

Exploring Wine.

Please take a tilde and pass it down.

What?

You look so cute.

Stop it.

All right, reading assignments, homework, a test.

I paid 80 bucks for this. Somebody better start taking my drink orders.

that I didn't expect there to be so much reading.

Greg, we're here for a reason.

Don't you think we should take this class seriously?

Yes, yes, we should take it seriously. I'm just saying, that's a whole lot of

reading.

Okay, I'm going to need a volunteer.

Me!

Okay.

I'd like you to take this cabernet and give me your impression.

Okay.

You see, the proper way to judge a table wine is to swirl the subject around in

your mouth, making sure it touches each of the four taste centers, and then you

spit it out.

Oh, wow, I had no idea it was that complicated. Why don't you, uh... Let me

that again.

Oh, damn, I did it again, huh?

Why don't you give me one more shot, huh?

Jimmy, you're embarrassing me. Let me show you how it's done.

What are you doing? You swallowed too.

Did I?

Man, this is complicated.

Well, that was fun.

Yeah, well, Jimmy and Christine really seemed to enjoy it.

Thanks for doing this.

It really means a lot to me.

Oh, honey, I'm enjoying it. You know what? I'm learning a lot, too. And you

what? We didn't talk about Sammy once.

I think this class thing was a great idea.

Hey, our first test is next week. You nervous?

Not really.

I mean, you know, I already do have a college degree and a job. I don't think

I'm going to get in trouble if I don't get an A.

Yeah, I guess.

What? Well, I guess it doesn't matter what. grade we get i just i just thought

that the more seriously we take the class the more we'll have to talk about

the better our relationship will be you know what then we'll ace it you want to

start the reading tonight oh no not tonight because i got all week i was

maybe we could go upstairs a little early and do a little humming of

you know how i get after three or four glasses of wine

sleepy i know come on we're gonna have to do it fast

Oh, man.

Nice try, course boy.

Well, it was an easy class full of hot chicks.

Listen, Greg, about the test tomorrow.

Kim, Kim, I'm taking it seriously.

So you don't know the reading? Yes.

All of it? Yes, every word. I know how important this class is to you, and

believe me, I'm taking it very serious.

Oh.

Well, good.

You haven't done the reading yet, have you? Shh, not yet.

The test is tomorrow.

Yeah, well, this is how I study.

It's how most people study.

They wait until the last second, cram it all in their head, ace the test, and

then forget everything.

It's how our country was built.

I think. I can't remember a lot about history.

All right, genius, I just don't see how you're going to do all that reading in

one night.

Come on, Jimmy, I only have to read the first five chapters.

Oh, my God, this whole book is just five chapters.

Admit it, man, you're screwed. Why don't you just blow off the test and get

drunk with me and Christine tomorrow?

I can't. I mean, this is not just a test for Kim. It's about our relationship.

I can't let her know that I'm not taking this seriously.

Yeah, whatever.

I should probably study, too.

Chapter one.

When time is up, you'll be passing your test to the person on your right, and

then we will grade the exams together.

Oh, man.

I don't know any of the switch desks with me.

What?

Kim's on my right. Switch desks with me, and you can grade my tests and give me

an A.

But I just started carving my name in this one. Just get up!

What are you doing? Just switching seats.

You're cheating.

No, I'm not.

Not you.

You.

What?

This is a cheat sheet.

I don't know how that got there.

This is definitely worth 80 bucks.

think what you want, sir.

But that cheat sheet is not mine.

And neither are those.

You want to tell me what was going on in there?

I didn't know what else to do.

I made such a big deal about taking this class seriously.

All of a sudden, it was the end of the week, and I hadn't done any of the

reading.

Well, then why did you keep asking me if I had done the reading?

Because if you hadn't read that whole book, then I could have just admitted

I hadn't.

Well, I wish I hadn't wasted my whole week reading.

It's so hard to find time during the week to read.

I mean, Sam had three birthday parties, plus Mommy and me, and Jimbury.

And then I blocked out all of Thursday so I could study, but Sam kept saying

word zebra.

So... Sam said zebra?

Yeah. Oh, it's so cute.

He kept saying it, so I wanted to take him to the zoo so he could see one.

Oh, I can't believe he said zebra.

He's getting so smart.

Oh, I know.

He has that funny way of pronouncing his R's like W's.

Zebra.

You know, Kim, he's only going to do that for another couple years.

Hopefully.

She told you.

I guess I was just so stressed out about class.

I must have slipped my mind. It's like, what are we doing?

These are the things we need to talk about. This is what's important.

I know, but aren't you afraid that if we talk about nothing but Sam, it's going

to get boring?

Kim, you could talk to me about Sam all day long, and I promise you I would

never get bored.

I feel the same way.

Can we go home now?

No, actually, we have the sitter for like two more hours.

You want to get a six -pack of beer and make out in the parking lot?

Greg, we're not in high school anymore.

We'll get some wine.

Great. I think the appropriate vintage for making out in a parking lot is the

1999 Boone's Farm peach.

You know what? I was thinking about what you said, Tim, about us all needing

more culture in our lives. I think you were right, though.

Check this out.

Would you get this? In a box in the garage marked college memories. Yeah,

this. My eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

He's trampling out the vintage where the grapes have wrapped their story.

He has loosed the fateful lightning of his terror.

His truth is marginal.